The Bert Show – "Vault: Fertility Treatment" (November 5, 2025)
Episode Overview
In this episode, The Bert Show delves into a provocative real-life story submitted by a listener named Jessica, covering the intersection of fertility struggles, open marriage, and unconventional paths to parenthood. Jessica candidly shares her journey through infertility with her husband, their decision to have her ex-fiancé act as a sperm donor, and the dynamics of their open marriage. The episode is an open forum for on-air hosts, Jessica, and various callers to explore, challenge, and defend different concepts of love, parenthood, commitment, and what constitutes a family.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Jessica’s Fertility Dilemma
- Jessica’s Backstory: Jessica calls in to discuss her and her husband's struggle to get pregnant due to mutual fertility problems – her own infertility and her husband’s history as a professional bull rider without protective gear.
- Jessica (02:45): “My husband, brilliant man that he is, did professional bull riding for years and didn’t wear a cup.”
- Seeking a Solution: They ruled out artificial insemination due to cost, compounded by the fact they already have an open marriage.
- Jessica (03:31): "One, that [artificial insemination] costs a lot of money, which we don’t really have. And two, we have an open marriage anyway."
2. Open Marriage Dynamics
- Mutually Agreed Terms: Jessica describes the ground rules of their open marriage, explaining the need to ask permission before engaging with others and making distinctions between “having sex” and “making love.”
- Jessica (04:23): “You have to ask permission... my only rule is that there’s a difference between having sex and making love.”
- Impact on Marriage: She claims their open lifestyle actually saves their relationship due to differing sex drives.
- Jessica (04:15): “We both have different sex drives that the other cannot always meet. Which is why we have the open relations. And I swear it saves our marriage.”
3. The Sperm Donor – Her Ex-Fiancé
- Role Boundaries: Jessica emphasizes her ex will only be the donor or “uncle,” not the father, clarifying his involvement post-birth will be minimal.
- Jessica (03:45): “Yes, and my ex fiancé is, you know, just the donor, not the daddy.”
- Husband’s Reaction: Her husband is supportive, even to the extent of accompanying Jessica but spending time at a nearby strip club during the insemination.
- Jessica (05:23): "And I took him with me and he went to the nudie bar next door."
4. Listener Reactions: Support and Criticism
A. Concerned Calls
- Potential Harm to Children: Ashley shares her negative experience as a child of an open marriage.
- Ashley (06:31): “It affected me bad. I become bulimic... my parents separated when I was 17.”
- Doubts About Parenting: Another caller, Kate, bluntly challenges Jessica's qualification to parent under such circumstances.
- Kate (07:03): “People like you should never have children.”
- Communication and Role Confusion: Hosts and callers question whether a child can truly understand and thrive in such an environment.
- Host (10:05): “Think about all the role differences and the role confusion that’s gonna be going on with this child.”
B. Defenders
- Consenting Adults: A caller defends the arrangement if both parties are clear and consenting.
- Caller (08:52): “If her and her husband have an understanding that... you can do whatever you want to... then it should be okay.”
- Avoiding Secrecy: Defender points out the honesty in Jessica’s marriage compared to those who cheat in secret.
- Caller (10:45): “There’s so many guys... They’re married, they’re secretively having a [affair] ... if my wife doesn’t find out, yada, yada, yada."
5. Jessica’s View on Parenthood and Love
- Openness with Child: Jessica pledges transparency with her child about their origins and stresses her husband will always be the true parent.
- Jessica (07:28): “As far as my, you know, child knowing about his father from day one, we will explain to him that... mommy and daddy couldn’t have a baby together, so somebody else helped Mommy make the baby. But your daddy is your daddy.”
- Adoption Parallel: Jessica compares her arrangement to adoption—stating love and commitment matter more than genetics.
- Jessica (04:58): “I mean, we've talked about adoption anyway, and as far as I'm concerned, that'd be no different.”
- Limits of the Open Arrangement: She corrects misconceptions, stating she only sees her ex for insemination purposes.
- Jessica (11:25): “I'm only going down there when it's time to get pregnant... I explained it improperly. I apologize for that.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Defining Sex and Love (04:44)
- Jessica: “There’s a difference between having sex and making love. He can’t make love to this girl... it’s got to be strict, you know, passionate, wild, hot monkey sex.”
- A Surreal Insemination Night (05:19)
- Host: “So he’s in a strip joint next door while you’re having sex with your ex fiancé and he’s telling the strippers about it.”
- Candid Parenting Philosophy (07:28)
- Jessica: “We will explain to him... mommy and daddy couldn’t have a baby together, so somebody else helped Mommy make the baby. But your daddy is your daddy.”
- Caller’s Cautionary Tale (06:31)
- Ashley: “It affected me bad. I become bulimic.”
- Support with Caveats (08:52)
- Caller/Defender: “If her and her husband have an understanding... then it should be okay.”
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 02:14 – Jessica’s call and initial explanation
- 03:31 – Details about the donor arrangement and open marriage
- 04:23 – Marriage ground rules and motivations
- 05:19 – Jessica describes the ‘insemination night’
- 06:11 – First concerned caller: Ashley’s experience as a child in an open marriage
- 07:03 – Kate’s confrontation: "People like you should never have children."
- 08:52 – Listener defense of Jessica’s choices
- 10:05 – Debate on potential confusion for the child
- 11:25 – Jessica’s clarification about the frequency with her ex
Tone and Style
The conversation is frank, humorous at times, and deeply personal, as is typical of The Bert Show’s style. The hosts balance curiosity and skepticism, pushing for clarity and challenging assumptions, while Jessica remains mostly composed and unflappable, defending her choices. The listener input is passionate—some empathetic, others critical, making for a lively and thought-provoking exchange.
This episode offers listeners a front-row seat to complex, real-life relationship negotiations and highlights the diversity of perspectives on family, ethics, and love, all shared with The Bert Show's characteristic blend of honesty, humor, and empathy.