Vault: Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?"

Original Air Date: May 21, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, The Bert Show team—led by Bert and joined by Jen, Jeff, Melissa, Tyson, and others—dive deep into the age-old and often heated debate: Can men and women really be just friends? Prompted by Jen’s story of a platonic hangout with a male friend, the cast brings personal anecdotes, gender perspectives, and strong opinions to the table. Throughout, the conversation explores notions of attraction, friendship boundaries, intentions, and real-life experiences, all with the group’s trademark humor and authenticity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Jen’s Friendship Story

• [01:30] Bert introduces the premise: earlier debates on whether men and women can remain platonic friends, using Jen’s recent hangout as the focal point.
• Jen’s Scenario: She spent the evening at a male friend’s house in yoga pants, drinking wine and watching football. She insists they’re "just friends."
  • Jen: “We’re just friends.” [02:07]

2. The Cast’s Opinions: Attraction & Intentions

• The Male Perspective (Jeff & Bert):
  • Jeff argues that if there’s mutual attraction, platonic friendship is “irrelevant” because “every month they're putting 100 bucks in so they can buy the toys in December,” likening it to a bank deposit in hopes of a future hookup. [04:16]
  • Bert suggests platonic friendships only work if there’s "zero attraction" on both sides:
    • Bert: “If you didn’t think this dude was an attractive guy…then I think it’s possible. But since there is an attraction...you guys are gonna hook up.” [04:49]
• The Female Perspective (Jen & Melissa):
  • Jen maintains the relationship is platonic and she values the friendship too much to risk it, arguing:
    • “That’s why. Because it’s platonic…I don’t want to mess that up.” [06:17]
  • Melissa shares her own story of a male friend with whom it "has always been platonic," but notes the friendship fizzled after he got a girlfriend. [05:19]

3. Dissecting the “Platonic” Defense

• Jeff Doubles Down:
  • Mocks the idea of pure platonic connection in these circumstances.
  • Jeff: “That type of platonic relationship means he wants to play with your boobs.” [05:41]
• Power Dynamic:
  • Tyson (who dates women) compares experiences to show that the anticipation and possibility of more-than-friends may always linger if attraction is present:
    • Tyson: “Every situation is a potential opportunity…If he made an advance on you, you would turn him down. If you made an advance on him, he would not turn you down.” [11:25]
• Responsibility:
  • Tyson and Jeff agree that if Jen wants true platonic friendship, the bulk of responsibility for maintaining boundaries is on her:
    • Tyson: “The responsibility is gonna be on your shoulders…he will take advantage if a situation comes up.” [08:44]

4. Listener Calls & More Stories

• Lynn’s Call:
  • Lynn: “I have a guy friend…Neither one of us were dating anybody. We would end up hooking up…it was just one of those things.” [07:51]
  • The cast frames this as evidence that even long-term platonic friendships can become romantic or sexual if the circumstances change.
• Bert and Jeff Reference Listener Patterns:
  • Recall past examples where men “pretended to be friends for 15 years” just waiting for an opening. [12:09]

5. Memorable Analogies & Group Dynamics

• The Cat and Tuna Analogy:
  • Jeff: "If you put a handful of cat food outside the door…that cat knows there’s always a chance.... When you say 99%, he doesn’t hear 99%. He hears 1% really, really, really loud.” [13:07]
• The Parking Lot Brain:
  • Jeff: “Your girl brain—there’s too many roads. Guy brain is one big empty parking lot…You can see everything.” [09:30]

6. Flirtation & Boundaries

• The cast debates whether jokes and playful comments cross boundaries.
  • Bert: “Even that itself is flirty.” [04:08] (about Jen joking “don’t try to make out with me”)

7. Is the Risk Worth It?

• Tyson:
  • “This is the funnest part of dating casually…The leading up to the making out part. Enjoy it.” [13:13]
• Jen:
  • Maintains her stance and pushes back: “I just want to be friends. I don’t want to mess things up.” [06:23]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [03:06] Jeff (on Jen’s friend):
  “I have watched him from a distance the way those photographers watch the lions in Africa…amazed at the beauty and grace of the creature around women.”
• [05:41] Jeff:
  “That type of platonic relationship means he wants to play with your boobs.”
• [10:13] Jeff:
  “He’s the type of guy who totally wants to pull your pants down.”
• [13:07] Jeff (cat food analogy):
  “That cat knows there’s always a chance. So when you say 99%, he hears 1% really, really, really loud.”
• [11:25] Tyson:
  “If he made an advance on you, you would turn him down. If you made an advance on him, he would not turn you down.”

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Key Timestamps

• [01:30] – Introduction of the friendship scenario
• [03:06] – Jeff details observations of the male friend’s behavior
• [04:49] – Bert & Jeff on the role of attraction
• [05:19] – Melissa’s story of a platonic male friendship
• [07:51] – Lynn’s call about friends turning into hookups
• [10:13] – Jeff bluntly describes “male intentions”
• [11:25] – Tyson lays out the difference in who would give in to advances
• [13:07] – Jeff’s “cat and tuna” analogy wraps up the recurring theme

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Conclusion/Takeaway

The conversation ultimately circles around persistent gender differences in interpreting platonic friendship. The male hosts maintain that if attraction exists, true platonic friendship is nearly impossible—at least on the male side—and any opportunity may eventually turn sexual, intentional or not. Jen and Melissa argue for the possibility of boundaries and friendship, though even they acknowledge friendships can change when external factors (like a new girlfriend) enter the mix.

Despite the lighthearted, teasing tone, the debate remains unresolved—but packed with real experiences, playful banter, vivid metaphors, and candid, sometimes heated, honesty.

Transcript

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[Bert]

You're on the Burt Show. So I want to revisit a conversation we started earlier this morning because Wendy got in at the very last minute and it was too late to get her actually in on the whole debate. We were debating this morning if women and guys can really, really just be platonic, have platonic friendships. And this is all based on Jen and her fantasy that she's got this one platonic dude that she went over to hang out with last night.

[Jen]

Yes.

[Bert]

In her PJs.

[Jen]

Yoga pants.

[Bert]

Yoga pants. Drank a little wine, watched a little football. And she thinks it's no problem. We've already established this is just friendship.

[Jen]

We're just friends.

[Jeff]

The thing is, now just so we're,

[Jen]

you know, I don't think that's that crazy.

[Melissa]

I don't think so.

[Jeff]

It's not. But here's what Jeff's gonna get me.

[Tyson]

Right in the face again.

[Jeff]

Yeah, this is where I'm gonna get angry because we're not.

[Jen]

There's no reason to get mad.

[Jeff]

We're not. Then listen.

[Jen]

He's fine with just being my friend.

[Jeff]

No, he'. Here's the deal, what Bert said. Bert made a big sweeping generality. There certainly are occasions where guys and girls can be friends. But in this circumstance, when you are talking about an attractive single woman, as Jen is and Wendy claims to be

[Tyson]

and claims to be single. Not the attractive part.

[Melissa]

I seriously wish I wasn't.

[Jeff]

So we've got two pretty girls, right? And for one of them, for Jen, there is a guy who is in her world, who is a good looking

[Bert]

guy, who she admits, you said that he's an attractive guy.

[Jeff]

Absolutely is a known player. I have watched him from a distance the way those photographers watch the lions in Africa. And you just observe and you are amazed at the beauty and grace of the creature around women. I have seen him do things that would have made him the president of a fraternity had we been in college.

[Bert]

And you have even labeled him as charming.

[Jen]

He's a charming guy and I've watched the exact same thing.

[Jeff]

It's amazing, isn't it?

[Lynn]

Right?

[Jen]

We talk about the girls that he dates, we talk about the guys that I date, we talk about all of that stuff.

[Jeff]

You're speaking gibberish.

[Jen]

Because we're friends.

[Jeff]

So here's what we were trying to make. Bert and I were trying to make Jen understand is it's great that you're friends. I mean, even when he said this weekend that she should come over alone on Monday night and watch football together, when he made that suggestion, her response was, okay, but don't try to make out with me because we're friends.

[Jen]

I can say jokey things like that.

[Bert]

Even that itself is flirty.

[Jeff]

What I'm saying it is.

[Jen]

By the way, it came from a previous conversation.

[Jeff]

Doesn't matter.

[Jen]

You had to be there.

[Jeff]

What I'm saying is. And what Bert, I think is saying less angrily from a guy's point of view. All of your declarations about this being just friends, irrelevant. Not even on the radar. The fact that you came over to his house wearing yoga pants and hung out and watched the game and all that other stuff, all that is, is that's another deposit into his bank account. It's the Christmas club like your mom and dad used to have every month they're putting 100 bucks in so they can buy the toys in December.

[Bert]

Let me ask you.

[Jeff]

He's just waiting for Christmas.

[Bert]

Well, I think Jeff's right that there are some where men and women can be just friends. For sure.

[Jen]

However, in what situation?

[Bert]

This is the situation I'm gonna give you. If there is zero attraction between both of them. If you didn't think this dude was an attractive guy, and I'm sure he thinks you're an attractive woman. If there was no attraction, then I think it's possible. But since there is an attraction, you think he's attractive. He thinks you're attractive. You guys are gonna hook up.

[Melissa]

That's not necessary.

[Jen]

It can be done.

[Jeff]

It can't be done.

[Melissa]

It can be, because I've had a friend for four years that's a guy, and we've hung out, watched football games, went to football.

[Jeff]

When's the last time you spoke to him?

[Melissa]

Well, he doesn't speak to me now because he's got a girlfriend.

[Jeff]

There you go. There's more to it than that.

[Melissa]

But it's always been platonic. There hasn't been any moves made or anything.

[Jeff]

Play, Tony, just so you know, that type of platonic relationship means he wants to play with your boobs.

[Bert]

Here's what I'm saying, Jen, because that you guys find each other attractive. Okay?

[Lynn]

Right.

[Bert]

Even though you're friends, there is a good chance because you guys are going out, hanging out and drinking, there's a good chance that you guys accidentally, one night are gonna do something that we never saw coming. This isn't right. Oh, my God. Our friendship is at stake here. And you guys are gonna end up hooked up with each other, waking up next to each other.

[Jen]

That's the thing, is I like him as my friend so much. And I like going out with his group of friends, like his group of friends and my group of friends. Like everybody always has a really great time together.

[Melissa]

Yeah.

[Jen]

And that's why. Because it's platonic.

[Melissa]

Hey, Jen, I don't want to mess that up.

[Jen]

That's the way that I'd like to keep it because I don't want to mess that up. Okay.

[Bert]

I'm sure he's on the same page.

[Jen]

I'm going to tell you with somebody, then everything changes and it gets all weird and then somebody likes somebody more than the other and then there. I just. I don't want to do that.

[Jeff]

All right, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you a secret.

[Jen]

Good friends.

[Jeff]

He doesn't care. He doesn't care about your friendship. He doesn't care.

[Jen]

He does.

[Jeff]

He wants.

[Jen]

He does. He's different than you, Jeff.

[Bert]

I think he probably does. I think he probably does. All I'm saying is that you are putting yourself in a situation where. Where the accidental hookup is inevitable.

[Jeff]

What is that?

[Melissa]

No, it's not. I don't think so.

[Jen]

I don't think it's inevitable.

[Melissa]

Cause they're only hating.

[Jen]

Why are you laughing, Melissa? You're being awfully quiet about that.

[Tyson]

Because I date women, and I, you know, same girls are not, you know, girls do think differently about dating women than guys do. But what they're saying is all the same. Like, if I really like somebody and I'm friends with her and then I'm attracted to her and she's giving me the Heisman and it's not going to work out, but there is. I have placed people in situations where there was alcohol just to see if that would happen a little.

[Jeff]

And how long would you be willing

[Jen]

to wait, Tyson, because there's no advances?

[Tyson]

No, no, that's not what I'm talking about.

[Jen]

You know what I'm saying?

[Tyson]

It's the. It's the indirect Heisman. It's the fact that I'm around and there. It's not happening, and it's not happening.

[Jeff]

And there was a horizon.

[Tyson]

I never made a move on this one. You know, these women. It's just that I could see sense. Okay? It's not going to happen naturally, so I'm going to have to help the situation out a little bit.

[Bert]

Hey, Lynn, good morning. You are part of the Burt Show.

[Lynn]

Hey, guys. I have a guy friend that we were initially platonic and grew up together, going through middle and elementary school and high school. And I knew all his girlfriends, he knew all my boyfriends, and we. Neither one of us were dating anybody. We would end up hooking up, and it was just one of those things where we could still hang out, but we'd end up hooking up, which is not.

[Bert]

There's nothing wrong with that little friends with benefits kind of thing happening there.

[Jeff]

You just need to know that in his mind, every time you and he are around, he is thinking that there's a chance you guys are gonna hook up. You need regard. You can say platonic, all you want

[Melissa]

to do, but if Jen says no, then it's never gonna happen every time.

[Bert]

You guys don't matter.

[Jen]

What I'm trying to say is there's no need to say no because there's no advances. There's no no in the equation.

[Tyson]

But I think that you. The responsibility is gonna be on your shoulders because I do believe he will take advantage of a situation comes up. And unfortunately, you're gonna have to be the one to say no if you wanna keep it platonic and.

[Jeff]

Okay, just so you know, when you say there's no advances.

[Jen]

Right.

[Jeff]

You know when he's talking to you about how happy he is to be single and how great it is to be free and liberal?

[Jen]

Right.

[Jeff]

He's setting you up every time.

[Bert]

Every time you guys don't hook up, he gets closer to hooking up with you.

[Jeff]

Yes. Let me tell Ken. Let me. What do you guys say? I hate to tell you this, but guess what?

[Jen]

Why are you so passionate about me? I can hang out with whoever I

[Jeff]

want to hang out because I'm frustrated. Because it's so obvious.

[Tyson]

Why do you. It's not like, why do you care?

[Jeff]

Here's the deal.

[Jen]

It's not that obvious.

[Jeff]

He's having conversations because your girl brain. There's too many roads. Guy brain is one big empty parking lot. Just walk in there and look around and you can see everything. Okay, so look, he's having a. You say to him, let's call him Peter. So you say, hey, Peter, you know what? I'm really enjoying this single life. Like, it's really. Whatever. And his response is, me too. Bonding. Connection. Connection between you two. I guarantee you, if a week from now you said to him, you know what? I really miss being in a relationship, he would say, I know what you mean. There really is something. No, I don't think he would.

[Jen]

I think he is the type of guy that totally wants to be single for a long time.

[Jeff]

He's the type of guy who totally wants to pull your pants down,

[Melissa]

but.

[Jeff]

So he's going to say what he has to say in order to align himself with you. Bert, just. Can I get an amen?

[Jen]

That's not true.

[Bert]

I don't know that. That would be like. I don't think all guys play it that way. Like, I think that part of his playing is always sort of letting her know that he's not in it for a relationship at all. Which makes him more of a chase for you.

[Jen]

It's not a chase.

[Tyson]

We're friends.

[Bert]

You don't even know you're chasing him. That's how good he is.

[Jen]

I'm not chasing anybody. There's a gentleman.

[Melissa]

Yes, that can be possible. You could just want friendship and not anything else.

[Jeff]

The declaration that we're not gonna make out tonight to him is, oh, my God. She's thinking about making out with me.

[Jen]

Oh, that is a part of a different conversation that shouldn't even be a part of this conversation.

[Bert]

And what was the percentage that you gave us this morning? What was the percentage you gave us this morning before I close my case?

[Jen]

Well, it's not 100%.

[Bert]

You said there's 99% chance that you guys won't hook up, Right? And what he's hearing is.

[Melissa]

Nothing's 100%.

[Bert]

What he's hearing is. That's 100% of 1%.

[Tyson]

And that's the point. I mean, the point is that it's not like a guy. It's not like he is going hunting and he's up in the tree looking at you through his scope, but it is in the back of his mind that every situation is a potential opportunity. You know? Like, the difference is if he. If he made an advance on you, you would turn him down. If you made an advance on him, he would not turn you down.

[Bert]

Hey, Bobby. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Lynn]

I never agree with Jeff, but I'm gonna have to say that he is right on point. Everything that he is saying, and Jen is in denial, and so is Wendy. Oh, my God. He is waiting. He is waiting in the wings. He's waiting for his opportunity. Trust me, I know.

[Bert]

Look, how many times have we done this on the air before where we've asked guys to call us up right now and tell us how long you have pretended to be friends just for that one chance, the one vulnerable space that happens eventually. Guys were calling up saying, it took me 15 years, guys.

[Jen]

That's not the situation. That's not the situation.

[Jeff]

Guys are like cats.

[Tyson]

If you put Bert just checked out on that.

[Bert]

Yeah, right.

[Commercial Announcer]

Listen.

[Jeff]

Listen to me. If you open up a can of tuna fish once, right? Maybe that's a bad example. That's a bad example.

[Jen]

Okay, let me interrupt him for a second.

[Jeff]

Jj, if you put a handful of cat food outside the door of your house, right? Once, that cat will know that there's always a chance. No matter how many times you say, I'm not gonna put any more food out, that cat knows there's always a chance. So when you say 99%, he doesn't hear 99%. He hears 1% really, really, really loud.

[Tyson]

It's like Jeff is passionately warning you about something. Where my thing is, this is the funnest part of. Of dating casually. This is the funnest part.

[Jen]

Yeah.

[Tyson]

So, I mean, the leading up to the making out part. So enjoy it. Because, I mean, I think that's what makes it fun is the fact that there might be an opportunity. There might not be an opportunity. He's going to try. You're going to try. You may not. I don't know.

[Jen]

So.

[Bert]

But you can.

[Jen]

I don't.

[Tyson]

Yeah.

[Bert]

The beauty is you can if you want.

[Tyson]

Yeah.

[Bert]

Because you're single.

[Tyson]

I don't understand why it's such a warning to you.

[Jen]

There's no warning. No. I'm using Dae Ding as a verb right now.

[Bert]

Listen, it's the vert show with verbo care.

[Jen]

Help is always ready before, during and after your stay.

[Tyson]

We've planned for the plot twists, so

[Jen]

support is always available because a great trip starts with peace of mind.

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