Vault: Full Show PT 1: Friday, December 26 [Vault]

Summary

The Bert Show (Pionaire Podcasting)

Episode: Vault: Full Show PT 1: Friday, December 26 [Vault]

Date: December 26, 2025

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Overview

This episode of The Bert Show (original airdate: December 26, 2025) offers a fun, lively, and candid ride through classic morning show topics—celebrity interviews, relationship stories, and relatable listener drama. The episode’s first part stands out for its extended interview with Jon Bon Jovi, where the rock legend talks legacy, humility, and longevity, and for an uproarious segment about a friend's catastrophic snoring problem, which blends humor and genuine empathy with listener call-ins.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Reflecting on an Interview with Jon Bon Jovi (01:00–13:56)

• The hosts respond to emails suggesting Jon Bon Jovi came off as aloof in his previous appearance and debate whether he was tired or just a “cool rock star.” (01:00–01:24)
• The show replays a highlight interview with Jon Bon Jovi, including playful banter, career reflections, and personal insights.

Notable Insights:

• Bon Jovi on humility and imposter syndrome:
  • “Every day… you wrote songs that people liked and you continue to try to do that. And even at this point, you call radio and you talk to friends and you do what you gotta do. You tour, you pack up the suitcase, and you get out there and that's what it’s all about, really.” (03:00–03:26)
  • “There are days you guys are still insecure about your success?”
    “Every single day.” (03:26–03:28)
  • “I sat up there on that stage... and went, ‘Wow, why me? And is anybody gonna care?’... You sort of look over your shoulder and expect them to want to have given it to Bono, not Bon Jovi.” (03:31–03:52)
• Discussion on longevity in the music industry:
  • Bon Jovi expresses skepticism about the potential for any current bands to match their decades-long, 100-million-record career, citing changes in music consumption (e.g., downloads, streaming, and changing formats). (05:21–05:48)
• Band dynamics and surviving success:
  • “We were tired, but we never did [break up]. There was never a reason to break up... It was just, let’s clear our heads and do other things and then refocus on a new direction for the band. And fortunately for us, that new direction was Keep the Faith.” (05:56–06:46)
• Lighthearted banter about Jon’s “sex symbol” status and his relationship history:
  • “How do you answer while you say things like that? I’m gagging. So that can be interpreted as being bulimic, I guess.” (06:55–07:02)
  • “I’m Dorian Gray. I’ve got the painting in my attic.” (07:06–07:11)
  • On getting back together with his wife: “I knew a good deal when I had one. This was a lot better than playing that Hollyweird game. It wasn’t for me. I didn’t feel comfortable in that setting.” (08:19–08:28)
• Jeff Dollar, co-host and self-proclaimed megafan, nervously invites Jon out for dinner, resulting in playful teasing and a humorous agreement to share a beer when Jon’s in Atlanta. (08:53–10:57)
• Bon Jovi discusses their new retrospective album release with 50 tracks—many previously unreleased—and details how songs get selected for each project, noting the importance of capturing specific moments and themes in an album’s “story.” (11:01–13:40)
  • “Every album needs a beginning, a middle and an end… and then there’s periods in your life where you wrote a song that you said, well, this would have been great for the last record, but I’m past this now.” (11:58–12:25)

2. Hilarious Listener Drama: The Epic Snoring Story (16:03–28:04)

• Bert shares an extended and laugh-out-loud tale about his old college roommate and best friend, John, who is infamous for his thunderous snoring—a problem so severe his wife recorded it as evidence.
• Discussion blends audio of the snoring (met with gasps and jokes from the hosts) with listener calls sharing similar woes and remediation strategies.

Notable Moments:

• “It felt like I was gonna get phone calls from all the neighbors because the sound was so bad. And drunk snoring is always, I thought, worse than sober snoring.” (18:56–19:06)
• “Oh my God. That sounds like a sick cat.” (21:02, E)
• “If I heard that in my house, I would get a bat. I would get a bat. I would tell Jessica to call 911 and get in the closet and I would go looking.” (21:49, D)
• Listeners call in with their own war stories of snoring spouses, including a woman who retaliates by replaying snoring audio in her husband’s ear (23:03–23:26).
• Advice emerges: try Breathe Right strips (with mixed results) or see a doctor for assessment of sleep apnea, with one caller sharing their ex-husband’s successful transition to a CPAP machine (24:24–25:27).
• A medical professional clarifies that CPAP machines require a doctor’s order, and that severe snoring can be a sign of genuine medical issues (25:43–26:21).
• The group continues to riff with jokes while reiterating that persistent, severe snoring should be checked by a doctor, not simply endured (27:01–28:04).

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Memorable Quotes (with Timestamps and Attribution)

• Jon Bon Jovi on humility:
  “The truth of the matter is you wrote songs that people liked and you continue to try to do that. And even at this point, you call radio and you talk to friends and you do what you gotta do.”
  — Jon Bon Jovi (03:00–03:26)

• On imposter syndrome in front of music peers:
  “You sort of look over your shoulder and expect them to want to have given it to Bono, not Bon Jovi.”
  — Jon Bon Jovi (03:46–03:52)

• On enduring success:
  “We were tired, but we never did [break up]. There was never a reason to break up... It was just, let’s clear our heads and do other things and then refocus on a new direction for the band.”
  — Jon Bon Jovi (05:56–06:46)

• Self-deprecating charm:
  “I’m Dorian Gray. I’ve got the painting in my attic.”
  — Jon Bon Jovi (07:06–07:11)

• On not being able to sleep with a snoring spouse:
  “I think I’ve told you guys this before. Like, the first year that they were married, they spent the night in separate rooms because she didn’t know how to handle the snoring.”
  — Bert (19:32–19:42)

• Listener on retaliation:
  “Every time he snores and wakes me up, I have to get up out of bed and I go push play and put it right in his ear and wake him up.”
  — Joy, caller (23:16–23:18)

• Medical caller on CPAP:
  “You can’t order a CPAP machine through the mail. It has to come through—be ordered by your doctor.”
  — Theresa, medical professional (25:43–25:51)

• On what it’s like hearing snoring that extreme:
  “Oh my God. That is unreal. I can’t believe that’s a human. Oh my God. That is gross. It’s gross. That is bizarre. No way.”
  — E (26:09–26:28)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Jon Bon Jovi Interview and Reflections: 01:00–13:56
• Snoring Story and Listener Call-ins: 16:03–28:04

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Tone & Style

The episode blends humor, humility, and heartfelt conversation. The Bert Show’s signature is its authenticity, as hosts candidly share stories, rib one another, and invite honest listener engagement. Jon Bon Jovi’s appearance is marked by self-deprecating wit and openness about the pressures and routines of stardom, while the snoring segment pairs real marital issues with relatable laughs and earnest advice.

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Summary for New Listeners

If you love a dynamic morning show that mixes celebrity interviews with genuine, laugh-out-loud personal stories, this episode of The Bert Show is classic. Hear Jon Bon Jovi open up about fame, self-doubt, and what keeps a rock band together through the decades before the team dives into a riotous segment about catastrophic snoring—a story that will make you grateful for ear plugs and understanding partners. It’s vintage Bert Show: real, funny, and just a little bit wild.

Transcript

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[A]

Hey, the Bird Show.

[C]

I got some emails yesterday from people that thought that Jon Bon Jovi was aloof with us or just like I did too. You did too?

[B]

Uh huh. I thought so.

[C]

I didn't feel that. I just thought he was like cool rock star.

[D]

I thought he was.

[E]

I thought he was either tired or aloof.

[B]

You thought?

[E]

Uh huh.

[C]

Well, how about you, Melissa? What'd you think?

[E]

Yeah, I could say I thought he just seemed like he was tired, you know, like he wasn't. Yeah. As connected with us as I kind of expected.

[C]

Well, he felt connected after Jeff asked him out for sure. That's an interview that he'll never forget. Never. Jon Bon Jovi yesterday on the Birch show on all the hits. Q100. You almost forget how many damn great songs Bon Jovi has. Let's go ahead and just list some of them here. Runaway shot through the heart Always bad medicine Bed of roses, blaze of glory I'll be there for you I'm starting to get tired Lay your hands on me Living on a prayer Run away Wanted dead or alive. You give love a bad name, never say goodbye. Jon Bon Jovi joining the Bird show now on all the hits. Q100. How was that for a big intro? How'd we do?

[F]

Very good, Bert.

[C]

That was a cool big intro.

[F]

Yeah, it was pretty hot.

[C]

Thanks, man.

[F]

You didn't even get to the 90s, you know, you forgot about it's my Life and everything.

[E]

There's 30 somethings in the room. So we're just going back to our, you know, 80s days.

[C]

Stuck in the 80s.

[F]

I see everybody's puffing their hair up really big in this room right now. Lots of hairspray.

[E]

I'm ripping my jeans right now.

[F]

Right on.

[C]

You know, John, as I was going through this list of incredible songs that you guys have had, like over the last three decades, at one point or another, you kind of have to look at your success and you've had to say, why me and why us?

[F]

Every day?

[C]

Have you ever been able to answer it?

[F]

Yeah, I lie to myself. You know, I have the applause track playing in my house. When I pat myself on the back, you know, I have. The truth of the matter is you wrote songs that people liked and you continue to try to do that. And even at this point, you call radio and you talk to friends and you do what you got to do. You tour, you pack up the suitcase and you get out there and that's what it's all about. Really.

[C]

Are there days that you guys are still insecure by your success?

[F]

Every single day.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Really.

[F]

I was on the stage getting the ama. And I'll tell you an honest to God's story, as I sat up there on that stage and went, wow, why me? And is anybody gonna care? And you know, when you see all your peers give you a big standing ovation and, you know, do all that kind of stuff, you think that's incredible. You sort of look over your shoulder and expect them to want to have given it to Bon O, not Bon Jovi.

[C]

You know, so after all these years, you still get nervous by performing in front of all those people?

[F]

Not nervous, but it's more of a, you know, is it deserved? Do people really like it or are they just jiving?

[E]

You see, I think. I think that humility is part of your charm. Because the question I have for you is I know that throughout your career, I mean, you've hung with the same friends, you've been in the same relationship. And I'm curious, now that you're a veteran of the music industry and look at the people coming up who were, you know, a little overwhelmed by all their exposure. I mean, how did you protect your family, you know, and your friends from that?

[F]

There comes a time in a. In a career and some others that are looked at as being around now are five year careers, but when the exposure is too much, and that's a very difficult time for any artist. And someone like me couldn't tell Someone like that, here's how you get over it. Because each and every one of these artists has to go through it on his own terms. But the truth is, you wish somebody would sit you down and say, hey, you'll get through this. Here's how you do it. It just doesn't happen, unfortunately. And. And then it's a character builder. You know, there's some bands that got through it. Ask what happened to Guns N Roses. They could have been the Rolling Stones. You know, it didn't work.

[C]

Do you see any band now? Or do you think music tastes has changed so much that can have a career like you guys in three different decades? Or I don't know if there'll be.

[F]

Another band that sells 100 million records from the next generation of band. But because of the downloading and the file sharing and the burning and retail being what it is, I don't know. I really don't know. And honestly, we talk on, you know, top 40 stations and hot AC stations and rock stations too, but what of those formats is gonna play the next bomb? Dylan? It's not easy.

[C]

Jon Bon Jovi on the Burt show, on all the hits Q100, you said.

[E]

That you guys have made it through all these generations. Has Bon Jovi ever been close to breaking up for good?

[F]

We were tired, but we never did. There was never a reason to break up. There was never I hate you or you stole my money or you slept with my sister or something like that. It was after the fourth album, when we were at that crossroads as I describe other artists go through. I certainly had to take a two year hiatus to the Young Guns record, figure out what in the world did I want to get into this for. With the help of others, we got through that, Humphrey. But there was never a discussion about breaking up or I hate you or anything. It was just, let's clear our heads and do other things and then refocus on a new direction for the band. And fortunately for us, that new direction was keep the faith in a different record stylistically. So that when our peers were being pushed out by the Seattle movement, we continued on another road and were as successful.

[C]

Jon Bon Jovi on the Burch show.

[E]

Okay, you're still such a sex symbol for so many women. I want to know how you've stayed so good looking throughout the years. What are your beauty secret?

[F]

How do you answer while you say things like that? I'm gagging. So that can be interpreted as being bulimic, I guess.

[C]

Do you not see. Do you not see yourself As a good looking guy.

[F]

I don't know. Christ, I, I, I'm Dorian Gray. I've got the painting in my attic. When I really look.

[E]

I get it.

[C]

Yeah, it's over my head.

[F]

I barely even got my ged, you know, you guys don't know that story, but, you know, thanks, I guess. You know, that's again, who knows? Good jeans. Thank my father and mother, I guess.

[E]

Good J and good hair care products.

[F]

And good jeans, Levi's, you know, whatever it is, right?

[C]

John, before I turn it over to Jeff Dollar here, who very well could be your biggest fan ever, I just want to ask you one thing about the relationship with your wife. Because as I understand it, the story goes something like, you guys dated in high school, the band starts to do really well, then you and at that point your girlfriend, I guess, decide to go different ways. And I think the assumption is that you wanted to kind of live that rock and roll lifestyle for a while, then you decided it wasn't for you. And you get back with what will be your current wife. Is that simplifying it too much?

[F]

No, that's about it.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah. It was about a six month period in my life. Yeah.

[C]

And what did you find out about yourself and about the world in those six months?

[F]

It was a lot of fun. Too much fun for me.

[C]

So why go back then?

[F]

I knew a good deal when I had one. This was a lot better than playing that Hollyweird game. That's not. It wasn't for me. I didn't feel comfortable in that setting.

[C]

Are you amazed by guys in your industry that can do that for 30 years?

[F]

You know, no. It is different strokes, I guess, but, you know, it just wasn't me. It's not that unique a story, but I'd rather get up and see the same wife and the four kids and the life I have than just the other way. It's got a little old quick.

[D]

Hey, John, I just have a question for you and it's gonna. They've been talking about this all morning on the show and they're making a big deal about it. And I don't think it's that big of a deal. So I made some notes because they got me very nervous. So if you don't mind. You guys said you wouldn't laugh.

[E]

Clearing my throat.

[D]

John, I'm a longtime fan and I respect your talents and your dedication to your career. I'm happily married, I've got a stable job, I've got lots of friends who could vouch for me as a Normal person, stable job.

[F]

I question it's radio, but go ahead.

[D]

I know you're very busy, especially with all the promotional stuff for 100 million. And I don't want to take any time away from your family, but I would love to buy you lunch or dinner sometime in the near future. You pick the date. You what?

[F]

Free food, Atlanta.

[D]

Okay, no, I'll come to you.

[F]

I don't want you in Jersey. But when I'm in Atlanta, we can.

[D]

Well, no, because, see, here's the deal.

[C]

You picked.

[F]

See, if you were in Jersey, they'd call you a stalker.

[C]

I know, but I'm not.

[F]

Or a relative. One or the other.

[E]

He said yes in Atlanta, Jeff.

[D]

But they're not touring to support 100 million. And then what happens? By the time you come around here, you're gonna forget about me.

[C]

You're not making Jeff feel very special.

[D]

John, you pick the date, the time, the place, and I will be there for you. These five words.

[F]

I love.

[C]

Jeff.

[F]

Jeff, what a good guy. We'll have to work something out, Jeff. We'll have you come and come to a show or something like that. Well, I'll let you buy me a beer. Hell, yeah.

[D]

Seriously?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

So you're saying yes?

[F]

I said yes.

[E]

Okay. Leave it at that.

[F]

Jeff, back away from the microphone.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

I'm trying not to say anything else.

[D]

But I'm in here with Jon Bon Jovi. And you know what? I don't want Richie there hogging any of your time. I want it just to be you.

[F]

And I. Oh, my goodness. Is there something you want to tell the audience?

[B]

For you.

[C]

You would switch teams, right? For Jon Bon Jovi, you'd switch teams.

[F]

No way.

[D]

I'm having a beer with him. It's very manly. Okay, thank you, John. And I'm gonna hold you to that.

[F]

Okay, not a problem.

[D]

Hold on. And I'll get your cell phone number.

[F]

Wait.

[C]

And your address. Hey, John, tell us about the new album. I looked at all the cuts on this thing yesterday, and what, are there, like, 420 songs on it?

[F]

Yeah, there's 50 songs, 38, which have never been heard by anybody, and 12 rarities that only Looney Tunes like Jeff would have that are very rare. And so it's a pretty unique set. You know, I've jokingly been saying if the plane went down, that'd be my next five albums. So our vaults were really deep, and it was a record I've wanted to put out for a long time because I liked the songs, but they weren't Right. For certain albums. And so a milestone like the 100 millionth album and the 20 year anniversary was a good opportunity to do it.

[C]

Is this the case where you can only put so many songs on albums that these are the ones that didn't make the cuts off the first album? I hope it's not doing it any disjustice by saying that?

[F]

No, there was every album once we really got our bearings about how to make records, to be honest with you. But every album needs a beginning, a middle and an end. And. And they're supposed to read like stories and thematically stay consistent and. And then there's periods in your life where you wrote a song that you said, well, this would have been great for the last record, but I'm past this now. Track one on the first CD is a song called you'd Couldn't Live without me so why aren't you dead? And much in the vein of the kinds of songs like you Give Love a bad Name. When we used to write, you know, the real tongue in cheek kind of goofy rock song. By the time we wrote it, which was Post Young Guns and Pre Keep the Faith, things had changed for us. We knew that we were going to have to write songs like Keep the Faith and I Believe. After the LA riots and what was going on with the change in the administration with Clinton being elected into office, we knew that we were changing, America was changing. So we started writing a little more socially conscious song and things like that couldn't make the record, you know, and it was time. But if that was on New Jersey, it probably would have been a big hit.

[C]

I'm such a simpleton because I never assume that this kind of thought goes into which songs are gonna be on an album. I'm so stupid, I guess, about this whole thing that I just assume you guys put together a whole list of songs. It's a very easy cut process, like, okay, these are the 12 best ones that we've got right now. We all take a vote on it, we'll all say aye. And then they go on the album. There's a whole bunch of other thought that goes into it, huh?

[F]

Yeah, quite a bit. You know, you have to really feel where you are at that point in your life. I still love singing youg give love a bad name but I wouldn't have wanted to do, you know, why aren't you dead? Come the time to keep the faith I was just at a different place in my life.

[C]

Tom Bon Jovi, great talking to you this morning, Jeff.

[F]

Thank you all. I appreciate it very much. And Jeff, I owe you that beer.

[D]

No, I'm buying it for you.

[F]

Okay, Fair enough. I have expensive tastes.

[D]

If we have a good first beer, then you can buy me another one.

[C]

Nice talking to you, John.

[F]

All right. All the best, guys.

[C]

Bye now.

[F]

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[D]

That sucks.

[C]

It was awful. I mean, for three years there, I couldn't sleep. I was constantly kicking him because our room, our dorm room, was so small that his head was practically up to where mine was and he was snoring so loud. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, I'd kick him. I'd try to turn him over anything I could to get him to shut up.

[E]

That is so annoying.

[C]

So annoying.

[E]

There's nothing worse than waking up to somebody else snoring because you're furious that they are getting great sleep, right?

[D]

Whenever I have if I even Jessica can always tell when I'm getting sick before I get sick because I snore. And she gets mad at me for that. I'm like, you can't get mad at me. I'm asleep. She's like, that's why I'm mad, because you're sound asleep and there's a truck driving through our room and you don't know it. And I'm like, I'm sick, of course.

[C]

So I forgot how bad the snoring problem was until Saturday night where Johnny and I and my family go out to vision on Saturday night. We get our drink on pretty good. And we get home, I guess, about 4 in the morning and we're raiding the refrigerator and everything. And we finally, we turn on SportsCenter, ESPN about 3:34 in the morning and we both sit on the couch, all right? And this is so routine, you know, you come home drunk, you eat and then you crash on the couch until something so loud wakes you up on television. Then you go up to your room, right? So I doze off before John does. And I am awakened by a, like you said, a thundering train running through my house.

[D]

The Polar Express is in your living room.

[C]

It felt like I was gonna get phone calls from all the neighbors because the sound was so bad. And drunk snoring is always, I thought, worse than sober snoring. So again, I'm flashing all back to college because it's just this awful, awful sound. But I forgot how bad it was. So on Sunday, he flies out and Monday I call him and his wife and I was relaying the story back to her. I'm like, my God, how do you live with this? It's awful. And I think I've told you guys this before. Like, the first year that they were married, they spent the night in separate rooms because she didn't know how to handle the snoring. Finally got some breathe, those breathe right strips. And it started to get a little bit better. But she said, the first year that we were married, I couldn't take. I just couldn't take it. So we spent the first year away from each other. So as we were talking about it, I asked her, because this is a daily thing. Every night, John snores every night. I asked her if she would record it and then have John mp3 it to me. And she said she would only do it if I could ask listeners what they've done in the same situation how they got their husbands to stop snoring so badly. So I said, fine, I'll do it. Just send me it because it was so bad. So it worked out perfectly because I guess Monday night John goes out to happy hour with some of his friends. So he gets home and he's pretty buzzed. So we got drunk snoring John. Not sober snoring John. And are you ready for this? So same situation happens to him, I guess, on Monday night, he goes home, he's all buzzed. He falls asleep in front of the television and he starts snoring. She records it, and he reluctantly but sends me the MP3 of this. Yesterday. Are you ready for this?

[B]

Oh, God.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

Okay. This is not doctored. This is not doctored in any way, shape or form. She doesn't know how to edit.

[D]

That's who's haunting the house in Douglasville.

[C]

It gets way worse than that.

[E]

Oh my God. Sounds like a sick cat.

[C]

He's gonna furball.

[D]

Oh my God.

[E]

Like the exorcist. Oh my God. Oh my God. She still married him, but they have two kids.

[C]

The kids complain. The kids complain cuz they can't sleep at night cause of that.

[E]

Cause I used to hear my father snoring from down the hall in his bedroom. But no, no, no. This guy. That's the worst I've ever heard.

[D]

If I heard that in my house, I would get a bat. I would get a bat. I would tell Jessica to call 911 and get in the closet and I would go looking.

[E]

Oh my God.

[C]

Four old 7411005. Now you understand why for a year she's like, I can't sleep in the same room as you. Now he's in the guest room for a year and still waking her up because he's so loud.

[D]

I wish for $20,162. What is that?

[E]

Oh God.

[D]

It's like somebody's cutting the throat of a kangaroo.

[E]

It sounds like an animal. Dying animal. Oh my God. That is awful. I can't believe she knew that and she still married him. That'd be a deal breaker in my world. That would be a deal breaker. Like, I am so in love with you, but I am never, ever, ever going to marry you if you snore like that.

[C]

I could actually see living in separate apartments because you're so in love with the guy and he's so right for you in every way. Except he's got this in different states. Yeah.

[E]

Two homes. Unreal. Two home households.

[C]

That is not doctored. That is not doctored or edited in any way.

[E]

Unbelievable.

[C]

Good morning, Joy. You are on the bird show. Hi.

[G]

My husband sounds just like that and worse sometimes. So what I've done is I've recorded him in the middle of the night when he's snoring like that. So now every time he snores and wakes me up, I have to get up out of bed and I go push play and put it right in his ear and wake him up.

[C]

Oh, you're kidding.

[G]

And that's what I do.

[C]

So exhausting.

[E]

But that'd be like an every night thing. Like, I mean, but it's.

[G]

I. It makes me so mad I've got. I've been with him for six years. It makes me furious because he's sleeping.

[D]

Why?

[G]

Snoring loud. Any room he goes into, I can hear him.

[D]

Well, why are you mad? You can't get mad at him.

[E]

Well, I mean, you can't get mad, but.

[G]

Well, it's upsetting when every night you don't get to sleep and he's sleeping and snoring and waking up the house.

[C]

You get that sleep deprivation thing going on, you just snap.

[E]

But I think she needs some practical advice because I think being retaliation is.

[C]

Not what we're looking for.

[E]

It's not what we're looking for, you know, But I do understand the anger.

[C]

Those breathe right strips seem to help for a little while, but I don't know, he's worked his way around those.

[E]

How many does he have on his nose at the time? Unbelievable.

[D]

That ain't coming from the nose.

[E]

Oh, my God, that is awful.

[D]

That's a dog.

[E]

That's an animal.

[C]

That's my boy.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Good morning, Bridget. Is this Bridget?

[G]

No.

[C]

Who is this?

[F]

Ricky.

[C]

What's going on?

[G]

Not much. I was just calling because I was married to a snorer for 13 years and he had sleep studies done and he had sleep apnea and they put a CPAP machine which forces air down your throat that he can sleep with and that would help her be able to sleep with him.

[E]

Now, I thought sleep apnea was when you stopped breathing. When you don't sleep well, it is.

[G]

But this is a tube that you sleep with. It looks like a mask. It forces air down your throat so that you can breathe easier.

[C]

So you have to sleep with this thing in your mouth.

[G]

It's like. It's a mask, like an oxygen mask and it forces air down your throat and opens up your throat so that you can breathe.

[C]

And what's it called?

[G]

It's a cpap. Cpap, C. Pap machine. It has to do with sleep apnea. My ex husband would stop breathing a couple of minutes.

[C]

I certainly understand why he's your ex husband for sure.

[E]

And when you're. Yeah, and I guess you need to tell her when she's ordering the pap to be sure and call it the CPAP because that's too dangerously close. Oh, God.

[C]

Can you order those in the mail?

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

I mean, just the word Pap just makes me cringe like. Oh, hi.

[C]

Hey, Theresa.

[G]

Hi. I work for an ear, nose and throat doctor number one. You can't order a CPAP machine through the mail. It has to Come through. Be ordered by your doctor.

[E]

Thank goodness.

[G]

Number two, he's got a serious medical problem, and he needs to see an ear, nose, and throat doctor. There are different things that can be done for him. He may need surgery to help with that. He may need a CPAP machine. But from the sounds of that, he's not having sleep apnea, because there's no. He's breathing with you.

[E]

He's breathing because I had. Right after my surgery that night, I had suffered a little sleep apnea. And it wakes you up. Like when you fall asleep, if you have sleep apnea, the fact that you're not breathing anymore actually wakes you.

[C]

You up. Well, you can.

[E]

You can hear him.

[C]

You can hear him come out of it and then kind of go back into it. He's just.

[E]

He's asleep the whole time. Oh, my God. That is unreal. I can't believe that's a human. Oh, my God. That is gross. It's gross. That is bizarre. No way.

[D]

It's like.

[C]

I don't know what it is.

[F]

It's sick.

[E]

It is sick. Oh, wow. Has he ever been to a doctor for it?

[C]

I don't think so.

[E]

Oh, I can't believe she hasn't believed that either. And how long have they been married?

[C]

Well, they got married around the same time Stacy and I did, so seven years now. Yeah.

[E]

I think the next morning, after the first night sleeping with him, I would have taken him by the hand and driven him to the doctor.

[C]

Good morning, McKee.

[D]

Or to his own apartment.

[C]

Exactly.

[G]

Oh, my God. Could y' all stop playing that? It's making me gag. I saw him gag, like, three times.

[C]

In my car already.

[D]

It is nasty.

[C]

All I can see is, like, the cartoons. You know in the cartoons when you start snoring in the couch and all the furniture comes right up to the nose, and then you breathe out and it goes back.

[E]

Oh, my God. He's gonna lose a kid because he's gonna suck a kid right up in there. So the consensus was he needs to go to the doctor, I think is what to tell his wife.

[C]

Or get one of those. What was it? A pap smear machine.

[E]

No, no, no. Yeah, don't do a pap smear on him. Cpap. But he's gotta go to the doctor for that.

[C]

The Bird Show.

[A]

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[B]

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[E]

Could we reschedule our morning hike? I was just about to ask the same next week. Yes, it's Dunkin Original blend time. Staying at home with Dunkin' don't mind if I do. The home with Dunkin's where you wanna be.