Vault: Bert's trip to Miami

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show – Vault: Bert's Trip to Miami

Date: June 22, 2026
Host: The Bert Show (primarily Bert/Birch, with multiple co-hosts)
Episode Theme:
A lively, candid recap of Bert's whirlwind celebrity-filled trip to Miami, filled with exclusive parties, run-ins with stars, entertainment gossip, and behind-the-scenes observations during Super Bowl week.

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Episode Overview

Main Theme:
Bert gives a humorous, detailed blow-by-blow account of his recent four-day adventure in Miami with his close friends. The trip centers around exclusive parties, run-ins with A-list celebrities, a star-studded Super Bowl event, and spontaneous behind-the-scenes moments. The episode is chock full of anecdotes, celebrity impressions, and playful banter amongst the cast.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Miami Party Circuit & Celebrity Sightings

• Bert and his friends spent four intense days hopping from party to party (“nonstop party after nonstop party”) [01:12].
• Celebrity Sightings:
  • Biz Markie: First celebrity encounter, “The only one I saw was Biz Markie.” [01:55]
  • Usher: Spotted shopping for his kids; exchanged a “man hug” with Bert [02:10].
  • Heinz Ward (Pittsburgh Steelers): Long Bulldog football chat [02:40].
  • Justin Bieber: Backstage at Pepsi’s smash event, describing “10,000 13-year-old girls all chanting, Justin, Justin.” [03:27]
  • Nick Cannon & Sean Kingston: On stage with Bieber [04:02].
  • Eli Manning, Donovan McNabb, & Shawne Merriman: Football star encounters [04:03].
  • Stuart Scott (ESPN): Only celebrity to turn down photos/autographs—“He’s a douche.” [04:29]
  • Russell Simmons: Met during a celebrity poker tournament [04:43].
  • Audrina (The Hills): “I ended up on The Hills…somebody from MTV taps me…so it looks like you’re gonna be on The Hills.” [05:56]
  • Jessica Alba & Joel Madden: At the Drake/Common show; comment on Alba—“She looks too skinny.” [06:27]
  • LL Cool J: Impromptu performance of “Mama Said Knock You Out” with Wyclef [07:12].
  • Jersey Shore Cast: Took photos with The Situation and Pauly D; “People were leaving him alone…nobody cared.” [07:25]
  • Chris Rock: Spotted at the W; “About this skinny.” [07:41]

2. Exclusive Events & Behind-the-Scenes Scenes

• GQ Party: Made Bert feel self-deprecating—“I never felt uglier in my life.” [02:38]
• Pepsi Smash (Justin Bieber concert): Comments on Bieber’s exponentially growing entourage [03:29].
• 944 Magazine Hotel Party: Describes 944 buying out an entire Miami hotel for exclusive performances (Drake, Common, Wyclef) [06:37].
• Super Bowl Watch Party at A-Rod’s Mansion:
  • Bert recounts attending Alex Rodriguez’s (A-Rod) high-society Super Bowl bash with celebs like Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, and Derek Jeter.
  • Describes the house and party: “One of the nicest homes I’ve ever seen. Pool in back is like Olympic size… high society party… music was cranking, awesome DJ.” [08:45–09:15]

3. Entertainment Gossip & Observations

• A-Rod’s Romantic Life: Bert “fairly certain” he saw A-Rod with the “mystery brunette,” not Cameron Diaz [09:33].
• Party Culture: “So many damn good parties. I just felt like we got to do them all.” [10:25]
• Super Bowl Fandom: “Saints fans outnumbered the Colts fans, I mean, 50 to 1.” [10:25–10:38]
• Ashton Kutcher’s Paparazzi Moment: “He’s got a camera full on around his neck like he is a tourist…living the endorsement.” [09:44]
• On Fame Cycles: The crew notes how “Jersey Shore is the new Hills”—explaining shifting attention from one reality show phenomenon to another [05:51].

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Miami's Intensity:

  • “It feels like I’ve been gone three weeks…This was four days where it all fell into place. So it was party after party.” — Bert [01:12]

• On Bieber’s Fame:

  • “There must have been 10,000 13-year-old girls all chanting, Justin, Justin.” — Bert [03:27]
  • “His entourage is getting bigger and bigger now. Seven months ago, it was just one dude with him.” — Bert [03:29]

• On Meeting Stuart Scott:

  • “No, he’s a douche. People were asking for pictures and autographs and he’s the only guy all weekend long I saw turn stuff down.” — Bert [04:29]

• On Appearing in The Hills:

  • “Somebody from MTV taps me on the shoulder and says, ‘Look, here’s a waiver, looks like you’re gonna be on The Hills.’” — Bert [05:56]
  • “I told her I’d be the oldest guy ever on that show.” — Bert [06:13]

• On Jessica Alba:

  • “She’s lost so much weight. She looks too skinny.” — Bert [06:27]

• On LL Cool J Performing:

  • “Once he got up there, man owns it. And he’s still huge.” — Bert [07:15]

• On A-Rod’s Super Bowl Party:

  • “There’s Alex Rodriguez just going from person to person saying, ‘Hey, thanks for coming to my party and hanging out.’” — Bert [09:18]
  • “The oddest thing I saw…Ashton is there and he’s got a camera, full on around his neck like he’s a tourist.” — Bert [09:44]

• On Not Seeing Cameron Diaz:

  • “I’m fairly certain he was with the mystery brunette. Stunning. Stunning.” — Bert [09:33]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:12] – Begin Miami recap, initial celebrity encounters
• [02:10] – Meeting Usher and GQ party fallout
• [03:27] – Backstage at Bieber’s Pepsi show
• [04:29] – The Stuart Scott story
• [05:56] – Bert appears on The Hills
• [06:37] – 944 Magazine party, Wyclef and LL Cool J performance
• [07:25] – Meeting Jersey Shore cast, shift in reality show fame
• [08:45] – Inside A-Rod’s Super Bowl party, celebrity sightings
• [09:33] – A-Rod’s current mystery girlfriend gossip
• [09:44] – Ashton Kutcher’s paparazzi moment
• [10:25] – Saints vs. Colts: Super Bowl crowd dynamics
• [10:42] – Bert wraps up: “an intense weekend I’m not going to be able to duplicate for a long time.”

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Tone, Style, and Atmosphere

The episode is energetic, light-hearted, and full of playful banter. Bert mixes self-deprecating humor with sincere awe at his surroundings and a keen eye for celebrity quirks. The cast's dynamic is conversational, irreverent, and inclusive, making listeners feel like part of the group. Spontaneity and authenticity shine throughout—delivering entertainment news and personal stories with both excitement and a wink.

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For listeners who missed the episode, this summary captures the celeb-packed, high-energy spirit and the best anecdotes from Bert's unforgettable Miami escapade.

Transcript

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[Birch]

Get it the Birch show so bear with me for a second if you're on Facebook with me or you follow on Twitter. As I was telling these guys, man, it feels like I've been gone three weeks. Me and my crew, we just covered a lot of ground in Miami over four days. It was like nonstop party after nonstop party after nonstop party and everybody that went on the trip sort of had their own kind of connections to what was going on. So either I was on the phone trying to get us into a party that everybody was talking about or my friend Justin was or Delvette and everything just sorta. This was four days where it all fell into place. So it was party after party.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Were in your group.

[Birch]

There was five of us.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Five total?

[Birch]

Yep. All right, so I'm reading some of my tweets because I couldn't remember everything happened first day. I was all bummed out cause I really wanted to go there and I just assumed we'd see celebrities all over the place and the only one I saw was Pizz Markey. And that was the

[Co-host or Guest 2]

friend.

[Birch]

You got what I need. Yeah, so he was the first one. I was shopping the next day down Lincoln Avenue and ran into Usher and said hey to Usher. He was buying some clothes for his kids. So we had a little man hug there and said hey for a couple seconds. Just some random notes from the week. The rumor there was that Neo went to a club called Mansion and he bought 100 bottles of champagne and just passed them out in the crowd.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Yeah, that's true. They were tweeting about that.

[Birch]

Is that right? So he's just hanging out and all these high end bottles of champagne. Neo hooking him up. I went to the GQ party and I tweeted that I'd never felt uglier in my life. And I got to meet Heinz Ward, who is a wide receiver for Pittsburgh but graduated from UGA. So we talked about Bulldog football for about 15 minutes, which was really pretty cool. I ended up.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Does he play with Mike Vick now?

[Birch]

No, he's with the Steelers. Vick is with the Eagles.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Got it.

[Birch]

But there was the Bulldog connection more than anything else, so that was cool. I ended up backstage at this Pepsi smash thing where Justin. Justin Bieber was headlining, y'. All. I mean, we know how big Justin Bieber is, but to be backstage and actually see it from the stage was unbelievable.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Is it Teeny Bopper heaven?

[Birch]

It's nutty. First of all, his entourage is getting bigger and bigger now. I mean, it's all filled like, you know, family. And he's got more handlers now. I mean, seven months ago, one dude came in with him. He's got a lot of people to take care of him now. Right. So I'm backstage with them and the crowd there are. There must have been 10,000 13 year old girls all chanting, justin, Justin.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

You must have been heaven.

[Birch]

Justin. He's just all over the place right now, so he's tired, so I said hey to him. And he was with Nick Cannon and Sean Kingston also.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

That's cool.

[Birch]

All three of them were up on stage. I ran into Eli Manning and Donovan McNabb and Sean Merriman, which is cool if you're a big football fan.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Eli Hotel.

[Birch]

His wife is, I'll tell you that. You don't see her much, but she's very, very cute.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Did you tell Eli how much you hate him?

[Birch]

I did not. I got no beef. Really? With Eli. It's Peyton. Well, you mean Eli cuz of the whole San Diego Chargers thing?

[Little Sleepies Announcer]

Yes.

[Birch]

Stuart Scott from espn.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Oh, that's cool.

[Birch]

No, he's a bouche.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Oh, really?

[Birch]

Yeah. People were asking for pictures and autographs and he's the only guy all weekend long I saw turn stuff down.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

No way. Are you serious? Why? I always heard that he was such a nice guy.

[Birch]

Not this day.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Wow.

[Birch]

I met Russell Simmons at a celebrity poker tournament and took a picture with Russell Simmons.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Saw that tweet.

[Birch]

I ended up on The Hills.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

What happened with the guy who lost his watch?

[Birch]

They found it. This guy is like a sheik. He was playing in the celebrity poker tournament, and he lost his ring actually.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

Okay.

[Birch]

And fell to the ground. And he was telling everybody there it was like, $100,000 ring. So everybody is scrambling for this guy's ring because they're thinking, okay, if I get on this guy's good side, it's Miami. He may hook us up all week. So one of the guys in my crew actually found it.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Oh, wow.

[Birch]

Yeah. And he would. Yeah.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

So what'd you get out of it?

[Birch]

Nothing. Yeah, Not a thing.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

All right. Go back to the Hills.

[Birch]

Yeah, I ended up on the Hills. I'm sitting in the lobby of a place called Eden Rock, and Audrina is there, and she's sitting on a couch all by herself.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

And I don't even know if I'd be able to pick her out of a lineup.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

You probably would be easy to identify. Yeah, well, if you're a fan of

[Co-host or Guest 2]

the show, if you watch the Hills, like Wendy or Burt, you know exactly who she is.

[Birch]

Nobody was coming up to her. She sat in a chair by herself for, like, 20 minutes. Nobody came up and said, hey or asked for a picture or anything, but

[Co-host or Guest 1]

somehow, Jersey Shore is the new Hills.

[Birch]

Yeah. Yeah, right.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Hills is dead.

[Birch]

Somehow I ended up in the shot because somebody from MTV taps me on the shoulder and says, look, here's a waiver. Looks like you're gonna be on the Hills. We got you in one of the shots, so will you sign this waiver? So I signed the waiver, and I said, when is it gonna be on? She said she didn't know, but I'm in the shot, so I might be on the Hill.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

That's hilarious.

[Birch]

Isn't that funny? I told her I'd be the oldest guy ever on that show.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

It would be like a dream come true.

[Birch]

Jessica Alba and Joel Madden were at the Drake Common show at Eden Rock. Jessica Alba is the. This big, y'.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

All.

[Birch]

I mean, she's lost so much weight. She looks too skinny.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Remember when she came in here, however long ago that was?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

It was a while back.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Yeah, it's a long time ago. She came in studio with us.

[Nordstrom Rack Announcer]

Yeah.

[Birch]

Yeah. She looks much different than she did then, though. She's really, really thin. So I saw her at the Drake Common show. A lot of these shows happened at Eden Rock. A magazine here in town 944 bought up an entire hotel in Miami, and they turned it sort of into the Happening Party. All Weekend long. And they hired everybody to come in and play parties and do shows. So they hired Drake and Common. I saw Wyclef there also. And while you know how much I love Wyclef, LL Cool J jumps up on stage and does Mama said Knock youk out with Wyclef.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

That's awesome.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Is LL just as good looking in person?

[Birch]

He's still looking good. He didn't want to go on stage. They called him out like he didn't want to do his thing. But once he got up there, man owns it. And he's still huge, Huge.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

So yummy.

[Birch]

So that was at the 944-party- there. Then I did meet the guys from the Jersey Shore also. And I took a picture with the situation. And what's the name of the other dude? Pauly D. Pauly D at the W

[Co-host or Guest 2]

was most excited about it.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

I know.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

I saw the situation. I was like, my boyfriend, my love.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Seriously. Come on.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

I think he's awesome.

[Birch]

People were leaving him alone. Like, if they're planning on doing the next season in Miami, it might be a tough sell because nobody really cared. Maybe it was because of this weekend. And there were so many like a listers in town that nobody cared that, you know the guys from Jersey Shore over there, but nobody. Yeah, they weren't really giving him a lot of love. I saw Chris Rock at the W, who also now is about this skinny. And I told these guys earlier that Sunday, I just got through. A friend was at a Rod's house watching the super bowl with a Rod. He had a party for about 100 people. Put up a big old 20 by 20 screen in his backyard. And Ashton Kutcher was there and Demete Moore were there before the game also. And Derek Jeter was there as well. This guy's house is probably 15,000 square feet. And it's typically like that Miami Mediterranean sort of feel. And it's just one of the nicest homes I've ever seen. The pool in the back is like Olympic size.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Was it like wowing when you drove up the driveway? Like, wow, I can't believe we're here.

[Birch]

The neighborhood that he lives in is really pretty modest until you get past the gates and then there's like celebrity home. I think Rosie o' Donnell lives in the same neighborhood. I think Madonna lives down the street also.

[Lady Luck]

That's cool.

[Birch]

And he lives on the water, so there are like four yachts parked in his slip. And it was just like this high end high society party that he threw for 150 people, it was catered. All the booze that you could want, music was cranking the whole time. He had an awesome DJ there. And there's Alex Rodriguez just going from person to person saying, hey, thanks for coming to my party and hanging out.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

So cool. Now the big scoop is like, who is he dating now? Because, you know, he went from Madonna to Kate Hudson and then now the rumor is Cameron Diaz. And then a couple days ago, there were pictures of him with a mystery brunette in quotes.

[Birch]

And I'm fairly certain he was with the mystery brunette. She's a little like, she's like 5 foot 4, little Cuban looking thing. Stunning. Stunning.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

So you think that that's really the girl he's hooking up with, not Cameron Diaz?

[Birch]

That's.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Birch]

At least for that day. It was. I know that. And the oddest thing I saw at the party I told these guys earlier is that that Ashton is there and he's got a camera full on around his neck like he is a tourist in. In Hawaii for the first time.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Like one of his commercials, you know, he's always taking pictures of people at a party.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

He's living the endorsement.

[Birch]

He really is like that long lens on it. So he really is living the endorsement. And she is just a little itty bitty thing. And he's a tall dude.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

How tall?

[Birch]

I felt like he was like 6 4.

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Really? 6 4?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

I would have never thought him that tall.

[Birch]

Yeah, yeah, it was. Yeah, it was alarming.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

I'm like, dude, he was unusual for Hollywood.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Yeah, right?

[Co-host or Guest 1]

Very.

[Birch]

So I'm a little hoarse today just because there are so many damn good parties. And I just felt like we got to do them all. If we're here, we got to do them all. But the Saints fans there outnumbered the Colts Fans, I mean, 50 to 1.

[Co-host or Guest 2]

You can tell just by watching the game.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Birch]

Could you?

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Yeah. Crowd noise. Yeah.

[Birch]

It was an intense weekend and it's one that I'm not going to be able to duplicate for a very long time. I can promise you that. You're on the Birch Show.

[Co-host or Guest 3]

Hey everybody.

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