Vault: Are You Flirtexting Wrong? The Women Who Wrote the Book about it

Summary

---

The Bert Show: “Vault: Are You Flirtexting Wrong? The Women Who Wrote the Book About It”

Original Air Date: April 1, 2026
Guests: Deborah Goldstein & Olivia Baniuszewicz (Authors of Flirtexting)

---

Episode Overview

This lively episode dives into the art of “flirtexting”—the intersection of flirting and texting—with expert guidance from Deborah Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz, co-authors of Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart. The Bert Show cast swaps hilarious personal anecdotes, exposes common texting pitfalls, and quizzes the authors on modern dating etiquette via text message. The discussion is peppered with practical rules, witty banter, and memorably frank advice for anyone navigating the smartphone-era dating scene.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Flirtexting Mishaps: A Case Study in Mistaken Identity

• The episode opens with chaos as the team recounts how Bert texted two different guys, thinking they were the same person, due to not programming names into his phone ([01:03–02:30]).
• Quote:
  “Turns out there’s two different guys and Bert’s texting them, thinking it’s the same guy. Dude, you’re two-timing, dude.” — Cassie ([01:28])

2. Fundamental Flirtexting Rules

• Leave Him Wanting More:
  The authors recommend that “his word should be the last word.” Don’t always reply, especially with one-word confirmations like “K” ([04:00–05:17]).
• Quote:
  “You want him texting more than you’re texting him.” — Olivia ([04:51])
• Timing is Key:
  Don’t feel pressured to respond instantly. “Just because it’s speedy technology does not mean you have to be speedy in your response. Treat it like a letter.” ([05:17–05:38])
• The 24-Hour Rule:
  Take time before texting back, especially if you’re excited: “Take a step back. You can think of something brilliant to write back if you let that excitement contain itself.” — Deborah ([05:51])

3. Avoid “Texting Under the Influence”

• Texting (not just while drunk, but emotionally charged or, humorously, on Ambien) is a big no-no ([06:15–07:20]).
• Quote:
  “You know, I’ve never regretted not texting the next day.” — Kristina quoting her friend ([07:11])
• They suggest having a “sponsor”—a trusted friend who can talk you down from sending rash texts ([07:39]).

4. The Late Night “Booty Text” & Mass-Messaging Red Flags

• LNBT (Late Night Booty Text):
  Anything after 10pm from a guy is usually only for a casual late night meet-up ([08:05–08:56]).
• Quote:
  “If you like the guy, don’t respond till daylight hours the next day. Train him how to treat you.” — Olivia ([08:34])
• Booty Bomb / Mass Texts:
  Beware the obvious copy-paste messages sent en masse to multiple girls. Call guys out with playful sarcasm ([09:07–09:24]).

5. Sex-ting and Suggestive Messaging

• Proceed with Caution:
  Sexting is only for “two mature, committed people in a relationship.” Always assume a text may get forwarded ([09:46–10:16]).
• Unsolicited Pictures:
  “Guys, never send girls pictures unless she asks for them. That is the biggest turn off.” — Deborah ([10:25–10:33])

6. The Importance of Confidence and Chivalry in Texts

• Emphasize being confident and genuine. Chivalry in digital communication still matters ([11:01–11:23]).
• New term: “Flirtextiquette.”

7. Book & Author Highlights

• The book “Flirtexting” is praised as accessible, fun, and full of practical wisdom.
• The challenge of spelling Baniuszewicz’s surname offers comic relief ([11:35–11:38]).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “His word should be the last word. It’s almost like leaving a text hook.” — Deborah ([04:00])
• “Never text like a Tar Hero… take a step back.” — Olivia ([05:48])
• “If he writes ‘Okay, I’ll see you at 8,’ don’t text him back ‘K.’ It’s just not necessary.” — Deborah ([05:03])
• “If you’re going out, you know you’re drinking, you can’t train yourself after four shots of Patron. You’re like, ‘This is gonna make perfect sense.’ It never does.” — Olivia ([06:50–06:57])
• “Let your best friend be your safety net… My best friend calls herself my sponsor.” — Bert ([07:47–07:55])
• “You just have to assume that [a sext]’s gonna get out there and proceed with caution.” — Olivia ([09:53])
• “Chivalry never left. And if you’re on a date with a girl, just stow your style… Have a little bit of flirtextiquette.” — Deborah ([11:01–11:23])

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:03–02:30]: Flirt-messaging disaster story: Bert’s double texting mishap.
• [04:00–05:38]: Ground rules for leaving hooks, last-word strategy, and text pacing.
• [06:15–07:20]: Drunk/impulsive texting and friend “sponsor” strategies.
• [08:05–08:56]: Dealing with late-night “booty” texts.
• [09:07–09:24]: Red flags for mass texts (“booty bombs”).
• [09:46–10:16]: Sexting, unsolicited images, and privacy cautions.
• [11:01–11:23]: Confidence, chivalry, and a new term: “flirtextiquette.”

---

Conclusion & Takeaways

This episode of The Bert Show is a must-listen for anyone dating or navigating relationships in the age of texting. Equal parts entertaining and insightful, the cast and guests serve up practical, no-nonsense flirtexting advice with authenticity and humor. Remember the cardinal rules: take your time, be confident, never text under the influence, don’t reply to late-night “booty texts,” and always let chivalry inform your digital etiquette.

Book plug: Check out Flirtexting: How to Text Your Way to His Heart by Deborah Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz for more tips.

---

Transcript

[A]

This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. Last year, I went through many different life changes. I needed to take a pause and examine how I was feeling in the inside to better show up for the ones who need me to be my best version of myself. When you're navigating life's changes, Talkspace can help. Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatry providers that you can access anytime, anywhere. Living a busy life, navigating a long distance relationship, becoming a first stepfather, Talkspace made all of those journeys possible. I could speak with my therapist in the office. I could speak with my therapist in the comfort of my home. I was never alone. Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a $0 copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 when you go to talkspace.com match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace.com save $80 with code SPACE80 at Talk the Bird show.

[B]

Bird is so technically challenged.

[C]

No, no, no. It's not me. It's that.

[B]

Folks, there's no reason every phone and

[D]

every computer help me out on this one. He is so technically challenged that.

[B]

Wow, he screwed this up.

[C]

We were going to do. I was having these guys transcribe the. The text between me and our boyfriend. And as they're going down, we realize there's a fatal flaw here.

[D]

Well, there's. There's several different phone numbers and Bert never programmed their names into the phone, so I couldn't figure out who was who.

[E]

Oh, no.

[D]

So I went ahead and programmed their names and turns out there's two different guys and Burt's texting them, thinking it's the same guy. Dude, you're two timings dude.

[B]

Even more of a boo.

[D]

And he thinks he's texting this guy we're talking about. He was actually texting somebody totally different.

[C]

So one guy would respond and then I would text a different guy.

[D]

And now we're talking about it on the radio.

[F]

How did you ever think this was a good idea?

[C]

I told her, I said, look, I don't want to do this and.

[D]

Are you kidding me? Wendy, when are you going to get that number out? Wendy? I'm ready to start texting, Wendy. I'm good at this.

[E]

I feel like we all owe we Wendy a big hug and I'm sorry as we leave the studio today. Like, she should just line up like it's a wedding and we should all just apologize for letting this even happen.

[D]

I just want to know what you said to the guy from St. Patrick's Day.

[C]

Yeah, he's not nearly as interesting as the other guy, but there's one guy that I really think is right for us.

[E]

I both thought they were the same.

[D]

Great for us.

[C]

Love that he's been witty with us.

[D]

He's keeping up. He was a nice guy, and I trusted you.

[C]

I was telling these guys off. I was telling these guys off the air.

[D]

There were some potential boyfriends.

[C]

I wasn't getting responses back, and I'd go to my wife, and I'd say, I can't understand why he's not texting back. And I was visually upset about it.

[B]

And your wife was consoling you. It's okay, honey. You can do better next time.

[C]

You'll get your man.

[B]

Now, I think as payback for Wendy, not just an apology, but I think we've got to call him and ask him if he'll come on the air with us. And you apologize. The one that she really likes, the witty one. I can see the other one. Who cares?

[C]

There's one that we're really interested in because he's just witty and fun.

[D]

On my phone for my real phone.

[C]

It's the Florida guy. Whoever the Florida guy is. The university of Florida fan. That's the guy that we want to text because he's the guy that I think that we want.

[D]

Well, he's actually a bulldog fan, but I was the Florida fan, so that's what he talked about.

[F]

All this talk about him is gonna reel him in. I think now we have to just ignore him.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[D]

So too.

[C]

Well, I feel like he's got her.

[D]

Show him a little leg and pull it back. Texted the right guy back.

[C]

Well, at least I feel like he's gonna start at a clean slate with Wendy once he knows that I was the one that would really hack the whole thing up.

[F]

Yeah, but now he's gonna question every text. Is this really Wendy?

[D]

Yeah, he hated the text.

[C]

I can assure him that I will never try this ever again. I promise you that. Jen, you said you had a couple of questions.

[B]

Yeah, I do. I have some flirtexting questions. When you're trying to engage a guy, is it best to leave the last line a question mark so that it elicits a response?

[E]

Why do I feel like this would have, like, a maneuver? Oh, you mean the ending question maneuver?

[F]

Oh, it's in our book.

[D]

I mean, we basically say your word should be his word should be the last word. So it's almost like Leaving like a text hook. So, yes, you can engage it by asking him a question, but we also say don't send out, like, don't overanalyze it. And don't over text him with like specific questions that should be held face to face because, well, when he, you

[F]

know, if he says something or ask a question, if the longer you wait, he's gonna freak out just like girls do. He's. Why isn't she texting me? Was it something I said he might text?

[D]

The key is to get him to want to be asking you all those questions. It's almost like don't just send out questions just for the heck of him trying to basically get your response from him.

[C]

So is the answer err on the side of not enough text rather than too much text?

[F]

You want him texting more than you're texting him.

[B]

And you always want to. He's always the last one to send one.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

You don't have to always send a response.

[D]

No, we say you never need to

[B]

be like the one on one, the

[D]

K. Like, you know how people. Okay. Like if he writes something, okay, I'll see you at 8. Don't text him back. Just don't text back. K. Yeah. It's just not necessary. He saw. He knows that you got the text message. Technology has almost like perfected itself in that sense. So.

[B]

Right.

[D]

Just leave it alone.

[F]

And also a really big point we say in our book, which would help with this is just because it's speedy technology does not mean you have to be speedy in your response. This is a tech text message. Like, if.

[D]

Treat it like a letter.

[F]

If he wanted. If he. If you guys have to talk about something immediately, he'll call or you'll call. So don't feel like just because he's texting.

[D]

You have to respond right then within those seconds. But again, the 24 hour rule, like,

[B]

even when you want to, you almost should make yourself, like, take a deep breath, go get a glass of water.

[F]

We say never text like a tar hero. That comes to mind.

[D]

It's like, what? No, I. I said take a step back. Like, keep yourself busy. Because girls get excited when you get a text from a crush. You get excited and want to respond right then and there. And what we say is take a step back. You can think of something brilliant to write back if you just kind of let that excitement contain itself and then come back to it in like an hour or two whenever you're ready to text him back.

[C]

What do you guys think about drunk texting do you always wait till you're sober?

[D]

Tui Texting under the influence.

[F]

Yeah, because texting under the influence, it's not just drunk texting. It's texting with. When you have hormones, when you just saw a great movie, when you've taken ambient Ambien.

[D]

Everything you should not all these elements.

[F]

It's really bad and it's a big turn off and you just wake up the next day.

[E]

Should there be some sort of like, should you make the Password on your BlackBerry really complicated so that if you're so hammered you can't even do it?

[F]

I think you should just train yourself to know. And if you're going out, you know,

[E]

you're drinking, you can't train yourself after four shots of Patron. You're like, this is gonna make perfect sense.

[F]

It never does.

[D]

You know what? We.

[B]

It's embarrassing.

[D]

It's embarrassing. And you know the ramifications at this point. I think everyone's been in a situation like that and you just kind of have to really train yourself and have a little resistance.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

With it.

[B]

A girlfriend of mine told me one night when I was like, oh, should I write back this? Whatever. She goes, you know, I've never regretted not texting the next day.

[F]

Good advice.

[B]

And I was like, that's smart.

[D]

And I deleted it the next morning. Just think of it, you're out and you're like, ugh, I'm going to regret this in the morning when I wake up.

[C]

You know, be. There should be an application that. It's like a breathalyzer that if you said it right, you blow into it.

[B]

You're patting it right now there's only like a select.

[C]

Don't steal Radio Bird.

[D]

Have access.

[B]

Like, you could text your girlfriends or an emergency person, but not any. That's exactly what we say on your list. Who has male genitalia.

[D]

Let your best friend be your, like, safety net.

[F]

Text her.

[D]

She will remind you of the don'ts of doing this.

[B]

Yeah. My best friend calls herself my sponsor.

[C]

Right.

[F]

Love that.

[C]

Tell me what you were gonna tell him.

[D]

Text your sponsor.

[C]

And Jen Authier asks you guys about, like, texts that come in late at night. What's the line?

[F]

Lnbt, the late night booty text.

[D]

Okay, that's. We have a rule against that. Anything past 10pm a guy texts you he's only looking for a good time. Do not text back like he's not being serious about it. Guys usually should text you or call you to ask you out before a date. And it should be done to a Day or two prior.

[F]

So what's the response the night of?

[E]

No response or do you write back like F you or what do you know?

[F]

Here's what we say. We say comes in at 9 o'

[B]

clock and it's like hey girl, what are you doing tonight?

[F]

Okay, here's what we say, girl with the girls. If you like, if you like the guy, don't respond till daylight hours the next day. Train him how to teach you. Train him that to call you during daylight hours. Ask you in advance. You're not girl, you're not that girl if you want to see him. We're not mad at the girls who text back late night. If that's what you want to do,

[D]

just know that that's what you're going to get out of it is a good time.

[C]

How about those guys that send out like I forget the name that we had for it but the dude that sends out like the mass text to

[D]

like 9, you can read through that.

[F]

Beware. Look out for those.

[E]

The booty bomb.

[D]

Yeah, they're totally tailored, they're prepackaged and they're so obvious and call them out.

[F]

We know we were talking to one girl who said she assumed that what she got was a prepack was a text that he sent to a lot of girls and she totally called him out on it.

[D]

Like a mass text much.

[F]

And it Ben. And it benefits you guys like responses that are different than what most girls say.

[D]

Yeah, most girls would be like hey yeah, I'm out. What are you doing?

[C]

And they wouldn't know if he text 10 or 11.

[D]

Come on. Yeah, guys like a little, you know, give him a little bit of a hard time.

[B]

Now once you're dating somebody for a while, what do you guys think about the dirty text messages or the more.

[D]

Proceed with caution.

[C]

Leave it to Jim.

[D]

You know this. I mean sexting should be because some,

[B]

some guys think that it's, it's awesome and other ones don't and like won't.

[D]

You know, to each his own. I mean, yeah, honestly, sexting should be reserved for two mature, committed people in a relationship. And I mean they're suggestive image and content. And you just have to assume that it's gonna get out there and just proceed with caution. I mean it's your relationship with this person. You should know that, you know, at a point where it's in a mature level that you both can handle it.

[E]

You know, the first one always comes after the drinking that you're not supposed to be texting after anyways. Yeah, Guess what I just did in the bathroom? I sent her a picture.

[C]

Never.

[F]

Guys never send girls pictures unless she asks for them. That is the biggest turn off. Why are you assuming. And I want a picture of that.

[D]

Like, come on.

[C]

Because guys, in that case, thinking, like, guys, they're thinking that. Okay. We want to see pictures of you. Creatures. You must want to see pictures of you.

[D]

You guys are visual creatures. We don't really work that. We like the funnies.

[E]

Right? Yeah, I do that as well.

[B]

The wittier the better.

[D]

You love that, right?

[B]

Yeah. The witty stuff is awesome.

[D]

That's good.

[F]

And guys appreciate it too.

[C]

Give us one more golden rule of texting, and then we'll go ahead and we'll link. It's a great book. It really is.

[D]

Thank you. I think a really be confident. Oh, yeah. I mean, one of the biggest things is be confident in your texts and know what you want and put it out there. But also a really important thing is chivalry never left. And if you're on a date with a girl, just stow your style. And the same goes for girls, like, have, you know, a little bit of flirtexticate in that sense. I like that word. That's cute.

[B]

Flirtextiquette.

[C]

It's a really great. It's an easy read, too. I mean, this is not like you're gonna strain yourself late at night.

[F]

Yeah, it's so fun.

[C]

It's really good. It's called flirt texting, and we'll have a link up to it. It's by Deborah Goldstein and Olivia. Oh, boy.

[D]

Banisiewicz.

[C]

Yes, it is. Banischewitz.

[E]

You know what? That right there uses up all 160 characters. That right there. It'. Difficult. I will not be flirtexting with you.

[B]

Just flirt.

[D]

Text my last name to me. You got me.

[C]

You got my heart. Flirtexting. How to text your way to his heart. Go check it out. Thanks for coming in, you guys.

[F]

Thank you for having us.

[C]

That's really a lot of fun.

[F]

Follow us on Twitter.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Is that your next book?

[D]

Flirtweet us.

[C]

Flirtweet us. Thanks a lot, you guys.

[D]

Thanks, guys.

[C]

Guys, the bird show.