Vault: Bert's Commencement Speech

Summary

The Bert Show: Vault – Bert's Commencement Speech

Air Date: August 12, 2026

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Overview

This special episode features Bert’s highly anticipated commencement speech—a heartfelt annual tradition where members of The Bert Show share their most meaningful life lessons, as if addressing graduating seniors. For this installment, Bert opens up with wisdom originally written for his own sons, Hayden and Hollis, blending lighthearted advice with deeply personal philosophies on growth, integrity, and embracing one’s uniqueness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Tradition of Commencement Speeches

• Host Melissa Carter introduces the tradition, explaining that each cast member delivers a speech to impart wisdom as if addressing a graduating class.
• Jeff adds, “We all have our own philosophies of life and we all have our own advice to give” (00:52), revealing the diversity and personal nature of these annual addresses.

Bert’s Reflections and Philosophy

• Personal Motivation: Bert shares that the speeches are rooted in what he hopes to pass on to his own children.
• Authenticity:
  • “You’re the only person in the world you can’t BS. There’s really nothing more important than being true and honest to yourself.” (01:35)
• Setting High Standards:
  • “Set your standards high and struggle with reaching those standards. Doing what’s right is hard and takes way more effort. But if you try and handle each situation cleanly, with integrity, even when you don’t succeed, you succeed.” (01:25)
• Joy in Vulnerability:
  • “Learn how to dance. I look back at all the times your mother wanted to dance with me, but I was too self conscious. There are few things more beautiful and intimate than slow dancing with a woman. So be good at it.” (01:45)
  • “Being cool is overrated. You have no idea how much fun stuff you’re gonna miss out on when you’re trying to be cool.” (01:53)
• Handling Success and Failure:
  • “Learn to win and lose with equal grace. Be strong in your opinions, but not so much that you’re closed to the possibility that you can’t be swayed.” (01:57)
• Leadership and Integrity:
  • “Choose to lead or choose to follow. There can be honor in either. But handle both with integrity.” (02:03)
• Connection with Nature:
  • “You’ll never feel more connected with nature than when you’re sitting on a surfboard outside the break at sunset.” (02:08)
  • Adds a personal touch by referencing a listener or cohost: “Jen. I knew you’d understand that. Amen, sister.”
• Timeless Manners:
  • “Opening a door for a woman never goes out of style.” (02:15)
• Healthy Communication:
  • “Screaming rarely accomplishes anything.” (02:16)
• Embracing Flaws:
  • “Do not be afraid to show people you’re flawed. I found that those that appear to have the shiniest polish publicly, privately have the biggest messes.” (02:18)
• Ego and Decision Making:
  • “Any decision based on ego is always the wrong decision.” (02:23)
• Persistence and Sincerity:
  • “Showing up is not enough. Showing up and sincerely trying is everything.” (02:25)
• Growth and Change:
  • “Demand and embrace change. You constantly have to challenge yourself, even though life wants to pull you into the routine.” (02:28)
• Perspective and Wonder:
  • “Travel to places in which you can clearly see stars in the sky. You have no idea how small you are until you’re looking clearly at the Milky Way without a telescope.” (02:33)
• Trust and Business:
  • “In business, trust your gut. You’ll have doubters. Fail or succeed on your own terms. Learn to ask for what you’re worth. But once you get it, continue to earn it.” (02:37)
  • “There is very little that is more valuable than the gift of your trust. Be vigilant about who you give it to. But when you commit, give with all your heart. It’s only then that you’ll truly be able to accept and give unconditional love.” (02:45)

Concluding Thoughts—Unconditional Self-Acceptance

Bert ends with a powerful message about self-love:

“Learn to unconditionally accept yourself. Learn to love your imperfections. Learn to accept how great you are, how bad you are, how funny you are, how serious you are, how insecure you are, how brave you are. There is nothing in the world more unique and beautiful than you guys. You are originals. And do not devalue yourself by copying any part of any other individual.” (03:03)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You’re the only person in the world you can’t BS. There’s really nothing more important than being true and honest to yourself.” – Bert (01:35)
• “Being cool is overrated. You have no idea how much fun stuff you’re gonna miss out on when you’re trying to be cool.” – Bert (01:53)
• “Any decision based on ego is always the wrong decision.” – Bert (02:23)
• “Learn to unconditionally accept yourself... There is nothing in the world more unique and beautiful than you guys. You are originals.” – Bert (03:03)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:45 – 01:16: Introduction of Bert’s commencement speech tradition
• 01:16 – 04:35: Bert delivers his speech packed with life advice, personal anecdotes, and guiding philosophies
• 03:03 – 04:05: Closing remarks on self-acceptance and individuality

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Tone

The episode balances sincerity and warmth, blending Bert’s earnest outlook with playful, relatable anecdotes. The language is direct, accessible, and often intimate—designed to resonate with both young graduates and the show’s broader audience.

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Summary

Bert’s commencement speech is a heartfelt collection of lessons and reminders: set high standards, lead with integrity, embrace vulnerability, value experience over appearance, and above all, fiercely love and accept yourself as an original. His advice draws equally from personal regrets, hard-won wisdom, and earnest hopes for his children, making it both universal and deeply personal—an uplifting listen for anyone in transition, or simply in need of inspiration.

Transcript

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[Melissa Carter]

you're on the Birch Show. Hi, Melissa Carter. Explain to us what the commencement speeches are that we do every year.

[Jeff]

Yeah, we, we know it's graduation time and we all have our own philosophies of life and we all have our own advice to give. So of course, every year we come up with our own commencement speeches as if we're standing in front of a high class or a college class to give you, you know, our wisdom.

[Melissa Carter]

And so we, or in Jeff's case, it was the Rosetta Stone class or

[Jeff]

the Rosetta Stone class. I mean, that's, that's a form of wisdom. But everybody's done their commencement speeches except Bert, and Bert is today.

[Melissa Carter]

It's time, man. I mean, Wyclef went, so it was definitely my turn. All right, so again, like Melissa said, this is, this is like my perspective was in front of a high school class. Okay. When I think of high school or college graduation, it always makes me think what it's going to be like for me when my kids are sitting are someday. That's why each year a commencement speech allows me to do an emotional inventory and make sure I'm sharing the lessons that life has taught me with my sons. And I can't think of any more credible advice to give you than the advice that I have written down for my own children. So, like every year, some of these are just superficial thoughts. Some are creeds in which I try and live. Others are goals or ideas I've never been able to accomplish. Or others are dreams I never even thought about until I started writing these wish lists for Hayden and Hollis. So let's start. Set your standards high and struggle with reaching Those standards. Doing what's right is hard and takes way more effort. But if you try and handle each situation cleanly, with integrity, even when you don't succeed, you succeed. You're the only person in the world you can't bs. There's really nothing more important than being true and honest to yourself. Learn how to dance. I look back at all the times your mother wanted to dance with me, but I was too self conscious. There are few things more beautiful and intimate than slow dancing with a woman. So be good at it. Which leads me to this. Being cool is overrated. You have no idea how much fun stuff you're gonna miss out on when you're trying to be cool. Learn to win and lose with equal grace. Be strong in your opinions, but not so much that you're closed to the possibility that you can't be swayed. Choose to lead or choose to follow. There can be honor in either. But handle both with integrity. You'll never feel more connected with nature than when you're sitting on a surfboard outside the break at sunset. Jen. I knew you'd understand that. Amen, sister. Opening a door for a woman never goes out of style. Screaming rarely accomplishes anything. Do not be afraid to show people you're flawed. I found that those that appear to have the shiniest polish publicly, privately have the biggest messes. Any decision based on ego is always the wrong decision. Showing up is not enough. Showing up and sincerely trying is everything. Demand and embrace change. You constantly have to challenge yourself, even though life wants to pull you into the routine. Laugh through mistakes. Travel to places in which you can clearly see stars in the sky. You have no idea how small you are until you're looking clearly at the Milky Way without a telescope. In business. Trust your gut. You'll have doubters. Fail or succeed on your own terms. Learn to ask for what you're worth. But once you get it, continue to earn it. There is very little that is more valuable than the gift of your trust. Be vigilant about who you give it to. But when you commit, give with all your heart. It's only then that you'll truly be able to accept and give unconditional love. And I conclude these the same way every year. Learn to unconditionally accept yourself. Learn to love your imperfections. Learn to accept how great you are, how bad you are, how funny you are, how serious you are, how insecure you are, how brave you are. There is nothing in the world more unique and beautiful than you guys. You are originals. And do not devalue yourself by copying any part of any other individual.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Very nice.

[Melissa Carter]

There it is. Class of 2010. Thank you, thank you. Listen, it's the vert Show.

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