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B
The Bird Show. Jeff, we're going to need the voice disguiser for this call. Okie dokie. And some of the facts here are going to be a little bit off because Ashley, quote unquote, that's not her real name, is having a real tough time with her dad right now and can't quite figure out exactly how to handle it herself. So she's hoping she comes on with us this morning and some of you guys, maybe from both perspectives, maybe from like a parent's perspective, can give her some advice and also from maybe somebody that's been in the same situation that has parents that really kind of have their thumb on you a little bit, you know. How old is she? Let's ask her. Hey, Ashley.
A
Hi.
B
Hi. You're on the voice disguiser. So there's no way that anybody can recognize your voice. Okay.
A
Okay, great.
B
How old are you?
A
I'm 20. I'll be 21 in a couple weeks.
C
Okay.
B
All right, let's start from there. So what's going on?
A
Okay, well, a couple weeks ago my dad came to me and told me that he wanted me to get on birth control. And I told him that I didn't need to, I didn't want to. There are several different health reasons, especially that for people in my family. My cousins have been on it and have had a lot of problems when they come off of it. And I just don't think that I need to be on it. And I really don't feel that he trusts me or that he doesn't believe me and that I'm just being stubborn or whatever. But he's telling me now that either I get on it or I can't go out and stay out all night. I can't go on vacations.
B
Once again, how old are you?
A
Almost 21.
B
So you're obviously living in your parents house.
A
Yeah, Cause I'm still in school right now.
B
Okay.
C
Okay. Now do you have a relationship with your mom or is your dad the primary parent?
A
Yeah, it's just my dad.
C
It's just your dad. Okay, so. Okay, so he's not consulting with your mom on this?
A
No, I mean, I have my stepmother and he talks to my stepmother about it, but I talked to her about it and she feels the same way that he does.
B
All right. Have you confided in your parents before that you are sexually active?
A
No, I'm not. I've never been. I'm still a virgin.
C
You're still a virgin and you're committed to saving yourself until you're married.
A
Yes.
C
And they know that.
A
Yes.
C
They just don't believe that.
A
Yeah.
C
Okay.
B
Well, first of all, it certainly sounds like there are some trust issues here. So there must be something in the past, in the history that make them have these trust issues, be it with you or be it with some experience, is with some friends, kids. Is there a history of that?
C
They're watching too much Dateline or Prime Time.
B
Too much OC is what they're watching. I don't know.
A
I think if you just knew my family, especially my cousins and how wild and crazy they were when they were my age, it might have a lot to do with it. But I'm not a wild and crazy person. I'm just kind of laid back or whatever. And I just think that they look at my cousins and see how they needed to be on it for, you know, certain reasons. And then they look at me and they'd be like, well, we want her to be on it just in case. But.
I really just don't know anymore if they really do believe me or not.
B
Okay, so that's almost like. So their only point of reference is your cousins who are of similar age, or at least back in their past, they were pretty wild. And your dad is, I'm guessing, and your stepmom pretty conservative.
A
Not really. They're just very protective when it comes to me because I'm the baby of the family and everything, and I've always just been treated like I was the baby of the family and like I'm a little girl.
B
Okay, can I eliminate a bunch of the calls? Because, I mean, we're going to get a million people who are going to call up and go, you are 20 years old, you're an adult, and granted, you live under their life, but you need to make the decisions for the hell. Because I think that's. I don't know, I mean, that's my first thought is, you're 20 years old. This isn't a decision that your dad makes for you at age 20. But it's such a fine line here because. Is he paying for school also?
A
Well, no, I have a scholarship, but he is paying a few of my bills right now. And that's what I didn't want him to because I knew something like this would happen and he could tell me, well, you're living under my roof and I'm paying your bills, so you have to do what I want. But I don't feel like this should be a rule that should be able to be enforced on me and I be punished for it if I don't follow it?
C
Well, here's a question. Cause you brought up something about whether if you don't go on it, then you can't go out and stay out all night. Like, is that what he's most worried about? I mean, because you are 20, you're almost 21, so you're probably going out a whole lot. I mean that's the age where you want to go to clubs, you want to go, you know, party hopping and that sort of thing. And so are, I mean, are you doing other things that would make him not trust you? Are you coming in after curfew? Are you, you know, disobeying him on other things because you are living in his house? You know, I mean, have you given him other reasons?
A
Okay, right after I graduated, I moved out for a while.
C
Uh huh.
A
And when I moved back in, he told me, you know, he's like, I want you to move back in. And if you move back in then I'm not gonna put any of these rules on you because I know you've been out on your own and you're not gonna be able, you know, to handle living under my rules saying that you have, you know, you have to be home about 1 o' clock in the morning and you can't go out here and you can't go out there. And he's like, I just wanna know where you're at, you know, if you're coming home or not. You know, I just want to know that you're okay. And so I was like, okay, well if you can stick to those rules then I'll move back in, you know, like I'm fine with that.
C
But does he still hate it when you stay out all night though?
A
No, because I call him and let him know, you know, I'll let him know ahead of time before I go out that I'm going out and I'm not going to be coming back home. And you know, this is where I'm going to be staying and you know, here's the number you can reach me at if you need me. And you know, anything like that, it.
B
Just, it does feel, you know, I think Jeff brought up a really good point. Like at 20 or 21 years old I, I haven't been in this situation, but if I was living at home, I wouldn't be checking in with my parents and letting them know where I am all the time. Giving them the parents phone number to the people that I'm Spending the night over or something.
A
I do that. I mean, just like, in case. Like, a lot of my friends, you know, they have their own places, they stay out on their own. And so, you know, I'll stay over there. And I'm like, well, you know, here's number to my friend, just in case. But, you know, you can call me on my cell phone because I always have my cell phone with me. And it's just. I do that out of respect for them because I know that, you know, my dad always worries about me. I know I'm daddy's little girl and everything, but, you know, like you said, you know, I am 20 years old, and this should be my decision. You know, I mean, I consider. I know I'm so young, but I consider myself to be a woman. And, you know, as a woman, I have the right to decide what goes in my body and what doesn't. And I think this should be one of the decisions.
B
All right, Ashley, I'm gonna put you on hold for a second. Cause obviously a whole bunch of people are calling up to give you some advice. I can't put y' all on at the same time because we have the voice disguiser on.
A
Okay?
B
So I'm gonna put you on hold, and we're gonna take some calls, and then I'll come back to you and get your reaction, okay?
A
Okay.
B
So don't go anywhere. Okay. Can you turn the voice disguiser off? And.
Lydia, you're on the birth show on all the hits. Q100. Hi.
A
Well, my name's Lydia. I'm 20. And when I was 16, when I started going out and stuff, my mom put me on birth control. Well, I can see where her dad is coming from because, you know, just in case the worst does happen, but. And you know, you want her to be protected, but.
B
How old were you when your mom put you on birth control?
A
16 when I started driving.
B
That feels very different to me. Absolutely. Because that's your. Because you are under the care of your parents at age 16, and they have to make decisions for you. And if that's a decision, I don't know if I agree with it. But if that's a decision that they made at age 16, they're finally 20. You are an adult. And she said she's almost 21. You are within weeks of being able to buy a beer. I mean, like.
C
Yeah, no, I. I don't know, though. I tend to kind of lean towards her dad because she is staying out all night. He obviously doesn't like that. And she's moved back into his house. He's really providing for her and taking care of her again in the dad role. So how can you tell him, okay, please be a dad on one hand, but on the other hand, stop being a dad. Because he's really just trying to protect his daughter and be a dad to her.
B
See now I don't think that you're saying stop being dad. I just think you're saying stop being as controlling.
C
Yeah, but she's also asking him to be controlling in other ways. Whereas he's providing, he's providing for her and paying her bills and he's in control in a lot of other ways that benefit her. You know what I'm saying? Like, I just don't think that it's fair for her to move back in to mom and dad's house and ask them for some things and then demand things like, and not do the whole give and take thing.
B
Morning TC hey, how's it going everybody? Good, man, how are you?
A
I'm doing pretty good. My take on it, I think that she has a dad who is.
At his last point of trying to hold.
B
On to his little girl and he.
A
Doesn'T want to let her go.
B
And I mean I could understand him.
A
Trying to be protective of her, but.
B
There are other options.
A
And for him to be so demanding.
B
I think it's just his way of trying to.
A
Trying his lastest effort trying to hold on. But to her I'd say, I mean you're, you're coming into womanhood so you.
B
Have to decide, well whether if you're.
A
Going to stay in your parents house.
B
And respect their rules and then, you.
A
Know, cut out your hanging out all.
B
Night and cut out the partying for.
A
A while until you can get your own place.
B
That was kind of my. Jeff and I were just talking about this off the air and it really, it for me it boils down to, you know what, I would never handle it like this. But there is something to be said by. If you're living under your parents house, then you gotta live by their rules. And Jeff thinks it's more of a medical thing than anything else. Oh, not a medical thing. It's a human rights thing. I mean, this is not a rule. A rule is call me before you use the car or if you use the car, return it with the tank full or don't come in the house after midnight because it wakes up me and your mother. Those are rules. You know, keep your room clean, don't park in the front of the garage door. Those are rules. You take a medication is not a rule. Not only do I think it's. I mean, put a chemical into your body, I mean, I use the example of smoking. But going back to that, it's the same thing. You're introducing a chemical to your body that she doesn't want to. Not only do I think it's inappropriate, I think it's probably illegal. I mean, the solution to this is, I mean, she needs to move out. He is forcing her to. To take a body altering chemical. I wonder, you know, what if this was like Law and Order and we were looking at this case, right? He forces her to go on the pill. She goes on the pill and she does get some kind of disease that is directly correlated to the pill, would she legally be able to sue her father for that? Well, that's the thing.
C
Or vice versa. Yeah, I think she does need to move out, but, I mean, different opinions, same solution, but vice versa. She doesn't go on the pill. She gets pregnant and then expects daddy to pay for it.
B
Those are all good angles, you know what I mean? Yeah. It could go either way. Good morning, Shay. You're on the Burt Show.
A
Hi. Yeah. I think maybe she should just go get the pill just to appease her dad and not take it.
C
No, she can't lie to him.
B
No, she needs to handle this with her dad as an adult. I mean, she's 21 years old one way or another. I don't know that hiding it or lying to him is the right answer on that, but I don't know. I guess it's an option. I don't know that I'd handle it that way. Do you think that would only make it worse? Right?
C
Yeah. Well, I think she's got to do. I don't know, I think she's got to address it with her dad and do what she can to move out on her own, because she's been out on her own before. She's used to that independence. And going back and being parented again after you've been out on your own just doesn't really work. I had a similar experience. I went home for six weeks one summer while I was in college. And after just a year of being in college and going back for six weeks, it was like, I don't want you to parent me anymore. You did a great job. Now I'm independent. And so I signed up for like the second semester summer classes because it was like, I love you guys, but don't parent me anymore, you know?
B
Hey, Ashley.
A
Yeah?
B
To me, it feels like this is that very defining point in your relationship with your dad, where you're not a little girl anymore and you're a young woman. And that's a tough conversation to have with your parents, but most have to go through it. And I think you're at it.
C
Okay, you can do it. Stand up to him. You said earlier, you're 20 years old, you're a woman. You can, you know, you can express your opinion. And you know, it's gonna be. It's gonna be a tough conversation, but it's one that you absolutely need to have. And if that means that you. You gotta get a job and figure it out and consolidate your bills and get out of the house sooner than maybe you would have liked, then that's what you gotta do. But you've gotta face it like an adult in order for him to treat you like an adult.
A
Well, the thing is, yeah, I've already confronted him about it and we talked about it, and he just refuses to listen. He doesn't see it my way. And really, it's just because he does see me as a child, I think. And even though I act like an adult, you know, I'm mature, responsible, and, you know, when I was paying my bills, I was taking care of them, paying them on time, paying them in full. You know, I took care of my responsibilities at the house. You know, I went to work every day, showed up all the time, you know, and I did, you know, everything right. And it's just. It really hurts me that this is the way he's rewarding me for it.
B
You know, I would say that to him. I think that's a really valid point. And I also think this, you know, like in any business conversation, when two people are. Any relationship, when two people are on such polar opposites in opinion, if you come to the table with some kind of compromise, generally you both are going to walk away happy and disappointed. But at least you can get some common ground. So what is the compromise here? Is it the condoms for both of you guys?
A
I mean, I'd be willing to do that if that made him feel better. I just don't really think he's going to go for it.
C
Well, it could be the condoms. It could be you promising that you're going to be home at a different time. I mean, it could be the staying out late all night that he, in the back of his mind is going, well, she's not having sex and what else is she doing?
B
Because nothing good is going on between.
C
Midnight and 6 nothing good happens after midnight or 2am or whatever. So I mean maybe the compromise is you say, you know what, I'll be home by 2 or 2:30 and I'll, you know, take condoms everywhere I go if you just, you know, back off on the taking the pill thing.
B
So what are your instincts saying right now? Like if you had to have the conversation with him in five minutes, what would you do? At this point.
A
He probably would never agree to anything I said it's his way or no way. And I don't know what would happen from there.
B
That's a prediction. I'm asking you, what are you gonna do?
A
What am I gonna do?
B
Uh huh.
C
Um.
A
I, I mean I.
I don't want to get on the pills. I'm doing everything possible not to.
But if it comes down to it that I'm, I mean, cause I can't afford to move out on my own because. And the way my school schedule is, I'd never be able to have a job that would work with me with the way my school schedule is.
To be able to move out of my own flight now.
So I mean, I don't know how that would work.
B
So you got some thinking to do?
A
Yeah.
B
Okay, let's check back in with you on Monday. I think, you know what, it may not be the same issue with a lot of other people, but I think we've got a lot of listeners that are probably in the same place in their life right now that are probably going to get a real education on how to handle a situation like this. And that's why I think it's kind of, it's pretty cool. If we could call you back on Monday and find out how everything went.
A
Okay.
B
Okay.
A
All right, thanks.
B
All right, good luck. Good luck. Okay.
A
All right, I appreciate it.
B
Bye bye bye. The Bird Show.
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Guys, thanks for Helping me carry my Christmas tree.
B
Zoe, this thing weighs a ton. Briski, live with your legs, man.
A
Santa. Santa, did you get my letter?
B
He's talking to you, Bridges.
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I'm not of right Santa.
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You know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list and elf I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right Mrs. Claus?
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Kimber.
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Release Date: December 8, 2025
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Pionaire Podcasting)
Main Guests: “Ashley” (pseudonym; voice disguised), listeners Lydia and TC
Main Theme: Navigating parental control over adult children’s personal choices, specifically a father’s insistence that his 20-year-old daughter start birth control
This thought-provoking episode delves into the delicate and sometimes tense boundaries between parental authority and adult autonomy, centering on a listener’s real-life struggle. “Ashley,” nearing her 21st birthday, is feeling pressured by her father to get on birth control—despite being a legal adult and not sexually active—under threat of social restrictions. The Bert Show team and their listeners explore the issue from multiple perspectives, dissecting notions of trust, control, adult independence, and family dynamics. The discussion is lively, empathetic, and full of both humor and heartfelt advice, providing insights that resonate with young adults and parents alike.
[02:04–06:22]
Memorable Quote:
“You know, as a woman, I have the right to decide what goes in my body and what doesn't. And I think this should be one of the decisions.”
— Ashley (08:29)
[04:17–05:08]
Quote:
“I just think that they look at my cousins and see how they needed to be on it for, you know, certain reasons. And then they look at me and they'd be like, well, we want her to be on it just in case.”
— Ashley (04:39)
[05:33–07:42]
Quote:
“If you're living under your parents’ house, then you gotta live by their rules.”
— Host (11:16)
Counterpoint:
“You take a medication is not a rule. Not only do I think it's inappropriate, I think it's probably illegal.”
— Host (11:26)
[08:58–13:17]
[13:17–16:55]
Remarkable Host Advice:
“Most have to go through it… you’re not a little girl anymore and you’re a young woman. That’s a tough conversation to have with your parents, but I think you’re at it.”
— Host (13:55)
“You’ve gotta face it like an adult in order for him to treat you like an adult.”
— Host (14:34)
[14:37–17:04]
Ashley on bodily autonomy:
“As a woman, I have the right to decide what goes in my body and what doesn't. And I think this should be one of the decisions.”
— Ashley (08:29)
On parental “rules”:
“A rule is, call me before you use the car… Those are rules. You take a medication is not a rule. Not only do I think it’s inappropriate, I think it’s probably illegal.”
— Host (11:24)
On emotional strain:
“It really hurts me that this is the way he’s rewarding me for it.”
— Ashley (14:46)
On compromise:
“Generally you both are going to walk away happy and disappointed. But at least you can get some common ground. So what is the compromise here?”
— Host (15:18)
On parental protection vs. control:
“He’s at his last point of trying to hold on to his little girl and he doesn't want to let her go.”
— Listener TC (10:40)
The conversation is candid and supportive, blending empathy with tough love and honesty. The hosts maintain a light banter but take Ashley’s struggles seriously, ultimately empowering her with validation and pragmatic advice. The tone is real, relatable, and occasionally humorous, making a difficult subject approachable without diminishing its gravity.
This episode is highly recommended not only for those navigating similar issues with parents, but also for parents learning to let go. The Bert Show’s open forum brings much-needed visibility and validation to struggles that many young adults face in silence.