Vault: Can You Fall in Love With an Object? The Truth About Objectum Sexuality

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault - Can You Fall in Love With an Object? The Truth About Objectum Sexuality

Date: March 30, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the world of objectum sexuality—a phenomenon where individuals experience romantic and/or sexual attraction to inanimate objects. The Bert Show team reacts in real-time to stories featured on mainstream media and from listeners, exploring the authenticity, psychology, and emotional complexities of these unique relationships. Through a mix of incredulity, humor, and open-minded curiosity, the hosts share some of the most unusual real-life examples of objectum sexuality, examining what draws people to bond with bridges, cars, and even the Berlin Wall.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction to Objectum Sexuality

• [00:52] The hosts warn listeners that the subject matter is more adult-oriented and may be difficult to explain even for adults.
• The episode is sparked by a Good Morning America segment about people who are attracted not to humans, but to objects.

2. Good Morning America Segment Recap

• [01:22 – 02:24] Features Erica Ifill, a woman who identifies as an objectum sexual (OS), explaining her deep emotional, spiritual, and physical connections to objects:
  • Quote: “When other teenagers were dating each other, I was dating a bridge.” – Erica Ifill ([01:40])
  • “We feel an innate connection to objects. It comes perfectly normal to us… emotional, spiritual, and also physical.” – Erica Ifill ([01:56])
  • Erica mentions being attracted to airplanes and bridges, clarifying it's a profound connection, not a choice.

3. Listener and Producer Responses

• [02:37] The hosts banter about the strangeness of these stories, noting the GMA example is "tame" compared to what listeners called in about.
• Producer Sean is highlighted for being particularly “freaked out” by researching more extreme cases, underscoring the episode’s “weirdness” factor.

4. Case Study: Edward Smith and “Vanilla” the Volkswagen Beetle

• [03:22 – 05:38] An in-depth look at Edward Smith, a man who admits to being in love—romantically and sexually—with his Volkswagen Beetle named “Vanilla.”
  • Quote: “This is Vanilla. She's a '74 standard Beetle. I named her Vanilla because it’s kind of a sexy, sensuous name.” – Edward Smith ([03:40])
  • Describes intimate behaviors with the car—including kissing and “holding her”—and shares poetry dedicated to it.
  • Notable quote: “Vanilla beetle of 74. Your creamy body I adore. Flesh and metal overwhelm, man and car become one.” – Edward Smith ([05:05], [10:17])
  • The hosts react with a mix of shock, disbelief, and humor:
    • “I think he’s licking her. I think he’s licking the hood of the car.” – Tyler Redick ([04:31])
    • “If you believe in reincarnation, this guy came back as that car. That’s hell.” – Tyler Redick ([05:56])
    • “These people are obviously very mentally ill, right?” – Co-host 1 ([06:02])

5. Expanding the Spectrum: Helicopters and Airwolf

• [06:18 – 07:44] Edward Smith describes also being attracted to planes and helicopters—including “Airwolf,” the star helicopter of the 1980s TV series.
  • Quote: “I took a picture of me kissing Airwolf because… that’s what I’m there to do: pay tribute to her and love on her.” – Edward Smith ([06:39])
  • The hosts muse over the blurred lines between fantasy and reality, suggesting the depth of these obsessions can parallel those of human relationships.

6. Another Perspective: Marriage to the Berlin Wall

• [08:01 – 09:19] The team discusses a woman who claims to be married to the Berlin Wall.
  • She anthropomorphizes the Wall, describing a long-distance romance, their “marriage” date (June 17, 1979), and the distress felt when the Wall was dismantled:
    • “Her husband's job was to divide East and West Berlin. He's retired now… We have been in love for many years.” ([08:01])
    • Explains spiritual unity and romantic endurance despite physical and societal obstacles.

7. Psychological Speculation

• [06:02] Hosts discuss possible psychological explanations, asking whether objectum sexuality is linked to trauma, mental illness, or is simply an orientation.
  • The team is split—some hosts assume a history of trauma or abuse, while others reference interviews in which subjects deny such connections.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “When other teenagers were dating each other, I was dating a bridge.” – Erica Ifill ([01:40])
• “Vanilla beetle of 74. Your creamy body I adore. Flesh and metal overwhelm, man and car become one.” – Edward Smith ([05:05], [10:17])
• “If you believe in reincarnation, this guy came back as that car. That’s hell.” – Tyler Redick ([05:56])
• “He's got a sleek, sensuous tail that almost looks like a dolphin...” – Edward Smith (about “Airwolf,” [07:15])
• “We may not have a conventional marriage, obviously, but neither of us cares much for conventions.” – Berlin Wall spouse ([09:03])
• “It's so freaky, you don't even know how to respond to it.” – Tyler Redick ([10:12])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:52: Adult content disclaimer and topic intro
• 01:22 – 02:24: Good Morning America segment recap (Erica Ifill’s story)
• 03:22 – 05:38: Edward Smith’s relationship with “Vanilla” the car
• 06:18 – 07:44: Smith’s attraction to helicopters and “Airwolf”
• 08:01 – 09:19: Woman married to the Berlin Wall
• 10:12: Hosts’ final reactions and summary feelings

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Tone & Style

• Playful Skepticism: The hosts approach the topic with genuine surprise and frequent humor.
• Curiosity & Compassion: While at times incredulous, they try to understand the subject without outright hostility.
• Candid, Unfiltered: Frequent exclamations (“What?”, “Whoa!”) and laughter keep the tone light, despite the complexity of the topic.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode offers a window into the world of objectum sexuality, featuring genuine examples straight from mainstream media and listener submissions. The Bert Show crew grapples with disbelief and fascination as they share stories of unconventional love, balancing skepticism with a willingness to understand this rare and perplexing orientation. The conversation challenges listeners to consider the boundaries and definitions of love, all while keeping the laughter going.

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Transcript

[Tyler Redick]

Tyler redick here from 2311 racing another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba. Jump [e-mail] let's Chumba. No purchase necessary BTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNC21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Alex Kanchowitz]

Hi, this is Alex Kanchowitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a longtime reporter and an on air contributor to cnbc. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it, asking where this is all going. They come from places like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, in meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology Podcast. Wherever you get your podcasts, listen, it's the bird show.

[Tyler Redick]

If you have kids in the car, we say that after 8:30 is more the adult show right here. So you definitely do not want your kids listening to this part right here.

[Co-host 1]

We just don't want to explain it cause it's almost inexplicable for adults to hear.

[Tyler Redick]

Yeah, we almost can't, we can't figure this out either. But if you missed it last week, here's a little bit of the Good Morning America segment from last week about people that are attracted to objects. And after we played it, a whole bunch of you guys called oh, that's tame. You said, oh no, no, no, no, we can do better than that. But this was the original segment on Good Morning America.

[Narrator]

We all see beauty in objects. The symmetry and sleekness of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

[Co-host 1]

Our structure is just amazing. It's a stark beauty with angles, this contrast.

[Narrator]

But what if the beauty we saw in objects were something much deeper, like true love?

[Co-host 1]

When other teenagers were dating each other, I was dating a bridge.

[Narrator]

36 year old Erica Ifill is part of a small group of people who call themselves objectum sexuals or os, where their intimate life revolves around objects, not people.

[Co-host 1]

We feel an innate connection to objects. It comes perfectly normal to us to connect on various levels. Emotional, spiritual, and also physical.

[Narrator]

For some, she says she didn't choose this life. She was born this way. And while she has normal friendships with humans, in her eyes, love lies in objects.

[Co-host 1]

My intimacy involves a lot with smell and with touch, even with hearing and just my sight.

[Narrator]

We reached out to medical experts.

[Tyler Redick]

I think it gets all serious, but yeah, she was attracted to airplanes and bridges, and there's an emotional and a physical connection. She's, like, doing bridges now.

[Co-host 1]

Was this. Was this the one with the Eiffel Tower?

[Tyler Redick]

That's the Eiffel Tower married or she

[Co-host 2]

had the commitment ceremony with the Eiffel

[Co-host 1]

Tower and did the Eiffel Tower right on somewhere, somehow.

[Tyler Redick]

So you guys tipped us off that there's. There's way more freakier stuff than that. And of course, producer Sean knew exactly where to find it.

[Co-host 2]

Sean sent emails when she was editing this, I think. Did you get copied on him too, Bert, where she was freaked out?

[Tyler Redick]

Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

And, you know, if you're freaking out, Sean, you're doing a good job of freaking.

[Tyler Redick]

Producer Sean is quirky, man. I mean, she's quirky, quirky, quirky. So when something like yeah, makes her go, wow, that's weird. You really struck gold. You really, really struck gold. So here she found this about a guy that is in love with his car in all ways.

[Reporter]

For over 40 years, he had kept his lifestyle a secret, but he now felt that the time was right to explain it to the world. So he headed to Yel, a small town in the northwestern state of Washington, to meet our first mecca. File his name Edward Smith.

[Edward Smith]

This is vanilla. She's a 74 standard beetle. And I named her Vanilla because it's kind of a sexy, sensuous name.

[Reporter]

Edward has never had an intimate relationship with another human

[Edward Smith]

body is a certain sense of beauty. Everything about her is very sensuous to me. And I enjoy holding her. I enjoy being part of her. And, like, this little area here, she's got, like, a certain curve to it that really is perfect. I'll be doing this. And it's almost impossible, you know, to resist her.

[Tyler Redick]

He starts kissing. What?

[Co-host 2]

What's happening right now?

[Edward Smith]

Straight away, I must admit, she's my lover.

[Co-host 1]

What?

[Edward Smith]

And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[Co-host 2]

What do you mean? Kissing her.

[Tyler Redick]

I think he's licking her. I think he's licking the hood of the car.

[Edward Smith]

Innocent affection right there from the beginning. Then by the time I turned 13, the famous Corvette Stingray of 63 came out. And that car. Oh, my God, it was pure sex for what, maybe a couple of years later that I got so excited looking at him that I would actually no way incorporate that visual and that fantasy into my. My mass.

[Tyler Redick]

Oh, dude. Now I really got nasty.

[Alex Kanchowitz]

What did he say?

[Edward Smith]

My name is vanilla beetle of 74. Your creamy body I adore Flesh and metal overwhelm man and Car become one. What?

[Tyler Redick]

This is Myra esque Haik.

[Edward Smith]

You're parked in my yard where my sun sets. Freed from the light of day and dark I leave my loving seed Sell me.

[Reporter]

Wait, What Camera.

[Tyler Redick]

The car is begging. Put me on credit. Let's save it.

[Co-host 1]

I got a voice. Somebody stop it, please. Pass the tires. Somebody scratch me. Only gas should go in my gas tank. Not what he's putting.

[Co-host 2]

No, he's not. Damn.

[Tyler Redick]

If you believe in reincarnation, this guy came back as that car. That's hell. What did you do in a previous life?

[Co-host 1]

These people are obviously very mentally ill, right?

[Tyler Redick]

I don't know.

[Co-host 1]

They've been abused.

[Tyler Redick]

Thank you. I don't know about abuse because remember the last one we played? They said it's not an abusive situation.

[Co-host 1]

I'm curious, though. Most are like him, where they have not been with anything else or anybody else.

[Tyler Redick]

This is, I think, the same dude falling in love with a helicopter.

[Reporter]

I think Edward told us that he wasn't only attracted to cars. He found planes and even helicopters sexually alluring. One of his most intriguing claims was that he had made love to Airwolf, star of the 1980s TV series

[Edward Smith]

1986. At the time, it was like a dream. I was pretty much left alone to my own accord. And I just set my tripod up and took a picture of me kissing Airwolf because I figured, oh, why not? That's what I'm. There is to pay tribute to her and love on her. And I just hold back. And I got away with it. It's over with. It's done. I did it. And I'd be careful about doing that again. I've. I got a bit of common sense left in me. Really carried away. I love them.

[Reporter]

So did Danwolf have any orifices that you could sort of stimulate yourself?

[Edward Smith]

No, no, it's just the form and curve. She's got a sleek, sensuous tail that almost looks like a dolphin. Of course, in 1991, Crash landed, killing all aboard and sounds like it, but she's in the midst of a rescue. She. She destroyed. But I was so good. Glad to meet her.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah.

[Tyler Redick]

It's like he's widowed.

[Co-host 1]

I am so glad he wasn't on that plane with that pilot on Sunday, because he would not have safely landed that.

[Tyler Redick]

It's so freaky, you don't even know how to respond to it. Right.

[Co-host 2]

Wow.

[Co-host 1]

I mean, whoa.

[Tyler Redick]

I just.

[IXL Advertiser]

I don't understand the mindset.

[Co-host 1]

I get it.

[Tyler Redick]

This is a woman that married the Berlin Wall. And again, she says, this is my husband. His name's the Berlin Wall and he was born in 1961 and I expect you've heard of him. He's quite a celebrity. He lives in Berlin. She says that she used to live in a pharmacy or work at a pharmacy. Her husband's job was to divide east and West Berlin. He's retired now. She says, we've been in love for many years. She writes, I was attracted to him ever since he was born. Yes, he's some years younger than me. But neither of us feels that this age difference matters. True love can easily transcend a few years. It was very much a long distance romance, as neither of us likes to travel. She's talking about a wall.

[Co-host 1]

The wall can't go anywhere.

[IXL Advertiser]

It's not moving.

[Co-host 2]

That makes it easy to pack.

[Tyler Redick]

For much of the time, I had to make do with photos of him and of course, seeing him in newspapers and on television. But the distance between us only served to intensify our feelings for each other. Loco on our wedding. We eventually were married on June 17, 1979. No, you weren't in Berlin on that day. I took my husband's name, that is Berlin Wall in German, which is my husband's first language now. We have been together for many years.

[Co-host 2]

Yeah, wonder what he took as a second language.

[Tyler Redick]

We have been together now for many years. Spiritually, if not physically. Like every married couple, we have our ups and downs. We've even made it through the terrible disaster of November 1989, when my husband was subjected to frenzied attack by a mob.

[Co-host 2]

So she's talking about the dismantling of the burl. Yeah, the big celebration when people took hammers to her husband.

[Tyler Redick]

And then she writes, but we are still as much in love as the day we first met. We may not have a conventional marriage, obviously, but neither of us cares much for conventions. Ours is a story of two beans. In love are souls entwined for all eternity.

[IXL Advertiser]

Whoa.

[Co-host 1]

Get it?

[Tyler Redick]

I'm speechless. I don't. Yeah, it's so freaky. You don't even know how to respond.

[Edward Smith]

Vanilla beetle of 74. Your creamy body I adore. Man and car become one.

[Co-host 2]

Listen, it's the Birch Show.

[Tyler Redick]

Tyler redick here from 2311 Racing. Another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba. Jump [e-mail] let's shamba. No purchase necessary.

[Alex Kanchowitz]

BTW group void where prohibited by mob

[Tyler Redick]

CTNCs 21/plus sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Alex Kanchowitz]

Hi, this is Alex Canceroitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a longtime reporter and an on air contributor to cnbc. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it, asking where this is all going. They come from places like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon, and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, in meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology Podcast Wherever you get your podcasts.

[IXL Advertiser]

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