Podcast Summary: The Bert Show — Vault: Bridesmaids Search
Episode Date: November 5, 2025
Cast: Bert (host), Shelly (caller/bride), Jen, Leslie (caller), Camille (caller), and other Bert Show regulars

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into an offbeat wedding dilemma: Shelly, a soon-to-be bride, can’t find enough bridesmaids for her wedding. Instead of dwelling on tradition, Shelly humorously enlists the help of the show—and their listeners—to fill her bridal party, igniting a lively and genuine on-air matchmaking segment. The conversation is equal parts funny, honest, and heartfelt as the cast—and callers—help Shelly find her perfect stand-in bridesmaids.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Shelly’s Unusual Bridesmaid Problem (01:45–03:12)

• Shelly joins the show and shares her unique issue: “I'm guessing the biggest problem you have is actually finding a man to spend the rest of your life with. Not in Shelly's case.” (Bert, 01:46)
• Shelly admits, “I think the biggest reason is because I am so totally lazy. Friends take so much time, girl.” (Shelly, 02:36)
• She jokes that girlfriends are more high-maintenance than boyfriends.

2. Seeking Bridesmaids On-Air (03:12–05:20)

• Shelly remarks on the awkwardness of asking new acquaintances to be in her wedding, “Hi, I know we just met and we've only worked together three months, but could you be my maid of honor?” (Shelly, 02:55)
• The hosts turn it into a phone-in opportunity: if you want to be a bridesmaid, call in!

3. Shelly’s Criteria & Wedding Details (04:25–05:09)

• The big day: May 31.
• Shelly’s criteria: decent personality, no divas or “serial killers,” must fit into off-the-rack dresses due to time constraints, preferably someone who won’t “stick out” in photos (she’s Black and would like other Black bridesmaids if possible).
• Shelly jokes, “Beggars can't be choosers... if she's got a decent personality, no serial killers, you know, no divas.” (Shelly, 04:40)
• Sensitive mention: dress size matters due to last-minute shopping, but the tone is self-aware and comic.

4. Screening Potential Bridesmaids (05:40–06:45)

• Jen, the Bert Show staffer, is assigned to “screen” the candidates.
• The process resembles a radio contest, adding to the light-hearted, improv energy.

5. Call-In Candidates & On-the-Spot Auditions (06:16–08:41)

Leslie's Call (06:16–07:01)

• Leslie calls in, sharing her size and background (“I wear a size four or six”), and is Black, per Shelly’s preference.
• She aces the “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue” quiz, humorously suggesting, “something blue could be her panties.”

Camille's Call (07:11–07:49)

• Camille also wants to help. She offers a plausible cover story for how she knows Shelly: “I work a lot of places. So in one of the places I was working at, I met her. And we just kicked it off.”

• Both Leslie and Camille are asked to make impromptu toasts:

  • Leslie’s Toast:
    “May you and your new husband, may your lives be joined by all of your good friends and family.” (Leslie, 08:06)

  • Camille’s Toast:
    “May they have all the wonderful joys expected and unexpected. May they have happy ups and happy downs that they turn around and, you know, be great afterwards...” (Camille, 08:22)

• Shelly is delighted: “I’m really surprised that I actually got any responses. That’s so cool.” (Shelly, 08:52)

6. Resolution (08:41–09:00)

• Bert asks Shelly if the candidates work for her. Shelly cheerfully accepts both Leslie and Camille.
• The show and Shelly revel in the fun and success of this “rent-a-bridesmaid” moment, with plenty of laughter and camaraderie.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Shelly’s dry humor on friends:
  “Friends take so much time, girl. How'd you find a man if you don't want to put the time? Well, that's a little bit easier. They require a little bit less time than girlfriends.” (Shelly, 02:36)
• On avoiding upstaged weddings:
  “Can you imagine somebody comes to her wedding thinking it's their big day?” (Shelly, 04:47)
• Bringing listeners into the wedding:
  “Calling a radio station and getting listeners to be your bridesmaids is so much more comfortable.” (Shelly, 03:03)
• The joy of radio matchmaking:
  “I’m really surprised that I actually got any responses. That’s so cool.” (Shelly, 08:52)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 01:45 – 03:12: Shelly’s bridesmaid dilemma introduced
• 03:12 – 05:20: The cast brainstorms and defines bridesmaid search criteria
• 05:40 – 06:45: Jen screens contestants, makes it official “Rent a Bridesmaid”
• 06:16 – 08:41: Live auditions — Leslie and Camille call in, answer questions and give toasts
• 08:41 – 09:00: Shelly picks her bridesmaids, segment closes

Summary & Takeaway

This comedic and heartfelt episode showcases The Bert Show’s signature mix of real-life relatability, improvisational humor, and audience participation. Shelly’s willingness to break tradition, the hosts’ playful screening, and listeners’ enthusiastic responses contribute to a memorable, laugh-out-loud segment that reflects both the quirks and joys of modern friendship and community.

Perfect for listeners who love authentic life stories, clever banter, and the unpredictability of live radio.