Vault: Bert tries to change a tire Part 3

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: Bert Tries to Change a Tire Part 3
Date: July 31, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode continues the ongoing saga of Bert's adventure (or misadventure) trying to change a car tire. The show captures the real-time anticipation and playful skepticism of the whole cast as Bert faces an unexpectedly complicated scenario: his car appears to have no jack or spare tire. The team pivots from roasting Bert’s mechanical ineptitude to unraveling a mystery about car manufacturing trends and personal safety concerns. Classic Bert Show banter rules as the cast shares authentic laughs and relatable frustrations.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Setup: Bert's Missing Spare and Jack

• 00:00-00:56: The cast sets the expectation that Bert, supervised by Rhett, should be done by now, but something is wrong. Rhett reports there's no jack or spare tire in Bert's car.
  • “He opened the back and there's no jack. There is obviously a spot for a jack. There's no doubt he can't even lift the car.” (Rhett, 00:18)
• The team speculates Bert's car mechanic may have forgotten to return the jack/tire during a previous fix.

2. Cast Speculation & Teasing

• 00:56-02:06: The group jokes about Bert possibly faking incompetence, pokes fun at seeing who could find the jack, and questions the logistics of tire changes at garages. Melissa is dared to see if she’d have better luck.
  • “He would roll over and die if you found it and came right back in about five minutes.” (D, 01:44)
  • “Leave it to the lesbian.” (D, 01:49)
  • “If you send a woman down, that would definitely be worse.” (Bert, 03:10)

3. Bert Returns and Realization Sets In

• 02:21-02:49: Bert returns and explains he read the car manual; some models simply don’t come with a spare.
  • “Some models don't have a spare because it even says it in the manual.” (Bert, 02:32)
• The cast expresses real concern and confusion: why would car makers eliminate the spare tire?
  • “Why would you not have a spare in your car? I'm just curious.” (D, 02:49)

4. A Listener and Car Expert Weigh In

• 03:59-04:51: Listeners chime in—one clarifies many new cars, especially sports cars, no longer have spares but use “run flat” tires designed to travel short distances even after a puncture.
  • “My car actually does not come with a spare tire because the tires that are on my car are run flat tires...you can drive up to like 50 miles on that tire still.” (Brittany, 04:20)
• Discussion shifts to safety concerns, especially for women, and the unreliability of roadside assistance.
  • “That would scare me though because...I would want to be stranded somewhere and not...I mean I understand what Brittany's saying but man, I would.” (D, 04:51)
  • “AAA will find you in three days...Just hopefully you have some snacks in your seats.” (E, 04:59)

5. General Reflections and Group Roasting

• 05:23-06:01: Bert confesses the intimidation he felt facing an empty trunk and the impending humiliation if he missed something obvious. The cast admits they were ready to ridicule him if it turned out to be a user error.
  • “I gotta be honest, you guys don't know how scared I was...I will never live it down.” (Bert, 05:49)
  • “We were ready to give it to you.” (D, 06:01)

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Memorable Quotes

• “There is obviously a spot for a jack. There's no doubt he can't even lift the car.”
  — Rhett (00:18)

• “If you send a woman down, that would definitely be worse.”
  — Bert (03:10)

• “My car actually does not come with a spare tire because the tires that are on my car are run flat tires...you can drive up to like 50 miles on that tire still.”
  — Brittany (Listener, 04:20)

• “I gotta be honest, you guys don't know how scared I was when I lifted up that trunk and there was no tire in there. The relentless amount of crap. I thought if I can't find a tire and it's on this car somewhere, I will never live it down.”
  — Bert (05:49)

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Notable Moments and Timestamps

• 00:18 — Rhett reveals no jack or spare in Bert’s car, setting off the central conflict.
• 01:44 — The group jokes about Melissa showing Bert up.
• 02:32 — Bert admits car manual says some models lack a spare.
• 04:20 — Listener Brittany educates the group on “run flat” tires.
• 05:49 — Bert honestly shares his fear of public humiliation.
• 06:01 — Collective confession that ridicule was imminent.

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Tone & Authenticity

The Bert Show maintains its trademark blend of camaraderie, playful ribbing, and real, relatable talk. Through supportive teasing and genuine concern, the show captures both the comedy and practical frustrations of unexpected car troubles—all delivered with the group’s unmistakable chemistry.

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Transcript

[A]

The bird show. So Bert and Rhett. We sent Rhett down to make sure Bert didn't cheat. Call a hero truck or anything. I expected Bert to be back up. Back up here by now. I mean, he said no problem. He's changing a tire down in the park. I'll be down.

[B]

It didn't take that long.

[A]

Yeah, it should be no problem. How's he doing, Rhett?

[C]

Well, I think he sabotaged this completely because he opened the back and there's no jack. There is obviously a spot for a jack. There's no doubt he can't even lift the car. So he was gonna go up and call Dustin on the air.

[A]

What? And call the guy who is supposed to put the jack in the car. The guy who sold him the car.

[C]

I mean, I'm guessing somebody with Team Nissan. But they. I mean, it says in his instruction manual. It does say if he's got, you know, if this car has a spare, this is how you do it. But you looked in, and there's no spare there. Or jack.

[D]

There's no spare or a jack in the car.

[B]

I almost know why.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because you remember he had the blowout that he was talking about earlier. So maybe they did not put the spare tire back in the car when they changed out the tire. And maybe they forgot to put it in the jack.

[A]

But why would the jack even come out? Like, the jack would have been at the Shell station with him.

[B]

Well, maybe they didn't put it back in, then Shell station stole the jack.

[E]

Is there a reason we're not talking to Bert?

[A]

I'm a. Yeah, I think he said

[D]

because he's not doing anything right now.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Can we talk about it? He's not.

[B]

No.

[A]

Rhett said he's on his way back up, isn't he? Oh, yeah. He said he's gonna come back. Hey, Rhett, are you with Burt, or is he on his way up here?

[C]

He's on his way up.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, it sounds like they're back.

[D]

That's weird.

[A]

I'm almost tempted. Melissa, I think you should go down and look in the car. Cause I'll bet you find it.

[E]

Go look for the jacket.

[B]

Oh, he might just not want to do it.

[E]

He would roll over and die. If you found it and smashed it and came right back in about five minutes.

[D]

Leave it to the lesbian.

[A]

So I think. Yeah, I think if you. I bet you could go down and poke in there, and it's. They may have put it back, but just put it back in a different place, you might not even Know what it looks like.

[D]

He knows what it looks, but he looks like. But the manual would have instructed him where exactly to look.

[A]

But what I'm saying is, if they change his tire. You ever have your tire change in a garage? You know what I mean? Like, they just throw everything back. They just.

[D]

Yeah, but Jen knows better.

[A]

Yeah, but, like, they may have just thrown it back in there. And if he doesn't know what it looks like. Oh, here he is.

[E]

What's the story?

[D]

Are you serious?

[E]

There's no jack in there at all? And there's no spare.

[G]

Here's what I did. I opened up the manual, and I guess some models don't have a spare because it even says it in the manual.

[A]

Okay. Which is.

[D]

That's dangerous.

[G]

Look at.

[E]

That is dangerous.

[D]

That is weird.

[G]

Yeah. I'm gonna call up to Dustin over at Team Nissan right now and ask if they just didn't put a tire in there or some of the models just don't come with a spare.

[D]

Why would you not have a spare in your car? I'm just curious.

[G]

I don't know. There's not even. Like, there's the space for the jack and everything, but there's no jack or anything in there.

[D]

Huh.

[E]

Weird.

[A]

Would you be totally.

[F]

No.

[G]

Humiliated if you went down there and found it? Yeah, totally and completely.

[A]

What about. Would it be better if Melissa was the one who found it? Or Wendy?

[G]

Yeah. If you send a woman down, that would definitely be worse.

[A]

What about be worse than if you

[D]

went down there to look?

[A]

What about a blind woman who just felt around and found it by touch?

[D]

I'm still confused on why anybody would not put a spare in a car.

[G]

I've never heard of a car not having a spare in the back, but it even indicates it in the manual

[D]

because not everybody has access to a AAA or a hero truck. You know what I mean?

[G]

I'm calling Dustin up at Team Nissan right now.

[D]

That's dangerous.

[A]

I would just say stranded.

[G]

Pick up the hotline. That could be him there.

[A]

I would just tell you to do it on mine, but I don't trust you.

[D]

I've learned something today.

[F]

You have reached the Sprint voice mailbox of Dustin Fleischman.

[G]

Good morning, Derek. You are on Q100. Hi.

[C]

Hi. Yeah, I just wanted to come to your defense. A lot of the new sports cars don't come with a spare in them.

[D]

Why isn't it dangerous?

[A]

Brittany's on a hotline. She might know the answer.

[G]

Okay.

[A]

Or as we call her around here, Mrs. Goodrunch.

[F]

Hey.

[G]

Hey. Great woman calling giving guy.

[F]

It might not be your fault because I bought a new car in the fall and my car actually does not come with a spare tire because the tires that are on my car are run flat tires. So they're tires that even if you pop them, I guess you can drive up to like 50 miles on that tire still. And so it doesn't come with a spare tire. So you, your car's pretty small, right?

[G]

Yeah, very.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

So you may have a slim stone car now.

[A]

Okay.

[G]

Because it had that scare me. It had an inflation kit back there but it doesn't have a spare and it doesn't have a jack.

[D]

That would scare me though because I would. I mean especially I guess as a girl I would want to be stranded somewhere and not. I mean I understand what Brittany's saying but man, I would.

[E]

AAA will find you in three days. It's ok. Just hopefully you have some snacks in your seats. Like some crumbs in the car somewhere.

[G]

Hero is out there in hell.

[C]

Love.

[E]

Hiro was there in 10 minutes.

[D]

Did you cancel your AAA registrar?

[E]

Got to my car and started changing it before they ever even picked up the phone at aaa. I was still on hold. What's the point of paying for my membership?

[G]

Most are calling saying that some new cars have those run flat tires. So that's probably the deal. But it's weird because the 350i had had one of those donuts in the back. But the newer model I guess doesn't

[D]

because there's some cars that will have the full on tire. Like I mean a donuts only go so far. But there are some cars that models that will have your full size tire as the spare so that you don't have to only go 50 or 30 miles. But that. Yeah, I would be so uncomfortable without a spare.

[G]

I gotta be honest, you guys don't know how scared I was when I lifted up that trunk and there was no tire in there. The relentless amount of crap. I thought if I can't find a tire and it's on this car somewhere, I will never live it down.

[D]

We were ready to give it to you.

[A]

Yeah, we. We actually laughed in here. And Rhett's like he can't find the tire. The bird show.

[H]

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