The Bert Show – Episode Summary
Episode Title: Vault: Does Cosmo Give Accurate Advice About What Men Want?
Air Date: February 16, 2026
Main Theme:
The hosts dive into the age-old question: Does Cosmopolitan magazine give real, accurate advice about what men actually think, particularly when it comes to relationships and dating? With a mix of playful skepticism and open discussion, the Bert Show team—along with male callers—debate whether Cosmo’s "love questions every guy asks himself" hold true.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Are Cosmo Articles About ‘What Guys Think’ Written By Women?
- Jen opens the discussion by voicing her suspicion about the authenticity of Cosmo's male-oriented advice columns.
- Jen (01:36): "Sometimes I think these are actually written by women. So I'm wondering if there's any truth to these articles."
2. First-Date Questions from Cosmo: Real or Not?
Each Cosmo "first-date question" is posed to a group of male hosts and callers to confirm or debunk.
a. "What's she like in bed?" & "If I don’t get laid tonight, will this end early enough for me to meet up with friends?"
- Host (03:16): “Yes, that is true.”
- Matt (03:43): “Maybe not the friend part, but yeah. Would she like in bed? Absolutely.”
b. "Will I get laid tonight?"
- Matt (03:55): “No, that's not the first name [priority?].”
- Host (04:00): “For me, it's always sort of back there.”
c. "Is that a super ultra Wonderbra, or are her breasts that incredible?"
- John (04:14): “Wouldn't I like to know?”
- Collective agreement this question does cross their minds.
d. "Does she think I’m funny?"
- John (04:22): “Yeah, I'd ask myself that.”
- Host (04:24): “Yeah, I think so. Probably.”
e. "Does she always wear this much makeup?"
- John (04:59): “Absolutely... We want to see what she really looks like.”
- Matt (05:05): “I don't usually like women to wear too much makeup because then it can hide the flaws, and you kind of want to see the flaws.”
- Host (05:18): “If you can see that foundation line right there, to me, that's like instant turn off right there.”
f. "Are lulls in conversation first date awkwardness, or a sign she has nothing to say?"
- John (05:41): “Yeah. Nothing to say.”
- Matt (05:43): “Yeah, I got nothing to say.”
- Host (05:52): “If there are lulls, you're probably talking too much because she's not saying anything.”
3. Before Getting Serious – The ‘Serious’ Relationship Questions
Transitioning to the next stage in the Cosmo list, Jen asks whether men consider deeper questions before exclusivity.
a. "Am I really willing to give up on other potentials for her?"
- John (06:32): “Oh, yeah... Once you're taking yourself off the market, that's it.”
- Matt (06:50): “Depends on where you are in your dating life... If you're out dating, you just want to date. Not really looking for a serious person.”
b. "Would I be proud to introduce her to my folks?"
- John (07:18): “Absolutely. I brought a woman home one day with tattoos all up and down her arms, and not a good sign for mama.”
- Matt (07:29): “I can bring anybody home to my parents, and they really don't care.”
- Host (07:39): “I wasn’t thinking that on the first date... To me, it was all about sexual.”
c. "Would I have fun if I took a long vacation with her?"
- John (08:33): “Yeah, yeah, definitely. You don't want to go ... with somebody who's just going to bum you out and just whine all the time.”
- Matt (08:48): “After 10 dates, you would know whether you want to spend another day with that person... you don't want to ruin your vacation.”
d. "Will I find her quirks annoying after six months?"
- John (09:15): “If you're asking yourself that, you already answered the question.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On how men think during first dates:
- Host (03:16): “Yes, that is true.” — Confirming that men wonder about sex on a first date.
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On make-up and authenticity:
- Host (05:18): “If you can see that foundation line right there, to me, that's like instant turn off right there.”
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On exclusivity and seriousness:
- John (06:32): “Once you're taking yourself off the market, that's it. I mean, this is the one you got to stick with.”
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On chemistry and lulls in conversation:
- Host (05:52): “If there are lulls, you're probably talking too much because she's not saying anything.”
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On evaluating quirks:
- John (09:15): “If you're asking yourself that, you already answered the question.”
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 01:36 — Jen introduces the Cosmo article and doubts its authenticity
- 03:01 – 06:19 — First date questions dissected by male hosts and callers
- 06:19 – 09:20 — Questions men reportedly ask before getting serious/exclusive
- Throughout — Running commentary exposing where Cosmo’s advice is “right on” or exaggerated
Tone and Takeaways
The episode is lighthearted, candid, and a touch irreverent—true to the Bert Show’s playful, authentic style. There’s genuine engagement from both male and female perspectives, and some gentle ribbing about stereotypes from dating magazines. Overall, the consensus is that while Cosmo gets some questions right (especially in the first-date category), its depiction of male introspection around exclusivity can be a little overthought and occasionally unrealistic.
Bottom Line:
Cosmo’s advice, at least in this highlighted article, is surprisingly accurate about what runs through men’s minds on first dates. However, when it comes to deeper relationship questions, the guys suggest that not every man is as analytical—or sentimental—as Cosmo sometimes makes them out to be.