Vault: Are You Cheating On Your Partner Without Realizing It?

Summary

The Bert Show — “Are You Cheating On Your Partner Without Realizing It?”

Original Air Date: February 26, 2026
Episode Theme: Exploring the concept of “non-traditional cheating”—obsessions, guilty pleasures, and minor deceptions that people hide from their partners, from food and video games to fictional crushes.

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Episode Overview

In this playful and revealing episode, The Bert Show crew dives into the question: "Is it possible to cheat on your partner... with something that isn't a person?" Through candid confessions from the hosts and engaging listener calls, the morning team explores the funny, sometimes fraught things people hide from their significant others and the “affairs” we nurture with food, technology, or even fictional characters. The episode is light-hearted yet relatable, blending humor with insight on relationships and hidden habits.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Defining “Non-Traditional Cheating”

• Host Bert opens the topic, inspired by a co-host’s story:
  • “I want people to call that are cheating on your significant other with something other than a person.” (01:30)
  • The idea: Hiding activities or obsessions—like chocolate, video games, or celebrity crushes—from your partner can carry the same secrecy as an affair.

2. Confessions from the Crew

• Host’s PSP Addiction:
  • Bert shares about secretly playing his PSP video game console despite his wife’s disapproval:
    • “Totally cheated on my family with the PSP.” (03:36)
    • This leads to a discussion about hiding small guilty pleasures.
• Non-Sexual Cheating:
  • Co-hosts debate whether these acts count as “cheating” if no one outside the relationship is involved.
    • “It’s almost like non-sexual cheating.” (03:55)
• Technology Obsessions:
  • Survey cited: “35% of people would choose their BlackBerry over their spouse.” (03:57)

3. Listener Calls: Secrets & Obsessions

• Video Game Obsession:
  • Brittany laments her husband’s video game addiction:
    • “I’ve almost left him several times because of it.” (04:44)
    • The host sums up: “So every time he plays, he’s cheating on you.” (04:47)
• Book Crushes:
  • Candace confesses to an obsession with Edward Cullen from Twilight:
    • “I’m cheating on my husband with Edward Cullen from the Twilight Saga.” (05:31)
    • She jokes, “Every time we talk, I’m always talking about Edward.” (06:06)
• Hiding Smoking:
  • John shares that he secretly smokes at work despite telling his wife he quit:
    • “I told her I quit a couple of years ago. I only smoke when I’m at work... but I do feel really guilty about it.” (06:24)
    • The hosts doubt he can really hide the habit.
• Food Affairs:
  • Courtney admits: “I have an obsession with sushi... I get it at least twice a week, three times a week. I know it’s not good for you, but I’m obsessed with it.” (07:06)
    • Her boyfriend jokes that if she ever loves him more than sushi, he’ll know it’s real.
• Pet Jealousy:
  • Tracy talks about the special relationship she has with her Chihuahua:
    • “My husband is really jealous of him now.” (08:40)

4. Common Guilt Triggers:

• Chocolate and Secret Treats:
  • “I’ve got chocolate hidden all around the house.” (09:02)
  • Co-host’s story: Buying brownies, eating some, then hiding the rest at home.
• Sleep, Social Media, and More:
  • Listeners report hiding naps, addictive scrolling on BlackBerry or Facebook, and more.
  • “The BlackBerry is the call that came in over and over and over again.” (09:10)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Secret Video Gaming:
  • Bert: “I found myself just picking the thing up and playing for like 30 seconds. Stacy would come downstairs to say hey, and I’d hide it.” (03:33)
• On Book Love:
  • Candace: “I talk about it all the time. And there’s a movie coming out in November.” (05:46)
• On Cigarette Deception:
  • John: “Just, you know, the proper breath mints and colognes have successfully covered it up so far. But I do feel really guilty about it.” (06:26)
• On Pet Jealousy:
  • Show Host: “So your husband is jealous of your dog.” (08:44)
• On Social Media:
  • Co-Host: “I am getting on Facebook. I’m starting a Facebook. I hate the BlackBerry.” (04:18)
• Comic Relief:
  • Co-Host: “There’s three things—two humans and a device—in my bedroom. And it’s not the device you think.” (05:14)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:30 — Episode topic and framing: Cheating on your partner with something non-human
• 02:57–03:36 — Host’s PSP video game confession
• 03:57–04:07 — BlackBerry survey; tech “affairs”
• 04:30–04:53 — Brittany’s video game complaint about her husband
• 05:31–06:17 — Candace’s Twilight/Edward Cullen confession
• 06:20–06:59 — John’s secret smoking
• 07:06–07:55 — Courtney’s sushi obsession
• 08:00–08:48 — Tracy’s Chihuahua jealousy story
• 09:02–09:18 — Roundup: callers hiding chocolate, food, naps, and BlackBerry habits

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Summary & Tone

With their trademark mix of humor and candor, The Bert Show hosts and callers expose how “cheating” can extend far beyond affairs to include anything we’re a bit too obsessed with—or keep secret from our partners. Whether it’s stashed chocolate, “just one more” video game session, or a full crush on Twilight’s vampire hero, the episode invites listeners to laugh at how human we all are, and how little secrets can both annoy and amuse those who love us.

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Useful Takeaway:
What counts as “cheating” in a relationship might not always be obvious or sexual—sometimes, it’s as simple as hiding your weirdest cravings, obsessions, or guilty pleasures in plain sight (or just under the bed).

Transcript

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The Bird Show I thought of a random question this morning that I'm not even sure we'll get calls on, but it came from Melissa Carter. Okay? And I'll tell you where it came from. I want people to call that are cheating on your significant other with somebody with something other than a person.

[Co-Host]

Okay?

[Show Host]

Okay. You're not cheating because you're not having sex with another man or another woman. And this came I thought of this this morning when you were talk about the new Christy Lee Cook CD coming out today. Right?

[Co-Host]

She's got the country album coming out, and that was the little hottie American Idol came in at number seven in the last season.

[Show Host]

And why is that a sensitive subject for you, Melissa?

[Co-Host]

Because Katie Jo has a huge crush on Crazy Lee Cook. And every time she was on oh, look, there's my girl. There's my girl. Well, shut up. Whatever. So I'm sure she's, you know, probably right now, as soon as the store's open, is getting that or downloading it from itunes without my knowledge, but whatever.

[Show Host]

Now what you said was because Chen said that Katie Joel will probably get that. And you said, but I'll never know.

[Co-Host]

I said, yeah. I said she'd probably do it. Would never tell me. But yeah. So she more than likely. Yeah, her, she'll include Christy Leigh Cook in her ipod library. And when she's working out with her little, you know, headphones, then she'll probably be listening to Christy Lee. I'll never know. And she'll have fantasies of them, you know, running through a field of flowers together.

[Show Host]

So she has this sort of hidden relationship. Yes, with Christie Leigh Cook. With that cd for me. I told you guys before, it was that PSP that I got.

[Co-Host]

Oh, that's right.

[Show Host]

For a while, I'm not even a video game guy, but we were going on a long trip. Maybe it was Brazil or something like that. I'm like, I gotta get something to kill the time. So I bought a soccer game and a football in Madden and I'm playing it on the PSP while we're on vacation and on the plane. And then when I got home, that thing was calling my name. And Stacy, my wife, hates video games. And I'm always talking about how I'm so pressed for time. So the last thing in the world I can do is is spend time on a video game. And not with my family. But I found myself just picking the thing up and playing for like 30 seconds. Stacy would run, would come downstairs to say hey,

[Caller]

and I'd hide it and

[Co-Host]

I'd put it on the controller.

[Show Host]

Totally, totally cheated on my family with the psp.

[Co-Host]

That's awesome.

[Show Host]

So I don't know if you're like supposed to be on a diet or something. You've got chocolate hidden around the house, right? I don't know if it's a video game. It's something other than a person. It could be cigarettes. You're cheating. You're cheating on your significant other, but not with another person.

[Co-Host]

It's almost like non sexual cheating.

[Show Host]

Yes. See the story I sent you yesterday? 35% of people would choose their BlackBerry over their spouse. Is that right?

[Co-Host]

Yeah. And Katie would be one of those.

[Show Host]

So maybe that thing rings or you see the light and you know if your husband sees you or your wife sees it, you hide it. That is, you're having a relationship with your BlackBerry that she doesn't agree with.

[Co-Host]

I am getting on Facebook. I'm starting a Facebook. I hate the black.

[Show Host]

That could be one right there. Facebook hanging out.

[Co-Host]

That's True.

[Show Host]

It's an improper relationship with Facebook. Good morning, Brittany. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Yeah. My husband has this video game that he plays and he works third shift and he comes home and he plays till like, one o' clock in the afternoon, and then he gets up and he starts playing again.

[Show Host]

And you guys have argued about it, right?

[Caller]

Oh, I've almost left him several times because of it.

[Show Host]

So here it is. It's a source of tension in the relationship. So every time he plays, he's cheating on you.

[Caller]

It's an obsession is what it is.

[Co-Host]

It hurts your feelings.

[Show Host]

Doesn't matter what it is. Here's the BlackBerry Love Affair article. 87% of BlackBerry owners bring their BlackBerry into their bedroom with them.

[Co-Host]

Well, because it's your alarm.

[Show Host]

That's why he's mine.

[Co-Host]

Yeah. No. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's three things. Two humans and a device in my bedroom. And it's not the device you think.

[Caller]

Save that.

[Show Host]

Good morning, Candace. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Good morning, guys.

[Show Host]

Who's cheating on who?

[Caller]

I'm cheating on my husband with Edward Cohen from the Twilight Saga.

[Co-Host]

The Twilight Saga?

[Show Host]

What is that?

[Caller]

It is four books by Stephanie Meyers.

[Co-Host]

It is so addicting.

[Caller]

Facebook has tons of bumper stickers on it. But he. I don't hide it from him, but he. I talk about it all the time. And there's a movie coming out in November.

[Show Host]

And the conversations have brought up so much tension between the two of you that now whenever you're reading the books, it feels like you're cheating on them, right?

[Caller]

Well, I've read them. I read them last week. I'm rereading them. And every time we talk, I'm always talking about Edward.

[Co-Host]

Cute.

[Show Host]

Good morning, John. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hi. I'm cheating on my wife with cigarettes.

[Show Host]

Are you?

[Caller]

I told her I quit a couple of years ago and I only smoke when I'm at work. And just, you know, the proper breath mints and colognes have successfully covered it up so far. But I do feel really guilty about it.

[Show Host]

Are we talking about years now?

[Caller]

Two years.

[Commercial Announcer]

Two years.

[Show Host]

I bet she knows.

[Caller]

Yeah, she knows.

[Show Host]

You can't hide that.

[Co-Host]

How much are you smoking at work?

[Caller]

You know, just a couple, you know, four or five a day, maybe.

[Commercial Announcer]

A couple?

[Show Host]

Four or five a pack. I don't know. Two packs? I don't know.

[Co-Host]

I'm surprised she hasn't busted you on it.

[Show Host]

Yeah, she knows, but she's letting it go.

[Caller]

You think?

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Show Host]

You can't hide that. You think you can you? Can't. Good morning, Courtney. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller]

This is actually not my husband. It's just my boyfriend, but he complains about it all the time. I have an obsession with sushi, and I've just told him every time, you know, like, whenever I fall in love with him, that if I do that, he's gonna be the luckiest guy in the world because of my love for sushi. It's absolutely ridiculous. Like, I get it at least twice a week, three times a week. I know it's not good for you, but I'm obsessed with it.

[Show Host]

What kind of sushi are you eating?

[Caller]

I do. Honestly, it's anything with cream cheese, which

[Show Host]

is kind of weird, but that Philly roll, man. You're cheating on your boyfriend with the Philly roll?

[Caller]

The Philly roll, the Phil. But at least he knows that. He knows it. And, you know, he's just like, you know, I'm gonna be so lucky, you know, because you love sushi so much. So if I ever, you know, replace sushi, I know that you're truly in love with me kind of thing.

[Show Host]

It's good for you, but you're just not supposed to eat that much of it, I think, is what.

[Co-Host]

I don't know. I like it, though.

[Show Host]

Good morning, Tracy. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller]

Hi. I had a story about cheating on my husband. I have a Chihuahua. He's 2 years old, and he weighs 5 pounds. And my husband got him for me, but he's like, my chihuahua likes to lay and sleep with me and stuff and be around me all the time. And it's gotten to the point where now when my husband, he works late at night, and so my chihuahua gets in the bed under the covers with me. And then when my husband gets home, my Chihuahua will jump out of the bed and jump in his bed.

[Show Host]

So the Chihuahua is in on it. Also, he knows that he's not supposed

[Caller]

to be there either. He knows as soon as he opens the door to get out of the bed.

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[Caller]

And I spoil him to death. And my husband is really jealous of him now.

[Show Host]

So your husband is jealous of your dog.

[Co-Host]

I can see that. I can see being jealous of the affection that, you know, you or your husband paid of the animal more than you.

[Show Host]

Other calls that were coming in were chocolate. We get in fights whenever I'm eating chocolate. So I've got chocolate hidden all around the house.

[Co-Host]

I've told the story on air before about how I went and bought brownies and what I didn't finish, I threw it in the trash and covered it up.

[Show Host]

Food, infidelity, sleep was another one we had. And the BlackBerry is the call that came in over and over and over again.

[Co-Host]

The Facebook page. If you're on Facebook, you can join my group here later this morning.

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