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A
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A
The Birch show all right, let's talk about Amy here, because about a week ago, she called us up and was very, very honest. She said, you guys are gonna laugh at this, but here's my truth.
B
You guys are really gonna love this one. I have the location, the photographer, the florist. I even have the children's names picked out. And I'm not even in a relationship. Haven't been in one in over four years.
C
Come on.
B
No kidding.
C
That's almost. I almost think that that's more okay than if you had a boyfriend because she's still at dreamy level.
A
No, but she's got everything. Did you say you had a date?
B
I don't have the date. I'm flexible with the date. But I do have the location where I would like to have it. I definitely have the florist and the photographer pretty much kind of locked in that they've agreed. Whenever you do it, we will make it happen for you.
A
We got to check in with her, like, every 30 days for the.
C
You need to do.
A
Any guy that would listen to this conversation wouldn't be calling up to get hooked up with you.
B
I gotta tell you, probably be running scared. So.
C
So why don't we.
B
Why don't we put it out there.
A
And we'll get her a Couple dates, and we'll line those up and then we'll see. But I. And if none of those work out, I love the idea of just sticking with her every couple of months and just seeing. Find out if anybody's falling into the trap. All right, so let me put the phone number out here real quick. 404-741-1005. If you're a guy and you just listen to Amy and you say, that doesn't scare me at all. That doesn't scare me. Not even a little bit. Because the common theory, I think, is most guys have, I mean, big time commitment problems.
C
Well. Or they're afraid of a woman who wants to rush right into something like that. You know, that's sort of the stereotype of women that we've all got our weddings planned and, you know, all we have to do is insert groom here. And, I mean, Amy actually does have the full details of the plan, but it's sort of, you know, just typically something that would scare off a guy.
A
If we're gonna set Amy up with a guy, let's find out a little bit more about her. Hey, Amy.
B
Hi.
A
All right, in listening back to that. So you have the florists all picked out, right?
B
Yes.
A
Photographer.
B
Done.
A
All right. You said flexible on the date. What do you mean by that?
B
I'm flexible as far as, like, what time of year it is, and I'm a little flexible on the location as long as it's outside. So, of course, if it's going to be outside, that dictates the date a little bit.
C
What's your preference on time of year?
B
Probably fall.
C
Okay.
A
Yeah. This doesn't sound so odd to me, though. Like, I mean, to me you don't sound any different than most women that have, like, you don't have things actually signed, sealed, and delivered. You haven't called the florist or the photographer and have a contract signed. But I think most women, even if they're not married or even have a boyfriend, have the same ideas.
B
Yeah, I think there's a difference between having like, an idea and, like, the person in your address book, you know, and like me saying, honey, I love you. But it is this florist, period. It is this photographer.
C
Well, I mean, here's my observation is there's a lot of women who already have probably a collection in a binder or in a folder or in their, you know, filing cabinet of places that, you know, that they've seen or florists they've seen that they would like to use. I Mean, how's that different from Amy? And then if a woman says, this is how I want it to be. Well, a lot of guys. How many guys participate in the planning process of their wedding more so than just let the woman do it? What's. I'm just asking, what is the difference between most women and Amy? I guess it is more of an idea. She's got the actual vendors, the actual location, the phone numbers, website, like, kind of what she was saying. She's got all these specific details. Like when I was going to weddings over the last. You know, over the years before I got married, I would, like, take notes on things I liked or things that I didn't like. My mom would do that when she would go to weddings, and we'd sort of compile them all together. Like, when we plan, we want to remember this is a good idea, or don't forget, you know, this is a bad idea or whatever. But I think having the specifics of it really makes it more like all you have to do is insert a dude in.
A
In a guy's mind. Well, let me just say in my mind, because I'm certainly a bad representative of guys, that it's. No, it's no different. Like, in listening to you say that you were making notes along the way before you even had a boyfriend. To me, it's no different than her story.
C
I had a boyfriend, and I think that we were engaged because I had a pretty long engagement. But you don't think it makes different. But I think. I think that women have an idea in their mind what they want their wedding to look like long before they have a boyfriend. I think that's what you. I think you start as a kid, and then it adapts as you grow older. Do you think Amy's different because she's just so honest and open about it? And most women hide it.
A
Right, Amy? Let's find out a little bit of some other stuff here. Also, can I ask you. Can I ask you how old you are?
B
I'll be 34 in two weeks.
A
34 in two weeks. Do you find yourself more eager to be married than your friends?
B
No, I have it planned. But I want to preface. I don't want to walk down the aisle next year. If it happened, that would be great. But I'm not one of those timeline women who's like, okay, when I get this age, I have to be married, and when I get this age, I have to have a child. When it happens, it happens, but I'm ready for it. You know what I Mean, I'm absolutely, you know, if the guy said, hey, you know, we've been in this relationship a while, let's get married, I would totally whip out my book and be like, done.
A
I would be done.
C
I gotta call you out on the timeline thing because if you weren't worried about the timeline at all, then you wouldn't feel like you needed to be so prepared for when it happens. Because when he said, like you said, if he says, let's get married, you're like, boom, done. So to me, that reinforces that you do sort of have a timeline.
B
Well, obviously I would, you know, in the next three years, would love to be married.
A
So there is a timeline.
C
Yeah. And I. That's. That was my point. I'm just saying. No, it's okay. I'm just saying that I think it's hard for us not to live with a timeline. Women who live without a timeline I admire greatly because I think it is very, very rare.
B
Yeah. Well, I would definitely love to be married in three years. It doesn't happen. It's not going to, you know, kill me or crush me, but I'm also not looking to just meet the husband right away.
C
Well.
B
And I want to meet some folks, period.
C
Well, and I think that as long as you are in a. You know, because the other thing that is dangerous about just putting the groom into a situation is the fact that if you are dating a guy and you decide that you don't want to date him anymore and that you're willing to break up with someone and know that it's the next guy is not necessarily going to be your husband, then I think you're still in a healthy position. Because I think, you know, most women, most people have this dream of being with someone for the rest of their lives and being in true love, but it, you know, just because they want that doesn't mean that the next person that comes along is that person.
A
And again, from a guy's point, point of view, I think we all live. The guys live with the notion that women are ready to marry at all times. That's how we think that you think we just don't want to hear about it.
B
Yeah.
A
So when you're so out there about it, like you, I mean, basically have the book ready to go. That's the thing that I think freaks us all out.
C
If you listen closely, you can hear it tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
A
The biological clock.
C
Yeah.
A
There are guys that are on hold right now that can't wait to go out. Let's find Out a couple more things about you. Okay?
B
Okay.
A
What do you do for a living?
B
I'm a consultant.
A
Can you say in what field?
B
Recruiting human resources.
A
Okay. The celebrity you most look like.
B
Oh, I've been told in the face, Drew Barrymore, but I think it's a far stretch.
A
Okay. In the face, Drew Barrymore. Douglas says that he is listening to the words that are coming out of your mouth and you don't scare him at all. Hey, Douglas.
B
Hi. How are you?
A
Good. How are you?
B
Good. Hi.
A
Now, Douglas, most guys hear these words that. I mean, she knows who the florist is gonna be, who's gonna be taking the pictures. She pretty much knows the location. It's on. Wedding is on her mind, dude. And you're saying that doesn't bother you?
B
No, not terribly, no. I'll tell you, I have dated a lot of girls in Atlanta, and I have dated girls with lots of baggage, lots of crazy things. And if that's the craziest thing that she has ever done or has about her, then I have no problem with that.
A
See how the bar can be lowered on both ends of the gender. Also, like, he's so broken down and he's had to deal with so much baggage over his dating career that he's like, you know what? I've heard way crazier than that. I heard Samantha a couple of weeks ago. This is nothing. So, Douglas, what else has Amy said over the course of the last couple of days that you thought, okay, you know what? She sounds like the kind of girl for me besides that she's single?
B
Well, I'll tell you, Bert, you know, you said, you mentioned that we all, kind of all guys live with this premise that girls have marriage on the mind, that girls ready to be married pretty much anytime. And, you know, so I think that if we all could look into their minds or go into their diaries that they. That most women do have little things like that they maybe they've thought about specific things, who they'd like to marry. So long as Amy hasn't said, okay, the guy has to be six foot one, dark hair, you know, all those specifics. I don't have a problem with it. I think that she sounds like a well rounded person and so she's just chosen to maybe go a little bit further in her fantasy about her marriage.
A
Now, we haven't even asked her about that side. Hey, Amy, do you have a type kind of pigeonholed already?
B
Not really, because I'm attracted to a lot of different kinds of people. The main thing is they must love dogs and definitely enjoy water. Being on water, water sports, that type thing. So as long as he can swim and he likes a dog, I'm open.
C
Do you have any deal breakers, Amy? Like, if he's a smoker or if he doesn't have a job or if he didn't go to college or do you have any deal breakers like that?
B
I think I probably have. You know, I prefer that if they've been married and they have children, that the children aren't over, like, 8 to 10 years old. Other than that, I'm flexible. I'm just tired of being at home. I just want to meet someone. So I'm. I'm really kind of open and putting myself out there to experience whatever.
A
Amy, I want to tell you, just taking this. This whole thing right out of it for me, because you don't sound so crazy to me at all. You really don't. I mean, you just sound very, very honest. Like, I think if you ask most single women, they would say the same thing. I'm just tired of being alone, and I just want to share some experiences with somebody else in my life. I don't think you're crazy at all. You're really bumming me out.
C
Bert wanted you to be nuts.
A
Yeah. I thought we were gonna get some street talk out of this. I thought you were gonna be some crazy. You're not crazy at all. You're just very honest.
B
Well, I'm sure there's people I've dated that would probably disagree with you, but, I mean, you know. Yeah, I mean, I just. I really try to be honest, and I'm just trying to be open and just want to meet somebody, you know, and if we walk down the aisle. Great. Then, you know, you guys, front row seats, man.
A
Douglas, anything you want to ask Amy before I put you on hold and we'll get your numbers and all that?
B
Well, I was gonna ask you for a phone number.
A
We'll do that all off the air. Is there anything you want to tell her right now, off the bat, about your past that she should know? Like, on a first date, like, you're not on any kind of sexual.
B
Yes, she probably should know that I have been married before. I'm 35. I have been married before, but I'm divorced and have been for almost three years now.
A
How old are your kids?
B
I have none.
A
Okay. Amy, is this somebody you want me to put on hold for you?
B
That sounds great. I think all my. My Bell south moms are cheering for me right now.
A
Your Bell South.
C
Is that like, women in the office who act like your mom?
B
Yes, my Jewish mom, my Latino mom. Diane, my mom is in the car behind me, not even going into the office because she's sitting in the car listening.
A
Douglas, hold on one second, okay? Because you do. You do have some competition, okay?
B
Oh, great. Competition.
A
Much competition, actually. Yeah.
C
Great.
A
Good morning, Carlos.
B
Good morning.
A
How are you?
B
I'm good. I'm good. Oh, Latino.
C
Your Latina mom would be very happy about that.
B
She will be very happy. Yes, I am very Latino. Amy. I think you're the girl for me, Amy.
C
And why is that, Carlos?
B
Because I've been looking for American wife for a long time now.
A
Carlos, where are you from?
B
I'm from Mexico.
A
I can't tell if you're being serious or not, man.
B
I am. It's just. I'm with my buddy and he's making fun of me.
A
Necesito cardo verde.
B
What?
A
Nothing. You're an ass.
C
I thought that, too.
B
Come on.
A
The guy calls up here and says he's from Mexico, and the first thing you think of is, does he have a green. He said he's looking for an American wife.
B
I wonder why I've been looking for an American wife. I'm desperate.
A
Carlos, do you have citizenship? Not till I get my American wife.
B
Not because of that. I just like green guys.
C
That's great.
A
Hey, Amy, you gotta go out with. With Carlos just because he sounds cool.
B
I know. Just. Just for the Monday, you know, Friday, Friday night date update. Amy, you know what they say about us. Latino man.
A
Very hot. Very hot. Carlos.
B
Yes?
A
What is it about Amy that you've heard the last couple of days? Besides her being American, do you think that it would be a great date and she'd be a good catch for you?
B
Yes. I mean, she's. She sounds like she's very ready to get. Commit. Committed. And that's what I'm looking for, to get committed.
A
It's cute if you have an accent when you say stuff like it is. Hey, Carlos, how old are you?
B
I'm 31.
A
Why so eager to. To get married?
B
Because I just. I'm. I'm lonely, you know, I'm not from my country, and I really. I've been looking for an American wife. I'm just.
C
I think she's gonna go out with him. He sounds fun.
A
Absolutely. Amy, you have any reservations of going out with Carlos?
B
No. No.
C
Set it up, set it up, set it up.
A
All right, Carlos, I'm gonna put you on hold. We'll set you up.
B
Okay. Okay. No, don't hang up. Why'd he hang up?
C
Carlos call back.
A
I think he was jacking with us. I don't know. That accent sounded authentic.
C
Well, I think his friend was the one saying, I'm gonna hang up, but maybe this is on his friend's phone.
A
Didn't want to use the minutes to find true love. Good morning, John.
B
What's up, guys?
A
Hey, you're gonna be the last call here for Amy. What's going on?
B
Not much.
A
You're on with Amy, so go ahead.
B
What's going on, Amy? Not much, right? Wrong. Trying to get hooked up. Huh? Trying to get hooked up.
A
Trying to get married.
B
Hopefully you found the one.
A
Did you ask. Did we ask Amy yet? Because we may have missed an opportunity with Carlos. Do we ask Amy yet what the names of our kids are going to be in the future?
C
Not yet, but she hasn't picked out. Doesn't she?
A
Well, what if it's, like, Enrique and Graciela?
B
No, no, no. It's Whit Carlton for a boy. Delt for a boy. I would love to have twins. Macon and Mason. Girls would be like McCullough. Sadie Bell. Those are the names.
A
Sadie Bell. Why don't you just get a cow?
B
It's an old family name, Jeff. I know it's hard to understand, but it's a Southern old family.
A
Well, it sounds like a sheep. You would raise an ffa.
B
Well, I know I have, like, five friends with dogs named Sadie, so.
A
And you're not. You're not flexible on that name, Amy.
B
Yeah.
A
You're not flexible on that name at all.
B
Not Sadie. No.
A
Okay, this is it. This is Sadie Bell. She won a blue ribbon Back and in coat.
C
Sadie Bell Gonzalez Rodriguez.
A
Yeah.
B
Sadie Bell Robertson. Gonzalez.
A
Amy, what I'm gonna do is I'm put you on hold, and there is a whole phone bank of guys that honestly want to go out with you. Okay, you don't sound that crazy. You really. You ruined everything this morning. You ruined it all. Hold on one second, all right? We'll put you on hold, we'll get their phone numbers, and then maybe we'll check back with you in a couple of weeks to see if you actually went out on any of these days. Okay? All right. Hold on. The Burt Show. Morning, Zoe. Got donuts.
C
Jeff Bridges. Why are you still living above our garage?
B
Well, I dig the mattress, and I.
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Oh, no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly AT T Mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.
A
Wow. Impressive.
B
Let me try.
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T Mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.
C
Nice. Jeffrey, you heard them.
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T Mobile is the best place to.
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Get the new iPhone 17 Pro Pro.
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On us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for lunch?
C
Dude, my work here is done.
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Data 1H 2025 visit t mobile.com did.
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Date: November 3, 2025
Host: Bert & The Bert Show Cast (Pionaire Podcasting)
Theme: Exploring the quirky and honest pursuit of love through the story of Amy — a single woman who’s fully planned her wedding, every detail ready… except for the groom.
In this lively and humorous episode, The Bert Show revisits listener Amy, whose candid admission sparks both laughter and genuine conversations about dating expectations, timelines, and fantasies around marriage. Amy isn’t in a relationship (hasn’t been for over four years), yet she has everything set for her dream wedding: location, photographer, florist, and even future children's names. The show dives deep into what drives someone to prepare so fully, how honestly sharing these hopes affects dating prospects, and whether men are really as scared of commitment as stereotypes suggest.
“You guys are really gonna love this one. I have the location, the photographer, the florist. I even have the children's names picked out. And I'm not even in a relationship. Haven't been in one in over four years.”
– Amy (01:13)
“To me you don't sound any different than most women... I think most women, even if they're not married or even have a boyfriend, have the same ideas.”
– Host (03:38)
“I think there's a difference between having like, an idea and, like, the person in your address book... me saying, honey, I love you. But it is this florist, period. It is this photographer.”
– Amy (03:58)
“Do you think Amy's different because she's just so honest and open about it? And most women hide it.”
– Host (05:59)
“I would definitely love to be married in three years. If it doesn't happen, it's not going to kill me or crush me, but I'm also not looking to just meet the husband right away.”
– Amy (07:31)
“In a guy's mind... it's no different. Like, in listening to you say that you were making notes along the way before you even had a boyfriend. To me, it's no different than her story.”
– Host (05:20)
“We all live... with the notion that women are ready to marry at all times. That's how we think you think. We just don't want to hear about it.”
– Host (08:21)
“The main thing is they must love dogs and definitely enjoy water. Being on water, water sports, that type thing. So as long as he can swim and he likes a dog, I'm open.”
– Amy (11:15)
“If that's the craziest thing that she has ever done or has about her, then I have no problem with that.”
– Douglas (09:46)
“Because I've been looking for American wife for a long time now.”
– Carlos (14:22)
“Well, I know I have, like, five friends with dogs named Sadie.”
– Amy (17:49)
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Description | |-----------|---------|-------------------| | 01:13 | Amy | “I have the location, the photographer, the florist... I even have the children's names picked out. And I'm not even in a relationship.” | | 03:58 | Amy | “I think there's a difference between having an idea and, like, the person in your address book...” | | 05:59 | Host | “Do you think Amy's different because she's so honest and open about it? And most women hide it.” | | 07:31 | Amy | “I would definitely love to be married in three years. If it doesn't happen, it's not going to kill me or crush me...” | | 09:46 | Douglas | “I've dated girls with lots of baggage, lots of crazy things. If that's the craziest thing she has ever done, I have no problem with that.” | | 11:15 | Amy | “The main thing is they must love dogs and definitely enjoy water...” | | 17:35 | Amy | “Girls would be like McCullough. Sadie Bell. Those are the names.” | | 18:09 | Host | (Joking) “Sadie Bell Gonzalez Rodriguez.” |
Episode ends with Amy being put on hold to connect with her suitors — and the promise that The Bert Show will check in again soon.