Vault: Bloopers audio unhinged! What did he just say?

Summary

The Bert Show: “Vault: Bloopers Audio Unhinged! What Did He Just Say?”

Episode Date: May 7, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and the Bert Show team
Episode Theme:
A riotous morning radio episode centered on audio bloopers, bizarre online dating profiles, and memorable moments from the airwaves. With their signature irreverence, The Bert Show crew shares cringe-worthy clips, laughs at awkward mistakes, and deep-dives into seductive song choices—all culminating with a legendary Barry White studio outtake.

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Main Theme & Purpose

The episode celebrates the lighter, unhinged side of live radio and television, focusing on the hilarity of public bloopers and human awkwardness. The cast reacts to funny clips, discusses the quirks of online dating, and bonds over their own studio flubs—reminding listeners that authenticity and laughter go hand in hand.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. TV Anchor Bloopers: The “Top Cop” Stumble

[00:32–01:22]

• Bert sets the tone by sharing a TV news blooper from New York, where the anchor repeatedly says “top top cop” on air instead of “top cop.”
• The crew riffs on the slip, joking about the officer’s reaction and the universal nature of on-air mistakes.
  • Notable exchange:
    • Radio Host: “He had to make a formal apology to that officer later.”
    • Radio Co-host 2: “Well, no, because that officer’s like, well, thank you very much, Lucy.” [01:11]

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2. Online Dating Video Profile Bloopers

[01:29–06:53]

• The team listens to a compilation of “the most bizarre online dating videos of all time,” reacting in real-time to each unique and hilarious character.

Memorable Online Daters:

• The Geek:

  • Shares his shyness, love for conversation, avoidance of tattoos or earrings, and dependence on glasses:
    • Profile Speaker: “I’d rather have the pure naturalness as opposed to, say, putting some weird stuff on me except for my glasses. But then again, I sort of need them to see and I think that’s a joke.” [02:57]
  • Radio Co-host 2: “Were there tape in his glasses when he was talking?” [03:07]

• The Romantic Glutton for Love:

  • Proclaims she wants “as many hot guys as possible,” puns about food and sex, references her “wild and crazy” nature:
    • Profile Speaker: “If romance was like food, I’m a glutton because I am always hungry and I’m hungry right now. I love to eat. You should date... I’m not boring. I’m wild and crazy. And there’s a possibility that we could have sex. Like you played a song Closer by Nine Inch Nails.” [03:38–04:13]
  • Radio Host: “Hook her up with the dude with the glasses.” [04:18]

• Jeremiah, the Pepsi Philosopher:

  • Talks about “having fun, staying young, drink Pepsi,” loses track mid-sentence, and makes the studio laugh:
    • Profile Speaker: “I like to drink lots of alcohol, answer dating questions, and not know what I’m saying until I look on the Internet and say, no, Jeremiah, what did you do? No. And then I just laugh at it all and move on...” [05:19]
  • Radio Co-host 2: “Wow, too much Pepsi.” [05:52]

• Bulldogs Fan/Sling Blade Guy:

  • Offers heartfelt but meandering comments about women, “passion, loving, caring,” detests women who “want a dollar or two to get them a drink and walk out the door”:
    • Profile Speaker: “Well, passion, loving, caring. I’m not a stay at home guy, so I like to get out and do things. So if that’s what y’all want to do, let’s hop on ride and let’s go.” [06:33]

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3. Seduction Songs: What’s Your Aphrodisiac Track?

[07:00–08:08]

• The crew pivots from dating oddballs to “seduction songs,” inviting listeners to share which songs put them in the mood.
  • Radio Host: “If a girl told me, if you put that Nine Inch Nails song on and we’re gonna get it, it’s gonna be a wild night.” [04:31]
  • Radio Co-host 2: “You’re gonna have claw marks in your back.” [04:42]
• Callers chime in with picks:
  • “Justify My Love” by Madonna.
    • Caller: “Oh, my God. Justify My Love as an oldie, but a goodie.” [07:31]
    • Radio Co-host 2: “Oh, yeah, Madonna. Good one.” [07:35]
  • “Birthday Sex.”
    • Caller: “My song would be birthday sex. It doesn’t even have to be your birthday to get it onto that.” [07:58]
    • The studio debates the sexiness of various tracks, sharing laughs along the way.

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4. Legendary Barry White Blooper Reel

[08:08–11:44]

• Bert intros a classic: a studio recording of Barry White repeatedly fumbling a commercial spot, dropping expletives while maintaining his signature velvet voice.
  • Barry White (various outtakes):
    • “For the first... for the first thing, I’m cutting the pot, Tony. Jesus.” [09:00]
    • “Ain’t this a bitch?” [11:26]
• The team acknowledges the universal pain of botched copy, bonding over their own on-air mistakes.
  • Radio Co-host 2: “Anybody who writes copy, and it’s bad copy, that’s what happens in the studio shoot.” [11:39]
  • Radio Host: “I’ve had great copy and I just can’t get through it. Blamed it on the people that have written the copy.” [11:44]

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Notable Quotes & Highlights

• Radio Host (on crossover between geeky dating and wild personalities):
  “Hook her up with the dude with the glasses.” [04:18]
• Radio Co-host 2 (on online daters):
  “Wow, too much Pepsi.” [05:52]
• Barry White (perfect summation of audio chaos):
  “Ain’t this a bitch?” [11:26]
• Caller (about Madonna):
  “Justify My Love as an oldie, but a goodie.” [07:31]
• Radio Co-host 2 (empathizing with everyone who’s ever botched a recording):
  “Anybody who writes copy, and it’s bad copy, that’s what happens in the studio shoot.” [11:39]

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Memorable Moments by Timestamp

• 00:57 – “Top top cop” TV blooper sets the comedic tone
• 02:08 – First dating profile: pro-glasses, anti-tattoos, shy geek
• 03:17 – “I’m not boring. I’m wild and crazy... possibility we could have sex” online dater
• 05:19 – Jeremiah’s convoluted Pepsi-themed musings
• 06:33 – Bulldogs/Sling Blade-style declaration about women and passion
• 04:31 / 07:00 – Seduction song roundtable: from “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails to “It’s a Small World”
• 07:31 – Caller picks Madonna’s “Justify My Love” as their top seduction song
• 08:59–11:26 – Barry White’s exasperated studio outtakes, building comic tension to a perfect radio release

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Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, self-deprecating, and filled with the kind of infectious, candid laughter listeners expect from The Bert Show. The team’s chemistry shines as they roast, support, and riff off each other—and their faux pas—making the blooper theme relatable, light-hearted, and unmissable for listeners seeking a slice of real, unfiltered radio.

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Summary

“Vault: Bloopers Audio Unhinged!” proves that even professionals slip up—and that’s where the real fun lies. From bumbling TV anchors and oddball dating hopefuls to the king-of-cool Barry White losing his cool in the booth, The Bert Show finds comedic gold in the human side of broadcasting, all while inviting listeners to join in the laughter.

Transcript

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Radio Host]

All right, I've got some audio that's been left over for like the last three or four days. Some of this stuff I have to run after 8:30. So I'm glad the timing on it is happening right now. This is a TV anchor up in New York City who was trying to say top cop, as in police officer during the 6 o' clock news in New York City.

[News Anchor]

Lucy, thank you. Tonight, New York City's former top top cop, Bernard Carrick ordered to make an unexpected

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 1]

whoopsie.

[Radio Host]

A little too many.

[Radio Co-host 1]

I think. He had to make a formal apology to that officer later.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Well, no, because that officer's like, well, thank you very much, Lucy.

[News Anchor]

Thank you. Tonight, New York City's former top top cop, Bernard Carrick ordered to make an unexpected trip to jail.

[Radio Host]

You know, he's gonna like both honors, you know. Sure. I'm the dude. I'm like, yeah. Refer to me last night on the news.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Yes.

[Radio Host]

These come from. I haven't listened to these yet, so I don't know if they're really good or suck. But one website has these as some of the most bizarre online dating videos of all time. So these would be video profiles that you put up online. Okay. Okay. And the first one. Oh, Lord, Melissa, you may be more. You may know more about this than I do. Comes from Utaru. Is that some kind of sci fi handle?

[Radio Co-host 2]

I don't know.

[Radio Host]

Ut A R U. I don't.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Not that I know of. But is it a geeky. I think it's a profile.

[Radio Host]

I think we got geeky profile.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 2]

Okay, well, I want people to know about me is I'm sort of a wild and crazy guy, really spontaneous, really strange. I mean, but at the same time, I'm also sort of normal, down to earth. I mean, I live at home with my parents. Although that shouldn't be a distraction against people. I really care about things and the people that I know About. I'm very friendly. I'm very outgoing, if you get to know me. And I mean, unfortunately, I also find myself a little bit shy and that's why I'm sort of doing this. I guess my biggest turn on would be a great conversationalist. Someone who I'm able to talk with, I'm intrigued with, has a nice voice and has great eyes, of course. I mean, even through glasses. And I'm able to like just chat away without any realizing what the time is. Nope. No tattoos, no earrings, none of that sort of stuff.

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

I'm not.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 2]

I'd rather have the pure naturalness as opposed to, say, putting some weird stuff on me except for my glasses. But then again, I sort of need them to see and I think that's a joke.

[Radio Host]

It's not awful.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Well, I mean, if that is real to all geeks everywhere. Seriously, I mean that, you know, what a stereotype. Were there tape in his glasses when he was talking?

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 1]

I'm just looking for somebody to have fun with. That's it. I'm not into having a long term relationship and I don't want to get married again ever. My idea of heaven would be to go out with as many hot guys as possible. I want to do voiceovers.

[Radio Host]

Oh, God.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 1]

I've been on the radio quite a bit. But I want to do it like as a part time thing. Not to make money, but because I love hearing myself on the radio. If romance was like food, I'm a glutton because I am always hungry and I'm hungry right now. I love to eat. You should date.

[Radio Co-host 1]

Because

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 1]

I'm not boring. I'm wild and crazy. And there's a possibility that we could have sex. Like you played a song Closer by Nine Inch Nails.

[Radio Co-host 1]

Oh, my God.

[Radio Host]

Hook her up with the dude with the glasses.

[Radio Co-host 1]

Oh, my God.

[Radio Host]

Should I go on on those or are those kind of lame?

[Radio Co-host 2]

Well, I do. It made me think of something though. Is there like. Does everybody have a song that if somebody played it?

[Radio Host]

Like your aphrodisiac song?

[Radio Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Radio Host]

Your seduction song, 40474. It would say a lot about you. Like if. If a girl told me, if you put that Nine Inch Nails song on and we're gonna get it, it's gonna be a wild night.

[Radio Co-host 2]

You're gonna have claw marks in your back.

[Radio Host]

Yeah, that's gonna be a painful, painful night. It's probably gonna be some wax. I'm walking out of that place with burn marks. Mine is It's a Small world.

[Radio Co-host 1]

Oh, God.

[Radio Host]

It's appropriate this is Jeremiah.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 3]

She makes the rider that wants to have fun, likes to go out and just basically have fun with. I would have to say my favorite motto is, have fun, stay young, drink Pepsi. Because why only have so much fun? And why not stay young mentally and enjoy life for what it truly is? My dream vacation would be going to Jamaica, sipping a margarita on the beach, staring into the sun as the music in the background plays something really good. I like to drink lots of alcohol, answer dating questions, and not know what I'm saying until I look on the Internet and say, no, Jeremiah, what did you do? No. And then I just laugh at it all and move on to the next.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Wow, Too much Pepsi.

[Radio Co-host 1]

Seriously, staying young. He lost where he was. He's like, wait, what's my name again?

[Radio Host]

Ronald. Looking for himself a little. A nice girl.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 4]

Also what I'm looking forward.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Oh, my goodness.

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

Yes.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 4]

Beautiful. Any person wants to go out with me.

[Radio Host]

Sling Blade, man.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 4]

That's what you want to know. Well, I can't date a woman that walk out on you five minutes, then they tell you they want a dollar or two to get them a drink and walk out the door and not come back.

[Radio Host]

The thing I value most than women

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 4]

is most valuable, almost women. Well, passion, loving, caring. I'm not a stay at home guy, so I like to get out and do things. So if that's what y' all want to do, let's hop on ride and let's go.

[Radio Host]

I am fairly certain that is a Bulldogs fan right there.

[Radio Co-host 1]

I thought it was an actual bulldog who could just talk.

[Radio Host]

Freaky songs.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Yes, seduction songs. If somebody put this song on, you would not resist.

[Radio Host]

Then after we take these calls, I've got one more thing to play for you. It's Barry White was cutting a commercial and couldn't get it right. And he got so frustrated, he just started cussing his way through the whole commercial. But to hear him cuss in that Barry White voice is still sexy.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Yeah, Barry White has. Yeah, that's a. That's a seduction song for a lot of people. Babies made.

[Radio Host]

Hey, Van. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, how you guys doing this morning?

[Radio Host]

Okay, what is your seductive song?

[Caller]

Oh, my God. Justify My Love as an oldie, but a goodie.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Oh, yeah, Madonna. Good one.

[Caller]

Yeah, when she was cool. Now she's just freaky.

[Radio Host]

Yeah, I can feel the sexiness in that one. That's good. Thank you.

[Caller]

Hey, hey. Go Gators.

[Radio Host]

Go Gators.

[Radio Co-host 2]

What the hell?

[Radio Host]

I like her.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 1]

Really?

[Radio Host]

I like her.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Yeah. Wendy, seduction song is the Gators fight song.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 1]

Exactly.

[Radio Host]

Isn't it?

[Radio Co-host 2]

Everybody's.

[Radio Host]

Hey, Whitney, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, good morning.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 4]

Good morning.

[Caller]

My song would be birthday sex. It doesn't even have to be your birthday to get it onto that.

[Radio Host]

That's not bad. Yeah, I'm not feeling all that sexy to it.

[Radio Co-host 1]

Yeah.

[Radio Host]

Sexual healing. Becca was gonna say also sexual healing. All right, this is. This is Barry White. Well, I don't think he's not with us anymore, is he?

[Radio Co-host 2]

I don't know.

[Radio Co-host 1]

I don't know.

[Radio Host]

Barry White pass away.

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 4]

I don't know.

[Radio Host]

He did pass away. He did.

[Radio Co-host 2]

He did. Oh, my God.

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

There's an Australian ghost.

[Radio Host]

Josh just stepped in studio. Grab a mic. Dude. How you doing?

[Online Dating Profile Speaker 3]

Atlanta

[Radio Host]

school. It was okay. This is a recording from Barry White, who I think was doing either a PSA or a commercial. And we've all had these days where we're in. In, like a production studio and we're in a rush to get out of here, and you just start messing up your lines. I'm guilty of it. I know. I just start cursing and turn into a little bitch. Right? Barry White had little day.

[Barry White (voice recording)]

Hi, this is Barry White.

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

Please join me on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, May 8th, 9th, and 10th. For the first. For the first thing, I'm cutting the pot, Tony. Jesus.

[Barry White (voice recording)]

Hi, this is Barry White and Paul

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

Quinn college cordially invite you to a weekend in Texas on Friday, Saturday. One more time, Saturday and Sunday.

[Barry White (voice recording)]

Hi, this is Barry white and Paul

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

Quinn college cordially invites you to a weekend in Texas on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, May 8th, 9th and 10th. As the

[Barry White (voice recording)]

hi, this is Barry White

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

and Hawkwind college cordially invites you to a weekend in Waco, Texas, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, May 8th, 9th and 10th. This gala weekend will include the welcoming of celebrities reception on Friday, the first, second and third rounds of tennis tournament, the first, second and third rounds of

[Barry White (voice recording)]

hi, this is Barry White

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

to a weekend in Waco, Texas, welcoming celebrities to reception on Friday. Let's take it after the 8th, 9th, and 10th. Okay. Do it over. Hi, this is Barry White and fall. Quinn college cordially invites you to a beautiful weekend in Waco, Texas on Friday.

[Radio Host]

It's just not fair.

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

These words up, man. I mean, he's got words that he don't even need. Barry white and Paul Quinn college cordially invites you to a beautiful weekend in Waco, Texas, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, May 8th, 9th, and 10th. This gala weekend will include the welcoming celebrity reception on Friday. The first, second and third rounds of the tennis tournament, the Barry White concert with beloved Unlimited Orchestra, of course. And the post concert reception on Saturday. And our championship semi finals are fish, man, I'm gonna lay cut this off, all right? This I'm gonna pick it up to Concert Love Unlimited Orchestra. That's why.

[Radio Co-host 2]

I'm sorry. We have all done this.

[Radio Host]

Totally.

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

Go get your tickets now.

[Barry White (voice recording)]

Hi, this is Barry Weiss at Corquin

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

College in court cordially invite your to come on down.

[Caller]

He's done.

[Barry White (voice recording)]

Hi, this is Barry White.

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

And Falkwin College cordially invites you to a beautiful weekend on Friday, Saturday. Ain't this a bitch?

[Radio Host]

Love it.

[Radio Co-host 2]

Anybody who writes copy, and it's bad copy, that's what happens in the studio shoot.

[Radio Host]

I've had great copy and I just can't get through it. Blamed it on the people that have written the copy.

[Radio Co-host 2]

That's great.

[Radio Host]

All right, we come back, Michael Johns. We've given him an open invitation. We said, look, when you're in Atlanta, just stop by whenever you want. So we did. Michael John's in studio next Q100.

[Radio Producer/Engineer]

This these words up, man. I mean, he got words that he don't even need.

[Radio Host]

The bird show.