Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Bert And Jeff's British Accent Dual!
Date: January 30, 2026
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting

Episode Overview

In this laugh-out-loud episode, Bert and Jeff finally settle a long-running, playful rivalry: Who is better at performing a British accent? Drawing on a past bit where they competed over a Sean Connery impression, they now challenge each other to cold-call real British businesses—each aiming to keep their cover the longest, without the recipient detecting their ruse. It’s a riotous mix of improv, genuine camaraderie, and cringe-worthy moments, all while involving the entire Bert Show crew in the fun.

Breakdown of Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Setting the Stage: The Accent Rivalry (00:00 – 01:17)

• Bert (A) recalls being the original "accent guy" on the show, but Jeff (B) has since become the unofficial titleholder.

• Crew members reminisce about a previous Sean Connery-off, setting the scene for today’s British accent face-off.

• The challenge: Cold-call a British business, keep up a convincing accent, and see who lasts longest before being called out.

  "There was a time when we started the show where I was the accent guy, and Jeff... just because he got louder, became the branded accent guy." – Bert (A) [00:07]

2. Clarifying the Rules (01:17 – 02:32)

• The crew explains the rules: Call England, no warning to the business, and if asked, “Where are you from?” or otherwise called out—game over.

• Categories to call: pubs, restaurants, hotels, B&Bs, mechanics.

• Stakes and playful taunts are exchanged between Bert and Jeff.

  "We're just gonna see who could stay on the line the longest without them... calling us out." – Bert (A) [01:07]

3. First Call: Bert Books a Hotel in Cornwall (02:33 – 05:19)

• Bert chooses to call a hotel (“Cambridge House in Cornwall”), and the crew eggs him on with banter about his accent.

• The call:

  • Bert personifies a British traveler looking for a "really high end" suite for June 3rd–19th, "something with a view."
  • Throws in plenty of Britishisms (“telly,” “good morning,” “tea”) and odd requests, including a bidet.
  • The hotel employee, Alice, plays along and describes their best room.
  • Bert ends the call after not being questioned about his accent. The team teases his slip into an Australian accent near the end.

  "I'm assuming that you do tea there every day as well." – Bert (B) [04:51]
  "Oh, okay. That's a deal breaker for me. Thank you very much for your time now." – Bert (B), as his bit ends [05:14]

• Duration: About 90 seconds (they time it)

• Memorable Moment: Bert’s request for a bidet, which confuses the hotel employee.

• Quote:

  “He definitely went...You went down under at the end.” – D [05:27]

4. Debate and Analysis: Did Bert Succeed? (05:19 – 06:12)

• The show analyzes Bert’s performance, laughing at his accent slip and debating if the hotel staff suspected he was a fake.
• Still, Alice never directly calls him out, so by the rules, he "survives" the call.
• Teasing continues:

  "But the guy could have thought you were from Sydney." – C [05:48]
  "Oh, he obviously knew I was one of his London brethren." – Bert (A) [05:52]

5. Second Call: Jeff Rings a Mechanic in Blackpool (06:13 – 09:47)

• Jeff dials "Harry Feeney" (a mechanic), improvising as “Sir Harry Longbaugh from Cornwall.”

• He is transferred to Tracy, and continues the charade—throwing in British phrases, and soon, increasingly cheeky innuendo (suggesting a "shag," "bangers and mash," and "look under my hood").

• Tracy quickly grows suspicious, repeatedly asking, “Who is this?” but plays along with dry British humor.

• Jeff stretches the bit, referencing the “Prince of pleasure,” and ends the call amicably amid gales of laughter from the crew.

  "Normally I would travel to DeKalb Tire in beautiful Atlanta, Georgia, but on account of the pond between us is no longer practical." – Jeff (I) [07:58]
  "Perhaps we could travel up to my flat and you could have a look under my hood." – Jeff (I) [08:37]

• Memorable Moment: The flurry of double entendres (shag, look under my hood, bangers and mash).

• Quote:

  "Shepherd's pie's fine by me." – Mechanic staff (H) [09:12]
  "No, sorry, don't know any Princes of Pleasure, in all honesty." – Tracy (J) [09:36]

• Result: Jeff is called out ("Who is this?" multiple times), solidifying a "tie."

6. The Verdict and Wrap-Up (09:47 – 09:58)

• The crew agrees: Both Bert and Jeff failed to convince their British interlocutors fully, resulting in a comedic tie.

• They joke about doing the bit every day and poke fun at each other.

  “She knew, clearly. And I was from North Cornwall.” – Jeff (C) [09:55]
  "Obviously, we're going to have to do this every single day." – Bert (A) [09:58]

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• (00:07) “When were you the accent guy?” – C
• (02:03) “Until Somebody knocks you off, it’s all yours.” – Bert (A)
• (04:16) “Something really high end. Yeah, Maybe a view.” – Bert (B)
• (05:27) “You went down under at the end.” – D (calling out the accent slip)
• (08:08) “Maybe you and I could go for a shag.” – Jeff (I) (first moment Tracy gets suspicious)
• (09:05) “I would like to have a look, see, at your shepherd’s pie, if you don’t mind.” – Jeff (I) (pushing the innuendo)
• (09:36) “No, sorry, don’t know any Princes of Pleasure, in all honesty.” – Tracy (J) (displaying British dry wit)

Conclusion

This episode of The Bert Show encapsulates the playful spirit of the cast, the joy in friendly rivalry, and their commitment to making mornings brighter. The crew's on-air British accent duel is packed with off-the-cuff humor, awkward improvisation, genuine camaraderie, and classic British confusion. While neither Bert nor Jeff proved themselves authentic “Londoners,” the laughter they sparked—both for listeners and their unwitting British conversationalists—was a true win.

For daily doses of authenticity and humor, check back for more Bert Show episodes!