Vault: Crash Clark calls in

Summary

The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: Crash Clark calls in
Date: July 7, 2026

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Overview

This episode of The Bert Show features a special call-in from former traffic reporter and long-time friend of the show, Crash Clark. The crew reminisces about the early days, catching up on major changes in Atlanta (especially Buckhead), and playfully roast each other's experiences. The conversation brings a real, funny, and nostalgic tone as Crash talks about life in Boston versus Atlanta and his thoughts about possibly moving back.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Elliott’s Knee Surgery and Studio Laughs (01:32–02:54)

• Elliott explains his recent knee surgery and how it's affected his participation on the show, leading to some famous Bert Show banter about the gross discoveries under the studio couch cushions.
  • “I had to take one of the pillows off of that couch to put underneath my knee also. So the ugly underbelly of the couch is exposed now. What’s over there?” (Elliott, 01:40)
  • The crew lists off the bizarre items found, leading to jokes about possible squatters, thumb drives, and even a shoutout to former interns.

2. Reintroducing Crash Clark (02:57–03:34)

• Crash Clark calls in, joking about having to blow his own cover and referencing his history with the show.
  • “Wait a minute. You weren’t supposed to know it was me. I had a whole story about how I was in bed with lovely ladies, doing traffic reports for them…” (Crash Clark, 03:12)
• Elliott provides background for newer listeners on Crash’s role as the original show traffic guy and his move to Boston.

3. Boston vs. Atlanta Life (03:53–04:52)

• Crash Clark shares his reflections flying back into Atlanta, the challenging airport experience, and the contrast between Atlanta and Boston.
  • “It’s just one thing to be back in this town, but… I flew in last night and had to take the ATL SkyTrain to get my rental car. It’s like Disney World down there.” (Crash Clark, 03:53)
  • He jokes about still shoveling snow in Boston and missing the Southern hospitality.
  • “Everyone’s like, ‘good morning, y’all! How y’all doing?’… You go up there [Boston], bump into somebody, it’s like ‘I’m gonna kick your—’” (Crash Clark, 06:35)

4. The “New” Buckhead & Atlanta Changes (05:08–06:11)

• The crew breaks the news to Crash that Buckhead, once the epicenter of their bar-hopping days, has changed dramatically—and not for the better.
  • “All those places we used to go to? Lulu’s Bait Shack, Tongue and Groove… every single one of them gone except Fideaux moved down the street. Outside of that, no drinking in Buckhead, man.” (Elliott, 05:34)
  • Crash’s reaction is a playful resignation: “Maybe I’ll just stay in Boston then. That’s the only reason I came back—to go to Buckhead.” (05:52)
  • They continue to joke that Buckhead looks like a war zone from halted construction and closed venues.

5. Crash’s Family and Plans (06:17–06:55)

• Crash discusses his wife’s wish to return to Atlanta and the tough winters in Boston, setting up a future storyline about possibly moving back.
  • “My wife eventually wants to move back here. She beats me every day she wakes up, especially in July and it’s still cold. She hates it.” (Crash Clark, 06:27)
• The crew wraps up with promises to reconnect for beers while Crash is in town.

6. Atlanta Nostalgia and Changed Landmarks (07:03–07:28)

• More playful banter about how old favorites have changed names or disappeared (e.g., American Pie is now Cocktail Cove, Lulu's Bait Shack supposedly relocated).
  • “American Pie isn’t even American Pie anymore.” (Co-host 1, 07:06)
  • “Lake Lanier was given to Alabama. Lake Lanier is gone.” (Co-host 2, 07:22)
• The absurdity of old hangouts being lost or replaced highlights the show’s signature blend of humor and nostalgia.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Atlanta Airport vs. Boston:

  • “I had to take the ATL sky train to get my rental car. Yeah, it’s like Disney World down there.”
    — Crash Clark, 03:53

• On the demise of Buckhead nightlife:

  • “Every dude, every single one of them gone except Fideaux moved down the street. Outside of that, no drinking in Buckhead, man.”
    — Elliott, 05:34

• Boston vs. Atlanta Attitude:

  • “You go up there in Boston and you bump into somebody, it’s like, ‘I’m gonna kick your—’”
    — Crash Clark, 06:51

• On local landmarks disappearing:

  • “Lake Lanier was given to Alabama. Lake Lanier is gone.”
    — Co-host 2, 07:22

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 01:32–02:54 – Studio antics about Elliott's knee and the “ugly underbelly” of the couch
• 03:09–03:34 – Crash Clark calls in; reminiscing and humor about the past
• 03:53–04:52 – Crash shares initial impressions after landing in Atlanta, compares Boston and Atlanta
• 05:08–06:11 – Shock about the changes in Buckhead and Atlanta nightlife
• 06:27–06:55 – Crash discusses wife’s desire to return to Atlanta
• 07:03–07:28 – Jokes about landmark changes and lost hangouts

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Tone and Language

The episode showcases The Bert Show's trademark style: lively, genuine, and nostalgic with plenty of local references and inside jokes. The interplay between hosts and Crash is relatable for both long-time listeners and newcomers, blending heartfelt updates with irreverent wit.

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For listeners, this episode is a heartwarming and hilarious check-in with an old friend that paints a vivid picture of how Atlanta—and the radio family itself—has evolved.

Transcript

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[Elliott]

What did you just spot on the couch? That was gross. Did I pee there or something?

[Co-host 1]

No, it's just that there's one cushion missing from the couch.

[Elliott]

Oh, underneath?

Yeah.

[Co-host 1]

And you can see what's been underneath the couch cushion in the studio for some reason. Somebody's got a twit.

[Elliott]

Is it nasty?

[Co-host 1]

Nasty.

[Elliott]

Let me try to explain to you guys what's been going on the last couple of days here. I had knee surgery done about a week and a half ago. So I've been slowly weaning myself back into the show, you know, trying to get here earlier and earlier every day. And I have my knee is. It's pretty locked right now in a straight position so I can't be behind the board, sort of running things because the knee has to stay elevated. So I've been actually behind these guys the last couple of days trying to do the show. And they've been turning around to look at me. It's just been weird, you know? So today I came back in basically the cockpit, and I'm behind the board and I'm trying to run things, but I'm elevated in such a way that that the stool that I've been using to elevate my leg with wasn't tall enough. So I had to take one of the pillows off of that couch to put underneath my knee also. So the ugly underbelly of the couch is exposed now. What's over there?

[Co-host 1]

There's a lot of junk.

[Elliott]

There is a spoon. There's pens from the Atom Baum show. I think that's a cigarette lighter. There's plenty of change.

[Co-host 1]

Enough to get a Coca Cola, some receipts, a button, trash, dirt, thumb.

[Elliott]

Just nasty pick. Yeah.

[Co-host 2]

Condoms.

[Co-host 1]

One used one of our interns.

[Crash Clark]

Yeah.

[Elliott]

Jeff Miles.

[Co-host 1]

Oh, dude, you're still here.

[Co-host 2]

Somebody that Geller killed.

[Elliott]

We know Crash Clark is not in the pillows of our couch because he's on line one right now.

[Co-host 1]

Really? Oh, is he really?

[Elliott]

Crash Clark, what are you doing, dude?

[Crash Clark]

Wait a minute. You weren't supposed to know it was me. I had a whole story about how I was in bed with lovely ladies, and my strange request was they would say, do traffic reports for me. Who blew my cover, man?

[Elliott]

I got such good people here, dude. They protect me, man. They're not gonna let you coming out of that. For those of you that aren't long term Burt show listeners, back in the day, when we started this show, Crash Clark was our traffic guy. And he was like the. I mean, he was the primary traffic reporter in Atlanta for a long time, and he was on the show with us. And then he ended up going up to Boston to work on another show, which has been crazy successful the last couple of years. And he's back in Atlanta now. Man, welcome to radio.

[Crash Clark]

You know, it's just. It's one thing to be back in this town, but what have you guys been doing since I've been gone? I flew in last night and I had to take the ATL sky train to get my rental car. Yeah, it's like Disney World down there. I got to drive, ride a tram.

[Co-host 2]

And

[Crash Clark]

the difference between Boston and this city, it's absolutely unbelievable. You can walk Boston here. It's. I just got lost. By the way. I was on hold this phone call Since I am roaming is costing me about $300. I just got lost in Dunwoody.

[Elliott]

Yeah, the whole city's changed. You're like Austin Powers right now, dude.

[Crash Clark]

It really is. It's unbelievable.

[Co-host 1]

And it doesn't become springtime until May these days.

[Crash Clark]

Yeah, I got news for you. I'm still shoveling snow up in Boston. Don't get me started about that. My golf clubs have been in the basement, by the way. We have basements there since forever. The weather is just atrocious up there.

[Elliott]

Yeah, the snow that we got here a couple of days ago is pretty much typical of a middle of the summer day in Boston.

[Crash Clark]

The amount of snowfall that you guys got is like the amount of salt that I use on my food.

[Elliott]

Well, welcome back. Have you had a chance to drive through Buckhead yet? Because that's really going to shock you, man.

[Co-host 1]

Yes.

[Crash Clark]

No, I'm waiting for later on this afternoon. Nothing that I want to go to is open at 9:40 in Buckhead, but

[Co-host 2]

nothing you want to go to.

[Crash Clark]

I'm assuming there's still some places open.

[Co-host 2]

Hey, Crash.

[Co-host 1]

Not really.

[Co-host 2]

Buckhead has been leveled.

[Crash Clark]

Oh, did we go to war with somebody

[Elliott]

joking with you? He's not kidding.

[Co-host 2]

Buckhead's gone.

[Crash Clark]

Who took it?

[Elliott]

Well, the blue hairs, really. The old people. The Buckhead Coalition took it. You know all those places we used to go to? Lulu's Bait Shack, Tongue and Groove and go get our drink on. Every dude, every single one of them gone except Fideaux moved down the street. Outside of that, no drinking in Buckhead, man.

[Crash Clark]

Well, that's. That's terrible. Maybe I'll just stay in Boston then. That's the only reason I came back was to go to Buckhead.

[Elliott]

And really, what the pathetic thing is, is not only are there not bars there, but like, they're half constructed buildings that the. That the owners had to back out of because they had no money. So it's. It's literally looks like a war zone down there right now.

[Co-host 1]

Yeah.

[Crash Clark]

Oh, wow. Well, if I can never find my way out of Dunwoody, I will definitely head down there. But nice talking, you guys.

[Elliott]

So you're done in Boston now? You're coming back to Atlanta. I'm sorry, you're done in Boston? You're heading on back to Atlanta now?

[Crash Clark]

No, no, no, no. We're still up in Boston.

[Elliott]

But, I mean, eventually you're coming back here or what?

[Crash Clark]

My wife eventually wants to move back here. She beats me every day she wakes up, especially in July and it's still cold. She Hates it up there.

[Elliott]

Okay, you're ready?

[Crash Clark]

Yeah. It's a. It's. It's a. It's a tough scene up there. And it's a whole different world, too. I just had breakfast at Waffle House, and it's amazing. Everyone's like, good morning, y'. All. How y' all doing? How y' all doing? You. You go up there in Boston and you bump into somebody, it's like, I'm gonna kick your.

[Elliott]

All right, man. Well, over the next couple of days, we're gonna have to get together and have some beers or something.

[Crash Clark]

I will be here till Sunday. You guys make plans. It'd be great to see you. And great talk to everyone in Atlanta. Hi.

[Co-host 2]

Don't forget.

[McDonald's Announcer]

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[Co-host 2]

We should have said we'll meet you at Lulu's Bay. Check.

[Elliott]

Oh, I know.

[Co-host 1]

American Pie isn't even American Pie anymore.

[Elliott]

Yeah, what are you gonna do about that, man?

[Crash Clark]

What is it now?

[Elliott]

Cocktail Cove?

[Co-host 2]

Lulu's Bay. Check. It's very confusing. And that is actually in Dunwoody.

[Crash Clark]

Waitress supposed to be at Lake Lanier. Did they move Lake Lanier to Sandy Springs and turn it.

[Co-host 2]

No, Lake Lanier was given to Alabama. Lake Lanier is gone.

[Bluff]

It's a different world now.

[Elliott]

Austin. Enjoy.

[Crash Clark]

Oh, I will. Take care, guys.

[Elliott]

All right, we'll talk to you later.

Bye.

[Co-host 2]

Bye.

[Elliott]

Bye.

[Co-host 2]

God, that is weird. If he hasn't been back, it's like Austin Powers issue has changed.

[Co-host 1]

Bulkhead's gonna freak him out.

[Co-host 2]

That'll be great. Let's have lunch at Ray's Pizza and then we'll walk over to Lulu's Bait Shack. Shut up. It's gone.

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[Crash Clark]

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