Vault: Did Richard Find His Cruise Date?

Summary

The Bert Show — "Vault: Did Richard Find His Cruise Date?"

Release Date: March 12, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and humorous episode, The Bert Show follows up on the story of Richard, a listener who found himself with an extra ticket for a five-night Caribbean New Year's cruise after his original date bailed. The team helps Richard in his quest to find a companion for the trip, eventually setting up a mini-casting call via the show's channels. The episode captures the quirky, real-time unfolding of a spontaneous adventure, emphasizing camaraderie, risk-taking, and the unpredictability of human connections.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Richard's Cruise Dilemma

• Richard had prepaid for a New Year's Caribbean cruise for two, but his intended date backed out.
  • "He bought the vacation, and it was a five night, five night cruise down to the Caribbean...except for the girl. She didn't want to go." (00:20–00:36)
• The crew discusses the lost-refund policy and Richard's decision to make the most of it.
  • Richard: "I could have refunded for half, but what's the fun of that, right?" (00:58–00:59)

2. The Search for a Cruise Date

• Richard’s friend Pam suggests turning to The Bert Show for help.
  • "Once again, I gotta thank Pam for that idea of calling the Bert Show and going through this." (01:08–01:11)
• The show sets up a form and blog post to vet interested listeners.
• Richard is surprised by the enthusiastic response:
  • "Email and phone calls just started flooding in...tried to narrow it down to a dozen or so...and then narrowed it down to two." (02:40–03:05)
• Fast-paced decision-making is necessary; cruise departs within a week.

3. Selecting the Date

• Richard narrows his choice to two candidates and arranges in-person meetings.
• Ultimately, he picks Christy Sanders (“Farmer,” joked the hosts), who is immediately patched in live.
  • “You have chosen Christy Sanders. Christy Sanders. And coincidentally, she happens to be on hold on line five.” (04:04–04:30)

4. Christy's Side of the Story

• Christy's involvement began because her coworkers, avid listeners, encouraged her to apply, even joking around with suggested email lines.
  • "Two of my co workers are big Bert show fans...actually one of my bosses posted the line for me." (05:06–05:27)
• Her boss’s participation paves the way for potential time off work:
  • “Well, then there should be no problem you getting off work since your boss is there helping.” (05:27–05:32)
• Christy admits initial low expectations, but the in-person meeting with Richard was a pleasant surprise:
  • "I was expecting to go and meet him for a drink and, you know, not really like him...but he was actually, you know, funny...so why not?" (06:07–06:24)

5. The Pair’s Chemistry and Future Plans

• Both Richard and Christy are excited, though Christy is naturally a bit apprehensive.
  • "Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. A little nervous, a little apprehensive, but yeah, definitely." (04:52–04:58)
• There’s much banter about potential romance, the involvement of friends and coworkers, and joking references to worst-case scenarios (like being “murdered at sea”).
  • Christy: “But, you know, if I'm murdered at sea, I think..." (07:01–07:07)
  • Host: “Richard, can you give us your word that you will not smother Christy?”
    Richard: “I swear.” (07:11–07:16)

6. Setting Up the Cruise and Follow-Up

• Both parties agree to keep The Bert Show updated and share photos post-cruise.
• The show sets a follow-up segment for when Richard returns:
  • "So we’re back on the air on the 5th. So we'll talk to you at this time on the 5th and find out how it went." (08:20–08:24)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Richard on the cruise predicament:

  • "I wanted to go on a cruise...I could have refunded for half, but what's the fun of that, right?" (00:57–00:59)

• On narrowing down the candidates:

  • “I spent most of the day yesterday reading through emails and tried to narrow it down to a dozen or so, began emailing back and forth with a few, and then narrowed it down to two.” (02:49–03:05)

• Host on sudden planning:

  • “That’s just impressive for a dude to narrow it down that fast, you know. Trey couldn't even do it in two months.” (03:35–03:43)

• Christy on expectations:

  • "I was expecting to go and meet him for a drink and, you know, not really like him or think, oh, my gosh, he's so annoying. I could never, you know, go on a cruise. But he was actually, you know, funny and we had a lot to talk about and. Yeah, so why not?" (06:07–06:24)

• Joking about fate and danger:

  • Host: "This could be...If you end up murdered, it's fate. But if you're not going to, it's gonna be a good thing. And you guys are gonna go have a great time." (07:32–07:41)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Richard’s predicament & Pam’s role: 00:00 – 01:12
• How the public responded: 02:20 – 03:05
• Dates and selection process: 03:22 – 04:24
• Christy joins, admits initial doubts: 04:31 – 06:24
• Light-hearted fears and follow-up plans: 07:01 – 08:24

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode is infused with the show’s signature relaxed, comedic style—hosts and guests trade good-natured barbs, lean into playful matchmaking, and keep the mood light despite the craziness of a last-minute adventure with a stranger. Both Richard and Christy embrace the humor and suspense, making this a true feel-good segment about taking spontaneous chances.

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Summary

In this episode, The Bert Show transforms a failed romantic plan into a chance for connection, laughter, and adventure. Guided by helpful friends, spirited coworkers, and the collective energy of the show's community, Richard and Christy agree to take a leap and sail off together—reminding listeners that, sometimes, the best things come from saying yes to something unexpected. The show promises a follow-up to see how the story unfolds, closing the episode with a sense of anticipation and shared excitement.

Transcript

[A]

The Burt Show. If you were listening yesterday, Wendy, you were out. So you missed this. Totally missed this. But we talked to a guy named Richard, and Richard was in a bit of a pickle because he was going on.

[B]

Not Rich's words, but Jeff's words.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Richard was. Don't talk.

[B]

I'm stuttering.

[A]

Had big plans to go on a vacation with a girl. So he bought the vacation, and it was a five night, five night cruise down to the Caribbean, where you would actually be at sea at midnight on New Year's Eve.

[B]

Oh, that's awesome.

[A]

Huge party on a cruise ship. Seems like a great plan to everyone. Except for the girl. She didn't want to go.

[B]

Why?

[A]

So that's the mystery we're trying to solve, but it's irrelevant because we're moving forward.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Forward, progress.

[A]

So, Richard, tell us where this came from. You just having the. Because it would go to waste. Right. Like, they don't give you your money back.

[D]

Well, the point is, I wanted to go on a cruise.

[B]

Okay?

[D]

I could have refunded for half, but what's the fun of that, right?

[A]

So Richard had the trip.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And was it your idea or did your friends put you up to get in touch with?

[D]

Once again, I gotta thank Pam for that idea of calling the Birch show and going through this.

[B]

She was here with you yesterday, right? That's right. Yeah. Good job, Pam.

[A]

So Richard came on and, you know, told that story in a little more detail and kind of explained who he was and what he was looking for. And if you found a compatible woman, they would go on the trip together.

[C]

Oh, so you're trying to find a girl to bring?

[B]

Yeah, because we were talking yesterday about

[A]

how have you been in those cruise cabins?

[C]

Well, I was gonna say you could bring, like, a dude, and y' all could be two single dudes looking for a girl to make out with on New Year's Eve. And it would work out. Then you would have the other two days to hook up.

[B]

It's gonna be like college where their dorm room where they bring them into the sock on the door. Yeah, if I have a sock on the handle, that means don't come in.

[D]

Don't come in.

[A]

I don't know how many single girls, though, would be on a cruise. I think it's a couples deal, right?

[C]

Is it a couples cruise?

[A]

No, but I mean, I think.

[D]

No, but I went on vacation once with Vince West, a friend of mine, and I would just prefer to go with a girlfriend.

[A]

I totally understand that. And plus, I just think going with. On New Year's Eve, like, going with another guy, like, I think you're. I think the majority of those cruisers will probably be coupled off already.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Mostly because it's New Year's, so it's kind of a New Year's.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So he put the alert out yesterday. He described what kind of girl he would be looking for. He told us a little bit about himself, and we set up an email form, and we set up a voicemail for him, and people were commenting on the blog that was on the picture that was on our website. So how was the. Were you pleasantly surprised or amazingly disappointed in the response?

[D]

I was pretty surprised. Bert was making it sound like it's a small net. There's only a couple people out there that could fit this criteria of how having a week off, having a passport, and be crazy enough to do this. So once the contact info went on the website, email and phone calls just started flooding in. So I spent most of the day yesterday reading through emails and tried to narrow it down to a dozen or so, began emailing back and forth with a few, and then narrowed it down to two.

[B]

Okay, wow.

[A]

The majority of the correspondence was via email?

[D]

Yes. Okay.

[A]

And then you picked up the phone and called these people like, hey, what's up? It's Richard, actually.

[D]

I just set up two dates for last night.

[B]

Okay. Met him for the first time in person.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

Well, Wendy says fast because, I mean, tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Christmas. The ship leaves on Monday, and the girl's gonna have to find her way down to Tampa. Right. That's where they're leaving. So, I mean, everything's having to go pretty fast.

[C]

That's just impressive for a dude to narrow it down that fast, you know, like, I mean, we had Trey on.

[B]

Trey couldn't even do it in two months, so. So.

[A]

So are you available to get married on January 17th? Gotcha. So you narrowed it down to the two, and the two people that you brought, you had the separate dates with, were they both well represented? Represented based on the emails and the conversations you had early?

[D]

Yes, they were. They were very, very good.

[A]

All right. And from those two, have you decided on one that you would like to invite? All right, we have some sort of drum roll or something, Sean, or other weird noise that you can make. That'll work. Richard, you have chosen Christy Sanders. Christy Sanders. And coincidentally, she happens to be on hold on line five.

[D]

Nice.

[A]

Hi, Christy.

[B]

Hey, Christy. Hi.

[A]

How are you?

[E]

I'm good. I really didn't know you were going to say my last name, though, That's. That's a nice surprise.

[A]

Oh, by Sanders, we meant farmer. Just so you know, it's all codewords on the show.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

You're not married or anything, are you?

[E]

At this point? No.

[A]

Okay, well, congratulations.

[B]

Are you looking forward to this trip?

[E]

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. A little nervous, a little apprehensive, but yeah, definitely.

[A]

Well, now tell us about Richard, because you obviously. First of all, what compelled you to send in the email yesterday?

[E]

Two of my co workers are big Burt show fans. I actually didn't hear the broadcast yesterday, but I came into work yesterday morning and they were talking about this and we were looking on the website and just like tossing around, like, funny lines to post. And actually one of my bosses posted the line for me.

[B]

Well, then there should be no problem you getting off work since your boss is in there helping.

[E]

Exactly. Yeah. That was what I asked yesterday afternoon when I had gotten an email back. I was like, well, if I'm actually chosen, can I have next week off? And they said they would work something out. We'll see.

[A]

So this started out as like a joke, like, hey, let's make fun of the Richard guy on the radio. But now it's progressed into, I mean, you're clearly in love.

[E]

So, yeah, I'm pretty sure we'll be married on New Year's Eve. Or not, actually.

[A]

But so you got the email back and. From him and obviously decided to meet him last night. So that was your opinion. Obviously changed from kind of jokey to, wow, this is kind of cool.

[E]

At some point, yeah, I had really low expectations. Like, I was expecting to go and meet him for a drink and, you know, not really like him or think, oh, my gosh, he's so annoying. I could never, you know, go on a cruise. But he was actually, you know, funny and we had a lot to talk about and. Yeah, so why not?

[A]

So you are prepared to leave then next Monday, less than a week away, and go hang out in the Caribbean for New Year's?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's so cool.

[B]

Yeah. Now, we had thank Pam and Rich's friend Pam for putting him up to this. Was there somebody that put you up to this, Christy?

[E]

My co workers, they know who they are.

[B]

They know who they are. Okay.

[E]

Yeah. And I'm sure they're listening because I

[B]

have their names here, so I just didn't know. You want me to give him a shout out or you don't?

[E]

Yeah, no, no, no, don't do that.

[B]

Because you know that Pam and Your co workers, who shall not be named, will be the ones that if something happens to work out on.

[A]

Oh, yeah. They'll take credit for that forever.

[B]

Take total credit for this.

[E]

Right? But, you know, if I'm murdered at sea, I think.

[B]

Oh, no. This is the last show before Christmas. We're not gonna talk about bad things.

[A]

Richard, can you. Can you give us your word that you will not smother Christy?

[D]

I swear.

[A]

Okay, so that's cool. Hey, so, Chrissy, congratulations. That's cool.

[B]

Yes. Oh, we gotta have pictures of the crew. So you promised us pictures.

[A]

And Richard, congratulations.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

This could be. Now I'm gonna channel Bert. Cause he's not here.

[D]

Oh, no.

[A]

This could be. If you end up murdered, it's fate. But if you're not going to, it's gonna be a good thing. And you guys are gonna go have a great time. So that makes it. Everyone all together now.

[C]

All right, Destiny.

[A]

Yay. Congratulations. Nicely done. Hey, Christy and Richard, I assume you got to have each other's information, right?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

All right, cool. I'll let you go now, Christy.

[E]

All right, thanks.

[A]

Congratulations. And we're going to talk to you afterwards and find out how it went. Is that cool?

[E]

Okay.

[A]

All right, cool.

[B]

Don't die.

[A]

Thanks.

[B]

Sorry. He's standing right here, everybody.

[A]

He can hear you.

[B]

He can hear you. He's right here.

[A]

Well, Richard, we're glad to help. Congratulations.

[D]

Thanks for the opportunity.

[B]

All right, no worries.

[A]

And please do send us pictures. And we'll probably follow up with you on the day you get back from the cruise. And you're back on what day?

[D]

Third.

[B]

On the third.

[A]

So we're back on the air on the fifth. So we'll talk to you at this time on the 5th and find out how it went.

[D]

All right, Sounds all right.

[A]

Unless you're busy hiding a body or something crazy. The Birch Show.