Vault: Can The Bert Show find her a date? Part 2

Summary

The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Can The Bert Show find her a date? Part 2
Air Date: August 6, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and candid continuation from the previous day's show, the Bert Show crew resumes their quest to help Alex—a listener—find a date for an upcoming engagement party. With humor, empathy, and their signature real-talk, the cast reviews responses to Alex’s dating plea, interviews eligible bachelors, and debates the best way to handle this unconventional matchmaking. The episode weaves together playful banter, thoughtful discussion, and the realities behind presenting a “fake boyfriend” to friends and family.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Recap & Alex’s Situation

• The hosts recap that they posted Alex’s photo and a brief description online to crowdsource potential dates for her engagement party plus-1 dilemma.
• Response: Only two emails came in, but the team hopes this will “take days to take off.”
  • Quote: “I guess it's better than none, right?” – Alex (01:14)

2. What’s in It for the Guys?

• The hosts and cast question what incentive exists for a stranger to agree to this gig:
  • Should Alex offer something in return?
  • Quote: “You're asking a lot of a guy to do this for nothing.” – Commentator 4 (03:04)
• Suggestions include dinner/drinks, Braves tickets, or playful tongue-in-cheek offers of “something easy.”
  • Quote: “Yeah, something like that. Or sex or something easy.” – Host (03:15)

3. Judging the Candidates

• CJ and Clinton are the two responders; their photos and profiles are examined, highlighting their looks and “date-appeal.”
• Alex is given a choice of whom to call first. She picks CJ due to their mutual tattoos:
  • Quote: “I can talk to CJ. He has tattoos, I have tattoos.” – Alex (03:35)
• The cast cracks jokes about yearbook photos and names, keeping the tone light.

4. Candidate Interviews

Interview with CJ [(03:24)–(07:03)]

• CJ joins the call; he’s described as an “everyday guy,” rugged, with an outdoorsy photo.
• He candidly admits he applied because Alex is attractive and he thought it might be fun.
  • Quote: “She's pretty sexy.” – CJ (04:44)
• Discussion about how they would need to synchronize their fake-couple story for the party:
  • Quote: “Do you have all that in your mind, like your relationship bio?” – Commentator 2 (05:41)
  • Alex admits she hasn’t thought past “walking into the room.”
• They bond over tattoos, sharing what and where their ink is.
  • Notable Moment: Alex reveals she has a barcode tattoo and a dove (06:14–06:31)
• Logistical compatibility: CJ lives nearby, indicating practicality for in-person prep and the event.

Interview with Clinton [(08:02)–(11:33)]

• Clinton is introduced and told to address Alex directly, making the conversation more intimate.
• The motivation for helping Alex is discussed—including the potential for revenge on her ex.
  • Quote: “So what's the big deal with trying to get back at this guy anyway?” – Clinton (08:16)
  • Clinton expresses concern at being “outed” by Alex’s ex if he discovers the setup was arranged through radio.
• Clinton describes his background: he works in corporate/transportation, used to be in construction, now works with rental cars. He’s outdoorsy and does triathlons.
• Cast and Clinton joke about faking tattoos for the night if needed, suggesting henna or even a real one for commitment’s sake.
  • Quote: “If you guys want to pay for it, I'll just go ahead and get 'Alex' tattooed on my neck.” – Clinton (10:32)

5. Practical & Strategic Concerns

• The hosts and Alex contemplate the risk of the ex finding out and how to build a backstory.
• Discussion about the importance of chemistry versus real-life credentials; ultimately, chemistry and the ability to “pull off the fantasy” matter most.
  • Quote: “All you need is chemistry, a little chemistry and a good looking dude is really what we're looking at.” – Host (11:26)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “What is in it for these dudes?... You are, you're cute and all, but...” – Host (01:29)
• “Every time I walk past you, I would go ‘beep beep beep’...” – Clinton, joking about Alex’s barcode tattoo (06:24)
• “Let's get back at this guy at least.” – Clinton, on Alex’s ex (09:46)
• “I understand why people online date… you’re funnier when you’re typing it.” – Commentator 2 (12:32)
• “I think Alex… her only focus is this look on her boyfriend’s face when she walks in with this guy. I don't think she put a lot of thought into the fact it's going to be a five hour evening.” – Commentator 4 (12:36)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:48 – Alex rejoins the show; update on responses
• 02:00 – Cast discusses what Alex can offer as an incentive
• 03:30 – Discussion and selection of CJ as first bachelor to interview
• 04:24 – CJ brought on air for interview
• 06:14 – Alex and CJ swap tattoo stories
• 07:03 – Transition to Clinton as next candidate
• 08:02 – Clinton direct-address to Alex
• 09:24 – Concerns about being discovered by the ex
• 10:32 – Clinton jokes about tattoo commitment
• 11:26 – Hosts reflect on what's most important for the “role”: chemistry
• 12:29 – Cast debriefs; muses on the online dating era and the potential perils of Alex’s idea

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Tone & Style

True to The Bert Show style, the episode balances light-hearted, self-referential humor, directness, and empathy. The hosts tease each other and the guests, keep the energy dynamic, and do not shy from poking fun at the awkwardness inherent in matchmaking and the social complexities of “fake dating.”

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Takeaways

• The show underscores how orchestrating a “plus-one” for appearances involves more than just finding someone—logistics, chemistry, and plausible backstories all matter.
• Both CJ and Clinton provide different flavors: CJ for easygoing outdoorsiness and shared ink, Clinton for corporate polish and playful banter.
• The cast openly navigates the blurred lines of dating for show versus real-life consequences, adding a layer of social commentary to the fun.

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For listeners: This episode gives a window into the quirky, sometimes cringey reality of modern social dynamics—with a shot of humor and heart that’s signature Bert Show. Even if you missed the first part, you’ll be swiftly caught up and entertained by this matchmaking saga.

Transcript

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[Host]

Alex back on from yesterday's show. Hey, Alex.

[Alex]

Hi. Good morning.

[Host]

Good morning. How are you today?

[Alex]

I'm good. How are you?

[Host]

Good. All right. I think what we did here was we put your picture up online yesterday and we put kind of a couple line description of exactly what you're looking for in a guy to take to this engagement party.

[Alex]

Right?

[Host]

And we only got two, two emails. But sometimes these things take days to take off.

[Alex]

I guess it's better than none, right?

[Commentator 1]

Maybe not.

[Host]

I'm looking at their pictures right now on the guys. Not bad looking dudes.

[Commentator 1]

Can I see pictures when he's like, really?

[Commentator 2]

Yeah, come on, bring him over here.

[Commentator 3]

I mean, I could use a date too. I have a non engagement party to go to.

[Clinton]

There you go.

[Host]

That's Clinton and that's C.J. right there. We're thinking that maybe before we talk to these guys that maybe the point was made yesterday, which is a good one. Like you are, you're cute and all, but like, what is in it for these dudes? Because you're asking them to take a night out of their life where they probably would be hanging out with their boys or doing something, you know, that they really want to do. And here they are sacrificing for that night. So what can you offer them in order for them to email and go on this date with you?

[Alex]

That's a good question. And I was thinking about that. I'm thinking if it goes well and we hit it off and whatever, maybe another night I can take them out for dinner and drinks just to like thank them for doing this for me.

[Host]

Okay.

[Commentator 3]

It's a good start.

[Host]

Yeah, I think we need something for that night. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, you. We're assuming you're taking them for dinner and drinks before or there's dinner at the thing. Is that what engagement parties are? They have dinner at them? I've never been to one. I have either.

[Alex]

I haven't either.

[Commentator 2]

They'll have food there.

[Commentator 1]

Probably. It depends on the swankiness of the families getting married.

[Alex]

Mm.

[Commentator 2]

Well.

[Commentator 4]

Well, I mean, this is. I mean, this is a role that the guy has to play where he is at an engagement party number one, which is not something most guys would run to. Secondly, he has to play the part of your boyfriend to the. To the point. He has to be a good actor to where everybody. He's gonna talk to family members, people gonna ask questions. He's gonna be a stranger in this world and have to pretend that he's been a part of it for a while. So, I mean, you're asking a lot of a guy to do this for nothing.

[Commentator 2]

Boyfriends don't want to do that, right?

[Host]

So I think you have to.

[Commentator 2]

Fake boyfriends. What about, like, throwing in tickets to a Braves game or. I don't know.

[Host]

Yeah, something like that. Or sex or something easy.

[Commentator 3]

Pretty much the same thing.

[Commentator 4]

I know you're a pimp on the sideburn, but not on the air. We had this discussion.

[Host]

Just being a wingman. Have you seen the pictures of these two dudes yet?

[Alex]

Yeah, I just looked at them.

[Host]

Okay. Would you like to talk to Clinton or CJ First?

[Alex]

I can talk to cj. He has tattoos. I have tattoos.

[Host]

I like that.

[Commentator 3]

And something in common.

[Commentator 1]

If your name is Alex. A L, Y, X. Aren't you born with tattoos?

[Host]

Yes.

[Commentator 4]

And a piercing somewhere.

[Host]

Cj, Just to describe the picture, he sent us, kind of a. Kind of a rugged, everyday guy picture. He's in an element T shirt. He's got some jeans on, a hat on, and behind him is, like, this rushing river. He kind of looks like a dude's dude.

[Commentator 2]

Like, he went hiking for the day. He looks tall.

[Commentator 3]

Nature.

[Commentator 1]

Is that a real background, or is that, like, at Walmart?

[Host]

Olen Mills.

[Clinton]

I love Olin Mills.

[Commentator 4]

Wow.

[Commentator 1]

Remember, we shot our CD covered in Olin Mills?

[Host]

Cj, did you get this picture taken at Olin Mills?

[Commentator 4]

Man, Are you serious?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Mm.

[Commentator 1]

Yearbook. The school one.

[Host]

Cj?

[Commentator 4]

Yeah.

[Commentator 1]

Yeah.

[Host]

How you doing, dude?

[CJ]

Pretty good.

[Host]

Good, man. Thanks for joining us.

[CJ]

Yeah, no problem.

[Host]

You want to say hey to Alex real quick?

[CJ]

Hey, Alex, how you doing?

[Alex]

Hi. I'm good. How are you?

[Clinton]

Pretty good.

[Commentator 4]

All right.

[Host]

Now, cj, when you went online and you took a look at Alex. What was it about her profile that you said? Okay, I think she could be looking for me.

[CJ]

She's pretty sexy.

[Commentator 1]

Cool.

[Alex]

Ow.

[Host]

Anything in the written description part that made her attractive to you, besides her being kind of.

[CJ]

Well, I didn't see much of a written description when I sent the email. I sent it earlier the other morning, so there was nothing else there but just a description of what was going on and that she needed a date for this engagement party.

[Commentator 2]

So what made you want to sign up for this engagement party? Just sound like something different.

[CJ]

Yeah, just like something different.

[Clinton]

You know?

[CJ]

Sound like something that could be kind of fun.

[Host]

And she's cute. You looked at the picture, man. I'm telling you, that goes a long way. She could have, like. Oh, yeah, yeah. Three fingers, one nostril. You don't care. She's cute.

[Commentator 2]

So, Alex, when you guys go to the engagement party, do you want, like. You guys have got to, like, be on the same story, right? You've been dating for how long? All that kind of stuff that he's gonna have to memorize, Right?

[Alex]

Right.

[Commentator 2]

Do you have all that in your. In your mind, like your relationship bio?

[Alex]

No.

[Commentator 3]

See, y' all are gonna have to get together before this engagement party for a conversation.

[Host]

Definitely.

[Commentator 2]

If he's chosen, somebody comes up to you and they're like, oh, my gosh. You guys seem like such a cute couple. How'd you meet?

[Alex]

Right?

[Clinton]

We'll have to come up with something.

[Host]

Cj, Is there anything that you want to ask Alex here? I think I feel like we're doing all the work. Like, I'm ready to go out with her right now because I've been working real hard the last two days for her.

[CJ]

Well, she said she liked the tattoos, and she asked them herself. What kind of tattoos do you have?

[Alex]

I have a dove on my side. I have two on my back and one of my. I have a barcode on my ankle.

[Commentator 1]

Barcode. That's awesome.

[Host]

That is nice.

[Commentator 1]

Every time I walk past you, I

[Clinton]

would go

[Commentator 3]

on sale.

[Alex]

And I have something on the other foot. I have a heart design on the other foot.

[Clinton]

Okay, very nice.

[Alex]

What about you?

[Clinton]

Do I.

[Alex]

What are your tattoos?

[CJ]

I have big memorial crosses on my arms. I've got nautical stars on the back of my elbows and couple of symbols on my shoulder.

[Commentator 3]

And cj, what part of town do you live in? Is Kennesaw close to you in a sunflower?

[Clinton]

Oh, yeah.

[CJ]

I live in Acworth, so it's just right around the corner.

[Commentator 3]

See, then that's Perfect distance wise.

[Host]

All right, we got something there. All right, cj, Let me put you on hold one second because we got to talk to Clinton also. Okay, hold on.

[Commentator 3]

That's an easy nightcap down the road.

[Host]

I just thought of an ace in the hole. I've got an ace in the hole. If none of this works, okay, I got a guy. I got a guy, you know who would work, right?

[Commentator 3]

Oh, he would be perfect.

[Commentator 2]

Missy.

[Host]

I got an ace in hole.

[Commentator 3]

He'll do it.

[Commentator 2]

I thought of that too, but I don't think he fits one requirement.

[Host]

She had the height requirement. What's your height requirement?

[Alex]

Well, my ex was 5, 5 6. I'm 5 10, so I need somebody tall.

[Host]

It's gonna be close. He'll be close if it's. But he's so good in other areas, man. And you know he'd be able to pull this night off.

[Commentator 3]

Yeah, I think.

[Host]

And he's a good looking dude and he would know how to play the game to be on the radio,

[Commentator 1]

little notoriety.

[Commentator 3]

I think he would do it.

[Host]

I think so, too.

[Commentator 3]

He's got the confidence to do it.

[Host]

This is right up his alley. You think he's too short?

[Commentator 2]

Really?

[Host]

Hey, Clinton. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Clinton]

Hey, morning, guys.

[Host]

How are you, man?

[Clinton]

Doing well. How about yourself?

[Host]

Good. Clint, why don't you just go head straight right to. Right to Alex and forget we're here.

[Clinton]

Okay? Good deal. Hey, Alex, what's going on?

[Alex]

Good morning. How are you?

[Clinton]

So what's the big deal with trying to get back at this guy anyways? I know it's three and a half years in the email, but, like, I mean, is he gonna find out that you did this through a radio?

[Alex]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Clinton]

I'd like to help you out here because it seems like a good. A good cause since he's such a.

[CJ]

Such a loser with the.

[Clinton]

With the whole email scenario. But I'd hate for it to go through on this. And then he finds out that you did it through the Rad.

[Host]

Yeah, that would backfire big time.

[Commentator 2]

True.

[Host]

Big time.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Commentator 1]

It is a good cause, though. Like, I remember I was thinking last night, like, I had some extra money and am I gonna give it to Alex or Burt's big Adventure? And I was like, I'll give it to Alex.

[Host]

I almost put a concert benefit concert together.

[Commentator 1]

I'm selling chocolate covered cashew turtles and wrapping paper.

[Host]

You want to organize a 5K, like a walk or a run or something? He raises a very good point. Though, Alex, that if your ex finds out that this is on the radio, I mean, your hand is played, and then you got no game that night at all.

[Alex]

Yeah, I thought about that, but I don't. I don't know how he would know.

[Clinton]

Yeah, well, like they were saying before with cj, I think we should hang out beforehand, you know, at least get to know each other so we can play it off much better and actually have some energy or sexual chemistry. There you go, Jeff. But. But yeah, I mean, let's get back at this guy at least.

[Host]

What do you do for a living?

[Clinton]

I actually work for the. In a corporate job. I used to do construction project management, but now I work for rent a car business.

[Commentator 2]

You seem like you've got like a little bit of an actor spirit about you, like you're gonna be able to play the role really well and kind of get into it, right?

[Clinton]

Yeah. You know, I don't have any tattoos on my neck or elbows or anything like that.

[Commentator 3]

We can get you one of those

[Host]

henna ones or a real one. I mean, how committed are you to this segment? We can get real.

[Commentator 1]

I already. I appreciate the fact that when we had. Well, I work in the corporate world and the transportation sector. I'm affiliated with temporary use automobiles at a airport facility.

[Clinton]

Absolutely. I work at Hertz. If you guys want to pay for it, I'll just go ahead and get Alex tattooed on my neck. That should.

[Host]

At least you're showing some commitment here. Alex, is there anything that you want to ask of Clinton here?

[Alex]

Let's see, you got a job, so that's key, right?

[Clinton]

I mean, I'm pretty active otherwise, outdoors. Do the triathlon stuff.

[Alex]

Yeah, that's what I was going to say. You do triathlons?

[Commentator 4]

Well, what's. What's fascinating to me is that you're talking about your real lives, where you're going to this party to pretend that your real life boyfriend, girlfriend, he can have whatever job, Alex, you want to create for him, right? To say, you know what I mean? Like, you can create your own world at this party.

[Host]

You got to pick a guy that you think can pull this sort of fantasy off best. So it really hit the reality of it doesn't mean anything.

[Commentator 4]

Doesn't matter what you're doing right now.

[Host]

All you need, chemistry. A little chemistry and a good looking dude is really what we're looking at. All right, Clinton, let me put you on hold, okay?

[Clinton]

Sure thing.

[Host]

Okay. Hey, Alex, if those don't work for you so far, we're gonna, We'll Ask guys to continue to email us and if not, I've got an ace in the hole. If you could just wiggle on that by an inch or so maybe.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Host]

That's all he thinks he is.

[Commentator 2]

How tall is he?

[Commentator 3]

I don't think he was that short. I don't think so.

[Commentator 2]

But you're short.

[Commentator 3]

Everything's tall to me.

[Host]

Because this is a dude. That is a good looking guy.

[CJ]

Yeah.

[Host]

He could definitely play the role and do it really well.

[Commentator 2]

Don't you think that he's. Cock.

[Host]

Whoa. It's in it for me. No, I just think he's. I think that he'd say it sounds like a fun night. Let's go for it.

[Clinton]

Okay.

[Commentator 3]

I think he would get some anyways. He's just that good.

[Commentator 2]

He is that good.

[Commentator 3]

I think so.

[Commentator 2]

Really?

[Clinton]

Oh, he's good.

[Commentator 2]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, I saw.

[Commentator 3]

I've seen the work happen.

[Host]

I saw it this weekend.

[Ryan Seacrest]

He's good. All right.

[Host]

So if this doesn't go well the next couple of days, we've got an ace in the hole for you. Okay.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Host]

All right, Alex.

[Alex]

Bye.

[Host]

Bye.

[Alex]

Thanks.

[Host]

I didn't feel like it went well.

[Commentator 1]

Nope. No, it did not go well.

[Commentator 2]

I understand why people online date. Yeah, because you're funnier when you're typing it.

[Commentator 4]

But I think Alex. But I think Alex was. Is her only focus is this look on her boyfriend's face when she first walks in with this guy. I don't think she put a lot of thought into the fact it's going to be a five hour evening.

[Host]

Yeah, that's a long time.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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