Vault: Bert Show Intern has a Love, Lost & Found Part 2

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: Bert Show Intern has a Love, Lost & Found Part 2"

Date: July 31, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show revisits the saga of intern Brandon and his long-lost camp crush, Lacey, from his childhood summers in New York. Picking up with an update on locating Lacey, the team embarks on a comedic exploration of nostalgia, young love, and unexpected new connections—all in the show’s trademark playful, irreverent tone. A listener email adds an unexpected twist, setting Brandon up on a blind date live on air.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Brandon’s Summer Camp Crush: The Backstory

• Intern Brandon recounts his summer of 1998, when he was sent by his dad to tennis camp in New York.
  • “It was 1998. It was summertime. I still lived in New York, but my dad lived down here. And we used to spend summers with my dad. And he didn't want me around all that much, so he signed me up for tennis camp.” (01:02)
• Lacey, a girl from camp, became his "summer friend," though their connection never went further than holding hands and sharing lunch.
  • Hosts make jokes about “tennis balls” and “racket,” adding to the levity and innuendo. (01:42-01:53)
• After camp ended, contact dropped off due to the era's lack of texting or social media.

2. How Often Does He Think of Lacey?

• Brandon admits his dad brings up Lacey almost every time they talk.
  • Bert quips: “Your face is going to be up in a post office someday.” in playful ribbing about the weirdness of this obsession. (02:40)

3. Lacey Update: The Investigation

• The team tried to track down Lacey after word got out on the show. They confirm via her “maid of honor” that she’s now engaged and has no interest in speaking to Brandon about the past.
  • Jeff: “The rumor was that she was married or getting married, engaged or something... So that's sad. We did ask her, if, you know, she'd be willing if she wanted to come on and talk to you and she declined. She thought it was creepy.” (03:25-04:07)
• The hosts debate whether it's fair to see the outreach as "creepy," with Bert defending Brandon’s intentions.
  • “I think it's kind of ridiculous that she thinks it's creepy.” (04:07)

4. Listener Email: A New Hope

• Bert reads an email from Andrea, a college sophomore who listened to the Lacey saga and was drawn to Brandon’s personality.
  • Andrea writes: “I can say that I find myself being attracted to him. His playful personality and his ability to take a joke about his Persona kind of made me jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.” (05:44)
• The “jiggle” vs. “giggle” confusion becomes a running joke. Andrea clarifies on air that it was “giggle,” and accuses Bert of misreading.
  • Andrea: “It's giggle. And I never had alcohol to fix that too. Also.” (06:38)

5. Conversation with Andrea: Race and Preferences

• The show touches on questions of racial dating preferences with both humor and candor.
  • Jeff reads: “There's one problem with Andrea. She's black.” (07:22)
  • Brandon quickly clarifies: “I did not say that was a problem.” (07:25)
  • Andrea responds maturely, acknowledging she understands preferences and shares her own: “I've never actually dated anyone who was darker than myself... after a while, I'm just like, yeah, not really interested.” (07:49)
• Both show and Andrea handle the topic openly, noting how preferences develop and occasionally get misunderstood by others.

6. Securing the Date: Braves Game Invitation

• Andrea confesses not knowing sports but is open to learning, prompting Brandon to invite her to a Braves game.
  • Brandon: “Do you want to go to a Braves game with me? With me, Brandon, on a date?” (09:09)
  • Andrea: “I would love to. Yes.” (09:14)
• The show agrees to provide the tickets, with Bert joking about upgrading seats if the couple lasts three dates.
  • Bert: “If you make it through three dates with her, I’ll work on the SunTrust seat.” (09:25)

7. Playful Concerns & Predictions

• The crew jokes about what happens if Brandon talks too much about baseball on the date.
  • E (Jeff?): “I don’t think you’ll be able to focus on her...you’re going to be talking about baseball.” (10:14)
  • Brandon: “I think I will. Cuz the Braves aren’t that good.” (10:18)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On kid romance:
  C: "Like holding hands when you're 11 years old, at least. When we were younger was a really big deal, if that was anything. We ate lunch together." (01:34)
• On Lacey’s refusal:
  E: "She thought it was creepy." (04:07)
• On Andrea’s 'giggle/jiggle' line:
  G: "It's giggle. And I never had alcohol to fix that too. Also." (06:38)
• On race and preferences:
  G: "I've only dated people who are like my chocolate skin tone and lighter... I totally understand, because I've never actually dated anyone who was darker than myself." (07:49)
• On sports education:
  G: "I'm willing to listen, I'm willing to learn anything, but nobody's willing to explain it to me." (08:44)
• Brandon’s bold move:
  C: "Do you want to go to a Braves game with me? With me, Brandon, on a date?" (09:09) G: "I would love to. Yes." (09:14)

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Key Timestamps

• [01:02] Brandon shares his summer camp story
• [03:07] Hosts confirm Lacey’s relationship status
• [04:45] Bert reads Andrea’s email expressing interest in Brandon
• [06:38] Andrea joins the call, clarifies her intentions and the “giggle/jiggle” mix-up
• [07:22] Discussion about race and dating preferences
• [09:09] Brandon asks Andrea out on a Braves game date on air
• [09:51] Arrangements are made for the pair’s first date

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Tone & Style Highlights

• Fun, fast-paced banter with plenty of self-aware and sometimes edgy humor.
• Hosts toggle between light-hearted teasing and genuine curiosity about intern Brandon’s happiness.
• Sensitive subjects (past relationships, race, preferences) are discussed candidly but non-confrontationally, with input from both Brandon and Andrea, encouraging authenticity and openness.

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In Summary

This episode of The Bert Show is a lively blend of nostalgia, real talk, and classic radio matchmaking. What begins as a fruitless quest for a childhood crush transforms into an unexpected new connection, all in a style that is equal parts teasing, heartwarming, and awkwardly authentic. For listeners, it’s a rollercoaster of laughs, relatable moments about young love, and the entertaining unpredictability that makes morning radio so addictive.

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Transcript

[A]

Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.

[B]

My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. Twas a lovely suv, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees may apply.

[C]

Hey, the bird show.

[A]

Okay, we need to turn the attention to intern Brandon now. Oh, it's been a long 48 hours. A long 48 hours in the life

[D]

of intern Brandon Lacy. Lacey lover.

[A]

Intern Brandon. Let's go ahead and let's reset this. All right, Tell us the story of you and one Lacey. 11 year old Lacey that was built like she was 12 and a half

[C]

back in the day.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It was 1998. It was summertime. I still lived in New York, but my dad lived down here. And we used to spend summers with my dad. And he didn't want me around all that much, so he signed me up for tennis camp. So at this tennis camp, I distinctly remember one girl from the camp, Lacey. And we became friends and it was sort of a summer fling type of thing, you know, not really fling.

[E]

Did you kiss her?

[C]

No. Did you hold hands maybe? I think so.

[D]

I don't know.

[A]

Like holding hands when you're 11 years old, at least. When we were younger was a really

[C]

big deal, if that was anything. We ate lunch together.

[E]

Did you let her hold your balls?

[F]

Your tennis balls?

[E]

Yeah. Tennis camp?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She held my ball.

[A]

We're always 11.

[C]

She played with my racket too, if you want to go right there.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Look at Jeff is so impressed with himself right now.

[D]

Oh my goodness.

[E]

I'm tired today. And that line is gonna get me through to 10 o'.

[D]

Clock.

[A]

So you're 11, 12 years old or whatever. And then after summer camp, did you guys continue to talk or was it over then?

[C]

Not really. It was over. It was for the era of cell phone, so it was no real sad.

[E]

So you couldn't text?

[C]

No, you couldn't text and you're not gonna really? There's no Facebooking back then? No way back in the day before Facebook, so.

[A]

So how often do you think of this girl? Like once a month? Once a year? Every now and then.

[C]

My dad, every time I talk to my dad, he seemingly brings it up. I don't know why. Maybe because he has better do his life.

[E]

Does he like a lot of 11 year old girls or just this one?

[C]

You know, I don't know. You know Whatever floats his boat, you know?

[D]

But inappropriate. Your face is going to be up in a post office someday.

[E]

I'm not the one obsessed over the 11 year old from tennis camp.

[C]

So. Yeah, every time I talk to him, he seem when he brings her up

[A]

he's like, how about that lacing?

[C]

Yeah, he's like, what about that Lacer girl?

[A]

So, alright, so this is years and years ago and Brandon's just curious what she's up to. Jeff, are you giving the update? Because I got zero info.

[E]

Yeah, I can.

[A]

Say she's not on with us.

[C]

Okay, well last time we had girls on relating to me, it didn't go too well. Well, you know what?

[E]

How about this bird? I'll do the bad news and you do the good news.

[A]

Okay, cool. Okay, okay, there is good news.

[E]

Okay, there's light at the end of your little 11 year old rainbow. The girl, Lacy. As soon as we talked about it, we started getting phone calls and the rumor was that she was married or getting married, engaged or something.

[G]

Right?

[E]

So we started getting phone calls that people knew who she was and that she was in a relationship and she was getting married. And we thought those were pretty credible considering one of them was her maid of honor. So before we brought it to you, we wanted to do the research and we did. And it's true, she's lazy's getting married. So that's sad. We did ask her if, you know, she'd be willing if she wanted to come on and talk to you and she declined. She thought it was creepy.

[A]

Yeah, probably, but which I think is as a sidebar here, I think it's kind of ridiculous that she thinks it's creepy.

[D]

Did she really think it's creepy?

[E]

That's 10 years ago, according to her maid of honor. She just thought it was a little bit.

[A]

I mean, you come on the radio, you say hey, you say hey, I remember you. Yeah, I'm getting engaged and it's over.

[F]

Some people just think the radio is creepy.

[A]

Yeah, well with Jeff making comments like that, I wonder why I don't take it personally.

[E]

Again, not the one looking for the 11 year old. So she's not going to come out with this. She's not 11 now, so that was sad. That was a bummer. But in the meantime, we got an email that Bert will read that is a ray of sunshine in your life of misery.

[C]

Oh, thanks Jeff.

[A]

Because when one door closes. Okay. Hey Bert, what's up? My name is Andrea and I'm a sophomore at. This next line is going to be a Big one here. If it's high school not fun At Brookwood. At Georgia Highlands College. On my way to school, I was listening to the show, which I love and heard the love lost and found for the young woman Lacey. For intern Brandon. Though I listen to the show because of my sleeping habits, I don't listen daily. So I didn't know who he was or had ever heard his voice. To get to the point, Bert, I can say that I find myself being attracted to him. His playful personality and his ability to take a joke about his Persona kind of made me jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.

[E]

I don't think I read that. Is it really jiggle?

[A]

Maybe it's jiggle my Beth.

[D]

Now who's creepy,

[A]

creepy.

[F]

Wow.

[C]

This segment just.

[D]

No wonder Lacey didn't want to come on this show.

[A]

Wendy, you can give me as much crap as you want because I gave you crap yesterday.

[F]

I know. You mean for saying frustrated.

[A]

Now you say giggle as jiggle, jiggle. Now, not that I'm asking for some sort of date or anything. Cause I have had a lot of alcohol work and so on and so forth, but I was just wondering if there was any way that I can just have a simple conversation with him. Well, a simple conversation is on the radio where it's totally and completely comfortable. Then yes, you can.

[C]

Oh, thanks, guys. We're not to be creepy with this.

[A]

Here's Andrea. Hey, Andrea.

[G]

Hi, guys.

[F]

Andrea.

[A]

Intern Brandon. Intern Brandon. Andrea.

[C]

How you doing?

[D]

Hi.

[C]

And you're not being paid to do this, are you?

[G]

It's giggle. And I never had alcohol to fix that too. Also.

[A]

Okay.

[G]

Yeah.

[D]

Is that something that Burt just inserted the email?

[E]

I don't know where you got alcohol from, but she.

[C]

I think he's implying that a girl would have to have alcohol just to be able to hold a conversation.

[E]

She doesn't say alcohol at all anywhere in that email.

[C]

Thanks, Bert.

[D]

Did you just put that in there?

[E]

He did.

[C]

Makes her jiggle when she needs alcohol.

[D]

What is going on?

[E]

Let me correct where Bert says, cause

[A]

I have a lot with school, and I, for whatever reason, said alcohol.

[D]

G. Dumbass Freudian surprise.

[E]

I do think we have to address the very next line, which I'll read Bert, because who knows what you would do.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[E]

There is one problem with Andrea.

[F]

Oh, no.

[D]

What?

[E]

She's black.

[G]

Oh, yes.

[C]

I did not say that was a problem.

[E]

And Brandon said he does not date Brandon.

[C]

I never said I.

[D]

A little too attitude if you're black.

[E]

She says she gets teased by her friends for acting white.

[D]

Oh, just like Brandon?

[C]

Yeah, basically by five people.

[A]

Andrea, are you offended that Brandon has said that he won't date or has not dated black girls before?

[G]

Actually, I'm not, because I remember the lady who called yesterday was saying, you know, she didn't understand. I totally understand, because I've never actually dated anyone who was darker than myself. Like, I've only dated people who are like my chocolate skin tone and lighter. So I understand where he's coming from. And it's not that I don't like them. You know, I've seen a lot of. Plenty of attractive, really dark men, but after a while, I'm just like, yeah, not really interested.

[A]

Now, Brandon, does she have an attitude that you can deal with? It sounds like she's pretty nice to me.

[C]

Yeah, she sounds cool. She doesn't sound like the lady who called up Monday with the snappy finger attitude.

[A]

She did have that.

[C]

Yeah, she had that. She's gonna come to the radio and smack me.

[A]

Andrea, I think, like, one of the prerequisites for Brandon here is that you gotta dig baseball. Do you like sports in any way, shape or form?

[G]

I don't know any sports because nobody will ever explain them.

[E]

Oh, Brandon will.

[D]

Nice move. Nice.

[G]

I'm willing to listen, I'm willing to learn anything, but nobody's willing to explain it to me.

[D]

Be careful what you ask for.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

You know what?

[E]

You're going to be calling us in 10 days with that same exact sentence, but it's going to be a complaint.

[A]

You are not kidding.

[F]

In 10 days?

[C]

I think in 10 days. I think I can explain the infield fly rule to her.

[F]

Hey, Brandon, here's the part where you ask her to go to a Braves game with you.

[C]

Okay? Hey, let's go to a Braves game.

[F]

No, ask her.

[C]

Do you want to.

[A]

Oh. Do you want to go to your

[C]

Braves game with me? With me, Brandon, on a date?

[G]

I would love to. Yes.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Money on the joke.

[D]

Let's make this up.

[A]

Let's absolutely make this happen.

[C]

Hey, Bert, can we get the SunTrust seats?

[A]

Probably not.

[C]

Probably not. It's worth a shot, though.

[A]

I'll tell you what, if you make it through three dates with her, I'll work on the SunTrust seat.

[E]

Just so you know, the game is gonna be about her, not about where you're sitting. You don't want to be sitting in a place that's gonna get you sexually aroused more than the girl you're sitting next to.

[D]

Isn't that anywhere in Turnerfield?

[C]

It's just stepping on the property. You know, when the Braves take the field, that's when, you know, the fun begins.

[E]

Lucky. Chipper.

[A]

Hey, Andrea. We will absolutely put you on hold and we will provide tickets to the Braves game. And. Yeah, we'll set you two up.

[G]

Okay.

[A]

For sure. Okay. Hold on one second.

[G]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

This could be your destiny.

[E]

I'm being totally honest. I'm nervous about you taking her out for the first time in a Braves game.

[A]

It's either gonna go really, really well, or you're just gonna continuously talk for nine innings and it's gonna go off.

[E]

I don't think you'll be able to focus on her. I don't think. I think you're gonna be talking about baseball.

[C]

I think I will. Cuz the Braves aren't that good. The first show.