Vault: Bad Boys or Good Guys...Which is better?

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: Bad Boys or Good Guys...Which is Better?

Episode Date: May 28, 2026

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Overview

This lively episode of The Bert Show dives into the age-old debate: Are “bad boys” or “good guys” better when it comes to dating? With humor and honesty, Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and callers unpack what draws people to each type, how perceptions shift with experience, and the difference between allure and long-term compatibility. The discussion touches on personal anecdotes, pop culture comparisons, and the nuances behind why "nice" sometimes isn't enough.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Defining "Bad Boys" vs. "Good Guys"

• Attraction Patterns: Several hosts admit being historically attracted to “bad boys”—guys who are a little edgy or non-conformist. One host (C) puts it plainly:

  “Typically in my life, I am attracted to the bad boys for whatever reason. That’s just who I have been attracted to.” (00:20)

• “Dating is a verb”: Living the dating life actively rather than passively.

  “Dating is a verb, which means that you do it, you know, as an activity.” (00:45)

• The Novelty of Dating Good Guys: Dating "good guys" feels fresh and different, but can be an adjustment for those unaccustomed to respect and kindness:

  “Dating a good guy is a novel concept…He’s so nice and, like, a gentleman…Some of those very thoughtful, courteous things…it sounds weird, that is exactly what women say that they want. But when it’s there, you’re like, well, is it too nice?” (01:24–01:39)

The Psychology Behind Attraction

• Craving the Chase: There's recurring tension between wanting thoughtful gestures and actually enjoying them—sometimes romance needs to feel "earned" rather than given freely.
• Reforming the Bad Boy: A theme emerges about wanting a “bad” guy who becomes “good” only for you:

  “You still want him to be a bad guy. Except for around you…he’s gonna bring me flowers. But everywhere else, he’s a badass.” (04:06–04:15, A)

• Are We Seeking Confidence, Not ‘Badness’?:

  “Is it confidence that we really want or is it really the bad guy?... Is it just that we like the confident guy that is really securing himself and knows what he wants?” (05:51, F)

Insights from Callers

• Bad Boy ≠ Jerk: Caller Melissa distinguishes between being a nonconformist “bad boy” (like James Dean) and someone who’s actually disrespectful or abusive:

  “…my concept of a bad boy, someone like, you know, James Dean who didn’t fit in, who’s like a non conformist, not someone who treated you like a jerk.” (04:39, G)

• Pop Culture Analogy: The cast uses “Edward vs. Jacob” from Twilight to represent elusive vs. stable, nice-guy personas. Edward is exciting because he’s less available; Jacob is reliable but less tantalizing.

  “Jacob is this clean cut, you know, really nice guy…Edward’s the one that is non available. So it’s not abusive. It’s just the fact that they’re elusive, not abusive.” (05:15–05:40, E)

Nice Versus Boring

• The Problem with Over-Niceness: Sometimes, intense niceness is off-putting, and women want partners with confidence and some “swagger”—not a doormat:

  “I just preferred someone with a lot of confidence and someone that was just so sweet and was like, ‘whatever I want’…It was like, have a little more confidence. Stand up for yourself.” (06:32, F) “You don’t want to date a doormat.” (06:58, C)

• Earning Romance: Gestures feel more genuine if they’re "earned," not constantly given:

  “Women feel like they need to earn that romance…if it just comes naturally and he’s on you and on you and poems and flowers and everything without it being kind of earned or something…it just seems kind of cheesy.” (07:24, E)

Navigating the Switch

• Changing Habits: For those used to “bad boys,” transitioning to dating good guys is a process, and it takes adjusting to being treated well:

  “It’s just navigating it…just trying to figure out…” (02:10, C) “If you’re not used to it…I mean, yeah, you’re not used to being treated right. Especially if you go for the bad boys. They don’t do anything like that.” (02:00, D)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Why "Bad" Feels Good:

  “The bad boy syndrome usually doesn’t get out of your blood… but the men that I’m attracted to are the ones I’m not going to marry.” (02:48, E)

• The "Reformed Bad Boy" Ideal:

  “Are you mostly attracted [to the] reformed bad boy?” (03:37, C)

• Swagger over Subservience:

  “You don’t want to date a doormat.” (06:58, C)

• Comic Relief – Voice Disguiser:
  The team jokes when a caller uses a voice disguiser just to say she prefers confident men:

  “She just called up to talk about confidence and men, and she had to be on the Voice Disguiser.” (07:06, C)

• Episode Catchphrase:

  “Dating is a verb.” (00:45, 07:59, D/C)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:20–01:39 — Panel’s personal dating types, intro to “dating as a verb”
• 02:00–02:48 — Transitioning from bad boys to good guys; why it’s a challenge
• 03:16–04:15 — Do women want to “change” the bad boy? The allure of exclusivity
• 04:39–05:15 — Caller input: what “bad boy” really means
• 05:15–05:40 — Twilight analogy: “Edward vs. Jacob”
• 05:51–06:56 — Confidence vs. badness; does “nice” work for women?
• 07:24–07:50 — “Earning” romance: why too much sweetness can feel undeserved
• 07:59–08:03 — Show concludes with the recurring theme: “Dating is a verb.”

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Conclusion & Takeaways

• The cast and callers agree: while “bad boys” may seem exciting, their allure often lies in confidence and elusiveness—not actual meanness.
• Many women crave the romance and gestures of “good guys” but only if they feel “earned.” Over-niceness can sometimes feel inauthentic or boring.
• Ultimately, the group encourages mindful, active dating—and to aim for gentlemen who balance confidence with authenticity.

Final Words:

“Don’t be abusive. Be elusive.” (08:03, A)

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Listen for: The self-aware banter, openness about messy dating histories, and the playful teasing that make this an engaging, relatable exploration of romance stereotypes.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, the bird show.

[B]

Jen, take us home.

[C]

We're not gonna talk about what we were talking about off the air, but what we are going to talk about is the difference between dating bad boys and good guys. And trying to figure out, I guess, just how you navigate the difference. Because typically in my life, I am attracted to the bad boys for whatever reason. That's just who I have been attracted to. That's who I've dated. And that doesn't work out, obviously. So I am dating right now as a verb. Right.

[D]

I used that line last night, by the way.

[C]

Dating is a verb, ladies.

[E]

I am.

[C]

It has become the new motto for me and my friends. Dating is a verb, which means that you do it, you know, as an activity. Right. Not just, you know, like you always say, like, girls can't date, like, guys.

[B]

Right.

[C]

But you really should try.

[A]

Mm.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And you're doing that now. So there's like, how's that going for you?

[A]

You're dating a whole bunch of people, right? They're playing the field.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

She is.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Well, now. But you're attracted to the bad boys.

[C]

Yes.

[E]

And when you're dating around, you're, you know, you're sampling the platter, Right. And you're fine, and you're trying to, you know. Are you finding that good guys are as, you know, appetizing as bad boys?

[C]

Yes, but for a completely different way. Does that make sense? So dating a good guy is a novel concept guy. He's so nice and, like, a gentleman.

[B]

Sometimes that turns women off, though. Like, he's too good a guy. And then you fall into that friend zone.

[C]

No, it's not friend zone, but it's definitely getting used to, I don't know, just some of those, like, very gentlemanly things or, like, very thoughtful things or courteous things, whatever, which. It sounds weird. That is. That's exactly what women say that they want. But then when it's there, you're like, well, is it too nice or is it not? I don't know.

[D]

If you're not used to it, though,

[C]

that's probably what it is.

[D]

Cause I wouldn't be. I mean. Yeah, you're not used to being treated right. Especially if you go for the bad boys. They don't do anything like that.

[B]

So is it a turnoff for you that he's so thoughtful and such a good guy?

[C]

No, not at all. I think it's just navigating it. It's just trying to figure out what

[A]

is something that this new feller has done that has made you Go. Well, that's nice.

[E]

We don't have to specify people. Right.

[C]

That'd be nice.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Thanks.

[C]

Someone's reason.

[A]

It's a general. Or one of the new. Because maybe you're dating a bunch of.

[E]

What would a good guy do?

[A]

Yeah. Hypothetical.

[E]

That a bad boy wouldn't do.

[C]

Trying to think. A good guy brings flowers.

[A]

A bad guy doesn't do that.

[C]

Well, usually bad guys bring flowers when they've done something wrong or they expect something right or expect something in return or whatever.

[E]

Because my sister is attracted to the bad boys and she's a divorcee and she has a hard time, even now, and she's older than you, and she's still. I was gonna say that the bad boy syndrome usually doesn't get out of your blood. Cause she so loves the bad guy still. Like, we were teasing and she. Yeah, she. We were. Had a conversation just a couple months ago of this very same thing about how she, you know, yes, it'd be nice to settle down with a nice man to marry and everything, but she. She's like. But the men that I'm attracted to are the guys that I'm not going to marry.

[B]

So is it. And if you're dating a bad boy, do you only want him to be bad until he's committed to you? Then you want. You want to be responsible for turning him into a good guy, which you're not really easy with anyway.

[C]

I guess I kind of lost. I lost following you in there.

[A]

Women want to change the woman.

[B]

Okay, what you're saying is you're mostly

[C]

attracted reformed bad boy. Is that what you're saying?

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes and no. Okay, try to follow this. All right. Okay. So you're.

[C]

You.

[B]

You're attracted mostly to bad guys. Or at least you have been in the past. Just.

[C]

Guys have, like a weird edge or something.

[B]

Right. Okay. But inevitably, when you get into the relationship with them, you want them to stop being such a bad guy and stop being as edgy. You want them to be good guy and trustworthy. But once you get that, that's not what you're really attracted to.

[A]

You still want him to be a bad guy. Except for around you. Around you, he's different because I'm gonna change him. He's gonna bring me flowers. But everywhere else, he's a badass.

[C]

I don't know. I don't know. I'm trying to sort of explore my own mentality with him.

[E]

Other people are intimidated by him, but at home, he's a cuddly bear and he lays in Bed with me, cuddling spoon. And it's so sweet.

[A]

I love you so much.

[C]

I just think it's an interesting dynamic and trying to, I don't know, just trying to navigate, you know, the differences and enjoy the differences, you know.

[B]

Hey, Melissa, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[G]

Hey, good morning. I guess I'm a little bit confused because the way I heard also the last comment about Wendy, like someone who treats you badly, it sounds, I mean, my concept of a bad boy, someone like, you know, James Dean who didn't fit in, who's like a non conformist, not someone who treated you like a jerk. That's almost more like, it's almost like saying, well, I take an abusive guy and that's cool for me. So I'm not, I guess I'm not understanding what's a bad boy.

[E]

But see, even James Dean, let's take James Dean as an example.

[F]

Like he's.

[A]

That's relevant these days.

[B]

You don't even know who that is.

[E]

You think he's.

[B]

She's like, oh my God, the sausage

[A]

guy was a badass and comer.

[D]

Coming up after this, Jimmy Dean.

[E]

No, here's a better comparison is. I got it for is Edward versus Jacob. You know, like on Twilight, a new moon. Like Jacob is this clean cut, you know, really nice guy who, you know, he's the friend.

[C]

He's the friend.

[E]

He's there for her and he's there for her and he's there, you know, and he just, he's gonna wait around and he's the nice neighbor where Edward's the one that is non available. So it's not abusive. It's just the fact that they're elusive, not abusive.

[A]

I'm not abusive, I'm elusive. We got three more shows this week, people.

[B]

Hey, Jody. Jody, you're on the voice disguiser. Go ahead.

[F]

I was just wondering if it's. Is it confidence that we really want or is it really the bad guy? You know, like, is it just that we like the confident guy that is really securing himself and knows what he wants, knows what, you know, he's doing things like that as much as it is a bad boy.

[B]

Here, let me turn around, let me turn around the confidence thing on you here for a second. Because I had somebody at one point, a girl tell me that I was too nice for her. So. And the advice that I got from everybody else was to go ahead and dump her because she isn't confident enough. She really doesn't want somebody to treat her well.

[C]

Oh, yes, I Mean, that probably could happen.

[F]

I just. I don't know. I mean, I'm married now, so it's not an issue. But, I mean, back in the day, I think it was more. It wasn't Bad boy. I didn't want him to be, like, mean to me or anything like that or. Or do any bad things to make me upset, but just. I just preferred someone with a lot of confidence and someone that was just so sweet and was like, whatever I want and all that. It was like, have a little more confidence. Stand up for yourself.

[A]

You don't have some swagger.

[C]

You don't want to date a doormat. Why are you on the voice Disguiser to say that?

[F]

Oh, just because.

[A]

I don't think that's weird.

[C]

She just called up to talk about confidence and men, and she had to be on the Voice Disguiser. I'm like, what, Is it embarrassing to listen to our show? Like, do I want anybody to know?

[B]

Actually, we all should put ourselves on the voice disguiser this week.

[A]

And just for the record, just because is not an answer to any question ever. It never has been.

[B]

Just because.

[E]

And I don't think it. I think we're going from one extreme to the other. I think it's not because you're a nice guy and that you need to treat people. I think it's. Women feel like they need to earn that romance, you know, like, it's just a guy with a. There's a chase involved on both sides, and I think if it just comes naturally and he's on you and on you and poems and flowers and everything without it being kind of earned or something. I don't know. It just seems kind of cheesy. There's a fine line.

[C]

I agree with that.

[B]

Are you afraid you're going to be bored?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

It's all new.

[C]

It is. It is definitely all new. But the motto to learn from it

[D]

is dating is a verb.

[C]

Go, Wendy.

[D]

And I'm learning that.

[A]

Don't be abusive, Be elusive. The bird show.