Vault: Do You Regret Having A Second Child?

Summary

The Bert Show — "Vault: Do You Regret Having A Second Child?"

Date: January 16, 2026
Host: Bert and The Bert Show Cast (Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, plus callers)
Main Theme:
A candid, real, and humorous discussion about whether parents ever truly regret having a second child, the personal and relational challenges involved, and the deep emotions parents experience when making family size decisions.

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around co-host Bill's personal dilemma: whether he and his partner Stacy should have a second child. Stacy’s difficult first pregnancy, their son's early birth, and current family dynamics fuel a lively roundtable with listeners calling in to share their perspectives on growing a family. The hosts openly discuss the emotional complexities, societal expectations, and real-life challenges (and joys) tied to adding another child to the household.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bill’s Family Planning Struggle (00:02–03:31)

• Bill shares his longing for a second child but notes Stacy’s hesitancy due to her difficult first pregnancy and concerns over time and emotional demands.
  • "Everything he [Hayden] does to me is just so fun and so funny, and I have found more love in my heart over the last two and a half years than I even knew I had in me." (00:24)
  • Major tension: The fear of inviting more hardship versus the regret of never having tried.

2. Parent Regret: Myth or Reality? (00:50–03:31)

• Bill references advice from friends: Most don’t regret having a second child, but many regret not having one.
  • "I've never met anybody that regretted having that second child." (01:35)

3. Sibling Perspective & The Value of Companionship (03:31–04:54)

• Caller 1 confidently advocates for siblings, emphasizing the unique bond and lifelong companionship.
  • "It’s a relationship like none other in my life… I would want that for my children." (03:36)
• Christy and the group jokingly note siblings' ability to "compare notes" about their parents, lightening the conversation.

4. Honest Parental Experiences: The Challenging Second Child (05:01–06:14)

• Caller 2 admits her second child was far more challenging than the first, while expressing deep love and no regret.
  • "Had we had her first, there would never have been a second." (05:07)
  • "She was a difficult baby… but had she been born first, we just wouldn’t have done the second." (05:25)
• Highlights the unpredictability of each child’s temperament, and its impact on family dynamics.

5. Changing Family Dynamics and Strain (06:29–08:32)

• Bill discusses fears of a challenging child upending the family balance, referencing stories of “hell children” placing a strain on relationships.
  • He observes that these decisions are revisited anxiously before each child.
  • Host: "It's almost as if parents have this… stress over the decision to have a child, which you should because it's a huge decision." (06:42)

6. Expanding Beyond Two: The "Outnumbering" Phenomenon (07:07–08:05)

• Bill (Caller): Adds a comic note, stating he regrets the third child, not the second.
  • "Once the kids outnumber the parents, it's a losing battle." (07:18)
  • Encourages having at least a second, arguing that multiple children reveal the uniqueness in each one.

7. Personal Philosophies & Birth Order (08:05–08:58)

• Christy discusses how second children often develop divergent personalities, which can be both challenging and healthy for independence and household balance.

8. Special Needs & Strained Relationships (09:13–10:47)

• Jessica: Brutally honest about her special needs child, highlighting the increased strain on a marriage and daily life.
  • "I would not give him back for the world. But it is extremely hard to have a special needs child." (09:29)
• Bill expresses empathy, noting the visible strain on families dealing with such challenges.

9. Blended Families & Retrospective Honesty (11:11–11:57)

• Caller 3: Shares the unique challenge of having an “extra” child much younger than their siblings, candidly admitting some regret:
  • "I would not take a million dollars for him, but I wouldn't give a nickel for another one." (11:42)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bill: "Every time he does something really cool or we have a moment, I say to Stacy, how can we not want to do this again? This is so awesome." (00:27)

• Caller 1: “...the special relationship [with my brother]... I would want that for my children.” (03:36)

• Caller 2: “Had we had her first, there would never have been a second.” (05:07)

• Jessica: “I would not give him back for the world. But it is extremely hard to have a special needs child.” (09:29)

• Caller 3: “I would not take a million dollars for him, but I wouldn't give a nickel for another one.” (11:42)

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Noteworthy Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:02: Bill introduces his family planning dilemma
• 01:35: Bill reflects on the lack of regret among parents with a second child
• 03:31: Caller 1's heartfelt sibling testimonial
• 05:07: Caller 2’s honest account of a challenging second child
• 07:18: Bill (Caller) regrets the third child, not the second
• 09:29: Jessica shares on special needs and family strain
• 11:42: Caller 3’s humorous and real blended family perspective

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Tone and Style

In classic Bert Show fashion, this episode maintains a mix of candor, humor, and heartfelt reflection. The hosts and callers keep the conversation lively, real, and sometimes self-deprecating, ensuring the discussion is accessible and resonant for anyone who's pondered growing their family.

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Summary Takeaway

The episode offers a nuanced, multi-faceted view on the question, “Do you regret having a second child?” While the answer is almost universally “no,” the truth is layered: second (or third) children bring both unexpected joy and unique challenges. The journey isn’t easy, and the decision requires soul-searching—but, as the show’s guests and hosts reveal, the love shared in a growing family can outweigh the hardest moments.

Transcript

[Host]

The Bird show.

[Bill]

So I got a question for y'.

[Christy]

All.

[Bill]

Actually, it's for the listeners, because you guys can't help me out this. Not even a little bit. So Stacy and I have been talking about having a second child.

[Christy]

Right.

[Bill]

We're in negotiations right now. All right. She's a little bit. No, she's not. A little bit more on the fence about it. I want to have a second child. And Stacy really is like, you know, she just hated being pregnant, and it was a tough pregnancy, and Hayden came six weeks early, so we had to leave the hospital without him. It was just a. God, for lack of a better term, it was just a bitch of a time. It really was. And she never felt comfortable. She got the gestational diabetes, and I could point to a hundred different things that just made her really uncomfortable during her pregnancy, you know, so she's not real eager to go through the whole thing again. Well, Hayden is now almost three years old, and I am just looking at this angel, and everything he does to me is just so fun and so funny, and I have found more love in my heart over the last two and a half years than I even knew I had in me. You know? And every time he does something really cool or we have a moment, I say to Stacy, how can we not want to do this again? This is so awesome. So we've been talking to a lot of our friends that have children and have more than one child. And the thing that we keep hearing is this one stereotypical comment that they don't. They. They would never say that they have regretted having the second child, but they think they would have said that they regretted not having it.

[Christy]

Okay.

[Bill]

Know what I'm saying? So they're looking into their future, and they say, look, when I'm 65 years old or I have never met somebody that's 65 or 70 years old that says, I totally regret having that second child. But I have met people that have said I shouldn't have or that, let's say I shouldn't confuse myself, that I should have had the second one. Right. So this may be the lonely phone topic that I ask for. I'm wondering. And we could put you on the voice disguiser for this. We'll probably have to do that, actually, if we want to get some honesty. I wonder if there's anybody listening that regrets having the second child.

[Christy]

That may be the lonely topic. I just know that I. Millie Pete had me when she was 41. I was. The accident. She. She had an easy pregnancy with me. Somewhat. I was her third child, but she had a difficult delivery and it was a delivery in which both of our lives were at stake. And I had to be in the little plastic bubble for a day after I was born and all that stuff. But the first thing that she said to the doctors was, I want to have another one because I was 10 years younger than my older siblings and so she wanted me to have a companion. And the doctors were the ones that told her not to because of her age. And they went ahead and she tied her tubes after I was born. But if, you know, I think from her experience and if you can financially and you can time wise, then I think it's a wise decision to have another child.

[Bill]

That's the thing. Also, it wasn't just Stacy's nine months that she was uncomfortable being pregnant because she can get past that, I know she can. But we're looking at it also, and we're looking at time, you know, like, do we really have time for a second? There are times where I'm working late and I feel like I haven't been a father to Hayden all day long. And she's like, is that what's gonna happen with the second one? So there are a lot of things that were just weighing on both sides of the fence here. But like I said, the one comment that keeps coming up is like, I've never met anybody that regretted having the second child. And I just wanna know, in all honesty, is there a chance that we would have that regret?

[Caller 1]

I certainly can't tell you from a parent perspective, but from a sibling perspective, I have a younger brother who is three years younger than me. So it would be about the age difference between Hayden and, and his younger sibling. And it's a relationship like none other in my life. And like, my brother is such a special friendship, such a special relationship because there's nobody else like that. My parents aren't like that. It's not the same relationship I have with my parents that I do with my brother, my friends, my husband, you know, as close as anybody can be to me, they can't be the same relationship that I have with my brother because we've just been together all the way through. And it's just because, because of our age being close together. We were in school together, you know, when I was a senior in high school, he was the freshman in high school. And it was like, I mean, just all the way through. It's just been such an incredible relationship. And we still talk to each other once a week. We're on the phone for an hour. And it's just one of those relationships where I would want that for my children. And I think that, you know, I'm just saying it from the sibling perspective that it would be so cool to give Hayden that relationship and to have.

[Christy]

Somebody to complain about the parents with. You know, I mean, I really is. It sounds terrible, but I do. I do think if you can give your child the opportunity to not have to have the entire burden on their shoulders when it comes to the household stuff that's going on, if, you know, the child is frustrated with the parent, if they had a sibling to be able to compare notes with, I think it makes it easier on the children.

[Bill]

From the parents perspective. I mean, if you're being totally honest. Do you regret having the second child? Good morning, Christy.

[Caller 2]

I do not regret having a second child, but had we had her first, there would never have been a second.

[Christy]

Why you say that if you had.

[Host]

Your second child first, you mean? I'm sorry, if you had your second child first, we would never have had a second.

[Caller 3]

Why?

[Caller 2]

The first one was so incredibly easy. We were like, wow, we can do this again. The second one, whoa. Total night and day.

[Bill]

Really big.

[Caller 2]

From day one.

[Jessica]

She.

[Caller 2]

She was a difficult baby. She was a difficult toddler, and I love her with every grain of my being, but she is a hard baby.

[Bill]

Yeah, that's a real big fear for us also, because our child, outside of being born six weeks early and having some of the stuff that goes along with being a preemie for the first year, outside of that, so easy, so low maintenance, so flexible, so laid back. And so many times I've talked to parents that said the second one comes out so different polar opposites from the first.

[Caller 2]

It is totally different. It is completely different, and they require totally different parenting.

[Caller 1]

So what, though? So what? So it's harder to get a person.

[Christy]

No, no.

[Caller 2]

And I'm not saying that I would never give her back. I love her so much, but had she been born first, we just wouldn't have done the second. It was too hard. It was so hard that we wouldn't have done the second.

[Caller 1]

So what?

[Host]

Says the woman with no children.

[Christy]

I know.

[Host]

Who cares?

[Caller 1]

I'm just saying from an outside perspective. So what, that she was harder? She's still. And she's still, you know, some. I don't know. She's still gonna be a sibling to that. That first child, and I don't know.

[Bill]

But there's such a strain. Like, I've seen. I've seen families that have that second one. It's such a hell child that it really puts a strain on the entire family and the relationship between mom and dad and some can't get over that. And I guess you never know that until you're in. It's scary.

[Christy]

I think it's fascinating that we had the same discussion about whether you and Stacy are ready to have your first child, and now we're having the same. It's almost as if parents have this. You just have this stress over the decision to have a child, which you should because it's a huge decision. But I just think it's fascinating that you gotta understand that this was the same conversation we had about Hayden should play it back.

[Bill]

You know, we should play some of that back so I can hear that. You know, need the voice disguiser for this one.

[Host]

Oh, here's a hater.

[Bill]

Good morning, Bill. You're on all the hits. Q100. Hi.

[Bill (Caller)]

Good morning, guys.

[Caller 1]

Hi.

[Caller 3]

Hi.

[Bill (Caller)]

I don't regret the second, but I do regret the third.

[Christy]

Okay.

[Bill (Caller)]

And not from a perspective that it was hard, But I think that once the kids outnumber the parents, it's a losing battle.

[Bill]

Yeah. I've heard that, like, people associate it to, like a basketball game. Like, it's pretty much one on one.

[Bill (Caller)]

Exactly. Exactly. And the other thing is that, you know, I'll vote for number two because I think until you have to, you don't appreciate the differences in your kid. And if you have a child, you think, oh, well, all children should be like this one because it's having that only child. That's your total experience. And so you kind of think that all the kids should be like yours because this is the way kids should be. Right, Right. If you have a really good kid, you think all kids should be good. And if you have a really bad kid, you think all kids are bad.

[Christy]

Yeah. And I think also that, you know, the placement and the siblings, I mean, more than likely your second child would have a different personality than Hayden because it needs to be special to you guys. I mean, that's how if you look at most siblings, especially those closer together, one is a little more aggressive, the other one's a little more laid back. And I think that's just a way for them to be able to have independence within the house. But I think it's healthy.

[Bill]

Some of this is fatalistic on my end also. Jeff and I had this talk a couple of weeks ago on the air that at least within my life, things have gone pretty. Pretty steady and pretty easy. And I think I always live with the small part inside of me that's just like has looked at the first part of my life and gone, you know what? Things have gone pretty easy and what am I going to do to screw this up to make the second, the second half really, really, really difficult?

[Caller 1]

Have a daughter.

[Bill]

Maybe that could be it. Maybe that where Stacy's like, yeah, no, she's like, you know, either way.

[Caller 1]

Right?

[Bill]

Yeah. We don't need the voice disguiser for Jessica. Good morning, Jessica.

[Jessica]

Good morning.

[Bill]

Hi.

[Jessica]

I think in your heart, you know, if you really want a second child, I speak from my perspective of number one. I had my kids when I was really, really young. And I don't regret my second child. But I agree with Christy. Had he been first, he would have been the only.

[Bill]

Really.

[Jessica]

He is eight, almost nine now. And he is autistic. And it is just extremely hard, you know, I mean, my oldest child, great. I mean, he is very, very smart. He's very independent. The second child, it does put a strain on your relationship with your spouse when you have a child that has special needs. And you always have to think about that, you know, I mean, there's nothing wrong with my husband, there's nothing wrong with me. Jacob just came out different, you know, and he's been that way since day one. And you just really, you know, I think that you're doing the right thing by really talking about whether you want a second child or not. That's a huge step that a lot of people don't take. Number two is usually an accident or, you know, they thought about it, but they haven't really decided. And then, oh, all of a sudden they're pregnant, you know. So I think you're doing the right thing by saying that, you know, you really have to think about whether you want a second child. And I love my second child, like Christy said, with every fiber of my being. And I would not give him back for the world. But it is extremely hard to have a special needs child.

[Bill]

No, you're just being honest. I can understand that. I mean, we see some of the parents on Burke's Big Adventure. I mean, the things you take for granted every, every single day. I mean, it's obstacle after obstacle. When you have a special needs children, it can't help but take a strain on you and your relationship with your husband or wife.

[Christy]

And I think that parents are human too, and people's reaction to those situations, you can't know until you're thrust into it, you know, hey, Lynn, you'll be.

[Bill]

The last call, then we'll move on. What's going on?

[Caller 3]

Hey. Me and my husband are both have been married before. He has three children from a previous marriage. I have one child from a previous marriage. We have currently been together for 14 years and we have an 11 year old that is seven and a half years younger than any of the others. If I could go back now, they would all be grown by now. I wouldn't have done it.

[Christy]

I was teased. I was like, I just wanna hug the little 11 year old. I'm sorry.

[Caller 3]

Oh, now there you go. He is my baby boy. I would not take a million dollars for him, but I wouldn't give a nickel for another one.

[Bill]

I think that speaks volumes right there.

[Host]

The bird show.