Vault: Have You Faked Excitement After Ruining a Surprise?

Summary

The Bert Show Podcast Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: Have You Faked Excitement After Ruining a Surprise?
Date: May 29, 2026
Host(s): The Bert Show (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & cast)
Main Theme:
This lively episode dives into the relatable and often hilarious scenarios when people ruin a surprise—either by snooping or by accident—and then have to fake excitement when receiving their "surprise" gifts. Listeners and hosts share personal stories, debate the morality of gift snooping, and discuss the art of maintaining the perfect "Oscar-worthy" surprised reaction.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Do People Ruin Surprises?

• Host Prompt: The show kicks off by inviting listeners to confess if they’ve ever accidentally or purposefully found out about their gifts before the big reveal and had to pretend to be surprised.

  “If you already know, you have accidentally or purposely found what you’re getting for Christmas…you’re gonna have to put on that Academy Award face and pretend like you don’t know.” (Host, 01:31)

• Personality Debate:

  • Are adult "snoopers" just grown-up kid snoopers?

    “If you’re an adult snooper, were you a kid snooper? Does that, like, personality never change?” (Caller 1, 02:05) “Once a snoop, always a snooper.” (Danielle, 04:51)

• Snooping vs. Surprise:

  • Some hosts and callers insist they’ve never snooped and prefer genuine surprise. (02:10)
  • Others admit to snooping their entire lives.

    “I always have.” (Caller 1, 02:12)

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Accidental Discoveries & Modern Gift-Spilling Traps

• The Email and Digital Era:

  • Online shopping and shared accounts make it harder to keep surprises secret. Confirmation emails and Amazon browsing history give things away.

    “If you share a computer with someone…they can see what you recently browsed…the next person can see your recent...not only what you bought, but what you recently browsed.” (Caller 3, 04:11) “I did some online shopping and the confirmation came in…gift information might be inside, kind of like warning you.” (Caller 2, 02:59)

• Kids As Surprise Killers:

  • Children are repeat offenders when it comes to spoiling surprises, often unintentionally.

    “My husband keeps asking me if the kids have told me…they can’t keep a secret for their life, literally.” (Ashley, 07:28)
    “Kids cannot keep a secret.” (Host, 08:24)

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Listener Stories: Confessions & Reactions

Danielle’s Oscar-Worthy Gift Acting (05:03–06:55)

• Story: Danielle admits to lifelong snooping, even unwrapping and rewrapping gifts as a child. This year, clues from bank account transfers tipped her off she’s getting a car for Christmas.

  “I found that I am getting a new car for Christmas, and he [her husband] doesn’t know that I know. I totally have it down by now because I’ve been doing it since I was like five… I can cry on command and I can, like – it’s awesome.” (Danielle, 05:51 & 06:10)

• Notable Moment: Danielle and hosts joke about setting up a hidden camera to capture her “surprise” reaction.

  “I hope that he, like, runs video on it so we could see your Academy Award eventually.” (Host, 06:41)

Ashley and Her Unsubtle Children (07:22–08:24)

• Story: Ashley’s young kids, unable to keep a secret, inadvertently reveal she’s getting a Mac computer for Christmas. She juggles pretending not to know with not betraying the kids’ confidence to her husband.

  “They were yelling it in their hands and writing it down on paper and flashing it to me…they wanted me to know so badly.” (Ashley, 07:28) “And I can’t tell them I know either—because then they’ll know I’m lying to my husband.” (Ashley, 07:55)

• Host Reflection: Hosts reminisce about their own childhoods and how their parents managed secrets.

Lisa and "Interrogative" Parenting (08:46–09:56)

• Story: Lisa finds out her husband bought her a Coach bag by gently interrogating their twin daughters after a suspicious shopping trip.

  “I asked them questions…they’re seven years old. I just asked them: what mall did you go to?...I just said, ‘Okay, I’m getting a Coach bag,’ and he was like, ‘How did you know, Mommy?’” (Lisa, 09:16 & 09:28)

  • Lisa then instructs her daughters to keep it a secret from dad—prompting playful doubt from the hosts about whether the girls can hold out.

Neil’s Accidental Discovery & Poor Acting Skills (10:02–10:42)

• Story: Neil accidentally sees an email chain about his own present—a guitar—but feels totally unequipped to fake a convincing reaction.

  “[My girlfriend and friend] are talking about my gift… I totally know what it is, and I’m the worst actor ever.” (Neil, 10:05)

• On-Air Oscar Practice: The hosts have Neil practice his surprise on air—with amusingly flat results.

  “Go ahead and pretend practice. Acting shocked now…you just opened it up and there it is.” (Host, 10:42)
  “Oh…cool.” (Neil, 10:51) [Hosts laugh at the lack of convincing enthusiasm]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Lifelong Snooping:

  “Once a snoop, always a snooper, because my sisters and I used to unwrap all of our gifts before Christmas and rewrap them all.” (Danielle, 05:51)

• Perfect Poker Face:

  “I think I totally have it down by now because I’ve been doing it since I was, like, five. So I’m really good at, like, ‘Oh, my gosh!’ And I can cry on command and I can, like… It’s awesome.” (Danielle, 06:10)

• Childlike Joy in Spoiling:

  “They cannot keep a secret, man. Hayden is the exact same way. The quickest way for him...for his mom to find something out is if I say, ‘Keep this secret.’” (Host, 08:24)

• On Being “Out-Sneaked”:

  “He’s not as sneaky as I am, so he would never [notice the camera].” (Danielle, 06:55)

• Parents as Master Interrogators:

  “I just asked them: what mall did you go to?...I just said, ‘Okay, I’m getting a Coach bag.’” (Lisa, 09:16)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• [01:31] Introduction of the surprise-ruining theme; invitation for listener calls
• [02:05] Snooping as a personality trait—Are adult snoopers born as kid snoopers?
• [03:11] Digital age gift spoilers (emails, Amazon suggestions)
• [04:51] Danielle’s story: Lifetime snooping and the upcoming surprise car
• [06:10] Danielle’s “Oscar-worthy” faking secrets
• [07:22] Ashley’s kids hilariously spoil her surprise
• [08:46] Lisa and the art of extracting gift secrets from kids
• [10:02] Neil’s accidental email-based surprise and attempt to rehearse his fake reaction on air

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Overall Tone

Casual, humorous, and warm. The hosts and callers share personal anecdotes without judgment, finding levity and nostalgia in the universal experience of faked surprise. The atmosphere is playful and relatable, often teasing guests and each other about their acting skills or lack thereof.

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Summary

This episode of The Bert Show is a fun, fast-moving look at the pitfalls of trying to preserve surprise in gift-giving. Through listener call-ins, spirited debate, and plenty of laughs, the team explores why people snoop, how easy it is to accidentally ruin a surprise in the digital age, and the lengths people will go to in order to keep up the charade. Whether you’re a seasoned snooper or a surprise devotee, there’s something wildly relatable—if not Oscar-worthy—about every story told.

Transcript

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[The Birch Show Host]

The Birch Show I want to fire up the voice disguiser here. If you already know, you have accidentally or purposely found what you're getting for Christmas. And you already know like on Christmas morning you're gonna have to put on that Academy Award face and pretend like you don't know. 404-741-Q100 and we'll use the voice disguiser here so you're not busted. But I'm assuming that there are a whole bunch of you guys that while you love a surprise, the hunt for your present has just been too great over the last couple of days. So you went snooping.

[Caller 1]

So I mean like if you're an adult snooper, were you A kid snooper. Does that, like, personality never change? I don't know.

[The Birch Show Host]

I've never snooped.

[Caller 2]

I haven't either.

[Caller 1]

I always have.

[Caller 2]

I want to be surprised. Yeah.

[Weight Loss Advertiser]

I used to snoop as a kid.

[The Birch Show Host]

You did?

[Weight Loss Advertiser]

I would never. I could never find anything.

[Caller 3]

I found mine one year. I looked everywhere, and it was depressing and.

[Caller 1]

But you didn't mean to.

[Caller 3]

No, I did.

[Caller 1]

You did?

[Caller 3]

Yeah. Like, I think I knew. Like, I think I was getting something out of a closet or something that I normally wouldn't be in, and then I saw, like, in the corner, you know, like a bag.

[Caller 2]

Corner of a game box.

[Caller 3]

Like, I saw, Like, I saw a bag from a department store or whatever, and I was like, oh, I know what that is. And I looked, and then I was like, I was so bummed because, like, I was lying in bed, Christmas going, I know what's gonna happen tomorrow. It's not even fun.

[The Birch Show Host]

It doesn't even necessarily have to be a snooping question. Like, it could be you just saw the receipt, and now you know what you're getting. You're a little bummed about it, and you're gonna have to put the face on on Christmas morning.

[Caller 2]

Now, I did some online shopping the other day, and when the confirmation came in, it said gift in the subject line. It said gift information might be inside.

[The Birch Show Host]

Oh, that's good.

[Caller 2]

Like, kind of like warning you.

[The Birch Show Host]

Like, warning you.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Okay.

[The Birch Show Host]

Or tempting you.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, I guess it would depend if you're a snooper or not. But if you weren't a snooper and you were in that email account, but it wasn't from your order, it was warning you. It was warning you that you were gonna get a gift. So.

[The Birch Show Host]

Danielle, do you want to be on the voice disguiser?

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

No, I don't need to.

[The Birch Show Host]

Okay.

[Caller 5]

My mother had. We were shopping in a store, and I saw some earrings that I really, really liked, and. Oh, those are just pretty. Those are pretty. Well, on Monday, I guess it was. I was getting something out of her purse for her, and sure enough, those earrings were. She told me, so go get my camera out of my purse. I went to her purse, and there were the earrings.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

And I was like, oh, gosh.

[Caller 5]

She told me to go get her camera out of her purse.

[The Birch Show Host]

She did. She forgot.

[Caller 1]

She forgot she came out of the purse.

[Caller 5]

I know she's gonna realize it, and she's just gonna be heartbroken.

[Caller 3]

You know what? Excuse me. You know what the problem is now, in addition to finding stuff, like, in the closet or in a purse or under a bed.

[The Birch Show Host]

Excuse me.

[Caller 3]

Is like you said with the email, if you share a computer with someone, you have to. I bought some gifts on Amazon, and they put up a warning that actually says log out of your account. Because if you don't, the next person to use it can see your recent. Not only what you bought, but what you recently browsed. So then they'll know categories. Let's say you're price shopping for a. Whatever. There might be five of them up on the screen. They might not know exactly what one they're getting, but they're like, wait a minute. That person looked at five universal remote controls. I know what I'm getting.

[The Birch Show Host]

We will call her Kim. She wants to be on the voice disguiser. Hey, Kim.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Hey.

[The Birch Show Host]

Hi. You're on the voice disguiser.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Hey. I love you guys. Okay, so. Well, to answer the question earlier, I think, like, once a snoop or always a snooper, because my sisters and I used to unwrap all of our gifts before Christmas and rewrap them all.

[Caller 3]

Oh, no.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Yes. And so it's horrible, and I think it's just in me, but I don't know. I don't like the element of surprise, I guess. But. Okay, so I found that I am getting a new car for Christmas, and he does not know. So how did he find it? Well, he does a really good job of, like, hiding stuff. And we have two different accounts, and, like, one is his business account. And I never really touched that. I don't pay bills with it or anything like that. But I was online and, like, recently viewed things was like, the website for it. And then I totally found under our account a deduction to go into his account, like, a transfer thing, you know, And. And it was, like, this amount of money, and, like, I just kind of put two and two together for the car. And so I know. Well, and we've been kind of talking about it, but I think he's gonna.

[Caller 1]

So you're the. You're the person that gets the car for Christmas?

[Caller 2]

Because I see those commercials with the boat. Yes.

[Caller 1]

And you're the one.

[The Birch Show Host]

So do you think that. Do you have a great, like, poker face? Like, he'll never know you.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Really good. Yes. I think I totally have it down by now because I've been doing it since I was, like, five. So I'm really good at, like, oh, my gosh. And I can cry on command and I can, like. It's awesome.

[Caller 2]

Are you kind of bummed, though, that, like, you can't pick out, like, the interior or the color or the.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

No, not at all, because he's got, like, really, really good taste. And I totally think it's just. It'll be awesome no matter what. And I think it's still, like, fun because I'll still get to, like, drive it for the first time. It doesn't take the fun units away from it.

[The Birch Show Host]

I hope that he, like, runs video on it so we could see your Academy Award eventually.

[Caller 6 (Ashley)]

Okay.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Well, like, I'll set up a hidden camera or something.

[Caller 3]

You can't set up a hidden camera. What if you get busted setting up a camera? What are you going to tell them

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

you're setting it up for? I don't know. I'll think of something on the spot. He's not as sneaky as I am, so he would never.

[Caller 6 (Ashley)]

Like,

[Caller 1]

this time of year, you can say.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

This time of year, you can say Christmas. Okay. Don't ask any questions.

[Caller 3]

Right.

[Caller 1]

And people.

[Caller 2]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

But I had a best friend in high school that could cry on command. Man, she got away with all kinds of stuff.

[The Birch Show Host]

Think about how handy that would come in.

[Caller 1]

Oh, yeah.

[The Birch Show Host]

Hey, Ashley, we're gonna put you on the voice disguiser. Hi.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Okay.

[Caller 6 (Ashley)]

Hi.

[The Birch Show Host]

Hi. The question is, you already know what you're getting for Christmas, but you have to put on the Academy Award face on Christmas morning.

[Caller 6 (Ashley)]

I do. And my husband keeps asking me if the kids have told me because they're nine and six and they can't keep a secret for their life, literally. And they have told me, and I had to even. I mean, yeah, they told me. And they don't know that I know either, because they were yelling it in their hands and they were writing it down on paper and flashing it to me, and they're whispering it real loud, and they wanted me to know so badly, But I can't tell them that

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

I know either, because then they'll know

[Caller 6 (Ashley)]

I'm lying to my husband.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Oh, that's so cute.

[Caller 1]

They're yelling at me.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

I love that example.

[The Birch Show Host]

So what did you say? That you're getting a Mac computer.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Oh, nice. Hey, look at that.

[Caller 6 (Ashley)]

And he keeps coming home and saying, have you told your mom? And they're like, no, no, we haven't. And they'll stand behind me and say it real low, and I'm like, guys, I'm gonna find out. You can't keep doing that.

[The Birch Show Host]

Kids cannot keep a secret, man. Hayden is the exact same way. The quickest way for him to. For his mom to find something out is if I say, keep this secret.

[Caller 2]

Oh, that's funny.

[The Birch Show Host]

Oh, really?

[Caller 1]

Not capable I am now remembering that.

[Caller 5]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

My dad never told us what he got my mom for Christmas.

[The Birch Show Host]

Well, for good reason.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Now I realize why.

[The Birch Show Host]

Hey, Lisa. Good morning. You're on the Voice Disguiser.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Good morning.

[The Birch Show Host]

Good morning.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

How are you?

[The Birch Show Host]

Good. Were you snooping?

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Well, I found out from my twin daughter that I was getting a Coach bag.

[The Birch Show Host]

A coach bag.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Nice.

[Caller 2]

So your daughters told you what your husband's getting you?

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Well, yeah. Well, first of all, that was them on his part. He took some shopping with him, and it was on a day when he was off work and I was at work, and he took some shopping, and I knew. So it was just a process of elimination. I asked them questions.

[The Birch Show Host]

So you interrogated your kids in order to get information out of them?

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Yeah, they're seven years old. I just asked him, okay, what mall did you go to?

[Caller 6 (Ashley)]

And

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

then I just said, okay, I'm getting a coach bag. And he was like, how did you know, Mommy?

[Caller 1]

You manipulated them.

[The Birch Show Host]

I did.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

And then I told them, please do not tell dad. This is between us girls. Oh, they're gonna tell us.

[The Birch Show Host]

Yeah. You know, as soon as you open it up, they're gonna say, she knew. Mommy knew.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Me and my girls, we have a very, very tight bond.

[Caller 1]

No say on Christmas morning, ever.

[The Birch Show Host]

All right, we will see you on Christmas morning. Thank you.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

That is hilarious.

[Caller 1]

I never thought about kids spilling the beans.

[The Birch Show Host]

Here's Neil. Good morning, Neil. You're on the Voice Disguiser.

[Caller 7 (Neil)]

Morning, guys.

[The Birch Show Host]

Good morning.

[Caller 7 (Neil)]

So my friend was over, and he had his email up. One of my best friends, and not snooping or anything. I look onto my computer, and there's a thread between him and my girlfriend. And I'm like, what's going on? So I open the thread, and they're talking about my gift for a gift idea for my birthday or for Christmas. And I totally know what it is, and I'm the worst actor ever. I don't know what I'm doing.

[The Birch Show Host]

What are you getting?

[Caller 7 (Neil)]

I'm getting a new guitar. I'm a guitarist.

[Caller 4 (Danielle)]

Oh, nice.

[Caller 2]

That's awesome.

[Caller 7 (Neil)]

I don't even know what to do. She's going to know.

[The Birch Show Host]

Do you want to practice? You want to practice on us real quick? Like, go ahead and pretend practice. Acting shock. You're acting shocked now. You just opened it up and there it is. It's a guitar.

[Caller 7 (Neil)]

Oh, cool.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

The bird show. What's up, everybody?

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