Vault: Can Witnessing Childbirth Change Your Sex Life?

Summary

The Bert Show - Vault: Can Witnessing Childbirth Change Your Sex Life?

Episode Date: March 6, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode dives into the real and sometimes unspoken effects that witnessing childbirth can have on a couple’s sex life—especially from the perspective of new fathers. Through caller stories, candid host confessions, and audience participation, the show explores whether watching a partner give birth can alter sexual attraction or intimacy, why this happens, and how to navigate the challenges that may arise.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Listener Dilemma

• [00:58] Caller "Ashley" calls in, sharing her experience post-childbirth:
  • Gave birth six months ago; sex life with her husband hasn’t resumed, extending back to the late stages of her pregnancy.
  • Husband gives reasons: tiredness, being overwhelmed, promising “things will change after a while.”
  • A co-worker suggested that seeing the birth might have “turned him off,” leading Ashley to ask: Can witnessing childbirth actually traumatize a man and affect intimacy?

2. Host and Caller Perspectives on Post-Birth Intimacy

• [02:39] Bert (Host):
  • Shares that he wasn’t into pregnancy intimacy either, finding it “freaky” and “uncomfortable.”
  • Quote: “The angles are odd... I’m not good at it to begin with, and that was the advanced course.” (02:59–03:01)
  • Witnessing childbirth didn’t have a negative effect on him personally—he found it “fascinating.”
• [03:37] Bert’s Friend’s Story:
  • Friend was cautioned to “not look” during delivery but couldn’t resist.
  • Result: For six months post-birth he struggled with sexual attraction, haunted by the birth images.
  • Quote: “He couldn’t shake the image out of his head. And that part for him just became anything but sexual.” (03:38–04:07)

3. Callers Share Their Stories

• [04:28] "Emily":
  • Went through similar struggles; post-birth, her partner was put off due to vivid birth memories.
  • Stresses the need for open communication: “I think that she really needs to talk to her husband... open up and ask him why.” (04:30–05:27)
• [05:51] "Scott":
  • Shares he was “traumatized” by what he saw:
    • Quote: “He saw things he shouldn’t have seen. It’s going to take a little while. He’s traumatized. It’ll be all right, I promise.” (05:51–06:06)
  • Explains from the male perspective: being prompted to “look” at the “business end” disrupted sexual associations for a while.

4. Biological Shifts and Male Psychology

• [06:36] Bert (Host):
  • Discusses how seeing a partner’s body "functionally" (as opposed to sexually) can be jarring and hard to reconcile.
  • Quote: “...to see it in a way that we haven’t seen it before like that—functional. There for what it’s supposed to be there for—it’s a little tough to shake some of those images.” (06:36–07:02)
• [07:10] Discussion:
  • Comparing watching pre-birth videos (in Lamaze/health class) to being present emotionally and physically for the real event—“It’s the difference between watching a football game and being in the football game.” (07:17–07:21)
  • Melissa (Co-host): to her, it’s more “biology class” than sexual; not surprised by male reactions but doesn’t share them herself.

5. Cultural Context: Fathers in the Delivery Room

• [08:31] Looking Back:
  • Recognize that it’s a fairly recent development (one generation) for partners to be present during delivery, versus waiting outside.
  • Melissa: Wonders how this change is impacting relationships and expectations.

6. Reframing the Problem: Is Birth Trauma the Real Issue?

• [08:58] "Miranda" (Caller):
  • Suggests that exhaustion, life changes, and new parent overwhelm may play a bigger role than just the birth images.
  • Advice: “Talk to your husband. There’s probably another reason... he’s probably overwhelmed with being a new dad. There’s probably a lot of things other than just images in his head.” (08:58–09:42)

7. Key Takeaways and Practical Advice

• [09:59] Communication:
  • With men often reluctant to talk to peers about sexual issues or emotional insecurity, the only person a husband might confide in is his wife.
• [10:10] Melissa:
  • Reassures Ashley and listeners: “...everybody that’s called, Bert’s friend, the guys that have called, that said if that is the issue, they get over it. It’s not like this is going to be a permanent thing.”
• [10:34] Bert (Host):
  • Encourages “sitting him down in a nurturing way and talking with him about it to where he’s feeling comfortable.”
• [10:37] Melissa (joking): “And maybe a trip to Victoria’s Secret.”

8. Cautionary Humor on Body Image

• [10:50] Bert (Host):
  • Issues a joking but pointed warning: If weight gain or appearance is the issue, “take that to the grave”; never admit it to your partner.
  • Quote: “You better take that to the grave. Never, never, never... Don’t believe women when they say they want 100% honesty. That is a lie right there. You can lie there.” (10:50–11:42)
• Melissa agrees: “Yeah, we want you to lie about our bodies and say that they're great.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bert (Host), on awkward pregnancy sex:

  “The angles are odd... that was the advanced course.” (02:59–03:01)

• Bert’s Friend’s Dilemma:

  “He couldn't shake the image out of his head. And that part for him just became anything but sexual.” (03:38–04:07)

• Emily, on communication:

  “I think that she really needs to talk to her husband... open up and ask him why.” (04:30–05:27)

• Scott, on birth trauma:

  “He saw things he shouldn’t have seen. It's going to take a little while. He's traumatized. It'll be all right, I promise.” (05:51–06:06)

• Bert, on “functional” body image:

  “There for what it's supposed to be there for—it’s a little tough to shake some of those images.” (06:55–07:02)

• Melissa, summing up the hope:

  “If that is the issue, they get over it... It’s not like this is going to be a permanent thing.” (10:01–10:10)

• Bert, lighthearted advice:

  “You better take that to the grave. Never, never, never... Don’t believe women when they say they want 100% honesty. That is a lie right there. You can lie there.” (10:50–11:42)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:58] – Ashley’s call and question
• [02:38] – Bert and Melissa on their own pregnancy/childbirth perspectives
• [03:37] – Bert tells his California friend’s story
• [04:28] – Emily on the aftermath of childbirth and need for communication
• [05:51] – Scott’s candid male perspective
• [06:36] – Bert on the jarring shift from sexual to functional body images
• [07:21] – Melissa compares learning to the real delivery experience
• [08:31] – Reflection on fathers newly being present at childbirth
• [08:58] – Miranda’s suggestion: look beyond the trauma theory
• [09:59] – Discussion on men’s reluctance to open up
• [10:10] – Melissa and Bert: “It goes away”
• [10:50] – Bert and Melissa: comic advice on honesty vs. kindness

---

Summary & Takeaways

• Witnessing childbirth can temporarily impact a father’s sexuality or attraction due to intense, vivid images and the transformation of a partner’s body from sexual to functional in the moment.
• Most participants find that these issues resolve themselves over time; open, nurturing communication is crucial, as is patience.
• Not all men react the same way; for some, the trauma is real, for others, the birth is beautiful or even arousing. External stress and new parenthood can be equally important factors.
• Honest but gentle communication between partners is the suggested approach; never blame pregnancy weight gain or make insensitive remarks.
• Ultimately, intimacy challenges post-childbirth are common, and most couples overcome them with time and empathy.

Tone:
As always with The Bert Show, the conversation is candid, laced with humor, and not afraid to tackle taboos—yet retains a core of understanding and practical advice.

Transcript

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[Bert (Host)]

Jack Harndale was helping his daughter Emily lift an awkward dresser up a staircase when he slipped and fell backwards. A week later, Emily asked him how he was doing.

[Caller 1 / Emily]

I'm good.

[Bert (Host)]

Truth was, he wasn't good. Jack needed help. Then the darndest thing happened. Emily called Pacific Source, my health plan. Jack learned that Pacific Source provides members with support beyond healthcare. In Jack's case, we got him in touch with the local food bank. You guys do that? Yes, we do. Jack. Pacific Source Health Plan. The Birch Show. Alright. Emily needs some help here. Good morning, Emily.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

Hi there. How are you?

[Bert (Host)]

Good. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

Fantastic.

[Bert (Host)]

How are you today?

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

I'm great.

[Bert (Host)]

What's up?

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

So the reason that I was calling in was because I gave birth to my first baby about six months ago. And since then, congratulations by the way.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Absolutely. Congratulations.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

Thank you very much. But since then my husband has not wanted to have sex. And actually it's been a little bit longer than that. It's been about nine to 10 months since the second trimester really of the pregnancy. So I was calling to find out if you might be able to help me out as to why that's the case. He told me that he's just, you know, we have a new baby, he's been very tired and neither of us have really, really wanted to have sex, you know, towards the end of the pregnancy when I was very big and uncomfortable. But now that the baby's here, he's been saying, I'm really tired. Things will change after a while. And it's just been a lot of excuses. And I was talking to a co worker recently who asked me if my husband watched the birth of the baby. And I told her that he had. And she said, well, for some guys that just will completely turn them off. So my question is, I'm wondering if he's traumatized by that and if, you know, I mean, it's kind of awful to say, but if that's the case, then I don't know what I can do to sort of take that back. So I don't really know what can be done if that's the case.

[Bert (Host)]

404-741-Q100 well, I can answer. I can speak to Two of those things.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

Okay.

[Bert (Host)]

When my wife was pregnant with our kids also, those last couple of months, there just. Yeah. She didn't want me to touch her. And I know a lot of guys really dig the pregnancy intimacy thing. And I just. If I have to be totally honest with you, I wouldn't really into it.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

I was just uncomfortable by it.

[Bert (Host)]

Yeah, it was freaking me out.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Like there was a baby in there.

[Bert (Host)]

Yeah.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Yeah.

[Bert (Host)]

The angles are odd.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Yeah.

[Bert (Host)]

I'm not good at it to begin with, and that was the advanced course.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

It can be very painful.

[Bert (Host)]

So, yeah, we just. Yeah, we sort of gave up on the whole thing towards the end of it. And I watched the delivery of our baby also, and it didn't have an effect on me at all. I was fascinated by the whole thing. And once both of them were born, I was ready to go. But I can tell you that one of my best friends in California was going through the same thing you are is they talked about it over and over and over again. And his wife said, look, I know this kind of thing freaks you out. Look, you can't even watch House, you know, you can't even watch Grey's Anatomy. So go ahead, be in the delivery room. Just don't look.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Stand up by her head.

[Bert (Host)]

Stand by her head. Yeah. There's plenty of ways you can avoid it if you want to. Right? So he gets into the delivery room and he starts to get all curious, and he goes down there in the catcher stance right there with the doctor, and he watches the whole thing happen. And for about six months after that, when they had the baby, he was the same way. He couldn't shake the image out of his head. And that part for him just became anything but sexual. And he couldn't shake it. He just couldn't shake it.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

For how long?

[Bert (Host)]

It was about six months also. But eventually, you have to suck it up. There's only one thing, you know, you just gotta get back on the horse. Right.

[Caller 1 / Emily]

I mean, is there.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

Have you heard any statistics that say this will change after, you know, this initial period?

[Bert (Host)]

I haven't. I don't know. I don't know. Good morning, Ashley. You're on Q100.

[Caller 1 / Emily]

Hey, how are y'? All?

[Bert (Host)]

Good. How are you?

[Caller 1 / Emily]

Good. I got advice for the caller. My daughter is 9 now, but I went through the same thing when she was born. I gained a lot of weight through the pregnancy, and we didn't have, you know, relations after, you know, before the baby was born. And we sure definitely didn't have them afterwards. And I asked Him. I said, you know, what's the deal? Why haven't we. You know? And he said, because all he kept doing was visualizing it. And it was really, really hard to tell because, you know, even though relationship is not based on that, it helps. You know, you have to have those intimate times together. And I think that she really needs to talk to her husband, because even though my. My labor was pretty bad, you know, there could be other reasons why. And I think that she, you know, needs to open up to her husband and ask him why.

[Bert (Host)]

Yeah. So many things happen in that delivery room that can really jack you up.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

I mean, you know, and that's the thing. And I've been playing it through in my mind thinking, gosh, was it this? Was that?

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

But he's your husband. You should be able to talk to him about this.

[Bert (Host)]

Absolutely. You guys gotta talk about it for sure.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

I do think it's time for that.

[Bert (Host)]

Yeah. Scott. It's better to talk to him than us. Hey, Scott. Good Morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller 1 / Emily]

Yeah, hey. My wife and I had a baby just about 13 months ago and went through exactly what you went through as well. Be patient. He saw things he shouldn't have seen. It's going to take a little while. He's traumatized. It'll be all right, I promise.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Can you tell us why it's so traumatizing or maybe help us get into the male mentality a little bit more?

[Caller 1 / Emily]

Okay. It was all okay when I was patting her on the head, telling her everything was going to be all right and everything. And then when the wet nurse said, oh, come down here and look, and I went down and saw things I had never even considered seeing before. It stuck in my head for a long time. So be patient with him. He'll come around and everything will be all right. I promise that.

[Bert (Host)]

I mean, up until that point, and to be totally honest with you, also the woman's breasts, that area down there. And the breasts are sexual for guys, right? They are sexual. Indeed. Indeed. So to see it in a way that we haven't seen it before, like that.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Functional.

[Bert (Host)]

Functional. And. Yeah, there for what it's supposed to be there for. It's a little bit tough to shake some of those images.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Is it the head crowning, the baby head crowning.

[Bert (Host)]

There's a little head in there.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

There's a lot of activity going on.

[Bert (Host)]

There's a lot of stuff going on.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

But don't you watch videos and go to Lamaze classes and stuff like that where you see that before your actual wife.

[Bert (Host)]

It's so different. I mean, it's the difference between watching a football game and being in the football game.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Well, I was pressed out in health class. I mean, by the hole. Did you see any high school stuff? That's gross. You know, it's magical, and it's wonderful, but it's gross. I'm not attracted to it anyway. So to me, it's like all biology. You know what I mean? It's all a biology class. It's not like the same thing the way that you guys see it.

[Bert (Host)]

I'll tell you, the funny thing that happened with Stacy and I is when Hayden was born, I was fascinated by it, and I was the same as my friend in California. Like, maybe I'll watch, maybe I won't. And then I got down there, and I'm like, wow, look at all of this going on down here. And I was like a little kid, you know, And I'm like, stacy, because at that point, we thought we were only going to have Hayden. I said, look, you've got to check out what's going on down here, because we're only doing Hayden here, so you got to at least take a look at it. So she was reluctant. She's like, I don't want to see it. I don't. Please don't. I'm like, no, you got to see this. This is coming out of your body. So she's like, all right. So over at Northside, they have these rolling windows that you can bring right over and you can angle it. The mirrors. Yeah. So the woman can see what's going. Going on. She took one look at it, and she's like, get that thing out of my face. I hated it.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

I'm trying, you know, because this is a new. A new thing. Like, you know, I'm trying to figure out when they allowed the husbands or boyfriends to come into the delivery room, because they didn't used to do that. You see old school shows. They were in the waiting room with the cigars and everything, so waiting for

[Bert (Host)]

the nurse to come out and go, it's a boy.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

I'm curious how. I mean, it's only been, you know, in one generation that this has been allowed. So it's good that we're talking about

[Bert (Host)]

it, you know, Crazy rule. Hey, Miranda, Good Morning. You're on Q100. Hi.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

Hi.

[Caller 1 / Emily]

Good morning. I had a baby at the end of July, and my husband had the same thought process. A lot of his friends had told him, don't look, don't look. You'll be really grossed out. And when we got in there, kind of the same situation, you know, as Bert, you want to look. I mean, it's a beautiful thing. Your baby's being brought into the world, and, I mean, we had no problems at all. My advice to the caller is just to. I mean, talk to your husband. There's probably another reason. It's probably the fact that you guys have a baby, and he's probably overwhelmed with being a new dad. I mean, there's probably a lot of things other than the fact that it's just, you know, he. He has these images in his head because, you know, that in itself is probably not the reason why.

[Bert (Host)]

And he's got nobody to talk to about this, really. I mean, most guys are pretty closed when it comes to talking about anything that they're insecure about or emotions. You go to another guy and you tell him that I'm not having sex with my wife, and it's because of me. A lot of guys can't do that, so the only person he has to talk to is you.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

Yeah, yeah, that's a good point.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

But. But the good thing is everybody that's called Bert's friend, the guys that have called that said, if that is the issue, they get over it, you know, so it's. It's not like this is going to be a permanent thing.

[Bert (Host)]

Yeah, guy. Guys can really work around almost anything in order to get sex, Just so you know, so it'll take some time, but eventually he'll be like, it'll go away. Yeah. Well, the thing that I'm hearing, like Melissa said, the common theme with everybody here is it does go away. You know, that he's going to get over this. But I probably sitting him down in a very sort of, like, nurturing way and talking with him about it to where he's feeling comfortable, I think is the only way to go.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

Great. Yeah, that needs to happen.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

And maybe a trip to Victoria's Secret.

[Bert (Host)]

That's always good. Who cares about the economy? You can spend whatever you want at Victoria's Secret. All right, good luck. All right.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Congratulations again on your children.

[Caller 2 / Ashley]

Thank you. Thanks, guys. Take care.

[Bert (Host)]

Let me give guys this advice. Also, if it's the weight issue that you're having with your wife when she's pregnant and that's turning you off, you better tell. Take that to the damn grave with you. You better never share that. Never, never, never. And you may be tempted to tell her in a kind, nurturing way, don't do it.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

No, you can never do that. And I think it's sad that guys like, it's like they can't adapt to the image they think is a. Is perfect woman. You know what I mean? So I think it's also sad that guys have that or some guys.

[Bert (Host)]

Some guys do. And it's. If that's you we're speaking to, there's nothing you can do about that because that's how you're built. But you better take that to the grave. There is no, what did you say? Gentle and nurturing way. No. Do not you think you'll say, you know what? I can kindly and peacefully tell her this. Don't believe women when they say they want 100% honesty. That is a lie right there. Yeah, you can lie there.

[Caller 3 / Melissa]

Yeah, we want you to lie about our bodies and say that they're great.

[Bert (Host)]

Lie gentlemen. Lie. The Birch show what time is it?

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