Vault: Bert is learning Spanish...poorly

Summary

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The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Bert is learning Spanish...poorly

Date: July 17, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lighthearted episode, the Bert Show crew shares a hilarious glimpse into Bert's ongoing quest to learn Spanish using Rosetta Stone. Bert reflects on his travel experiences in Latin America, the challenges of learning a new language as an adult, and the often-humorous pitfalls that come with trying to practice speaking Spanish in everyday life. The conversation highlights not only Bert’s determination but also the entertaining missteps that can happen along the way, creating a relatable and encouraging narrative for anyone tackling a new language.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Bert’s Motivation and Experience Traveling

[01:17 – 02:16]

• Bert describes his growing desire to learn Spanish after frequent trips to South and Central America (Chile, Venezuela, Argentina, and most recently, Costa Rica).

• He admits that, despite taking Spanish in high school and making repeated visits, language mastery remains elusive.

  "I should be picking up some Spanish at this point. You know, I even took Spanish in high school, and I just should have it down more than I do. And it makes it very difficult to travel in another country when you don't know hardly any of the language at all." (Bert, 01:33)

• A recent soccer injury left Bert on crutches and couch-bound—a perfect window to start Spanish lessons with Rosetta Stone.

First Impressions of Rosetta Stone

[02:16 – 02:45]

• Initial surprise at the price but mostly positive first impressions.

• Bert notes the immersive teaching style and affirms it’s different from traditional classroom learning.

  "The way they teach you in Rosetta Stone is certainly different from that. And it seems to be sticking. It seems to be sticking. So I've been pretty happy with it, you know?" (Bert, 02:33)

• Other hosts ask about practicing around the house; Bert admits his skills are still mostly "Spanglish."

The “Huevos” Incident—Language Mishaps

[02:48 – 04:44]

• Bert recounts a story from his physical therapy visits where he tries to practice Spanish with the Colombian valet at the hospital.

• An attempt to say “See you Thursday!” (“jueves”) goes awry: Bert says “See you, huevos” instead, unaware that “huevos,” slang for "eggs," is also colloquial for "balls" in Spanish.

  "He opens up the door for me, and he says, 'Okay, man, I'll see you tomorrow.' And I said, 'No, no, no. See you, huevos.'" (Bert, 03:30)

  "So what I said to him was, 'see your balls?'" (Bert, 04:08)

• The story provokes laughter from the cast and becomes an instant show highlight, with playful banter about the awkward moment.

  • "It's gonna be a little awkward next time you go." (Cast, 04:42)

Commitment to Learning

[04:48 – 05:12]

• Despite setbacks, Bert shares that Rosetta Stone is “working,” recommending it after six weeks of use.

• Bert admits to not studying every single night but tries to make it a regular part of his routine.

  "Yeah, it is, actually. I recommend it. Like I said, I'm only six weeks into it, but I'm really enjoying it." (Bert, 04:54)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On why Spanish is still tough despite travel:
  "I just should have it down more than I do. And it makes it very difficult to travel in another country when you don't know hardly any of the language at all." (Bert, 01:40)

• Describing language learning with Rosetta Stone:
  “They say they teach you the language just like you learned your first language. So it’s not translation. It’s what, immersion, right?” (Cast, 02:26)

• The Huevos Mishap:
  “So what I said to him was, ‘see your balls?’ I thought huevos was eggs.” (Bert, 04:08)
  “It’s eggs.” (Cast, 04:20)
  “But the slang for it…” (Cast, 04:21)
  “It’s also balls.” (Bert, 04:35)

• Reflecting on progress:
  “You’re practicing it, but I am practicing it from time to time now.” (Bert, 04:48)

• Recommendation:
  “Yeah, it is, actually. I recommend it. Like I said, I’m only six weeks into it, but I’m really enjoying it.” (Bert, 04:54)

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Notable Segment Timestamps

• [01:17] – Bert begins telling why he decided to learn Spanish
• [02:16] – Initial Rosetta Stone impressions and methodology
• [02:48 – 04:44] – The “huevos” story and ensuing laughter
• [04:48 – 05:12] – Bert assesses Rosetta Stone and offers a recommendation

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Tone & Vibe

The episode is full of self-deprecating humor and friendly banter. Bert’s story about his embarrassing language mishap is told with openness and comedic timing, making the episode a fun and relatable listen for anyone who's ever tried to learn a new language, especially as an adult. The cast’s supportive ribbing and Bert’s honest reflections create an encouraging atmosphere—reminding listeners to keep their sense of humor when tackling new challenges.

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Transcript

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[D]

social casino the Birch show so I've been. I've been all excited about Rosetta Stone, man. I figured, you know, this is it finally. You know, I've been lucky enough to be able to travel to South America, and I try to get down there once a year and done the Chile thing. I've done the Venezuela thing. I've done Argentina a couple of different times. This year was Central American. I went down to Costa Rica. I mean, I should be picking up some Spanish at this point. You know, I even took Spanish in high school, and I just should have it down more than I do. And it makes it very difficult to travel in another country when you don't know hardly any of the language at all. So when I jacked up my knee playing soccer a few months ago and I was just stuck on the couch, I decided this is the perfect opportunity, man, to start learning some Spanish. And I've heard people brag about Rosetta Stone here and there, right? So I'm like, look, if I'm stuck here, I'm gonna get my Spanish on Rosetta Stone. Let's go. So I hobbled on over to Borders. And I bought Rosetta Stone, which is way more expensive than I ever thought

[C]

it was gonna be.

[D]

My God. Yeah, it works. But it seems to work mostly. Yeah, it's a really great way to learn Spanish. Right? So I'm.

[E]

They say they teach you the language just like you learned your first language. So it's not translation. It's what, immersion, Right?

[D]

It's a whole bunch of different. Yeah, I've taken a bunch of Spanish classes before, and the way they teach you in Rosetta Stone is certainly different from that. And it seems to be sticking. It seems to be sticking. So I've been pretty happy with it, you know?

[E]

Are you, like, speaking in Spanish around your house? Like, how are you practicing it?

[D]

Well, I'm one of those guys that can only still knows, like, a word here and a word there. So it's more Spanglish than anything else. Mostly English, but I'll throw in a Spanish word when I just happen to know one, which is what happened to me yesterday. Okay? So I am. I'm doing physical therapy for my knee over at St. Joe's and rather than park way away on those crutches, man, because it's just when you're on crutches, everything feels like it's seven miles away. So they've got a valet there at St. Joe's that I've been using, and the dude is from Colombia. Okay, I got this.

[B]

What's up, Columbia?

[D]

How you doing, dude? What's up, Columbia?

[E]

So cool. I'm so practiced on him.

[D]

So every day, I'm there Monday, Tuesday, and Thursdays, right? And he's there every single day. My little Colombian friend is there every single day, man. So, you know, he and I are starting to get a little rapport going on, but it's all been in English up until this point. But now we're homies. Now we're Armanos, Armando's brothers. So yesterday, when I'm leaving, I hobble on into my truck, and he opens up the door for me, and he says, okay, man, I'll see you tomorrow. And I said, no, no, no. See you, huevos. And he looked at me, and he started laughing, just like Brandon did. And I got in the car, and I'm like, what's so freaking funny? And then I remember that Thursday is hueves. Balls is huevos. So what I said to him was, see your balls? I thought huevos was eggs.

[F]

It's eggs.

[D]

But the slang for it.

[G]

The slang for it.

[E]

Huevos.

[G]

That's fantastic.

[D]

So I drove off, and I Saw him and his other Colombian valet friends all laughing. I'm like, what's up, man? I just said, I'll see you on Thursday. And then Stacy said to me, isn't huevos. Isn't that eggs?

[G]

Eggs, yeah.

[D]

And then I remembered, oh, dude, it's also balls.

[C]

Way to go, dude. Yeah.

[F]

Nicely done.

[G]

It's gonna be a little awkward next time you go.

[D]

Not quite 100% there. You rose at a stone.

[F]

Not quite.

[G]

It's getting there.

[D]

You're practicing it, but I am practicing it from time to time now.

[E]

I'm glad to hear you say it's working. That's awesome.

[D]

Yeah, it is, actually. I recommend it. Like I said, I'm only six weeks into it, but I'm really enjoying it.

[E]

Are you doing it every single night?

[D]

No, it's like every other night. When I first started doing it, I was. I was like 45 minutes to an hour every night I was on it. But, yeah, it's. It's a really great program for the most part. The Birch Show.

[A]

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