Vault: Did Bert call his mom on Mother's Day?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show – "Vault: Did Bert call his mom on Mother's Day?"

Release Date: July 31, 2026
Main Theme:
This emotionally candid episode centers on Bert’s complicated relationship with his mother, exploring the aftermath of months of silence and whether he reached out for Mother’s Day. In response to a listener’s question, the show dives into Bert’s personal history, childhood estrangement, and the emotional weight of family expectations. The segment also includes lighthearted banter from the cast to balance the heavy subject.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Bert’s Relationship with His Mother

• Listener Olivia Calls In (00:33):

  • Olivia, a regular listener with a British accent, asks Bert if he called his mom on Mother’s Day, referencing a previous show discussion.
  • Olivia relates her husband's similar family situation, providing empathy and understanding.

• Bert Explains His Decision (00:57):

  • Bert states he did not call his mother or send a card for Mother’s Day, describing ongoing estrangement:

    “My mom and I are going through this pissing match right now where we haven’t talked to each other in months and months and months. She started it months ago and I’ve sort of dug in, but there’s some real deep-seated childhood crazy crappy crap stuff that I’m having to deal with as an adult.” (00:57-01:23, Bert)

  • He reflects on his decision to limit on-air discussion about his mother, citing negative listener reactions when he previously expressed a lack of love for her.
  • Bert shares the absence of connection in his childhood:

    “There was no connection. There was no ‘I love you.’ There were no vacations, there were no sitting down and doing homework together. There wasn’t attending sports events together. There was nothing like that.” (01:33, Bert)

  • He empathizes with listeners who were shocked by his candor, explains his perspective as someone who grew up without affection or support.

• Olivia’s Empathy (02:54):

  • Olivia notes her husband’s similar experience, saying the pain often stems from a mother’s refusal to acknowledge past issues:

    “I think a lot of it stems from the mother not acknowledging that there was an issue when he was a kid. I think that’s what it is...” (02:54, Olivia)

The Unopened Letter and Emotional Toll

• Bert on the Letter (03:18):
  • Bert discusses a recent piece of mail from his mother sitting on his kitchen counter, which he hasn’t opened:

    “Every time I walk into the house, I see it, and my stomach kind of gets a little pissy.” (03:21, Bert)

  • Listeners and hosts have suggested having Stacy (his partner) open the letter, but Bert worries about the impact on her, given the month’s festivities: “If Stacy opens that up and it’s hurtful to me from my mom, it will affect Stacy the same way it’s going to affect me.” (03:54, Bert)

Balancing Seriousness with Levity

• Humorous Coping (04:23):

  • Melissa offers comic relief, suggesting turning the letter into a song or musical and playfully imagining a Mary Poppins-themed performance:

    “I would like to do a performance piece, and I’ll get other people involved...very Mary Poppins-esque, where your mother will be the role of Mary Poppins in ‘Just a Spoonful of Chilla.’” (04:29, Melissa)

• Reflecting on Regret and Closure (05:18):

  • Bert voices a common adult-child concern:

    “If my mom passes away tomorrow, am I going to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say, I did everything I can?” (05:18, Bert)

  • Melissa counters with the reality of uncertainty:

    “There’s no way you will know until that happens.” (05:25, Melissa)

  • Bert acknowledges the persistent emotional affect of the unresolved letter:

    “That letter is affecting me every single day. So how could her death—sure, not?” (05:53, Bert)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the complexity of estrangement:

  “I think so many people can’t understand that because y’all grew up in healthy families, that those words were so shocking...It all sounds so petty. Unless you actually lived in the kind of house that I did.” (01:45, Bert)

• Bert’s humor about his reaction to the unopened letter:

  “What if the letter is a check? Like, what if I would have smelled that? I would have known as soon as it came in the house.” (06:02, Bert)

• Melissa joking about artistic interpretation:

  “May I have the letter? And I will turn it into a song, a little ditty about Bert and Myra.” (04:23, Melissa)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:33: Olivia calls in, asks about Mother’s Day call; Bert sets context.
• 00:57: Bert candidly discusses estrangement and why he doesn't discuss his mom much on air.
• 01:33: Bert describes his loveless childhood.
• 02:54: Olivia relates and shares her husband’s parallel story.
• 03:18: Bert on the emotional impact of the unopened letter from his mom.
• 04:23: Melissa introduces idea of turning the letter saga into music and comedy.
• 05:18: Bert reflects on the fear of regret if his mother passes, Melissa offers reality check.
• 06:02: Bert jokes lightheartedly about the contents of his mother’s letter.

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Episode Tone

The episode shifts between serious, vulnerable admissions from Bert about his family trauma and humorous, playful banter from the co-hosts, maintaining The Bert Show’s trademark blend of real talk and levity. Listeners are given both insight into a difficult family dynamic and invited to laugh along as the team copes together.

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This summary captures the heartfelt, honest discussion at the core of the episode, while highlighting the moments of humor and camaraderie that make The Bert Show a beloved space for both serious and light-hearted conversation.

Transcript

[Bert]

Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word.

[Carvania (advertiser voice)]

My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. Twas a lovely suv, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up. Fees may apply. Hello, Olivia.

[Olivia]

Hello.

[Carvania (advertiser voice)]

Hello.

[Olivia]

Good morning, guys. Love your show. Absolutely brilliant.

[Bert]

Thank you.

[Jeff]

You really have a British accent.

[Bert]

I wasn't expecting that.

[Jeff]

Wow. Okay.

[Bert]

How are you today?

[Olivia]

I had a quick question for Bert. I had listened on Friday and I had wondered if you had called your mum or not over the Mother's Day.

[Jeff]

Olivia, thank you for the.

[Bert]

Yes, yes. Let's cover this for a second. I made a decision on Friday that I'm not going to talk about this mother thing very much on the radio. And I'll tell you why I made the statement first. Just a little background, Olivia, for those that weren't listening. My mom and I are going through this pissing match right now where we haven't talked to each other in months and months and months. She started it months ago and I've sort of dug in, but there's some real deep seated childhood crazy crappy crap stuff that I'm having to deal with as an adult. So we're going through this song and dance right now. My mom told me months ago she didn't want to talk. And then when she was ready to talk, I was pissed and I said, look, I'm glad that you're ready. I authentically am not into it right now. So my birthday passed. No phone call, no card, no nothing. So Mother's Day came and I didn't send a card and I didn't call up there either. But here's why I've decided that I'm just going to sparingly talk about it. I made the statement on Friday that frankly, I just don't feel a lot of love for my mother. And it offended a whole bunch. So many people were offended by that. That emailed me and I understand why, because there are so few, I think, listening that can understand the dismissal that I went through as a child. Like there are so few that actually went through the kind of childhood that I did where parents. There was no connection. There was no I love you. There were no vacations, there were no sitting down and doing homework together. There wasn't attending sports events together. There was nothing like that. There was no connection when I was a kid. So why would I have a Connection as an adult. So I said that. And I think that so many people can't understand that because y' all grew up in healthy families, that those words were so shocking that if I think if I'm a listener and I'm listening to this guy on the radio, it's. It all sounds so petty. Unless you actually lived in the kind of house that I did. And when you.

[Olivia]

My husband, actually, he has, like, exactly the same story as you, and I didn't really. I understood it more when you spoke about it on Friday, but he was the same, you know, And I think a lot of it stems from the mother not acknowledging that there was an issue when he was a kid. I think that's what it is. So I actually understood. I was just curious to see if you had called her over the weekend.

[Bert]

No. I'll tell you what. I'm having to make a decision about this piece of mail that she sent that's sitting on the counter right now. And I'm not exactly sure what I'm gonna do about it, but I know I have to move it because it's on the counter. And every time I walk into the house, I see it, and my stomach kind of gets a little pissy.

[Jeff]

And you did not open it this weekend?

[Bert]

I did not open it this weekend. And I don't want. A lot of you guys suggested Stacy open it up and read it for me. And then she could sort of be my litmus test that. Should I answer it back or not?

[Melissa]

Just for the record, I said, hayden, don't think that's a good idea.

[Bert]

He, unfortunately, would understand it. And I'm not gonna do that in this month either, because there are so many great things, like Jen said that are going on right now. We got Stacy's birthday. We just had the Mother's Day. Our anniversary is coming up. And Hollis's birthday is this month also. So if Stacy opens that up and it's hurtful to me from my mom, it will affect Stacy the same way it's going to affect me. So at least for the next 30 days, that's not gonna be an option.

[Jeff]

Celebrate your life.

[Bert]

I'm not exactly sure, you know, I'm not exactly sure to do with it, though.

[Jeff]

You've carved out a different life for yourself. So celebrate it, June. Deal with her.

[Melissa]

May I have the letter? And I will turn it into a

[Bert]

song,

[Melissa]

a little ditty about Burt and Myra.

[Bert]

Will you do a jig?

[Olivia]

Yeah.

[Melissa]

Okay, then. Yeah. What I'd like to do is I'd like to Actually do a whole. Right. Morph suit. Like, almost like Blue Man Group, but, like, do. I would like to do a performance piece, and I'll get other people involved, but we'll make it somewhat of a musical, very Mary Poppins esque, where your mother will be the role of Mary Poppins in Just a Spoonful of Chilla.

[Bert]

Right.

[Melissa]

Why are you yelling at me?

[Bert]

Melissa said, see, I pretty much dismissed Jeff from any of these conversations, but Melissa said something to me on Friday, and it really resonated with me.

[Melissa]

Yeah, well, that just really resonated with me. And I'm gonna write you a letter.

[Bert]

Why don't you sing it to me after the show?

[Melissa]

You know what? Why don't you wait till July to open that one?

[Jeff]

Hey, Jeff, guess what? He's about to talk.

[Bert]

So, Melissa, we were talking about, you know, like, I'm sort of playing out this relationship that if my mom passes away tomorrow, am I going to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say, I did everything I can? And Melissa said, there's no way you will know until that happens. And I sort of felt like your tone was that I was being naive or I was being naive about the whole thing. And I did think a lot about what you said. But you cannot understand that when you have no connection, when your parents made no connection as a kid, that doesn't change just because you get older.

[Jeff]

No, and I didn't dispute that. I just said that I think it is naive for anybody to think that they know how they're gonna feel when their parent passes away.

[Bert]

It's certainly gonna affect me. That letter is affecting me every single day. So how could her death. Sure. Not. So that's sort of where I am

[Melissa]

with the whole thing. What if the letter is a check?

[Bert]

Like, what if I would have smelled that? I would have known as soon as it came in the house. Here, Bircha.