Vault: Grown Men Allowances?! The Secret Financial Control You Didn’t See Coming

Summary

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The Bert Show: Vault: Grown Men Allowances?! The Secret Financial Control You Didn’t See Coming

Original Air Date: April 7, 2026

Episode Overview

In this eye-opening and often hilarious episode, The Bert Show team dives into an unusual but surprisingly common relationship dynamic: grown adults receiving allowances from their partners, not as a mutual budgeting strategy, but under tighter — sometimes parental — financial control. Listeners and hosts alike share stories exploring why these arrangements exist, the emotions involved, and the fine line between healthy money management and unhealthy control. The conversation particularly focuses on the gender dynamics involved and whether these relationships can truly work.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining the Issue: Allowance vs. Budgeting

• Bert kicks off the discussion by highlighting the difference between mutually agreed-upon budgets (which the show isn't really interested in for this segment) and unilateral, "parental" controls over a partner’s spending.
  • Quote: "We're not looking for an agreement. We're looking for a guy or a woman that has said, look, you are obviously irresponsible... You can't handle it." — Bert, [02:44]
• Healthy, equal budgeting is specifically excluded; the focus is on one-sided control.

2. Personal Stories of Financial Dominance

• Bert shares an anecdote about a friend (Kevin) whose wife gives him a fixed cash allowance for events, and he cannot spend over the limit.

  • Quote: "We're in the middle of a bar, and it was his round, and he paid and he was out of money, and he said, guys, I'm leaving the bar. I got nothing left." — Bert, [03:11]
  • Reaction: "He's scared of her." — Caller 1, [03:27]

• Laura (Caller) admits to exercising extreme control over her husband’s spending, even though he doesn’t have a bad track record. She checks their bank accounts obsessively and requires him to get approval for all expenditures.

  • Quote: "I'm a control freak... I check our credit card bank balances like 20 times a day." — Laura, [04:21] & [05:09]
    • Memorable: "Friends will call. It's like the running joke. They'll be like, 'Ms. Laura, can Liv have $10 today to have lunch with me?'" — Laura, [04:36]
  • Confession that her compulsion is about control rather than actual need or trust issues.

• Caller 4 also controlled her husband’s access to money, tearing up his ATM card and doling out only lunch money, due to his poor spending habits.

  • Quote: "He never knew how much our mortgage payment was... He just knew that it was done, you know." — Caller 4, [07:16]
  • Her solution included sometimes having to lend money to cover his impulsivity.

3. Gender Dynamics and Double Standards

• The majority of callers with controlling financial arrangements were women exerting control over men. Bert notes this trend.
  • Quote: "Everybody calling up saying that they're in control of the allowance is a woman and they're controlling the guy." — Bert, [07:31]
• Caller 3 describes her parents’ system of absolute financial independence within marriage and can’t relate to the concept of pooled, controlled funds.
• Discussion: When the gender is reversed, it feels less comedic and more oppressive.
  • Quote: "Why does it seem funny when it's a woman doing it to a guy, but now that it's reversed... It seems oppressive." — Caller 2, [10:21]

4. Covert Allowances and Hidden Control

• Caller 6 (Samantha) admits she hides her real tip money from her husband so he can't overspend, effectively giving him an "allowance" he doesn't know about.
  • Quote: "I'll hide the bulk of my tips and leave like 30 bucks in there. And that's kind of his quote unquote allowance. Like I don't tell him that." — Caller 6, [09:47]
• Reverse Dynamic: Katie (another caller) describes her husband attempting to control her spending, requiring her to request permission for each purchase — which she now subverts.
  • Quote: "He tries to. Control is. The operative word is try." — Katie, [10:21]
• Both examples reveal that financial control can be subtle and manipulative, sometimes reciprocated in secret.

5. Coping Tactics and Secret Spending

• The team references common techniques for hiding money from a partner, such as adding cashback to grocery bills.
  • Quote: "If you are living within a budget and you're trying to hide money from your spouse, do you know where the easiest way to do it is? $40 at a time. When you go to the grocery store." — Caller 2, [11:21]

6. Financial Control & Well-being

• Ashley shares how her sister is on a strict $200/month allowance from her husband, covering all personal and incidental expenses. Despite previously earning her own money, her allowance was still enforced.
  • Quote: "She only had $200 a month to spend and that included her gas, any kind of like clothes or food, any kind of like lunch..." — Ashley, [12:24]
  • Ashley expresses concern over how controlling this setup is, even though she admits her brother-in-law is otherwise "a nice guy."
  • Memorable reflection: "As a grown woman...my personality is too independent for me to have to ask permission." — Caller 3, [13:21]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• Bert [02:44]: "We're not looking for an agreement. We're looking for a guy or a woman that has said, look, you are obviously irresponsible... You can't handle it."
• Bert [03:11]: "He had $100 cash, and we're in the middle of a bar, and it was his round, and he paid and he was out of money, and he said, guys, I'm leaving the bar. I got nothing left."
• Laura [04:21]: "It's just I'm a control freak, and he... he's actually probably better at money than me."
• Laura [05:09]: "I check our credit card bank balances, like, 20 times a day."
• Caller 4 [07:16]: "He never knew how much our mortgage payment was... He just knew that it was done, you know."
• Bert [07:31]: "Everybody calling up saying that they're in control of the allowance is a woman and they're controlling the guy."
• Caller 2 [10:21]: "Why does it seem funny when it's a woman doing it to a guy, but now that it's reversed... It seems oppressive."
• Caller 6 [09:47]: "I'll hide the bulk of my tips and leave like 30 bucks in there. And that's kind of his quote unquote allowance. Like I don't tell him that."
• Ashley [12:24]: "She only had $200 a month to spend and that included her gas, any kind of like clothes or food, any kind of like lunch..."

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Segment Timestamps for Key Discussions

• Allowance Definition and Setup: [02:02] – [03:59]
• Caller Laura’s Experience and Control: [04:09] – [05:47]
• Caller 4’s Story and Emotional Toll: [05:51] – [07:31]
• Discussion of Gender Roles & Financial Control: [07:31] – [09:00]
• Covert Financial Allowances: [09:01] – [10:03]
• Reversal: Male Partners Exerting Control: [10:03] – [11:14]
• Money Hiding Tactics in Relationships: [11:21] – [11:56]
• Strict Allowance Example (Ashley’s Sister): [12:04] – [13:21]

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Takeaways

• The practice of one adult giving another an allowance is not as rare — or as transparent — as some might think, and can be both humorous and deeply problematic.
• Financial control is often justified by one partner's poor money habits but can easily blur into unhealthy power dynamics.
• Gender expectations influence how financial control is perceived — female controllers are joked about; male controllers are viewed more critically.
• Secrecy and subversion (hiding money, “rebelling” with purchases) are common in controlling relationships.
• Open communication and mutual respect are highlighted, implicitly and explicitly, as better alternatives to financial “parenting.”

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Episode verdict:
An entertaining, candid discussion revealing the complexities and underlying tensions around money, control, and trust in adult relationships — with plenty of laughs but a real look at what happens when financial management crosses the line into control.

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Transcript

[Burt]

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[Burt]

what I wanted to ask the Bird show community. Are there any adults right now on an allowance? Like you have to line up every week in front of your wife or in front of your husband and he gives you a certain amount of money to Spend every day or every week and that's all you get.

[Caller 1]

Oh, yeah, I've seen that happen. People that have been irresponsible.

[Caller 2]

Well, I know what you're looking for. So let's eliminate couples who have mutually decided that their budget allows them to have.

[Burt]

No, that's not what we're looking for.

[Caller 2]

Yeah. So this is what we're eliminating. If you have come to an agreement as husband and wife that you have $90 extra every week, so you each take 45 and you can spend that on whatever you want. That's not.

[Burt]

Agreements are too healthy for this show.

[Caller 2]

Yes.

[Burt]

We're not looking for an agreement. We're looking for a guy or a woman that has said, look, you are obviously irresponsible with them. You can't handle it.

[Caller 3]

Right.

[Burt]

So here's how we're going to handle our budget. I'm going to give you $5 or $10 a day, and that's all you get.

[Caller 3]

Your spouse is almost like your money police.

[Burt]

Look, this happened. Do you remember a couple years ago? Yes. Like, it's a parent situation. You remember a couple of years ago when I went to the Florida Georgia game with my buddy Kevin from down in Florida?

[Caller 2]

Yeah. He had an allowance.

[Burt]

She gave him $100 for the weekend and said, you are not allowed to spend one penny more. He had $100 cash, and we're in the middle of a bar, and it was his round, and he paid and he was out of money, and he said, guys, I'm leaving the bar. I got nothing left.

[Caller 1]

He's scared of her.

[Burt]

He's totally scared of her. I understand it because as a kid, I mean, I can remember my parents every Friday giving me like 15 bucks. That's what I got. I lined up. We had a sheet of the chores that I did, and they paid me my allowance. But that's as a kid. Now you're seven, eight years old. I'm looking for the whole situation that you're doing as an adult. You have to line up in front of your husband or your wife.

[Caller 4]

I couldn't even be doing that.

[Caller 1]

I couldn't.

[Caller 4]

It's embarrassing.

[Caller 3]

I just don't think that's a healthy relationship.

[Burt]

Anyway, we can put you on the voice disguiser if you want. Also, for sure. Laura, do you want to be on the voice disguiser?

[Laura]

I don't care.

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Okay.

[Burt]

You're obviously not on the allowance, then it's okay.

[Laura]

My husband is like, he just can't spend a dime without me telling me, telling me he can't take $20 out the ATM. He can't use a credit card unless he calls me and gets it approved. Why?

[Caller 5]

It's just.

[Laura]

It's just I'm a control freak, and he. I mean.

[Caller 3]

Oh, so he hasn't. He hasn't had a reputation or has not proven to you that he can't?

[Laura]

No, he's not. He's actually probably better at money than me. And it came down to it?

[Caller 3]

Oh, hell no.

[Burt]

So let me ask you this.

[Laura]

Friends will call. It's like the running joke. They'll be like, Ms. Laura, can Liv have $10 today to have lunch with me? I mean, they'll call, like, the night before if they want to have lunch at work.

[Caller 3]

Really? How long have you all been together?

[Laura]

We've been married for 10 years.

[Burt]

Okay. It's working for you guys. Well, I'm assuming if you're that controlling in a situation where you don't really need to be, that you're pretty much controlling everything in the relationship.

[Laura]

Oh, yeah. It comes down, you have to budget. But I. I take it to an extreme, which is, like, crazy.

[Caller 1]

Are you ocd?

[Laura]

Yeah, you are.

[Burt]

If he doesn't check in with you and he spends money, then what happens?

[Laura]

I check. Like, I check our credit card bank balances, like, 20 times a day.

[Caller 3]

Then what will you do?

[Burt]

20 a day? You check.

[Laura]

Why did you take $20 out the ATM? And he'll be like, my God, do you have, like, a camera on me? What's going on?

[Caller 4]

Does he get. Does he get in trouble?

[Laura]

Well, I mean. I mean, there have been times when money was really tight in her life that I did, like, really get mad. Now it's like he just knows that we don't do that.

[Burt]

He doesn't want to deal with it.

[Caller 1]

Did you hear about that show? It's all about you. It's a new one on A and E. It's called Obsessed.

[Burt]

Yeah, I did see the commercial for that.

[Laura]

Yeah, I'm pretty bad, but I'm weird. Like, my house is a mess, so it's not like I'm obsessed with being clean. Well, I mean, I am clean, but

[Caller 2]

obsessed with torturing your husband.

[Burt]

Hey, Melissa. Good morning. You're part of the Birch Show.

[Caller 4]

Hey, good morning.

[Caller 6]

How are y'? All?

[Burt]

Good. How are you?

[Laura]

Good.

[Caller 4]

I did the same thing with my husband. I was very particular about his money. When we got our first joint checking account, right before we first got married, they mailed, you know, the two ATM cards, and I took his and just said, okay, I'm gonna go ahead and tear yours up. And he was like, fine, you know, because he knew he traveled all the time. And when he would get a per diem check for six days, it'd be gone in day three. And I said, you know, that's your money.

[Caller 5]

You do what you want.

[Caller 4]

That's your per diem check. But as far as our household budget, I have.

[Caller 2]

What if there's an emergency? How does he.

[Caller 4]

Well, I mean, you know, if he had. He had the per diem money, I mean, you get. They give you a check for five days. If you send in three, that's your deal.

[Caller 2]

What if he's there and he, you know, he needs to rent a second, his rental car breaks down, he breaks his leg, he just needs cash.

[Caller 4]

Well, I mean, obviously I could certainly get it to him at some point. He didn't travel that far. It was a manual labor job. So he was constantly around plenty of people. And I actually went into debt with some of his co workers because he continued to borrow money he never could. Not $20 in his pocket without just spending it on, you name it, anything. I mean, he had. He would come home with stacks of lottery tickets, you know, just anything, anything. So I said, here's the thing. You know, I would give him lunch money or I would offer to pack him lunch or give him certain money to do certain things, but otherwise.

[Caller 5]

Otherwise, had I put him in control,

[Caller 4]

I would come home. I mean, he never knew. He's not. Unfortunately, he passed away a couple years ago, but he never knew how much our mortgage payment was. He never knew how much his car payment was, his insurance. He just, he just knew that it was done, you know, it was.

[Burt]

I don't, I don't know what the message is, but everybody calling up saying that they're in control of the allowance is a woman and they're controlling the guy.

[Caller 3]

I, Yeah, I just, I've talked about this before. My parent. The way my parents handled their money was. It was a joint account only for house stuff, only for things that the two dealt with, the two of them, which was house and children. But they had independent accounts that they. That and if. So if they want to buy dress, if dad wanted to go do this, if mom wanted to go do that. They never had to say anything to each other.

[Burt]

That's not an allowance, really.

[Caller 1]

Did they.

[Caller 3]

I'm saying is like they didn't have. I don't understand the concept of pulling all your money together without creating a situation in which you have to check with each other.

[Caller 1]

Did they both work? Yes, that's why there's difference. Well, and then she.

[Caller 3]

Well, she. But she retired before he did.

[Caller 1]

If one of them stays home, though, you have to.

[Caller 2]

You have to pull that money.

[Caller 1]

You have to pull that money. My best friend is a stay at home mom and she and her husband work it out. But there's, I mean, I don't think there's an allowance. I mean, I think they talk about it and communicate about it, but it's not like he doles out to her an allowance even though he's the breadwinner.

[Burt]

No, Stacey, I mean, stays home with the kids also. And we're drawing off of my salary. And we don't have to check in with each other on big purchases. Right. It's just known between the both of us that we will check in with each other.

[Caller 1]

Is there a dollar amount you guys have set?

[Burt]

Not really, no. Samantha wants to be on the voice of.

[Caller 5]

Good morning.

[Caller 6]

Good morning.

[Burt]

Hi.

[Caller 6]

Hi. I mean, I listen to your conversation and I'm totally in agreement with you. That's the way it should be as a married couple. But unfortunately there are those men out there who just can't get ahold of how much you can spend, how much is at a point of wasting. And unfortunately, that's my husband. I'm in an occupation where I get tips, know you. And he unfortunately has been in and out of employment for the last year and a half. And the job that he has, he doesn't make very much. So before, you know, his check is his check, whatever, you do what you do. But now that we're kind of living off of mine, he's going back to school, that type of thing. I put the money in my wallet that I know if he goes in my wallet and he sees that amount, he might not spend as much as he would if he saw how much I really had. So I'll hide the bulk of my tips and leave like 30 bucks in there. And that's kind of his quote unquote allowance. Like I don't tell him that.

[Caller 3]

She doesn't dictate that.

[Burt]

So he's on an allowance and he don't even know it.

[Caller 6]

Exactly.

[Burt]

That's impressive.

[Caller 1]

That's major control.

[Burt]

Here's Katie on the voice disguiser. Good morning.

[Caller 6]

Morning. My husband totally tries to control me with money. And just in every other aspect of our life, which is odd because I'm He. He tries to. Control is. The operative word is try.

[Caller 2]

Why does it seem funny when it's a woman doing it to a guy, but now that it's reversed. It seems sad.

[Caller 3]

It seems oppressive

[Caller 6]

trying to kind of just be the doormat. It's so not like me. But he, I do have to let him know if I'm going to spend money and I have to call to make sure, Hey, I have to buy this or whatever for school. Are we okay? Are we clear? And he's like, yeah, go ahead. Or whatever. But lately I've been rebelling. And I go and I spend money and I buy shoes and I buy frivolous stuff for me. And then I'm like, hey, look what I bought.

[Burt]

So the family line though, I'm like, well, I work the family line. Is that you're supposed to call him before every single purchase.

[Laura]

Yes.

[Caller 6]

Used to do the same with me until I started checking the account and I'm like, wait a minute, he's spending money without telling me. So all bets are off.

[Caller 3]

Aren't most divorces, they say, I mean like a lot of money. Horses are over money. The majority of them. Right.

[Caller 2]

You know where they tell you to? If I read it years ago, I don't remember what the reason was. But if you are living within a budget and you're trying to hide money from your spouse, do you know where the easiest way to do it is? $40 at a time. When you go to the grocery store.

[Burt]

Oh yeah.

[Caller 2]

You pay with your credit card or your cash or your atm and they say, would you like cash back? And most places will allow you get up to 30, 40 bucks. So every time you go, you just add $40 to it and all they see is.

[Caller 3]

But it's on the grocery bill.

[Caller 2]

It'll just say Kroger 58.26. That's 1826 worth of groceries and 40 bucks.

[Burt]

Hey Ashley. Good morning. Here on the verse making it rain.

[Caller 3]

What's up?

[Laura]

Hey guys.

[Caller 5]

My sister has been married for about five years and she is on a strict allowance for her husband. She has 200amonth of her own money to spend.

[Burt]

And how would he dole this out?

[Caller 5]

She just knows that that's how much she has to spend. And she, it's not even like she has an account. I mean, she just obeys this. It's the most insane thing ever.

[Caller 1]

Does he make a lot of money?

[Caller 5]

Even like when she had a job, she's a stay at home mom now, so she has a little bit more justification. She says, but even when she was making money on her own and she was a graphic designer, so she made good money. She only had $200 a month to spend and that included her gas, any kind of like clothes or food, any kind of like lunch that she wanted to go out to like with her girlf. All of that was included in the $200.

[Burt]

On a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being I love him and 10 being I hate him. How much do you dislike your brother in law?

[Caller 5]

He's about a two.

[Burt]

Really?

[Laura]

Yeah.

[Caller 5]

I mean, well, it's a hard thing because I think he's the most insane, controlling person about money. But when I get around him, he's really a nice guy and I do like him. I just have completely different philosophy, like on how to spend money like my husband. And I just spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend. I mean, I mean there is a part of me that's like I respect the fact that he wants to save all of this money but not to the detriment that my sister has to like live under these like confinements.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, I think men or women. I mean, like, yeah, I'm. I mean I'm cheap. I mean that's a joke on the show is true I'm cheap, but it's no joke. Yeah, but, but my personality is too independent for me to have to ask permission.

[Burt]

Oh no.

[Caller 3]

As a grown woman for anything.

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