Vault: Celebrity Encounters Gone Wrong

Summary

The Bert Show — "Vault: Celebrity Encounters Gone Wrong"

Date: May 6, 2026
Hosts: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & The Bert Show Cast

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show focuses on hilariously awkward and embarrassing celebrity encounters, inviting listeners to share their personal stories of "choking" in front of famous people. The cast and callers recount tales ranging from starstruck silence to mortifying mishaps—demonstrating just how relatable (and funny) meeting celebrities can be when things go terribly off-script.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Bar for Awkward Encounters

• The episode kicks off with the high standard of awkwardness—vomiting on Jon Bon Jovi's shoes:
  • “We just had a Bert listener call up and say that she met Jon Bon Jovi for the very first time and she was so nervous that she ended up throwing up on his shoes. God, that's a pretty tough bar to be set at right now.” — Bert [00:47]
  • The hosts laugh about how unforgettable that makes both the fan and the celebrity memory.

2. Listener Call-Ins: Sharing Their Most Cringe Moments

A. Meeting Renee Zellweger

• Caller John recounts:
  • While trying to get Renee Zellweger's autograph during the filming of Cold Mountain at his college, he tripped and fell “right on my face.”
  • “Other people were getting their autographs and she made eye contact with me and I landed right on my face because I tripped on the bricks.” — John [01:29]
  • Despite embarrassment and cuts to his face, he did get her autograph.
  • The hosts joke, “If she made eye contact, that means she actually opened her eyes. And that’s not something—you barely see that.” — Bert Show Cast [01:59]

B. Starstruck by Lady Gaga

• Caller shares a story about dressing up outrageously to catch Lady Gaga’s attention.
  • “She pulled up and stopped traffic just because of how outrageous I was dressed...And I just didn’t say anything. But then I ended up getting to stand front row and give her a pair of sunglasses that she kissed me for and wore them on stage for Poker Face twice.” — Caller [02:24, 02:46]
  • The hosts note the great ending—that silence eventually led to a memorable exchange and on-stage moment.
  • Bert offers to let the caller retell the story to Lady Gaga herself when she appears on their show:
    • “I’d love to get you on and tell her that story and see if she remembers you.” — Bert [02:58]

C. Awkward with Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers

• Jenny remembers calling Anthony Kiedis a "little chili pepper" as a nervous teen:
  • “You look familiar, you little chili pepper.” — Jenny [04:19]
  • He laughed and gave her an autograph. Her story ended up in Teen magazine’s embarrassing celebrity moments section.

D. Stumbling in Front of Keanu Reeves

• Elizabeth, who is hard of hearing, tries to inconspicuously use a captioning device but ends up hitting herself in the face with it—right as Keanu Reeves is watching:
  • “He was like looking at me like, whoa...and then I just explained what it was, and that’s a blessing. And then he laughed like five minutes later.” — Elizabeth [05:36–05:44]
  • The cast finds humor and fortune in her brief, accidental conversation.

E. The Hosts’ Own Starstruck Moments

• Bert shares his moment meeting baseball legend Cal Ripken Jr.:
  • “I turned in like a 12 year old kid and I extended my hand and he extended his hand and I had nothing to say. And the only thing that came out of my mouth was, ‘I appreciate what you do.’” — Bert [06:06]
  • “And I’m gonna leave now because I’m a tool.” — Bert [06:23]
• The group realizes that it’s not the spontaneity but the buildup that makes these moments so nerve-wracking, even when you’re prepared.

F. Bookstore Encounter with Dixie Carter

• Kristin retells a friend’s panic at a book signing:
  • “My friend screamed in her face and ran in the opposite direction over Dixie Carter.” — Kristin [07:15]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “But he’ll always remember you.” — Cassie, after the Bon Jovi vomit story [01:06]
• “If she made eye contact, that means she actually opened her eyes. And that’s not something—you barely see that.” — Cast joking about Renee Zellweger [01:59]
• “You look familiar, you little chili pepper.” — Jenny, to Anthony Kiedis [04:19]
• “I appreciate what you do.” — Bert, to Cal Ripken Jr. [06:22]
• “My friend screamed in her face and ran in the opposite direction over Dixie Carter.” — Kristin [07:15]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:47] — Bon Jovi shoe incident sets the bar
• [01:19] — John’s Renee Zellweger faceplant
• [02:14–03:35] — Gaga superfan goes silent, is rewarded
• [03:45–04:51] — Jenny’s chili pepper embarrassment
• [04:56–06:04] — Elizabeth’s accidental run-in with Keanu Reeves
• [06:06–06:23] — Bert’s “I appreciate what you do” moment with Cal Ripken Jr.
• [06:52–07:21] — Dixie Carter book signing panic
• [07:21–07:54] — Jamie Foxx elevator story (passing gas in front of a celebrity)

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Tone & Takeaway

The episode maintains a warm, self-deprecating, and comedically honest tone throughout, showing that even when our dreams of meeting celebrities result in embarrassment, they make unforgettable stories—and most celebs take it all in stride. The show encourages listeners to laugh at themselves and realize how universal these moments are, no matter how mortifying they seem in the moment.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

we're asking you guys to call us about your celebrity choking stories. We just had a Birch listener call up and say that she met Jon Bon Jovi for the very first time and she was so nervous that she ended up throwing up on his shoes. God, that's a pretty tough bar to be set at right now.

[C]

Yeah. Cause vomit, that's not gonna ever be good.

[B]

But he'll always remember you.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

And you'll always remember when you met him. Yeah.

[B]

You made it memorable for Atlanta. Remember that one time we were in Atlanta, that girl threw up on my shoes. So if you got one, give us a call. Not too many coming in, though. Here's John. Good morning.

[E]

Morning.

[B]

How are you, sir?

[F]

I'm doing well.

[E]

How are you?

[B]

Good, man. Which celebrity did you choke in front of?

[E]

Renee Zellweger.

[C]

Really? What happened?

[E]

They were filming Cold Mountain on my college campus, College of Charleston, and saw her across the street and was going to get an autograph. Other people were getting their autographs and she made eye contact with me and I landed right on my face because I tripped on the bricks.

[C]

Oh, my God. Did you bleed or get any cuts or anything?

[E]

I got some cuts. My face. He's actually very, very tiny in person.

[B]

Yeah, I've heard that.

[C]

Did she give you an autograph for the.

[F]

She did.

[G]

Okay, well, you got something better than an autograph because if she made eye contact, that means she actually opened her eyes. And that's not something you barely see that.

[B]

That's a photo that could get you big money with tmz. All right. How did you choke in front of a celebrity?

[F]

404 she pulled up on Census or limo and stopped traffic just because of how rageous I was dressed. Who? And I had a Lady Gaga.

[G]

Okay. That's an important.

[F]

I had a Crazy pair of sunglasses I made for her, and she pulled up and stopped and was waving and trying to talk to me before we went into the show. And I was just so speechless. So my boyfriend kept on nudging me with his elbow, saying, talk like, you waited months for this. And I just didn't say anything. But then I ended up getting to stand front row and give her a pair of sunglasses that she kissed me for and wore them on stage for Poker Face twice.

[C]

Cool. That's right. So a good ending to that. So you actually got to make up for it.

[F]

Yeah, yeah. Like, it was the best concert experience ever. Like, it was better than Madonna. I paid, like, $1,000 to see Madonna forever. It was great.

[B]

I would love to see. You know, because she's gonna be on with us on Monday morning. I'd love to get you on and tell her that story and see if she remembers you. If she. If she remembers the Speechless store, the speechless part of this, or she remembers the sunglass front row part. I wonder if celebrities remember that part.

[F]

I know she remembers the sunglasses, but the Steve's part. Like, I'm sure she remembers the same guy. Standing there just with my jaw on the ground, like, being like, oh, my God, like, Lady Gaga. Like, I love you.

[C]

Yeah. And you can't choke on Monday, though. Okay.

[F]

No, no, no, that's okay.

[B]

Okay, let me put you on hold, and we'll put you on with her on Monday.

[F]

Oh, all right. Hell, yeah.

[C]

He doesn't know what to say. He was speechless again. Cute.

[B]

He's going to have all weekend to stress out about that. Why did I agree to that?

[C]

Oh, God. Oh, God. He'll have it all written out on index cards.

[B]

I will say, hey, Jenny, Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[H]

Hi, there.

[B]

Hello.

[H]

Do you remember when there was a Blockbuster on Peachtree next to Benihana's, and it was 99x and they had a little concert stage back behind it?

[C]

Mm.

[H]

Okay. Well, I went there because the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing in Atlanta, and I wanted to meet Anthony Kiedis, and he was out looking at a CD or something, and I went up to him, and I was like, 16 years old, and I went up to him and I said, you look familiar, you little chili pepper.

[G]

You called him a little chili pepper?

[H]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

What he said. What was his reaction?

[H]

He just laughed at me, and he. I mean, I looked like I was probably, like, 12 at the time. And he just looked at me, and he gave me an autograph. And at the Time I wrote to Teen magazine or something, and they put him back to the magazine for like embarrassing celebrity moments. And that's my moment.

[C]

Chili pepper. Chili pepper at 16.

[B]

It's excusable. Hey, Elizabeth, good morning.

[D]

Good morning.

[B]

How are you?

[D]

I was in New York City and I went to see a movie and I saw Keanu Reeves, went up to him, oh, hey, you're really cool, whatever, you know. And then I went to go see Watch the movie, and it turns out he was sitting right behind me. That's really cool. Now I'm kind of deaf, so I use a captioning device. Yeah. So I put it. You have to put it in your cup holder. And it's like a really strange looking thing. He's staring at me, probably wondering what the hell I was doing. And then as I was working the thing, the thing, like, hits me right in the face.

[C]

Oh, no.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. And I turned around and he was like looking at me like, whoa.

[C]

Well, that's almost his expression.

[D]

Are you okay? You know, what are you doing? And that was pretty much it. And then, you know, I just explained what it was, and that's a blessing. And then he laughed like five minutes later. So, I don't know, hit herself in the head.

[C]

She had a little mini conversation with Keanu Reeves, though. That's cool.

[G]

And then punched herself in the face.

[B]

I met Cal Ripken. He's a baseball, like a Hall of Fame baseball player, and he's one of my favorite players ever. And I met him at an event in Washington D.C. and I was. I turned in like a 12 year old kid and I extended my hand and he extended his hand and I had nothing to say. And the only thing that came out of my mouth was, I appreciate what you do.

[G]

Just like that.

[B]

That's all. That was it. And I'm gonna leave now because I'm a tool.

[G]

Now, here's the deal.

[F]

Did you.

[G]

Did you expect him to be there?

[B]

Yeah, I knew he was gonna be there. It's one of the reasons why we went to the party. Yeah.

[G]

See, that's the thing that haunts me about the Bon Jovi, is the buildup, is that I knew. It wasn't like he surprised me. You know what I mean? It's not like I walked downstairs and he was in Le Centrum Cafe getting a croissant before us one morning. You could have prepared for it, right?

[C]

Well, that's the worst part, though, because a friend of mine, we used to work.

[G]

I appreciate what you do, Melissa.

[C]

We used to work at a bookstore years ago, and we had authors that would come in. And at the time when Designing Women was this huge TV show, Dixie Carter had written a book, and she was coming in, and so all the employees were lined up to meet her. So she was going down the line to say, hello, thank you so much, and everything. And my friend was at the end of the line and the buildup and the build up, and, oh, my God, it's Dixie Carter. Oh, my God. And then when she got to her, my friend screamed in her face and ran in the opposite direction over Dixie Carter.

[B]

Didn't we do this before? Maybe. I saw him in an interview talking about this. It was Jamie Foxx, and he was staying in a hotel. And he walks into the elevator, and it's just one woman there, and he is standing next to her, and. And she starts to talk to him, but she starts stumbling over all of her words, and she gets nervous, and by the time they get to the first floor, he knows that she's so nervous that she passed gas in the elevator. Oh, no.

[C]

Sick.

[D]

That's.

[B]

Yeah. And there's.

[C]

I mean, you can't say anything.

[B]

You can't say anything about it, but I know. And you know what just happened right there?

[C]

Ew.

[B]

Listen, it's the vert show.