Vault: Bert doesn't mind paying taxes

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: Bert Doesn't Mind Paying Taxes" — July 17, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode of The Bert Show, the team dives into the topic of paying taxes—an often dreaded subject on "tax day." Bert surprises both listeners and his co-hosts by expressing a positive outlook on paying taxes, framing it as the cost of enjoying the freedoms and infrastructure in the U.S. The crew and callers discuss personal feelings surrounding taxation, the debate over how tax dollars are spent, issues of fairness in tax policy, and the realities of tax law.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bert’s Perspective on Paying Taxes

• Bert’s Uncommon View:
  • Bert admits he “doesn't mind paying taxes,” a sentiment he knows sounds unpopular.
  • He credits his extensive travel experience for shaping his appreciation for U.S. infrastructure, organization, and freedoms.
  • Bert likens living in the U.S. to "buying top shelf"—quality comes at a price.

"I actually, I don't mind paying taxes. I really don't mind paying taxes. ... Whenever I get home, I really do realize that this country runs in such a different place than other countries. ... There is no better country in the world. And I really do believe that." – Bert [02:11]

"If you want something top shelf, you gotta pay for it. You want a Ketel Wand, the best vodka, you are gonna pay extra for that. If you want Gucci, you want Prada, if you want the best products, you're gonna pay a little extra, more money for that." – Bert [02:50]

• A Note on Privilege: Bert reveals he doesn't personally handle his tax payments, as his partner Stacy handles the bookkeeping, possibly making the process less stressful for him.

2. Listeners & Co-hosts' Reactions: Debating Tax Fairness

• Different Sides of the Debate:
  • Co-hosts and callers note that most political debates about taxes are less about the act of paying and more about how much is taxed and how funds are allocated (military, education, healthcare, etc.).

"Isn't most of the political debate the divide on what taxes are spent on, I think, and how much we're taxed and how we're taxed and that sort of thing?" – Listener 1 [03:51]

• The “Rent” Analogy:
  • One co-host compares taxes to rent—necessary for enjoying the privileges of living in the U.S.

"I have no problem paying taxes either, because I feel like it's the rent in the country. Like, I'm paying my rent." – Caller/Listener 2 [04:28]

3. Frustrations: Inequality, Rights, & Marriage Status

• Tax Policy and Social Issues:
  • One co-host voices frustration at not accessing the same tax breaks as married couples, and broader issues regarding LGBTQ+ rights and military service.

"The one thing, though, that does irritate me about tax season is the fact that Katie and I can't get married, and that would allow us a tax break. ... You want my money for the military. ... but you won't let me serve in the military." – Caller/Listener 2 [05:16 & 06:11]

• Bert responds empathetically to the sense of unfairness concerning unequal taxation and lack of full rights.

"Do you have any kind of anger that you're in a country that doesn't provide you the same freedom?" – Bert [06:02]

• Married vs. Single Filing:
  • A caller named Holly shares a surprising fact—she and her husband pay $10,000 more by filing jointly compared to separately.

"What I found was that we pay $10,000 more in taxes because we're married." – Holly [10:17]

4. Safety, Security, and Values in Taxation

• Several hosts and callers reinforce that the security provided by U.S. infrastructure and government is worth the taxes:

"I think that we're provided with so much more security in our country than anywhere else." – Caller/Listener 1 [06:45]

"I agree with you guys...if we don't put our money in, we're not going to get anything out. So it's really frustrating when you hear people complaining, I don't want to pay my taxes. ...but they don't want to pay for that. And that's not how it works." – Whitney, Caller [07:39]

5. Frustration Over Tax Dodgers

• Who Pays & Who Doesn’t:
  • Callers express irritation over people who avoid taxes—intentionally or otherwise—including those who work off the books or undocumented immigrants.

"My concern comes from people who do not pay their taxes, who don't file, and also illegal immigrants who don't file ... If everybody paid taxes, the government would have much more money." – Becky, Caller [08:45]

6. Political Apathy and Civic Duty

• Co-hosts argue that people upset about government spending or taxes but who don't vote are part of the problem.

"...if you're mad about...where it's getting spent, but then you didn't go out and vote, then you just...to me..." – Caller/Listener 2 [08:37]

7. Pop Culture Mentions: Celebrities & Tax Evasion

• Lighthearted banter arises over celebrities like Wesley Snipes and Pamela Anderson, who have had public issues with tax evasion.

"We'll put you on the Voice, Wesley Snipes." – Bert [09:29]

"Are they going to call us from prison?" – Listener 1 [09:54]

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Bert on the “top shelf” cost of America: [02:50]
• Co-host’s “rent” analogy: [04:28]
• Personal frustration over marriage inequality and taxation: [05:16-06:11]
• Caller Holly's $10,000 tax surprise for married couples: [10:17]
• Jokes about friends, taxes, and leaving the country: [11:34]
  • "Don't tell me you're leaving the country unless you're really leaving the country. You can only make that threat so many times. Just go already." – Bert [11:34]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:19 — Bert introduces the topic, reveals his positive stance on taxes.
• 02:11-02:50 — Bert compares taxes to paying for premium products/services.
• 03:51-04:28 — Co-hosts and listeners discuss debates over how taxes are spent.
• 05:16-06:11 — Frustration voiced over marriage inequality and military service.
• 06:45-07:23 — Hosts and listeners discuss international comparisons, security, and safety.
• 07:39-08:24 — Whitney calls in with strong arguments for paying in and getting services out.
• 08:45-09:29 — Becky laments tax dodgers and the impact on the whole country.
• 09:29-10:13 — Celebrity tax evasion jokes.
• 10:17-10:58 — Holly explains how marriage cost her $10,000 in taxes.
• 11:34 — Bert calls out empty threats to leave the country over taxes.

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Tone & Style

The conversation is candid, humorous, and authentic. The hosts are lighthearted even when tackling serious topics, making room for both personal admissions and social critique. Jokes and playful banter keep the episode lively, even amid discussions of policy and fairness.

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Conclusion

This episode of The Bert Show offers a refreshingly honest, multifaceted exploration of paying taxes in America. Led by Bert’s unconventional positivity on tax day, the panel and listeners weigh gratitude against frustration, policy against perception, and keep things funny, real, and engaging throughout. Whether comparing taxes to rent or giving tongue-in-cheek advice on marriage and finances, the show remains accessible and relatable—a must-listen for anyone eyeing their tax forms with a blend of dread and resignation.

Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Bert]

Listen, it's the bird show, all right? So today is, is tax day. And I know, man, people hate this day. Giving your hard earned money away. You hate it, right? You circled it on your calendar for months and months and months. I was talking to some friends over the weekend about it, you know, and you know, it's pretty much the typical stories that we're probably gonna go through right here. You know, I'm working so hard, you know, I look at the statistics and I mean, I'm giving all of my money to the government up until like March 15th. You know, I think statistics show that. And I have a different take on it and I know I'm gonna sound a little Hannity esque here.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Okay.

[Bert]

I actually, I don't mind paying taxes. I really don't mind paying taxes. And here's my thinking on the whole thing.

[Caller/Listener 2]

That's not very handy. I was going to say that's not a Republican theory.

[Bert]

Is Hannity like not. Well, hear me out first and then I think you'll, you'll hear themes of Hannity here.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Okay.

[Bert]

I've done a certain, I've done a good amount of traveling, so I've seen some. Most of the parts of the world, right? Or at least some parts of the world. And Obviously, living here, I can make some pretty good comparisons. And whenever I get home, I really do realize that this country runs in such a different place than other countries. The organization of the United States, the government stability of the US Just the way I really do believe in my heart and of hearts that we are lucky to be living in this country, man. There is no better country in the world. And I really do believe that. And I kind of feel like

[Commercial Announcer]

whenever

[Bert]

you want something top shelf, you gotta pay for that. You want a Ketel Wand, the best vodka, you are gonna pay extra for that. If you want Gucci, you want Prada, if you want the best products, you're gonna pay a little extra, more money for that. And I really do, in my heart of hearts. And this is where I feel like the whole Hannity thing coming in, I feel like this is what we pay for in this country. We have so many freedoms here that they don't have in the rest of the world that if you just watch the news from time to time and you see how some women are treated in the rest of the world, you see how kids are treated in the rest of the world. You know, we were talking about kids slavery and stuff like that. This country's the best, man. This is it right here. So when tax season rolls around, I don't get bothered by it. Now I also will say to argue the other side. I'm not exactly sure how much I'm paying. Cause Stacey does all of that. I know what percentile I'm in, but. But I'm not. I've never written the check and maybe if I did, I would feel differently. But I feel like if you want something top shelf, you gotta pay for it. And on tax day for me, I'm cool with it.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Isn't most of the political debate the divide on what taxes are spent on, I think, and how much we're taxed and how we're taxed and that sort of thing. So kinda, I think there's like kind of two different.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Well, but I mean, there's, you know, I mean, this is getting politics, but just briefly, like Bush had done some tax breaks for corporations and for rich people about to expire. So I do believe that, yeah, the biggest debate is actually the money we spend on what it's spent on.

[Caller/Listener 1]

But I do think that where does that money go? Does it go to military? Does it go to education, does it go to healthcare? Does it go to. You know, that's a lot of the political debate, but how much we're taxed is also part of it, right?

[Caller/Listener 2]

Yeah. But when you brought Hannity, the only reason I brought the Republican thing up is because, I mean, Republicans fought for some tax breaks. So I don't know if the Republicans are all about paying taxes, but, I mean, I have no problem paying taxes either, because I feel like it's the rent in the country. Like, I'm paying my rent. You know, I live in the. I'm paying my rent. I live in my home. I have to pay a payment for that. So, you know, I just. And I agree with you. I think there's nowhere else I'd rather be. I have no problem paying taxes, and I'm happy to because, you know, the thing is, I have the baby syndrome. I have the little sister syndrome to where anything I do that's an adult makes me feel like I feel excited about it. Because as a kid, you're. I'm serious. As the baby, you're made to feel like you're the baby. So there's a part of me that's still even, you know, even at 40, I'm like, you know what? I'm paying taxes.

[Bert]

That's cool.

[Commercial Announcer]

Cool.

[Bert]

Bring on the census, too. That'll really make my day.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Thing that bothered me, I was more passionate about it earlier this week, and I've kind of watered it down because I don't have anything in front of me. But basically, the one thing, though, that does irritate me about tax season is the fact that Katie and I can't get married, and that would allow us a tax break. We don't file our taxes together, and it's just a case in which she and a friend of hers, Katie, ended up owing and her friend ended up getting a refund simply because her friend was married. You know, and it's just that was

[Caller/Listener 1]

the only difference in what they filed,

[Caller/Listener 2]

and there's only difference in what they were filing. And so it just was, you know, it kind of brought it home where she came home. It's like, you know what? It just irritates me that we live the same life, do the same things. And at the end of the day.

[Caller/Listener 1]

But on the box, she tests the

[Caller/Listener 2]

check single, and I have to. And she has to write the check.

[Bert]

Do you have any kind of anger that you're in a country that doesn't provide you the same freedom? Absolutely.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Bert]

And you have to write a check for that.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Absolutely. Well, I mean, again, I'm happy to pay my tax taxes, but one of the things that frustrates me when you talk about spending Is okay, you want my money for the military. You want me to help provide for the military, but you won't let me serve in the military. You know, there are little things that at the back of my mind, just ear trick the hell out of me, you know, like, if you want me to be completely fully honest and excited about my taxes, then give me the same, you know, pay me back. Give me the same products that everybody else in this room is provided, you know, you don't charge me less taxes, you know, but in business, that would be bad business, you know?

[Bert]

You have any problem stroking that check every year?

[Caller/Listener 1]

No, I don't, because I tend to agree with you. I think that we're provided with so much more security in our country than anywhere else. And I haven't done quite as much travel as you, but been to a couple different third world countries and have lots of friends who travel the world. And I've told you all about my friend who's in Kenya right now, and she and her cousin don't go out after dark because there's so many carjackings there. And Jeff and I were talking about it yesterday. A lot of times people tell you, when you travel to Africa, have cash on you because if they try to carjack you, you can pay them not to carjack you. Look, take my money and don't carjack me.

[Bert]

Which is just bad economics because the car could definitely go for more than 100 bucks.

[Caller/Listener 1]

It's less bother. So they'll go, oh, okay. And guess what? We don't have to worry about that. You know, I mean, our safety and security is a huge part of what allows us to live the freedom and live the lives that we do. So if tax is what takes care of that, then I'm fine with it.

[Bert]

Here is Whitney. Good morning. You're on Q100.

[Callers]

Good morning, Y'. All. Yeah, I just want to say I'm so glad you guys are, you know, brushing this topic this morning, because it's been very frustrating for me, too, because I agree with you guys and Bert. The same thing happens to me. Every time I say that. People look at me like I'm the craziest person on earth. But it's true. If we don't put our money in, we're not going to get anything out. So it's really frustrating when you hear people complaining, I don't want to pay my taxes. I don't want to pay my taxes. And then turn around in the same sentence and say, but I want education to get better, and I Want to keep our roads nice. And, you know, they want all these infrastructure things to be put into place, but they don't want to pay for that. And that's not how it works. If you want it to get fixed, it's got to come from somewhere. And unfortunately or fortunately, in my opinion, that's from our pockets. We're all a part of this country, and we need to do our part

[Caller/Listener 2]

to help out and then furthering that. That's why I get frustrated. People say, I don't. I'm not going to vote, you know, because you can't complain because the legislatures are the ones, they're the ones that spend the money. So if you're mad about, you know,

[Caller/Listener 1]

everything, where it's getting spent, where it's

[Caller/Listener 2]

getting spent, but then you didn't go out and vote, then you just. I to me.

[Bert]

Hey, Becky, good morning. You're on the Birch 100 talking taxes.

[Callers]

Absolutely. I, I don't necessarily. I agree with you guys to a certain degree. I necessarily don't have a problem paying taxes. My concern comes from people who do not pay their taxes, who don't file, and also illegal immigrants who don't file, who obviously do not pay taxes because there's no, there's no possibility of them being able to because they're paid cash money. They're, you know, living the low. You know, basically being paid under the table and hiding out and not paying taxes, which, if everybody paid taxes, the government would have much more money. The, you know, the United States, I feel like that would be so much safer. We would have more things and everything would be so much better.

[Bert]

We're gonna try to talk to some of these people later on that are refusing to pay taxes and have refused to pay taxes for years because there's. There is a certain amount of people in this country that try to get by as long as they can. I just don't agree with what's going on. I don't agree with what Barack Obama's doing. I am just not paying taxes this year. What was that celebrity? We'll put you on the Voice, Wesley Snipes.

[Caller/Listener 1]

Oh, I was trying to. I was trying to remember which celebrity it was, but, yeah, he didn't pay for years.

[Bert]

Are they going to call us from prison? It sounds like Pamela Anderson has decided not to pay also.

[Caller/Listener 2]

They'll give it eventually. You're going to pay.

[Bert]

She met you now. They're going to get you later. She may have just been trying to distract Larry King from her nipple covers that he was asking about here is Holly. Go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Callers]

Hi. Nice to be on the show.

[Bert]

Thanks for coming.

[Callers]

One of the things I wanted there was a statement that you pay more taxes when you're. When you file single as opposed to filing as a married couple. And I've run the numbers both ways. I've run the numbers where my husband and I pay together and as single because I have TurboTax and I can do it online and I mean, I can run the numbers on my computer. And what I found was that we pay $10,000 more in taxes because we're married.

[Bert]

So are you gonna divorce him?

[Callers]

We do have that discussion, and it's a humorous discussion.

[Bert]

You gotta let him go, man. He's costing you $10,000. I don't know that he's worth it.

[Caller/Listener 2]

That's not a good investment.

[Caller/Listener 1]

You know what I could get for $10,000?

[Bert]

Looking at your spouse a little different today.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Why were your friends mad at you? Just quickly.

[Bert]

I think it was more like the tone in the room was like, man, taxes. I'm paying for this and I'm paying for that. And I'm like, why are you bitching about it, dude? Look where. Look where we are right now and look at everything that we have. What are you complaining about? And I think I was the only one in the room with that attitude. So it felt like really? Yeah. The group was turning into a minority for sure.

[Caller/Listener 2]

Yeah. People who don't pay their taxes in. I'm not going to turn in my senses and I'm not going to do that. Damn it. Get on my nerves.

[Bert]

And don't tell me you're leaving the country unless you're really leaving the country. You can only make that threat so many times. Just go already.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Bert]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Bert]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Callers]

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[Commercial Announcer]

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[Bert]

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