Vault: Can you train a guy to have better sex?

Summary

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The Bert Show – "Vault: Can you train a guy to have better sex?"

Release Date: June 18, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode centers around the question: "Can you train a guy to have better sex?" The Bert Show team takes on a candid caller situation—Brittany, who’s dating a man perfect in every way except the bedroom. She’s seeking advice from the hosts and listeners on whether it’s possible (or worth it) to teach her partner to be better at sex, especially considering his age and experience.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene – Brittany's Dilemma

• [01:15] The main question is posed: Brittany has found a great guy, but he’s underwhelming in bed. Is he even "trainable" at 45 years old?
• Brittany shares:
  • He’s "perfect just about every other way, except when it comes to kissing and sex."
  • He married young and had limited experience with women prior to Brittany.

2. Age & Experience as Factors

• [02:23] The panel reflects on whether age is a factor in sexual teachability:
  • Host (Bird): “This dude’s 45 years old... He’s pretty set in his ways.”
  • Bert: Points out the guy likely only had real experience with his ex-wife.
• [02:51] Jessica: Advocates for “legitimate attempts to train,” noting people often get set in routines that worked for past partners, but may not work for a new one.

3. The Coaching Conversation – How to Approach It

• [03:21] The big question: How do you even bring up sexual dissatisfaction?
  • Jessica: Suggests the stark truth—“Either we’re going to break up or you’re going to try something different.”
  • Aaron: Warns this could be “a humbling thing to recover from,” highlighting how much ego is attached to sexual performance.
  • Host (Bird): “I don’t think in a woman’s mind you can understand how much of our ego is wrapped up in this one topic.” ([03:54])

4. Methods Tried – Subtle Coaching

• [04:11] Brittany explains she’s tried gentle, positive reinforcement, especially around kissing:
  • “It was the whole hard tongue rammed in as far as possible, licking my face. It was just awful.” ([04:20], Brittany)
  • The group agrees on gentle, in-the-moment feedback (“Let’s try this... be kind of sweet about it.” – [04:54], Bert).

5. Cautionary Tale – What Not to Do

• [05:26] Hosts share a story where the wrong approach (using adult films) led a previous caller’s husband to mimic aggressive moves, backfiring and worsening things.

6. Listener Call-Ins: Real-Life Experiences

Kim’s Perspective

• [05:51] Kim says she successfully coached her ex by suggesting and experimenting—“Little by little, it just started developing.”
  • “His wife thanks me to this day that he knows what he’s doing.” ([06:10], Kim)

Negative Experiences

• [07:22] Mia suggests cutting losses: “Tell her to run... The first thing she wants to do is to go out and get something that's good.”

Brittany’s History

• [08:02] She reveals being post-divorce after 20 years with a husband who was "horrible in bed" and that her current boyfriend is “worse.”

The Case for Walking Away

• [08:50] Bert: “Honey, I think you need to go because you’ve tried to coach him. It’s not working... you need to get somebody who knows what they’re doing.”

Ashley & Aaron – Patience & Coaching

• [10:05] Ashley: Advocates patience and working with a partner if they're open and humble.
• [11:51] Aaron: Tells of coaching her now-boyfriend, with time and encouragement focusing on what he did well.

Male Perspective – Zach

• [13:05] Zach: Shares he was once “a coachee,” handled a mix of verbal and nonverbal coaching, and thinks mutual honesty helps.

7. Self-Worth, Honesty, and Satisfaction

• [11:01] Brittany: "I'm 41 years old... I need freaking satisfaction... I'm not going to jump into bed with the guy at the bookstore. I need a little bit more than just a really nice guy at this stage in my life, you know?"

8. Playfulness & Humor

• Several hosts suggest introducing role-play ("coach’s uniform and a whistle") as a fun way to integrate coaching without hurting egos.

  • Jessica: “Just put on a coach’s uniform with a whistle… you can be the coach and tell him what to do.” ([12:51])

• [14:48] Bert: Cautions against "the one general conversation," suggesting incremental in-the-moment coaching is better.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [03:54, Host (Bird) on Ego:
  "I don’t think in a woman’s mind you can understand how much of our ego is wrapped up in this one topic."

• [04:20, Brittany on Bad Kissing:
  “It was the whole hard tongue rammed in as far as possible, licking my face. It was just awful.”

• [06:10, Kim’s Ex Thanks Her:
  “He thanks me to this day that he and his wife that he's married to now… thank you for teaching me because I had no clue.”

• [08:47, Brittany:
  “He’s worse [than my ex-husband].”

• [11:01, Brittany on Her Needs:
  "I need freaking satisfaction... I'm not going to jump into bed with the guy at the bookstore. I need a little bit more than just a really nice guy at this stage in my life, you know?"

• [12:51, Jessica:
  “It’s Super Bowl weekend… put on a coach’s uniform with a whistle or whatever and say, honey, we’re gonna role play this weekend.”

• [13:32, Zach:
  "If he's not picking it up, then maybe drop him. But... it's kind of insulting that... you can't really broach this – guys are big babies."

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:15] Introduction to Brittany's question and context
• [02:51] Jessica explains the logic behind "training"
• [03:21] How to approach the difficult conversation
• [04:20] Brittany describes hands-on coaching attempts
• [05:26] Story of a failed solution using adult films
• [05:51] Kim shares her successful coaching experience
• [07:22] Mia advises running from bad lovers
• [08:02 – 08:50] Brittany reflects on the dating pool and reveals current guy is "worse" than her ex
• [10:05] Ashley describes stick-it-out mentality for "good in other departments"
• [11:01] Brittany sets her boundaries for what she wants in her next relationship
• [11:51] Aaron supports coaching but stresses sensitivity to ego
• [13:05] Zach offers perspective as a successfully coached male partner
• [14:48] Bert stresses small, in-moment feedback over big, sit-down talks

---

Key Takeaways

• Training is possible, but success varies: Gentle coaching with patience, sensitivity, and some creativity (role play, positive reinforcement) can sometimes work, but not always—especially if the partner is unresponsive.
• Ego matters: Male ego can make these conversations fraught; in-the-moment, encouraging feedback is best.
• Sexual compatibility is essential: For many, "just a nice guy" isn’t enough; sexual satisfaction is too important to sacrifice for other relationship qualities.
• Know when to walk away: If coaching isn’t working and needs aren’t met, it's valid to leave—even after years of "settling."

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Overall Tone:
Engaging, witty, honest, a bit irreverent, and authentic—true to The Bert Show's signature style, alternating between practical advice and playful banter.

Transcript

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[Host (Bird)]

Dear Birdshow, can you train a dude that's not talented in bed to be good in bed? Cause Brittany here on the Voice Disguiser is dating a guy she's all excited about. Except in this area, he's just below average. Hey, Brittany.

[Brittany (Caller)]

Hi there.

[Host (Bird)]

How are you?

[Brittany (Caller)]

Well, I'm well.

[Host (Bird)]

Did I get all that right? Like, you're excited about this dude, but he's just not measuring up.

[Brittany (Caller)]

Well, yeah, he's perfect just about every other way, except when it comes to kissing and sex. And I figure he's 45. If he doesn't know he's bad by now. Is he even trainable?

[Host (Bird)]

404-741-Q100 how long have you guys been together?

[Brittany (Caller)]

Only about a month and a half.

[Bert]

Okay.

[Jessica]

Was he in a relationship right before yours?

[Brittany (Caller)]

Pardon?

[Jessica]

Was he in a relationship with someone else right before yours?

[Brittany (Caller)]

I don't. I don't think so. I think he's dated a couple times, but I think the only relationship he was in prior to us is his ex wife.

[Host (Bird)]

I'm wondering if the, if there, if the age is a major factor here.

[Jessica]

Here.

[Host (Bird)]

This dude's 45 years old. I mean, you're not talking about a guy that's 24 and hasn't been with a bunch of women. Talking about a 45 year old guy, pretty set in his ways.

[Bert]

He might not have been with a lot of women. Was he with a lot of women before he was married?

[Brittany (Caller)]

No, it's. It sounds like he got married. I think he was about 22 or 23 when he got married.

[Bert]

So pretty limited experience and it was all with one woman, basically.

[Jessica]

Because I have always been the believer that I think there is a legitimate attempt to train, as we say, is valid because I believe that people get so routine if they're in a relationship with somebody. You do what you do to please each other, but everybody's different. And so I think, especially in the beginning of a relationship, if it's bad, I do think that it's worth a conversation because I think that whatever he may be doing that's not satisfying you may have satisfied his ex wife and he thinks that's going to satisfy everybody.

[Host (Bird)]

So how do you tell a dude that, like, how do you approach that conversation?

[Brittany (Caller)]

Exactly.

[Jessica]

Either we're going to break up or you're going to try something different. Ooh, that's pretty brutal because how did

[Host (Bird)]

you take that when Jessica said that to you? Is that hard?

[Aaron]

There's. Yeah, a little bit. There's.

[Jessica]

It's because you're going to break up. You're going to break up if you don't have the conversation.

[Aaron]

That conversation might like he might then initiate the breakup because that's, that's a, that's a humbling thing to recover from.

[Bert]

It's like an ego,

[Host (Bird)]

when women are talking about their body image, that dudes can't possibly understand the struggle you have every day. I don't think in a woman's mind you can understand how much of our ego is wrapped up in this one topic.

[Jessica]

I can't because I deal with women and you know, I. Well, so how do you tell a guy.

[Bert]

Here's my question. Have you guys, like, when you're in those moments, have you ever like, kind of like quietly, like nicely sort of like coached.

[Brittany (Caller)]

Yes. Especially when it came to the kissing. And it's so funny, the segment you had on about the kissing, it was, it was the whole hard tongue rammed in as far as possible, licking my face. It was Just awful.

[Jessica]

And you're still with us.

[Brittany (Caller)]

And I said, wait, let me.

[Host (Bird)]

Is it, is, is it, is it accurate to say that if you're a guy, a woman will show you what she likes if you allow her to show you what she likes?

[Bert]

I think some women that are confident enough in what they want would be able to do that. But sometimes women don't know and men don't know and then it's a mess. But if you know, I think you can do some gentle coaching. Like, I don't know, I mean, I think you can sit in front of him when you're kissing and be like, let's try this. Like, what do you think about if you do this or do that differently or whatever, but not be like demanding or bossy about it. Be kind of like sweet about it. And like if you're like sitting there kissing him in between coaching, kissing him, I mean, he's going to want to still be there.

[Host (Bird)]

Now, I will tell you what not to do. This is based on an email we got a couple of weeks ago. Remember that one woman was saying that was it her husband that wasn't real good in bed, so she went out and she got a bunch of adult films and he got all like addicted to him and stuff and he started doing the raunchiest things to her that he saw in the adult films, like really nasty things. Here's Kim. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

Yes, hi. My ex husband, he wasn't very good in that department and I just coached him along and he thanks me to this day that he and his wife that he's married to now, he grabbed, he said thank you for teaching me because I had no clue.

[Host (Bird)]

Okay, so how did you approach that initial conversation with him?

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

Well, more or less, I just started trying different things with him. I'd say, honey, you know, let's try this or let's try to do a little bit of this. And would you mind going here? And little by little it just started developing. And then we did watch some adult movies, but they weren't the raunchy ones. It was more like the playboy ones where they're more soft.

[Host (Bird)]

Okay.

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

And it really helped. And his wife thanks me to this day.

[Host (Bird)]

So Brittany, are you in the, in an advanced part of your relationship with this guy where you guys can watch some of the like late night Cinemax stuff where you see something but you don't see something?

[Bert]

Cinemax, dude, they've only been dating for six weeks.

[Host (Bird)]

Well, I mean, she's ready to bail

[Bert]

I think you gotta gently talk to him about it first. I mean, can't you, like guide his hand where you want it to go? Talk about.

[Brittany (Caller)]

I did that, actually.

[Bert]

He's being repetition pressure.

[Brittany (Caller)]

You're clueless.

[Jessica]

So you have tried to coach him. He's gonna lose it.

[Brittany (Caller)]

Yeah, I have.

[Jessica]

I mean, he's gonna lose and he's the sure thing.

[Bert]

He's not responding.

[Brittany (Caller)]

Not responding at all.

[Host (Bird)]

Hey, Mia, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

Hey, good morning, guys.

[Brittany (Caller)]

Hi.

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

I was just calling because I wanted to chime in to say, to tell her to run. I've been in a similar situation and the first time that makes her angry pisses her off. The first thing she wants to do is to go out and get something that's good.

[Brittany (Caller)]

So and so, you know, the guy

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

that I dated was actually divorced. And after dating him for three months, I understand why his, you know, he was divorced. His wife went after something was a lot better. So save herself some time. The good personality is not worth it.

[Host (Bird)]

Hey, Brittany, let me ask you this. Let's be totally honest. Is the age a factor in this way? In that he's 45 now? I'm assuming you're in your 40s.

[Brittany (Caller)]

I am. I'll be 41 next week.

[Host (Bird)]

Are you sticking out with him more now because there are less guys available that are in your age range?

[Brittany (Caller)]

You know, it's interesting because I really don't put myself out there very much so. I've been divorced four and a half years and this is only the second person that I've been with. And my ex husband and I were married 20 years. And like I said in the email, he was horrible in bed. And I didn't know it until I had the first lover after him and the first rebound.

[Jessica]

So this guy that you're with now, is he better or worse than your ex husband?

[Brittany (Caller)]

Oh, he's. He's worse.

[Host (Bird)]

Oh, damn.

[Bert]

Honey, I think you need to go because you've tried to coach him. It's not working. And you put. You've been putting up with that for many years. You made up for somebody good, maybe

[Jessica]

not for lost time.

[Host (Bird)]

Half your life you made love to a dude that sucked at it.

[Bert]

You need to get. Yeah, you need to get somebody who knows what they're doing.

[Aaron]

Have you spent any time thinking about the fact that maybe you're bad?

[Brittany (Caller)]

Well, I would think that if it weren't for the fact that this other guy that I was with, we were like. It was freaking incredible for both of us. All the Time.

[Bert]

That's awesome.

[Jessica]

I'd call him back. Yeah.

[Host (Bird)]

Where is he?

[Bert]

Yeah, where'd he go? What happened to him?

[Brittany (Caller)]

We're good friends. We're just really good friends. But he wants different things. I don't want to be married. He wants to be married. And I don't want to be married again. I would just like to, you know. Of course, he did just break up with his girlfriend, so maybe we could get.

[Host (Bird)]

I guarantee you will be calling him within a month.

[Bert]

A little friends with benefits this weekend. Yeah. Yeah. You got to ditch the guy who's not good. You've been dealing with not good for too long.

[Host (Bird)]

Here is Ashley, who has had some teaching experience. Hey, Ashley.

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

Hey. Hey, I had a comment for the caller that called in. I got the letter.

[Host (Bird)]

Yeah, you're on with her right now. Her name's Brittany.

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

Okay. Hey, Brittany. Hey. Well, my comment was, you know, if he's pretty much good in every other department, then you should, you know, stick it out and work with them, you know, because my baby father, he wasn't excellent. You know, he gave me the whole life before we even slept together. Well, I've been celibate for a year, so don't expect the best. But it didn't get better. So I just, you know, I think that you just stick with them, you know, and work with them. You can teach them things.

[Jessica]

But don't you think that your boyfriend. He. Up front, was humble about it? Like it opened up the conversation where he could say something to him. Because if he said, you know what, it's been a while, whatever, at least then there was room to teach, you know?

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

Right.

[Jessica]

I don't think that. What's her college name? I'm sorry. Brittany. Brittany. Yeah. Brittany. Doesn't sound like he's. You don't feel comfortable enough saying anything

[Bert]

to him now, See, I just. I don't think a guy should say that.

[Host (Bird)]

I can't think of a worse way to get into that.

[Bert]

Yeah, I mean, I think maybe, like,

[Brittany (Caller)]

my thinking on it and, you know, I'm 41 years old, and at this point in my life, I'm comfortable spending time with myself, and there's a lot of nice guys out there, but I need. I need freaking satisfaction. I mean, I can go and have a conversation with the guy at the bookstore and. And be perfectly fine with that, but I'm not going to jump into bed with the guy at the bookstore. So I think I need a little bit more than just a really nice guy at this stage in my life, you know?

[Host (Bird)]

There's a guy in Nevada we know it just cost you a couple of pennies, but he's Marcus. Yeah, Marcus.

[Jessica]

He's the prostitute.

[Host (Bird)]

Hey, Aaron.

[Aaron]

He's not really that good looking, and he's not really that well endowed, and he's only been with three women. But for 200 bucks, he'll show you the best mediocre time you've ever had for 200 bucks.

[Host (Bird)]

Hey, Aaron, good morning. You're on Q100.

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

Good morning.

[Host (Bird)]

Hi.

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

Hi. I am listening to everyone. I think it was just Ashley just talking and Brittany responding to that also. But I was going to kind of say what the woman before. Maybe it was Ashley that was saying it. You know, I was with. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he was horrible. Horrible. It made me question if I even wanted to be with him. It made me, you know, everything else was there. Every. Every other aspect of the relationship was absolutely there. He treated me like a queen. Everything was perfect. Couldn't get over the sex part. And really, what worked with me was just time and. And I'm. I also do some coaching for my job. So at first I was like, well, maybe I should coach them. And then.

[Aaron]

Awesome.

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

Well, you know, I was like, well, like what Bert said, sometimes you can't, you know, take on a man's ego, so you got to be careful, like, how you coach, how you coach a man. So for me, it was just kind of finding out what he did good and wanting more of that.

[Aaron]

You put together. Put together a PowerPoint.

[Jessica]

It's just. It's super bowl weekend. You know what? Just put on a coach's uniform with a whistle or whatever and say, honey, we're gonna role play this weekend. And that way you can be the coach and you tell him what to do. And he thinks, oh, this is fun, because we're role playing.

[Host (Bird)]

Hey, Zach, what's up?

[Zach]

Hey, Bert. Joe, I want to call in with the mail response here. I was a coachee once.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Zach]

You know, my fiance's little hard to get her there. And I mean, if this guy is at all observant, then he's got to know he's not quite doing it. So, I mean, just have the conversation.

[Host (Bird)]

Well, that's what I was thinking. But some are calling and saying that, dude, some dudes just don't get the signals at all. Like, you got the signals. Some dudes are clueless.

[Zach]

Well, I mean, if he's not picking it up, then, you know, then maybe drop him. But I don't know. It's kind of insulting that all the guys here like, yeah, you can't really broach this guy's your big babies.

[Host (Bird)]

I think it's a. I think it's a pretty big. I think you can.

[Bert]

Let me ask him. How long were you guys dating before she felt comfortable enough to bring it up and start, quote, unquote, coaching you?

[Zach]

I don't know. Couple months, maybe.

[Advertiser Voice]

Okay.

[Host (Bird)]

And did she verbally tell you what to do or she showed you what to do?

[Zach]

Little of both. I mean, there were conversations, and then there was, you know, here's. Here's what we're gonna do. Here's what we're gonna try.

[Bert]

I think it's good for both people in the party to ask the question, like, what do you like? Like, is this what you like? Do you like this? Do you like that? You know what I mean?

[Zach]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

It's like I said. I mean, I. Men must be different because, I mean, you know, at the beginning I said that. I think that it. You can say. I mean, it's your body. You say what you want, you know, and you should expect to be told the same thing. But, I mean, it seems like guys can't take it.

[Host (Bird)]

At the end of the day, if a woman asked a guy, am I good in bed? Or if a guy asked a woman, I should say, let's reverse that. Guy asks his girlfriend or wife, am I good in bed? Will she even be honest with him? I think if he's bad, would she say, not really.

[Jessica]

Depends how long you're together. In the beginning, probably.

[Advertiser Voice]

No,

[Bert]

I think the guy, like. I think that's why she's on the phone with us asking the question, because she's having a hard time talking to him about it. But I don't think it has to be that one general conversation. You're either good or you're bad. Like, how about, like, you can improve, like, here, there, whatever. But I think it has to be sort of a coaching session inside of the moment, not some conversation over dinner.

[Host (Bird)]

Let me just take one more here. Hey, Eric. Good morning.

[Bert]

I don't know.

[Zach]

Hey, Bert. How are you this morning?

[Host (Bird)]

All right. How are you?

[Zach]

I'm doing good. I actually have some advice for Brittany.

[Advertiser Voice]

Okay.

[Zach]

Just get it yourself, girl.

[Host (Bird)]

What do you mean?

[Zach]

Like, have. If she knows what she likes, throw him down and take it.

[Host (Bird)]

Take charge.

[Zach]

That's right.

[Aaron]

Gee, he say, throw him down and

[Host (Bird)]

take it down and take it.

[Jessica]

Goes back to my coach's uniform. You know what? Or have a referee, like, a real sexy referee outfit with the whistle this weekend. Say we're gonna super bowl role play. I'm telling you.

[Host (Bird)]

Just sheer numbers here though, Brittany. You've been half your life with a dude that was bad in bed. Oh, it is. It is time.

[Jessica]

She's like, I wasted my 20s. Yes, that's what I'm saying.

[Brittany (Caller)]

It's like I. I paid my dues. I want to have some damn good sex now.

[Host (Bird)]

Brittany, thanks for calling.

[Various Callers (Kim, Mia, Ashley, etc.)]

Thanks.

[Host (Bird)]

Bye. Bye.

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[Brittany (Caller)]

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