Vault: Bert tries to change a tire Part 1

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault – Bert Tries to Change a Tire, Part 1

Episode Date: July 31, 2026
Cast: Bert, Bird, Stacey, Jen, Matt

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Episode Overview

In this episode, the Bert Show crew dives into the comedic drama of Bert attempting to change a tire for the very first time — live on air. What starts as a confession of automotive ignorance quickly turns into a friendly challenge, peppered with teasing, personal anecdotes, and playful jabs about gender stereotypes, car ownership, and the “manliness” of car repairs. The team uses the experience to also discuss broader issues of societal expectations around automotive know-how.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Bert’s Confession: Cluelessness and Honesty

• Bert openly admits lacking tire-changing skills:
  “I don’t need to impress anybody...I don’t know how to change a tire. I’ve never changed a tire before.” (00:03)
• He recalls taking a basic maintenance class as a teen, but it's a faded memory:
  “That was like six years ago, though, so I don’t remember that so much anymore.” (00:22)

Gender Pressure and Expectation

• Stacey calls out societal pressure on men to be automotive experts:
  “This is certainly a case of gender pressure...For a guy, any kind of car, anything, yes, there’s pressure for a guy to know everything there is to know about automobiles.” (00:43)
• The team jokes about male vs. female expectations and double standards:
  • Bert: “Well, a lot of women probably. I don’t know too many dudes that have never changed...Come on, admit it.” (04:22-04:27)
  • Stacey: “...that is one conversation a woman can have...and there’s no joke made or, you know, nobody’s gonna criticize me for that.” (04:40)

The Challenge is Set

• Bert describes being inspired/getting called out:
  “These guys challenged me today to try to do it. So I’m ready to go. I’ll do it.” (01:40)
• He plans to try without cheating:
  “My competitive spirit came out yesterday and I thought I should just take a look at the manual so I don’t look like a total tool...But I didn’t— I promise.” (02:14)

Technical Obstacles & Comedic Anxiety

• The team piles on with questions and mock-help:
  • “Are you going to read the manual as you go?” – Bird (01:48)
  • “What about the wheel lock? You got that?” – Bird (02:53)
  • “I don’t have any idea.” – Bert’s repeated refrain
• Bert worries about the complexities of newer cars:
  “It’s a brand new car. It’s a 370...I do know and I’m a little nervous about it because it’s like, it’s a newer model and it’s sophisticated. Like, let me give you an example. This is a Nissan and for me to open up my gas tank, I have to have the ignition key in my door to open up the gas tank.” (02:47–03:28)

Real-Life Experiences and Advice

• Jen and Stacey share their messy memories:
  • Jen: “I had to do it, like, last year, and it’s probably been 10 years since I’ve done. Took me like 90. There was a lot of cussing and cuts on my hand and grease, like, in my eye and on my butt in random places.” (04:29)
• The team debates whether to give Bert pointers, but decides against it to maintain the integrity (and entertainment) of the challenge.
  • “Are we giving him pointers or no?” – Stacey (05:11)
  • “No.” – Bird (05:13)

Safety Fears and Support

• A producer texts in with a warning:
  “The car will fall on Bert if he doesn’t do it right.” (04:53)
  • Bert assures: “I’m not going to go underneath it. I’m going to be on the side of it. I’m not even getting on my knees.” (05:03)

Playful Banter on Car Ownership

• Matt and Jen joke about Bert getting a new car every year/month and high car payments:
  • “He gets a new car every year?” – Jen (05:27)
  • “My payment is $42,000 every month because I turn over a car every month.” – Bert (05:36)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Bert: “I know that the right pedal makes it go fast, and the left pedal will slow you down. And that’s it.” (00:56)
• Stacey: “For a guy, any kind of car, anything. Yes, there’s pressure for a guy to know everything there is to know about automobiles.” (00:43)
• Bird: “Are you gonna read the manual as you go?” (01:48)
• Jen: “We’re actually having your car right now towed to the second to right lane on 285. So you’ll have to dodge traffic as well.” (01:55)
• Bert: “My competitive spirit came out yesterday and I thought maybe I should just take a look at the manual so I don’t look like a total tool tomorrow. But I didn’t, I promise.” (02:17)
• Jen: “If we look downstairs and see a hero truck in our parking garage, that doesn’t count.” (05:58)
• Bert: “All right, so I’ll go down and do it now.” (06:03)

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Notable Timestamps

• 00:03 — Bert admits he’s never changed a tire
• 00:43 — Stacey discusses gender pressure in car skills
• 01:40 — Bert accepts the challenge to change the tire
• 02:14 — Bert swears he won’t “cheat” by reading the manual
• 02:47–03:28 — Discussion of car complexity (unlocking gas cap, wheel locks)
• 04:29 — Jen’s tire-changing horror story
• 04:53 — Josh the producer warns about car safety
• 05:36 — Bert jokes about monthly car payments
• 06:03 — Bert sets off to attempt the tire change

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Tone and Style

The episode is lighthearted, self-deprecating, and filled with playful ribbing among the cast. Bert’s vulnerability and comedic honesty drive the segment, while the rest of the crew balance support with snarky encouragement.

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Summary

Bert’s foray into tire-changing is less a step-by-step “how-to” and more a humorous deep dive into group dynamics, social expectations, and what happens when the “everyman” radio host steps (nervously) outside his comfort zone. The episode is engaging, relatable, and sets up listeners for the unfolding challenge (Part 2), all while striking a fun balance between laughter and real talk about life skills.

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Transcript

[Bert]

It's the vert show. These are times where I have to remember that. Look, I'm. I'm married. I'm not single. I don't need to impress anybody. I'm having sex with one person. It doesn't matter if you guys think I'm a wuss or not. Yeah. I don't know how to change a tire. I've never changed a tire before.

[Bird]

Never. Not even an attempt.

[Bert]

Well, I told you guys yesterday, I took, like, this class before I went to get my. To get my driver's license in California when I was, like, 16. My parents thought it would be a good idea, which I think it is, to go and take a basic automobile maintenance class. Absolutely. So I did that for, like, three weeks. And they taught you how to, like, change battery and change oil and change a tire? That was when I was 18. That was, like, six years ago, though, so I don't. I don't remember that so much anymore.

[Stacey]

Well, this is certainly a case of gender pressure, because I do think, depending on which gender you are, there's pressure to have done or to do certain things. And I think for a guy, any kind of car, anything. Yes, there's pressure for a guy to know everything there is to know about automobiles.

[Bert]

Look at. This is what I know about automobiles. I know that the right pedal makes it go fast, and the left pedal will slow you down. And that's it.

[Stacey]

Have you driven? You know how to drive a stick?

[Bert]

I do.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Bert]

I drive a stick.

[Bird]

That's good.

[Matt]

That's good.

[Stacey]

That's good.

[Bert]

So Jen came in here yesterday, but she was a little late because she got a blowout.

[Bird]

Yeah, major blowout Yesterday morning on 285 coming in.

[Bert]

And it just reminded me that I couldn't go and help her. I have never changed a tire before. Never. I. I've. I've. I mean, I. I think in theory, it seems like it should be pretty easy. You take the jack out, put it on one side of the car, pump it up, lug nuts come off. Right. Put the wheel back on. I've seen NASCAR a million times, just

[Jen]

like they do in nascar.

[Bird]

Easy like that.

[Bert]

So these guys challenged me today to try to do it. So I'm ready to go. I'll do it.

[Bird]

I guess you're gonna try.

[Bert]

I just don't know how great a radio it's gonna be, but I'll try.

[Bird]

Are you gonna read the manual as you go?

[Bert]

Yeah, I'm trying to do it from memory.

[Jen]

Anything that's available in your car, you can Use.

[Stacey]

Okay.

[Jen]

We're actually having your car right now towed to the second to right lane on 285. So you'll have to dodge traffic as well.

[Bert]

Which does add to like something like if you're in the middle of the highway and you have to change, it's a lot different than the parking lot that I have to go down. But yeah, so I will give it a try. I mean, you guys can go ahead and do something else. I'll call you from while I'm down there trying. I have no idea where the jack is. My competitive spirit came out yesterday and I thought maybe I should just take a look at the manual so I don't look like a total tool tomorrow. But I didn't, I promise.

[Bird]

And so how long do you think it's going to take you to do it?

[Bert]

Well, here's where I'm a little nervous. I told you guys that I busted one of my tires a couple of months ago and I was lucky enough to be on Roswell Road at the time. So I just pulled it into the Shell station and they changed it there. But dude was having a tough time and he works there so I'm not

[Bird]

exactly sure why was he having a hard time.

[Stacey]

Is it newer?

[Bert]

It's a brand new car. It's a 370. Yeah.

[Jen]

Now with your little car, do you have to jack it up? Because I would imagine you just lift it up with one hand.

[Bird]

What about the wheel lock? You got that?

[Bert]

I have no idea.

[Jen]

I don't know.

[Bert]

I don't have any idea.

[Jen]

What are you doing, Jen?

[Bert]

Don't give him any pointers.

[Stacey]

Jen's competitiveness. She's trying to help him. She's been trying to help him since yesterday.

[Jen]

Why?

[Bert]

Don't even know anything about a wheel lock. I might go in there, have no idea. Can't do it.

[Bird]

You gotta get one of those.

[Bert]

Zero idea.

[Matt]

Oh boy.

[Bert]

I do know and I'm a little nervous about it because it's like it's a newer model and it's sophisticated. Like let me give you an example. This is a Nissan and for me to open up my gas tank, I have to. I didn't realize this at the time. I have to have the ignition key in my door to open up the gas tank.

[Stacey]

Really? Okay.

[Bird]

Is that so people can't siphon gas out of your tank?

[Bert]

I guess so.

[Jen]

Are you sure?

[Bert]

Yes.

[Bird]

Where did you get that?

[Bert]

I looked it up in the manual because I, I was at Shell and I couldn't figure out how to open up the Gas tank. So I went through the manual. You have to have it in the. So you have to take your key

[Jen]

out of the car, put it in the door, open the gas tank.

[Bert]

Yes.

[Stacey]

And I don't.

[Matt]

Yeah. And I don't.

[Stacey]

Yeah. I'm not trying to throw bird under the bus. I do think this is very educational for a lot of people because I really do think that there's a lot of people that don't know how to change a tire.

[Bert]

You know what I mean? It's humiliating. I mean, when Stacey, if we have something go wrong with the car, Stacy's underneath it. She's trying to check things out. My wife and I'm on the sidelines just feeling like a real tool.

[Jen]

Can we.

[Bert]

So this is going to prove nothing to you guys, because I already know I'm going to suck at this.

[Stacey]

But at least what you learn, maybe that'll help. Other people say, oh, that's how you change your tire. You know what I mean?

[Bert]

Is that what you're doing to keep me motivated, to keep me.

[Stacey]

No, I know.

[Bird]

Yeah. But. Yeah, I don't.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Stacey]

This is not to throw you under the bus. I do think that this is what a predicament a lot of people are in.

[Bert]

Well, a lot of women probably. I don't know too many dudes that have never changed that would not.

[Stacey]

Admit it.

[Bert]

Come on, admit it.

[Stacey]

Right?

[Jen]

I had to do it, like, last year, and it's probably been 10 years since I've done. Took me like 90. There was a lot of cussing and cuts on my hand and grease, like, in my eye and on my butt in random places.

[Stacey]

Because that is one conversation a woman can have. Like, I could say, oh, I don't know how to change a tire. Help me change a tire. And there's no. I mean, it's not any kind of, you know, there's no jokes made. There's no jokes made or, you know, nobody's gonna criticize me for that.

[Jen]

For some reason, Josh, over in his production studio, who just remains quiet and things I'll show, has written to me in all caps saying the car will fall on Bert if he doesn't do it right.

[Bert]

Well, I'm not going to go underneath it. I'm going to be on the side of it. I'm not even getting on my knees. I'm just.

[Jen]

Yeah, yeah, you've said that before.

[Stacey]

Are we giving him pointers or no?

[Bird]

No.

[Bert]

Okay. Hey, Matt.

[Jen]

Jen slipping him in.

[Stacey]

Jen's trying to.

[Bert]

I didn't mean to.

[Jen]

What about the. We are loud.

[Matt]

Hey. How y' all doing?

[Jen]

Good.

[Matt]

Doing good. What year is your car, Burt?

[Bert]

It's 2010.

[Matt]

2010?

[Jen]

He gets a new car every year?

[Bert]

Every month?

[Jen]

Yep. He only drives this model year when

[Stacey]

it gets dirty, then he turns it in.

[Bert]

My payment is $42,000 every month because I turn over a car every month.

[Matt]

Wow, that's incredible. You do know that you probably got a special key to get off one lug Nut on, people.

[Jen]

Stop.

[Bert]

I don't know anything about it.

[Stacey]

Seriously.

[Jen]

He's got a manual.

[Bert]

I'll look in the manual, and it'll tell me where to go and if I can find a great. If I can't, I have zero idea.

[Jen]

If we look downstairs and see a hero truck in our parking garage, that doesn't count.

[Bird]

That's not fair.

[Bert]

All right, so I'll go down and do it now.

[Jen]

Jen's still on hold with AAA from yesterday morning, so maybe they'll pick up here.

[Bird]

Bird show.