Vault: Bert says his 7 day Disney Cruise was too long

Summary

The Bert Show

Vault Episode: Bert Says His 7-Day Disney Cruise Was Too Long

Date: June 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this "Vault" episode, Bert shares his candid experience of taking his family on a 7-day Disney Cruise. He delves into the high points and unexpected challenges of a week-long, kid-focused vacation at sea. The conversation, peppered with the Bert Show’s signature humor and honesty, debates the ideal cruise duration for families and offers insight into travel with young kids, crowded environments, and nonstop Disney magic—for better or for worse.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Disney Cruise Experience: High Points

• World-Class Service & Entertainment

  • Bert praises the Disney cruise staff for their exceptional, guest-oriented service:

    “The staff is fantastic. They cater to kids 24/7 for seven days. You got characters that are running up and down the cruise ship and your 2 year old just stops in his tracks when he sees Mickey and starts screaming at the top of his lungs. My 7 year old did too. The shows that they do on board are, I mean, top shelf... It's like staying at a five-star hotel.” (01:12–01:55)

  • The crew is ready to handle even the most random requests, making families feel truly looked after.

• Child-Centered Activities

  • Bert notes that children absolutely love the experience—character meet-and-greets, shows, and activities are tailored to every age:

    “If you ask [the kids], they had the greatest time of their lives.” (04:43)

• Quality Family and Kids Programs

  • Daycare and babysitter services are excellent for parents needing respite, although Bert's family chose not to use these every day to maximize family time.

2. The Marathon of a 7-Day Cruise: Too Much of a Good Thing

• Endurance Test for Parents

  • The constant presence of Disney-themed entertainment and 2,600+ children proved emotionally taxing:

    "There are many parents out there that are better at this than I am. Being around 2,600 kids for seven days wore me 30thin. I was not in a good mood the first couple of days.” (02:06)

  • The relentless Disney soundtrack:

    “There are kids screaming. They're cranking Miley Cyrus, every inch of the cruise. And the Jonas Brothers. And it's not at a kid level. It is over the top… There's nowhere you can go to get away from Disney on the cruise, which is a good thing if you're two, but if you're 42, you're ready to jump off.” (02:30)

• Small, Windowless Cabins

  • Bert’s family ended up in a tight, room without windows due to booking late. This added to his initial discomfort:

    “Think of your dorm room and then cut it in half.” (03:18) “We did not have windows in the cabin… I’m feeling claustrophobic immediately.” (03:52–03:54)

• Coping and Adjustment

  • Bert and his partner, Stacy, handled the experience differently:

    “When we first got on the ship… I just had a real tough time with it. Then I adjusted to it. And then Stacy, the last couple of days, was just ready to jump off at Castaway Cay and swim back to Florida.” (03:54–04:08)
    “Our attitudes completely changed.” (04:12)

3. Recommendations for Future Family Cruises

• Start Small

  • Bert emphatically recommends starting with a shorter Disney cruise:

    “I would recommend it to anybody, but I would recommend the four day… Sometimes there is too much of a good thing. And 24/7 of Disney for seven days is really a marathon.” (01:56, 04:16) “Start with, you know, the three day. Start small… then go maybe to the five day. There's a five day and then to a seven day.” (05:22)

• Realistic Parenting Advice

  • He likens the experience to childbirth:

    “It’s a little bit like pregnancy. You have the first one and it's so painful that you swear you're never going to have a second one. But then you wait a couple of years and you forget how painful it is and you try it again. And then you realize, okay, this is why I'm really not ever doing it again.” (05:44)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “There’s nowhere you can go to get away from Disney on the cruise… if you’re 42, you’re ready to jump off.” — Bert (02:30)
• “We booked late, so we were in the middle of the ship on the second floor in a small room. So think of your dorm room and then cut it in half.” — Bert (03:18)
• “The staff is fantastic… it’s almost like staying at a five star hotel.” — Bert (01:12)
• “247 of Disney for seven days is really a marathon.” — Bert (04:16)
• “If you have more than one kid and you're planning on going on the Disney cruise, I think it's a little bit like pregnancy… you forget how painful it is and you try it again.” — Bert (05:44)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:12 — Bert praises Disney Cruise staff and entertainment
• 02:06 — On being overwhelmed by sheer number of kids
• 02:30 — Description of relentless Disney theming and music
• 03:18 — Cramped cabin situation
• 03:54 — Coping strategies: claustrophobia, attitude shifts
• 04:16 — “Too much of a good thing”; cruise as a marathon
• 05:22 — Bert’s recommended cruise progression (3-day, then 5, then 7)
• 05:44 — Bert compares Disney cruising to childbirth in terms of selective memory and endurance

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Tone & Final Thoughts

Bert’s review is equal parts appreciative and exasperated, blending humor with honest, practical advice. The conversation maintains a lighthearted, conversational tone throughout, peppered with friendly teasing and relatable anecdotes. While the Disney cruise is lauded for its excellence and kid-friendliness, the show offers a cautionary note for parents: know what you’re in for with a week of nonstop Disney, and don’t be afraid to pace yourself with shorter cruises.

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For anyone considering a Disney cruise, especially families: take Bert’s advice—start small, enjoy the magic, and know your limits!

Transcript

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[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

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[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

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[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

E Y M O U S E Mickey Mouse.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

Donald Duck.

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

Mickey Mouse.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

Donald Duck. I can't do it. I'll take the headphones off and I'll

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walk out of here.

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

Okay, sorry.

[Another Friend or Co-Host]

Sorry.

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

Everybody hush.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

All right, here's the truth that there is nothing wrong with the Disney cruise. In fact, it is awesome. The staff is fantastic. They cater to kids 24, seven for seven days. You got characters that are running up and down the cruise ship and your 2 year old just stops in his tracks when he sees Mickey and starts screaming at the top of his lungs. My 7 year old did too. The shows that they do on board are, I mean, top shelf. Everything about it. The staff is fantastic. They just have it all down. It's like. It's almost like staying at a five star hotel where you just ask for something, even the most random thing. They'll figure out a way to get it done. It is awesome that way.

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

Amazing.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

It's fantastic. So I would recommend it to anybody, but I would recommend the four day

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

just for your patience level.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

Well, the seven days on a cruise ship. Look, there are many parents out there that are better at this than I am. Being around 2,600 kids for seven days wore me 30thin. I was a. I was not in a good mood the first couple of days. Really?

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

The first couple of days or the last couple of days? No.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

It's funny. Because Stacey and I, again, we handle things totally different. When we first got on the ship and there was all.

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There's all.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

It's noise everywhere. There are kids screaming. They're cranking. Miley Cyrus, every inch of the cruise. And the Jonas Brothers. I mean, every inch of the cruise. And it's not at a kid level. It is over the top throughout the cruise. There's nowhere you can go to get away from Disney on the cruise, which is a good thing if you're two, but if you're 42, you're ready to jump off. So that part of it was. It was just too much. But we first got on the cruise ship and we were in a smaller cabin because we booked late. Normally we would have tried to book something a little bit bigger and something on the water so I could see. So we could all see the ocean and enjoy a balcony or something like that. Well, we booked late, so we were in the middle of the ship on the second floor in a small room. So think of your dorm room and then cut it in half.

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

Oh, yeah, Those cruise ships are. I mean, those cabins are teeny tiny. Did you guys have one bed to share, Like a small bed to share you and Stacy, and then two separate ones for the kids? I mean, how do you all fit in one cabin?

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

Yeah, it was a little bit bigger. It wouldn't be considered a queen size. It was probably what's between a twin and a queen?

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

A double.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

A double. Okay, so it's a double on one side or a full. And then they've got bunk beds for the kids.

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

Okay.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

And then in between that, there's just a sheet for mommy and Daddy if they wanted to get un Disney, which, by the way, did not happen.

[Another Friend or Co-Host]

And did you have windows in the original?

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

We did not have windows in the cabin.

[Another Friend or Co-Host]

We had a windowless cabin, which was

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

a big one for me. So I'm feeling claustrophobic immediately. So the first couple of days, I just had a real tough time with it. Then I adjusted to it. And then Stacy, the last couple of days, was just ready to jump off at Castaway Cay and swim back to Florida.

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

She was all excited at first, like, oh, this is great.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

And our attitudes completely changed.

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

Well, that's good. You balance each other out.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

We did for the week. We really did. But outside of that, it's a great cruise. It's just sometimes there is too much of a good thing. And 247 of Disney for seven days is really a marathon.

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

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[Another Friend or Co-Host]

I think it's hilarious that you are wanting to do, like, if we had to leave for Burt's big adventure at the end of this week, you wouldn't.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

I don't think I got out. Where's Burt?

[Another Friend or Co-Host]

Well, he's had too much disappointment.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

I'll see you Sunday at the same time. But I would recommend, and I don't want to sound like I'm not grateful that we got to take the kids on this great vacation. And the kids, if you ask them, they had the greatest time of their lives. And if you are a parent, and I saw a lot of parents doing this, they've got great daycare and they've got babysitters and everything. We just didn't want to be those parents that dropped off the kids every single day because it's supposed to be a family vacation. But we did break away a couple of times. But every program they do there is fantastic. It's really worth going to. And the food was great. So it is what it is. I would say start with, you know, the three day. Start small, start small, Warm up, warm up.

[Another Friend or Co-Host]

That's right.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

Have a couple of years, then go maybe to the five day. There's a five day and then to a seven day.

[Another Friend or Co-Host]

That's no difference, really, to a lot of people who try cruises for the first time. A lot of people don't want to start off a cruise just with a couple for seven days. So imagine 2,600 kids.

[Co-Parent or Friend Commenting on Cruise]

And you have to remember, too, you can have a reaction to the water and the seasickness thing going on too.

[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

You really got to watch for all that stuff. I think it's probably if you have more than one kid and you're planning on going on the Disney cruise, I think it's a little bit like pregnancy. You have the first one and it's so painful that you swear you're never going to have a second one. But then you wait a couple of years and you forget how painful it is and you try it again. And then you realize, okay, this is why I'm really not ever doing it again. The Bird Show.

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[Parent Sharing Disney Cruise Experience]

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