Vault: Can a remote control destroy a marriage?

Summary

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The Bert Show: VAULT – Can a Remote Control Destroy a Marriage?

Original Air Date: June 22, 2026
Featured Speakers: Melissa, Katie Jo, J
Main Theme:
A hilarious and slightly chaotic story about how a broken TV remote and a desperate search for a replacement lead to an awkward misunderstanding that might have caused marital strife in a stranger's home.

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Episode Overview

In this lively segment, Melissa and Katie Jo recount a comical saga that began with their TV remote breaking at the absolute worst time—on Super Bowl weekend. Their attempts to quickly secure a replacement inadvertently cause domestic drama for a complete stranger, prompting both laughter and a little bit of guilt. The episode centers on themes of technology dependence, our willingness to do just about anything for convenience, and the unpredictable ripple effects of our actions on others.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Perils of a Broken Remote

• (01:02) Melissa sets the scene:

  • Their TV remote breaks during a big TV weekend (the Super Bowl).
  • Without a universal remote, accessing cable features becomes a Herculean task.
  • The cable company can only provide a replacement if they drive "way out to Gwinnett," which is apparently a major hassle.

• Tech Dependency:

  • The group jokes about how completely reliant we've become on remote controls.
  • Quote: "We realized that we had been so dependent on that remote control that we were panicking about what we're going to do the rest of the weekend."
    — Melissa (01:18)
  • Even the 'athlete' of the group, Katie, hates being the one to get up and change the channel manually.

• Settling for Anything:

  • Katie admits they'll “sit and watch a crap TV show for two days just because you don’t want to get up.”
    — Katie Jo (02:33)
  • The lengths they'll go to not move highlights just how small obstacles can create bigger problems.

2. The Great Remote Heist

• Desperation Breeds Creativity:

  • While driving, Melissa spots a cable service van in a neighbor’s driveway and gets a shrewd idea: offer cash to the tech for a spare remote.
  • "He's got a remote in that van somewhere. So I knew if we offered him some cash, he would give us one."
    — Melissa (02:50)
  • They awkwardly wait in the stranger’s driveway, determined to get their hands on a remote.

• Most Motivated Moment:

  • J observes: "This is the most motivated I’ve seen you in nine years."
    — J (03:59)
  • Melissa is uncharacteristically proactive, highlighting just how badly she wants that remote.

3. Unintentional Drama at a Stranger's House

• Awkward Encounter:

  • Their presence in the driveway is noticed by both the cable guy and the homeowner.
  • The cable guy promises to stop by Melissa and Katie's house after finishing up with the current customer.

• The Fallout:

  • When the cable guy visits their home, he shares that after Melissa and Katie parked outside, the homeowner’s wife became suspicious, leading to a heated argument between the couple. The man’s wife demanded to know, “Who were the two girls parked outside?”

  • "He [the cable guy] said, then he heard this man’s wife yelling from another room... they had a fight about who were the two girls that were parked outside in the driveway."
    — Melissa (04:44)

• Complicity and Guilt:

  • The cable guy admits he stayed out of it: “Well, it was none of my business... so I didn’t say nothing.”
    — Cable Guy via Melissa (05:09)

  • Melissa and Katie Jo joke about whether they should return to set the record straight, but realize it might only make things worse.

  • Quote: "You need to drive back to that house [and] apologize."
    — Katie Jo (05:14)

  • "It won't help because... I would not think twice about it. There's something going on with them anyway. We just start, like, there's some infidelity going on."
    — Melissa (05:16)

4. Would an Explanation Even Help?

• Dilemma:

  • The group laughs about how even if they explained, the suspicious wife likely wouldn’t believe a bizarre story about exchanging cash for a remote anyway.
  • Melissa puts some blame on the cable guy, claiming he just wanted to "see the drama."

• Final Musings:

  • The show wraps with self-aware humor and a tongue-in-cheek apology:
    • "Sorry if we contributed to the demise of a relationship."
      — Melissa (05:51)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Tech Dependency:

  • "You realize how far it is from the couch to the TV when your remote doesn’t work."
    — J (02:15)

• On Motivation:

  • "This is the most motivated I've seen you in nine years."
    — J (03:59)

• On Guilt:

  • "So Katie and I, sorry if we contributed to the demise of a relationship."
    — Melissa (05:51)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:02 — Story of the broken remote begins
• 02:50 — They spot the cable truck and plot the “remote heist”
• 03:59 — J jokes about Melissa’s new motivation
• 04:44 — Aftermath at stranger’s house; suspicion and conflict
• 05:14–05:29 — Discussion about whether an explanation would even help
• 05:51 — Tongue-in-cheek apology for causing possible marital discord

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Conclusion

This episode delivers a funny, relatable slice of life: the absurdity of being at the mercy of small tech failures and how seemingly innocent actions can spiral into unintended consequences for others. The tone is playful and self-deprecating, with plenty of good-natured ribbing and laughter—perfect for fans who appreciate both humor and a little honesty about modern life's quirks.

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Transcript

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[Melissa]

It feels good to Geico.

[Katie Jo]

It's the vert show.

[Melissa]

Guys, I'm afraid that Katie Jo and I may have messed up a complete stranger's marriage. All right, this is what happened. So over the weekend we were, I forgot what night it was, but I mean, this was a big important weekend for television, especially since the super bowl was on, right? So we were doing something and the remote control fell off the coffee table on the floor, which no big deal, didn't crack, didn't bust nothing. So we picked it back up and couldn't use it anymore. Like, I don't think that cable remote controls are very, you know, I don't know, sturdy. Sturdy. And we realized that I guess one too many times of tossing it on the coffee table, tossing it on the couch, whatever. Our remote control was broken, right? So we didn't have a remote, we didn't have a universal remote. We didn't have anything. And so we were frustrated because even with our cable box, it's a little difficult to get to everything on it. Like, there's not all the manual control. So we realized that we had been so dependent on that remote control that we were panicking about what we're going to do the rest of the weekend. So we call the cable company and they're like, well, you, next week you're going to have to drive to, like, I forgot where, but somewhere like in Gwinnett and we live in Fulton to go get the remote control. Like, it was not an option for them to bring us a remote control. Okay, so that was the scenario we were in. Like, we were, we were frustrated that we didn't have a remote okay, Tanya,

[J]

realize how far it is from the couch to the TV when your remote doesn't work.

[Melissa]

But even then, if you can't punch all the buttons and get to everything you need to get to. I mean, it's even not even when you. Even when I make Katie get up and go walk to the TV since she's the athlete, then, you know, and can't do it, then it's frustrating, right?

[Geico Gecko]

Yeah.

[Katie Jo]

And you'll sit and watch a crap TV show for two days just because

[J]

you don't want to get up.

[Katie Jo]

What are you watching? A documentary on Big Bird's costume. Really?

[SpinQuest Advertiser]

Why?

[Melissa]

Because that's the only channel we're getting.

[Geico Gecko]

Because it's six feet to the tv

[J]

and I won't get up because the

[Katie Jo]

show that was on this channel yesterday at two in the afternoon was fascinating.

[Melissa]

Yeah. So anyway, so we didn't have remote, so we were panicked. All right? So we were out running some errands or going to have lunch or something. And we were coming back, and we were cutting through some streets in our neighborhood, and we saw a cable truck parked in front of a house. And I said, pull over. Pull over. Because I said, he's got a remote in that van somewhere. So I knew if we offered him some cash, he would give us one of the remotes.

[Katie Jo]

Okay?

[Melissa]

So he pulled in under the table.

[SpinQuest Advertiser]

Okay.

[Katie Jo]

So the only thing that will make Melissa get out of her wallet is the threat of having to leave her house for more than 15 minutes.

[Melissa]

Whatever. So whatever. I'm not looking at you. So we pull in the driveway. Okay. Of this house that this, you know, cable guy is at, and he's talking to the guy that lives there on the front porch. And so we pull in and, you know, they both kind of look at us. And Katie kind of rolled down her window and said, you know, we want to talk to the cable guy. And so he's kind of gave us a signal, and he's, you know, like, okay, I'll be with y' all in a second, but I'm gonna go in and fix this problem first. Okay, no problem. So we sat in the driveway, and we ended up sitting there for maybe five, 10 minutes. And then Katie said, is this weird that we're sitting. You're like, he's not coming. I said, you know what? Stalking him. I said, I. We are getting that right? Because we are five feet from the van.

[J]

This is the most motivated I've seen you in nine years.

[Melissa]

I'm telling you. I'm telling you, we have to get that remote control. Okay, whatever. But I'm telling you, you need this remote control.

[SpinQuest Advertiser]

Clever.

[Melissa]

I would have never thought of it. Thank you, J. I would have never thought of it. Thank you. So we're sitting there, I'm like, no, we're not going anywhere because we're going to get that remote control. So finally, the cable guy comes out, and he comes to the car, and we explain to him what we need.

[SpinQuest Legal Disclaimer]

He.

[Melissa]

And he's like, okay, no problem. He said, you know, just let me know where your house is, and then I'll come by after I'm done here and we'll fix it up. Okay, no problem. So we go home, no big deal, take the dogs out, everything. He comes by and he said, I don't think y' all realize what you did. He said, but he said that when they got in the house, when we had pulled up, him and the guy on the front porch waving, he got in the house to fix this guy's cable, and he said, and then he heard this man's wife yelling from another room. And then the guy was pulled into that room, and he and the cable guy stood there while the two had a fight about who were the two girls that were parked outside in the driveway.

[Katie Jo]

Oh, no.

[Melissa]

And why did they not. Oh, no. So we were joking with the cable guy, and we were like, well, what did you say? And cable guy said, well, it was none of my business to, you know, to get into their business. So I didn't say nothing. So the cable guy didn't say that we were there for them.

[Katie Jo]

That's awesome.

[Melissa]

You need to drive back to that house.

[J]

You need to tell.

[Katie Jo]

Apologize.

[Melissa]

It won't help because my thing is two random, random people pulling up in a dry. Like, if two. Yeah. I would not think twice about it. I'm like, there's something going on with them anyway. We just start, like, there's some infidelity going on.

[J]

And now she's just not 100.

[Melissa]

She's like, yeah, but yeah, yeah, that's really going to help for us to say, oh, hey, we're just coming back to let you know there's really no, we weren't here for you. Like, that's not going to help. Yeah, you're right. That'll probably make it worse. I put it on the cable guy for just sitting there because he wanted to see the drama. I didn't want none of my business to say anything. That's hilarious. So, yeah, So I, I. Yeah. So Katie and I. Sorry if we contributed to the demise of a relationship.

[Katie Jo]

This is the Bird Show.

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