Bill (2:59)

That's the thing. Also, it wasn't just Stacy's nine months that she was uncomfortable being pregnant because she can get past that, I know she can. But we're looking at it also, and we're looking at time, you know, like, do we really have time for a second? There are times where I'm working late and I feel like I haven't been a father to Hayden all day long. And she's like, is that what's gonna happen with the second one? So there are a lot of things that were just weighing on both sides of the fence here. But like I said, the one comment that keeps coming up is like, I've never met anybody that regretted having the second child. And I just wanna know, in all honesty, is there a chance that we would have that regret?

Caller 1 (3:31)

I certainly can't tell you from a parent perspective, but from a sibling perspective, I have a younger brother who is three years younger than me. So it would be about the age difference between Hayden and, and his younger sibling. And it's a relationship like none other in my life. And like, my brother is such a special friendship, such a special relationship because there's nobody else like that. My parents aren't like that. It's not the same relationship I have with my parents that I do with my brother, my friends, my husband, you know, as close as anybody can be to me, they can't be the same relationship that I have with my brother because we've just been together all the way through. And it's just because, because of our age being close together. We were in school together, you know, when I was a senior in high school, he was the freshman in high school. And it was like, I mean, just all the way through. It's just been such an incredible relationship. And we still talk to each other once a week. We're on the phone for an hour. And it's just one of those relationships where I would want that for my children. And I think that, you know, I'm just saying it from the sibling perspective that it would be so cool to give Hayden that relationship and to have.

Christy (4:32)

Somebody to complain about the parents with. You know, I mean, I really is. It sounds terrible, but I do. I do think if you can give your child the opportunity to not have to have the entire burden on their shoulders when it comes to the household stuff that's going on, if, you know, the child is frustrated with the parent, if they had a sibling to be able to compare notes with, I think it makes it easier on the children.

Bill (4:54)

From the parents perspective. I mean, if you're being totally honest. Do you regret having the second child? Good morning, Christy.

Caller 2 (5:01)

I do not regret having a second child, but had we had her first, there would never have been a second.

Christy (5:08)

Why you say that if you had.

Host (5:09)

Your second child first, you mean? I'm sorry, if you had your second child first, we would never have had a second.

Caller 3 (5:15)

Why?

Caller 2 (5:16)

The first one was so incredibly easy. We were like, wow, we can do this again. The second one, whoa. Total night and day.

Bill (5:22)

Really big.

Caller 2 (5:24)

From day one.

Jessica (5:25)

She.

Caller 2 (5:26)

She was a difficult baby. She was a difficult toddler, and I love her with every grain of my being, but she is a hard baby.

Bill (5:34)

Yeah, that's a real big fear for us also, because our child, outside of being born six weeks early and having some of the stuff that goes along with being a preemie for the first year, outside of that, so easy, so low maintenance, so flexible, so laid back. And so many times I've talked to parents that said the second one comes out so different polar opposites from the first.

Caller 2 (5:56)

It is totally different. It is completely different, and they require totally different parenting.

Caller 1 (6:01)

So what, though? So what? So it's harder to get a person.

Christy (6:04)

No, no.

Caller 2 (6:05)

And I'm not saying that I would never give her back. I love her so much, but had she been born first, we just wouldn't have done the second. It was too hard. It was so hard that we wouldn't have done the second.

Caller 1 (6:14)

So what?

Host (6:14)

Says the woman with no children.

Christy (6:16)

I know.

Host (6:17)

Who cares?

Caller 1 (6:19)

I'm just saying from an outside perspective. So what, that she was harder? She's still. And she's still, you know, some. I don't know. She's still gonna be a sibling to that. That first child, and I don't know.

Bill (6:29)

But there's such a strain. Like, I've seen. I've seen families that have that second one. It's such a hell child that it really puts a strain on the entire family and the relationship between mom and dad and some can't get over that. And I guess you never know that until you're in. It's scary.

Christy (6:42)

I think it's fascinating that we had the same discussion about whether you and Stacy are ready to have your first child, and now we're having the same. It's almost as if parents have this. You just have this stress over the decision to have a child, which you should because it's a huge decision. But I just think it's fascinating that you gotta understand that this was the same conversation we had about Hayden should play it back.

Bill (7:01)

You know, we should play some of that back so I can hear that. You know, need the voice disguiser for this one.

Host (7:06)

Oh, here's a hater.

Bill (7:07)

Good morning, Bill. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

Bill (Caller) (7:10)

Good morning, guys.

Caller 1 (7:11)

Hi.

Caller 3 (7:12)

Hi.

Bill (Caller) (7:12)

I don't regret the second, but I do regret the third.

Christy (7:16)

Okay.

Bill (Caller) (7:18)

And not from a perspective that it was hard, But I think that once the kids outnumber the parents, it's a losing battle.

Bill (7:26)

Yeah. I've heard that, like, people associate it to, like a basketball game. Like, it's pretty much one on one.

Bill (Caller) (7:31)

Exactly. Exactly. And the other thing is that, you know, I'll vote for number two because I think until you have to, you don't appreciate the differences in your kid. And if you have a child, you think, oh, well, all children should be like this one because it's having that only child. That's your total experience. And so you kind of think that all the kids should be like yours because this is the way kids should be. Right, Right. If you have a really good kid, you think all kids should be good. And if you have a really bad kid, you think all kids are bad.

Christy (8:05)

Yeah. And I think also that, you know, the placement and the siblings, I mean, more than likely your second child would have a different personality than Hayden because it needs to be special to you guys. I mean, that's how if you look at most siblings, especially those closer together, one is a little more aggressive, the other one's a little more laid back. And I think that's just a way for them to be able to have independence within the house. But I think it's healthy.

Bill (8:32)

Some of this is fatalistic on my end also. Jeff and I had this talk a couple of weeks ago on the air that at least within my life, things have gone pretty. Pretty steady and pretty easy. And I think I always live with the small part inside of me that's just like has looked at the first part of my life and gone, you know what? Things have gone pretty easy and what am I going to do to screw this up to make the second, the second half really, really, really difficult?

Caller 1 (8:58)

Have a daughter.

Bill (9:00)

Maybe that could be it. Maybe that where Stacy's like, yeah, no, she's like, you know, either way.

Caller 1 (9:06)

Right?

Bill (9:06)

Yeah. We don't need the voice disguiser for Jessica. Good morning, Jessica.

Jessica (9:11)

Good morning.

Bill (9:12)

Hi.

Jessica (9:13)

I think in your heart, you know, if you really want a second child, I speak from my perspective of number one. I had my kids when I was really, really young. And I don't regret my second child. But I agree with Christy. Had he been first, he would have been the only.

Bill (9:29)

Really.

Jessica (9:30)

He is eight, almost nine now. And he is autistic. And it is just extremely hard, you know, I mean, my oldest child, great. I mean, he is very, very smart. He's very independent. The second child, it does put a strain on your relationship with your spouse when you have a child that has special needs. And you always have to think about that, you know, I mean, there's nothing wrong with my husband, there's nothing wrong with me. Jacob just came out different, you know, and he's been that way since day one. And you just really, you know, I think that you're doing the right thing by really talking about whether you want a second child or not. That's a huge step that a lot of people don't take. Number two is usually an accident or, you know, they thought about it, but they haven't really decided. And then, oh, all of a sudden they're pregnant, you know. So I think you're doing the right thing by saying that, you know, you really have to think about whether you want a second child. And I love my second child, like Christy said, with every fiber of my being. And I would not give him back for the world. But it is extremely hard to have a special needs child.

Bill (10:47)

No, you're just being honest. I can understand that. I mean, we see some of the parents on Burke's Big Adventure. I mean, the things you take for granted every, every single day. I mean, it's obstacle after obstacle. When you have a special needs children, it can't help but take a strain on you and your relationship with your husband or wife.

Christy (11:03)

And I think that parents are human too, and people's reaction to those situations, you can't know until you're thrust into it, you know, hey, Lynn, you'll be.

Bill (11:11)

The last call, then we'll move on. What's going on?

Caller 3 (11:13)

Hey. Me and my husband are both have been married before. He has three children from a previous marriage. I have one child from a previous marriage. We have currently been together for 14 years and we have an 11 year old that is seven and a half years younger than any of the others. If I could go back now, they would all be grown by now. I wouldn't have done it.

Christy (11:39)

I was teased. I was like, I just wanna hug the little 11 year old. I'm sorry.

Caller 3 (11:42)

Oh, now there you go. He is my baby boy. I would not take a million dollars for him, but I wouldn't give a nickel for another one.

Bill (11:52)

I think that speaks volumes right there.

Host (11:57)

The bird show.