Vault: Are You Frantic About The Week? You're Not Alone

Summary

The Bert Show: “Vault: Are You Frantic About The Week? You're Not Alone”

Date: March 3, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show team
Theme: Confronting Weekend Nerves – Real Listeners, Real Drama, Real Advice

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around a relatable theme: being anxious about an upcoming weekend event. The Bert Show opens the lines for listeners to share what’s giving them butterflies—or full-on panic—as the weekend approaches, and promises to check in with them the following Monday to see how things turned out. The cast delivers authentic, humorous, and empathetic insight, creating a supportive space for both listeners and each other.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Proposing to His Girlfriend

Timestamps: [01:25] – [04:17]

• Jack (voice disguiser activated) shares his plans to propose to his longtime girlfriend during a beach vacation.
• He’s been planning the proposal for six weeks, even though financial troubles made the engagement seem unlikely to his partner.
• Jack confides that only his and her parents know; none of their friends are in on the secret.
• The cast discusses the tradition of asking the father’s permission, with both humor and sincerity.

Memorable Quotes:

• Jack: “I'm not nervous about what she'll say. I'm just nervous about the whole, the whole thing.” ([03:41])
• Bert: “That’s what happened to me. I called Jessica’s dad and ended up hanging up on him the first time.” ([03:20])
• Abby: “Any guy that doesn’t ask your bride’s father ... ask him for trouble.” ([03:47])
• Cassie: “It seems archaic, but there is a man-to-man conversation there that establishes your relationship going forward.” ([03:51])

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2. Listener’s First Real-Life Online Date

Timestamps: [04:29] – [06:14]

• Brittany put up a personal ad online as a dare, ended up talking to one guy for three months, and is now about to meet him in person.
• She has safe plans in place, with friends nearby and a midday lunch date to keep things low-pressure.
• Mix of excitement and nerves dominates her anticipation.

Memorable Quotes:

• Brittany: “I’m excited and nervous and scared and anxious and all the stuff all at the same time.” ([05:31])
• Bert: “This is the true reveal. There’s no hiding. You can’t Photoshop real life.” ([05:57])

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3. Young Listener Teaches Doctors About X-Ray Machines

Timestamps: [06:22] – [08:20]

• Donnie (19 years old, working in the medical field with his father) must step in and teach over 100 doctors how to use digital X-ray equipment after his father falls ill.
• Feels the weight of pressure being the “center stage” in a room of experts, despite having the technical know-how.

Memorable Quotes:

• Donnie: “As long as I don’t say nothing too stupid, we’ll be all right.” ([07:50])
• Abby: “They may have medical degrees, but they still don’t know what you know. You’re actually the power person in the room.” ([07:35])
• Bert: “If Sarah Palin and Joe Biden can get through a 90-minute debate without jacking something up, that’s fine.” ([08:05])

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4. Listener Gut-Punched by Breakup Text

Timestamps: [08:25] – [10:51]

• Tommy (voice disguised) was dumped via text by a woman he dated for a few weeks, despite a five-year friendship.
• He wants to tell her off but is unsure how to handle his anger and disappointment respectfully.
• Cassie proposes the counterintuitive approach: thank her for freeing him to find someone who’s truly right.
• The cast offers support and encourages Tommy to take the high road.

Memorable Quotes:

• Tommy: “I want to be mad and tell her, but I think I might scare her off and piss her off. I’m trying to end it with some respect and dignity.” ([09:44])
• Cassie: “Thank her for letting you go find someone you’re supposed to be with... that will really freak her out.” ([09:58])
• Tommy: “Yeah, you know what? I’m gonna try that out for size... That’s cool, man.” ([10:30])

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Notable Moments & Tone

• Warmth and Humor: The Bert Show balances empathy with their signature fun banter, making even tough subjects approachable.
• Advice with Heart: Rather than defaulting to cliché or mockery, the cast leans in with real, sometimes counterintuitive, advice and genuine care.
• Memorable Personal Stories: Bert’s anecdote about botching his future father-in-law’s proposal call adds authenticity and comic relief.

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Important Segments with Timestamps

• [01:25–04:17] – Listener Jack’s secret proposal plans and tradition talk.
• [04:29–06:14] – Brittany’s nerves about a first face-to-face online date.
• [06:22–08:20] – Young Donnie’s daunting solo presentation to medical doctors.
• [08:25–10:51] – Tommy’s breakup over text and advice for handling heartbreak with dignity.

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Final Thoughts

“Are You Frantic About The Week? You’re Not Alone” is an episode grounded in the real anxieties that unite us—from love and heartbreak to career nerves. The Bert Show crew proves why listeners confide in them: they listen, they laugh, and they leave you ready to tackle whatever the weekend will bring.

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Callbacks:

The cast invites every caller back for Monday check-ins to see how their story unfolds—a testament to the show’s authentic investment in their community.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

show the topic is what are you nervous about going into on the weekend?

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And we'll take your calls now, and then you just got to make the agreement. You'll come in and tell us if your nervousness was unfounded or if you really had reason to be scared. And we'll start out with the voice disguiser. Sean. Hey, caller, just do me a favor and just say 1, 2, 3.

[D]

1, 2, 3.

[B]

The voice disguiser is on and working. And what name should we refer to you as?

[D]

Jack.

[C]

Jack. Jack.

[B]

Why are you nervous?

[D]

This weekend I am proposing to my longtime girlfriend, and she has absolutely no idea.

[C]

That's awesome.

[E]

Congratulations. That's exciting.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

And how long have you been planning the proposal?

[D]

About six weeks.

[E]

Six weeks.

[C]

And you said she has no idea?

[D]

No. I got laid off from my job not too long ago, so we've been having some. Some financial trouble. So she doesn't think it's even possible to get a hold of a ring at this point.

[C]

Okay, but you've been planning for long enough that you've already got the ring?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

And do you have an elaborate proposal planned or is it just gonna be a romantic dinner out?

[D]

We're going out on vacation this weekend and I'm gonna taking her down to her favorite beach and gonna propose to her out on the beach.

[E]

Fantastic.

[B]

That's awesome.

[E]

Congratulations.

[C]

That is really exciting.

[D]

But I'm really, really. Nobody nobody knows. I mean, my parents know because I talked about cashing in some. Some saving stuff.

[C]

But do her. Do her parents know?

[D]

No. Well, her father knows. I talked to her. Yeah, I talked to him yesterday. But other than them, I mean, none of our friends, nobody knows.

[E]

Good man. For asking the dad.

[C]

That is great. I love it that you were just ready to burst to the secret. So you called us and we're on the voices Kaiser.

[D]

I love that. I'm really. I'm not nervous about what she'll say. I'm just nervous about the whole, the whole thing.

[B]

How did you ask her father? How did that go?

[D]

I brought the ring with me and I said, you know, I've got something I'm gonna give your daughter this weekend. And I thought, asked him if he thought he liked it. And when he said yeah, I'm like, so, you know, is this okay with you? And. And of course he said yes. We've been together for quite a while, so I think they've been expecting it.

[B]

Were you nervous talking to her dad or were you cool?

[D]

Yeah, he's pretty. He's a pretty intimidating guy because Jessica's

[B]

dad was the nicest guy in the world. You know, he's always so nice and everything, but the first he was nice.

[D]

Like when I asked him, he was really nice. But I was nervous going into it, obviously.

[B]

But, well, that's what happened to me. I actually called. I called Jessica's dad and ended up hanging up on him. The first time, like he answered, he says hello, and I went click. Yeah, I pranked him and I'm like, crap. Cause he was in Arizona and I was in Atlanta, so I couldn't do it in person. So I called back and I'm like,

[E]

well, but both of those father in laws have a great deal more respect for you for doing it, right? Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. Sorry, guys, but any guy that doesn't ask your bride's father for.

[D]

Ask him for trouble.

[E]

Yeah. I think that he judges you on that.

[C]

It's so traditional to do so. It seems so archaic to do so. But there is like a man to man conversation that has to happen there that I think sort of establishes your relationship from there forward with her dad.

[E]

Right? Agreed.

[B]

Hey, Jack, I want to put you on hold and then Monday we want to check in and see and see how this all went, how you can tell us the details of the proposal and how she responded.

[D]

All right.

[B]

For sure.

[D]

Good.

[B]

All right, cool. Hold on. Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Good luck.

[E]

Good luck. Have fun.

[C]

That's exciting.

[B]

That'll be a cool one.

[E]

And he gave a Little bit of detail, so if anything. Yeah, don't say anything.

[B]

Brittany here does not have to be on the voice disguiser. Hi, Brittany.

[F]

Hey, how's it going?

[B]

We're well. How are you?

[F]

I'm doing great.

[B]

What's going on this weekend that you're nervous about?

[F]

I put a personal ad online as a dare with some people that I worked with just because I'd always told myself that I wouldn't do it. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I've just always been. I would never do that in a million years just because that, to me, is kind of scary. But I put the ad up as a dare. It's been up for, like, three or four months. And there's been this one guy that I've been. We've been talking consecutively for about three months online and over the phone, and we're going to meet tomorrow face to face for the very first time.

[E]

Wow.

[C]

So you gotta see if there's some real physical chemistry there.

[F]

Right. And so what's gonna happen is we haven't really set in stone where we're gonna meet yet, but I've already got a couple people lined up to, hey, if you guys aren't busy, kind of be in this area tomorrow. I can text. Not having to look at my phone, so that kind of thing is not really an issue. But it's gonna be like, you know, middle of the day. It's like a lunch date kind of thing. So not a whole lot of pressure.

[E]

Smart.

[F]

But I'm excited and nervous and scared and anxious and all the stuff all at the same time. But so far, so good. I'm really excited about it. I really hope it goes well.

[B]

Me, too. So when you meet up with him, you already have a picture of him, and, you know, photo wise, he's pretty attractive. I'm sorry, you know, at least from the photos that he's attractive enough to you.

[F]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. So this is the true reveal. There's no hiding. You can't Photoshop real life.

[F]

Correct.

[B]

All right.

[F]

And hopefully it won't be like it was, you know, when you guys were picking up the guy from the airport the other day, where he sent someone else in the beginning. You know, hopefully it won't be any of that, so.

[B]

All right, well, hold on the line. We want to get your information, and we'll check in with you. Okay?

[F]

Absolutely.

[E]

All right, good luck.

[B]

All right, cool. Hold on. That's caller number two and then number three for why we want to check in with you on Monday. Hey, Donnie.

[G]

Hey there.

[B]

Good. You nervous this weekend?

[G]

Oh, man. I'm 19 years old and I work in the medical industry with my father.

[C]

Okay.

[G]

We install and repair X ray machines all over the state of Georgia. And this weekend I have to be at Southern Polytech by myself because my father's sick, and I have to talk to 100 doctors and teach them how to use their X ray machine and digital X ray.

[E]

Flying solo this weekend, that's a lot of pressure.

[G]

Center stage in front of 150 or more doctors.

[E]

That's great.

[C]

Now, I'm.

[E]

Obviously your father has a lot of faith in you to be able to do it, so you're capable.

[G]

I'm capable. I know enough about it. It's just, you know, the part about being center stage is kind of

[B]

intimidating people.

[C]

Have you ever spoken in front of people before?

[G]

Yeah, I just graduated high school, so. Speak in front of class all the time, but, you know, they're not as qualified as doctors. And most of our doctors are actually the Crawford Long Hospital down in Atlanta.

[B]

Okay.

[G]

Yeah, they're all be there. Northside Hospital. They're all be there. So it's kind of. It's kind of intimidating just how all the high powered people.

[E]

Yeah. But, you know, the thing is, they are there to learn from you. So what? You know, they don't. So even though it sounds intimidating and they've got medical degrees and they're, you know, these power people, they still don't know what you know. So you're actually the power person in the room at the moment.

[G]

As long as I don't say nothing too stupid, we'll be all right.

[E]

Well, they won't know.

[B]

You'll be.

[E]

They won't know because they don't know anything about the equipment.

[C]

Yeah, you're the expert.

[G]

I guess I'm more excited about. About teaching doctors something that I know they don't know.

[E]

Exactly. No, congratulations. I think that's great.

[B]

Listen, if Sarah Palin and Joe Biden can get through a 90 minute debate without either of them jacking something up, that's fine.

[G]

I guess that's true.

[B]

All right, so just hold on, hold on to that thought going into it. Okay. All right, all right, hold on. All right, we'll get your information.

[C]

Just in case anybody asks, think of one newspaper you've read.

[B]

Hey, we're gonna take one more. Can we put this one on the voice disguiser, please, Sean? And we're gonna talk to a guy who wants to call himself Tommy. Hey, Tom. Hey, Tommy. Why are you nervous going into this weekend?

[D]

Well, what happened was over on. A few days ago, my girlfriend broke it with me via text message.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[E]

All right.

[D]

It hurt me. I was like, you know, that's just not cool. So I wanted to tell her how I feel and kind of tell her off, so to speak. Because when you break with somebody, that's not what you do break with on a text message.

[B]

What exactly did the text message say?

[D]

It says, you're a beautiful person. You're a nice guy, wonderful inside and out, but I'm not romantically connected with you.

[C]

Ouch. And how long have you guys been together?

[D]

It's been a few weeks, but we've known each other five years.

[E]

So you've only dated for a few weeks, but you've known each other for five years?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. So that's like a. That thing comes in because, you know, text messages, you only got 100 and whatever characters. So that thing comes in as a multiple. So you read the first half of it and you're like, I don't like where this is going. And then you scroll to the next one. You're like, oh, that's.

[C]

You get to the word where she goes. But you scroll to the next text.

[D]

What? What? But what?

[B]

And then it doesn't come in for five minutes.

[E]

Right.

[B]

So what are you nervous about over the weekend?

[D]

Like, I want to tell her how I feel about it and know how to do it, though. You know, it's like, I want to be mad and tell her, but I think I might scare her off and piss her off. I'm not going to do that. I'm trying to end it with some respect and dignity.

[C]

So what I think you should do is thank her. I think you should just call and thank her for letting you go find somebody you're supposed to be with.

[D]

That's a good way of doing it.

[C]

That will really freak her out. What she's really expecting is for you to yell and scream and whatever, or

[B]

to grovel or to beg or whatever.

[E]

I mean, it made us go quiet in the studio. Wow.

[B]

I was gonna say you didn't think we were gonna get all deep on you. We're just driving stick shifts up in here.

[D]

Yeah, you know what? I'm gonna try that out for size. You know, you buy is going to great help. That's cool, man.

[B]

Will you try? Seriously try that?

[E]

Yeah, do that one.

[B]

And you can still tell her off next weekend if you want to, but let's just throw that out there and see how it fits this weekend and see what happens because see what she says.

[D]

All right. Hell, yeah, I'm going to do that.

[B]

The Birch Show.