Vault: Have you put off telling people about your breakup?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Have you put off telling people about your breakup?

Date: July 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this compelling episode, The Bert Show team (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others) dive into the topic of delayed breakup announcements. Inspired by a celebrity story about Jennifer Love Hewitt strategically postponing the news of her breakup with Jamie Kennedy for the sake of a book launch, the team opens up the phone lines to hear from listeners who have held off on sharing news of a breakup or divorce. The stories range from compassionate secrecy to long-term concealment for practical, emotional, or even financial reasons. The episode offers candid, often humorous, and sometimes heartfelt conversations about why people choose to keep breakups quiet—and for how long.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Celebrity Inspiration and Situational Parallels (01:01–01:48)

• The show opens by recounting how Jennifer Love Hewitt didn't announce her breakup with Jamie Kennedy until her book release to avoid detracting from the book’s publicity.
• Bert relates this to real life: “Melissa brought up, well, I'm not gonna announce my divorce three months before my sister gets married. Like that type of situation, right?” (01:24)
• The cast identifies common reasons for secrecy: avoiding stealing someone’s thunder, not wanting to appear unfocused at work, sparing loved ones’ feelings.

2. Listener Call-Ins: Why Delay the News? (02:00–09:03)

• Motivations discussed:
  • Protecting loved ones from stress (especially if ill or deployed)
  • Not wanting to become the center of attention during others' important life events
  • Cultural, religious, or generational attitudes toward divorce
  • Financial or practical benefits

Notable Listener Stories:

A. Protecting a Parent in Combat (Kristy) — [02:04–02:34]

• Kept the breakup secret from her mom who was deployed in Afghanistan.
• “She was a soldier in Afghanistan. She's home now, but I didn't want to upset her with that, so I kept it a secret.” (02:08, Kristy)
• Didn’t feel right revealing the break now that she’s dating someone new; their timelines of grief don’t match.

B. Permanent “Secret” Divorce—(Kim) — [02:45–04:13]

• Kim’s brother-in-law divorced his wife 21 years ago; almost no one in the family knows.
• They got back together, live as a couple, and are referred to as married, but never remarried legally.
• “We just pretend the divorce didn’t happen.” (04:11, Bert)
• Reason: Both sets of parents oppose divorce, so only a handful of people know the truth.

C. Shielding an Elderly Relative (Hayley) — [04:21–05:04]

• Parents didn’t tell her great-grandmother about their divorce for eight months and got remarried after she passed.
• “They never told her that they were divorcing.” (04:37, Hayley)
• Bert jokes: “…why upset somebody who's 350 years old?” (04:44)
• Hayley: “She was close to that.” (04:51)

D. Discovering a Secret Divorce for Practical Reasons (Hannah) — [05:13–06:06]

• Grandparents divorced secretly 20 years prior, just to qualify for a grant; no one in the family knew.
• “They just did it so they could, like, have separate finances to qualify for this one program to build their house.” (05:55, Hannah)
• The couple continued to live together as normal.

E. Parents Hid Divorce for 15 Years (Mike) — [06:09–06:58]

• Grandparents divorced when his dad was 5, didn’t tell anyone until son was 20.
• “They slept in the same beds, lived in the same house, didn't even date other people.” (06:26, Mike)
• Bert and Cassie reflect on generational and community expectations about divorce.

F. Avoiding Parental Disapproval Due to Religion (Erica) — [07:02–08:51]

• Erica didn’t tell her Catholic parents about her separation for two years.
• “Basically my parents are Catholic, so the whole divorce thing, I mean, I'm eventually going to have to tell them.” (07:26, Erica)
• Her ex wasn’t close to them, so it was easy to keep up appearances. She’s dreading how and when to reveal the truth.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Kristy (On protecting mom in service):
  “She was a soldier in Afghanistan… I didn't want to upset her with that, so I kept it a secret.” (02:08)

• Kim (On hiding a divorce for decades):
  “They both sets of parents really didn't agree with divorce, and so they never told their parents and only a few friends knew…” (03:42)

• Bert (On generational secrecy):
  “Hey, we just pretend the divorce didn’t happen.” (04:11)

• Hayley (Why not tell great-grandmother):
  “They never told her that they were divorcing.” (04:37)

• Hannah (On financial reasons for secret divorce):
  “They just did it so they could, like, have separate finances to qualify for this one program to build their house.” (05:55)

• Cassie (On old-school attitudes):
  “Older generation. I could see where... if you don't want the community to know, then I could see where that... but that's... talk about miserable life.” (06:38–06:53)

• Erica (On religious pressure):
  “Basically my parents are Catholic, so the whole divorce thing, I mean, I'm eventually going to have to tell them.” (07:26)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:01–01:48: Introduction of Jennifer Love Hewitt story and theme of breaking up in secret
• 02:00–02:34: Kristy’s story — keeping breakup from a parent in service
• 02:45–04:13: Kim’s story — a secret divorce hidden for over 20 years
• 04:21–05:04: Hayley’s story — parents who didn’t tell elderly relative of divorce
• 05:13–06:06: Hannah’s story — secret divorce for a home grant
• 06:09–06:58: Mike’s story — grandparents hiding divorce from entire family
• 07:02–08:51: Erica’s story — hiding separation from Catholic parents

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Tone and Takeaways

The episode is conversational, unfiltered, and even playful. There’s evident empathy from the hosts for callers navigating painful or awkward family secrets, as well as amusement at the creative, sometimes elaborate ways people keep breakups under wraps. Throughout, the crew maintains a judgment-free zone, highlighting the complex motivations behind keeping heartbreak private.

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Summary

If you’ve ever wondered how—and why—people hide relationship endings, this episode illustrates both the humorous and deeply human reasons people decide to keep breakups a secret, sometimes for years or even decades. The cast’s natural chemistry and listener stories offer a mix of laughter, empathy, and real-life truth-telling that makes the episode both relatable and insightful.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, everybody.

[B]

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[C]

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[C]

Refreshers contain caffeine. The Bird Show.

[A]

So Wendy told us this story about Jennifer Love Hewitt and her boyfriend.

[E]

Yeah, her and Jamie Kennedy broke up apparently over the weekend. But sources are saying it's been several months. But she was holding out for this book that she has coming out called the Day I Shot Cupid. And presumably we're gonna find out why they broke up. But yeah, she held off for several months on announcing their breakup until this past weekend when the book comes out

[A]

this week just so they could, you know, promote the book when it came out. So it occurred to us that there's gotta be other people who've held onto Melissa brought up, well, I'm not gonna announce my divorce three months before my sister gets married. Like that type of situation, right?

[F]

You don't take attention away.

[A]

Maybe you're up for a big promotion at work and you don't want to tell your boss that you're going through a divorce because then he might say, well, you're not, you know, you're not focused on other things.

[G]

Right.

[A]

So 404-741-Q100. We're looking for two interesting angles. One, why'd you keep it a secret, your breakup? And two, how long were you able to keep it a secret for?

[E]

Because this one was several months. I'm assuming three.

[A]

Hey, Cryst. Christy. How are you?

[H]

I'm doing good.

[A]

What's going on?

[G]

I kept it a secret for two

[H]

months from my mom just because she

[G]

was a soldier in Afghanistan. She's home now, but I didn't want

[H]

to upset her with that, so I kept it a secret. It's just weird now because now she's

[G]

home and for her, it's like a less amount of time that we've been split, so I'm already seeing someone else and it doesn't feel right to have.

[F]

I see what you're saying.

[A]

She never had the breakup time.

[G]

Exactly.

[F]

Right.

[A]

Were you married or was this a divorce or.

[H]

We were just engaged.

[F]

Okay, that makes total sense. Yeah. If I had a parent or even if it was a sibling or somebody deployed. Yeah, you don't want to give them any more stress than they are already under, you know?

[A]

Hey, Kim, how are you?

[G]

I'm great.

[A]

Good. What are we talking about here? A divorce? A separation?

[G]

Well, it's a divorce, but it's not me. My brother in law and his wife divorced probably close to 21 years ago. And they were probably separated or divorced for probably a year or so when they got back together. And they since had a child and the child's probably close to 20 years old, but it's like 21 years later. And there they live together, but they are still not married. But everyone refers to them as married. And my in laws and her parents and no one knows that they divorced except for a few friends and a couple of family members.

[F]

I just have. I just cleared a little confusion. When you say your brother in law's wife, is that not your sister?

[G]

No, it's my husband's brother.

[F]

Your husband's brother.

[E]

Okay. That was like me and Melissa stared at each other. Wouldn't that be her sister?

[G]

No, no, no, no.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

Okay.

[I]

No.

[G]

But they both sets of parents really didn't agree with divorce, and so they never told their parents and only a few friends knew and my husband knew and, you know, and I knew them for years and was. I mean, I was married to my husband and in the family when he finally told me. And I was so amazed that, you know, so. But I mean. And they still live together to this day, so I guess legally they're considered married. But they never officially remarried.

[F]

Right.

[A]

Hey, we just pretend the divorce didn't happen.

[J]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, if we never talk about it, we never look at it. It's not really.

[F]

Well, what's funny is that they're probably more relaxed that they're not married.

[A]

Hey, Haley. Welcome to the show.

[J]

Oh, my gosh.

[G]

Hi, Jeff.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Hi, Hayley.

[J]

Oh, I'm so excited.

[G]

Well, my parents delayed.

[J]

Well, not delayed, but they didn't tell

[G]

my great grandmother about their divorce for like eight months. And then they got remarried after she passed.

[E]

So they never told her?

[G]

Nope. They never told her that they were divorcing.

[H]

Or anything.

[A]

You said they got remarried.

[H]

Yeah, they did.

[G]

The next year.

[A]

Well, it's good that they didn't then, because I'm assuming they didn't tell her because why upset Somebody who's 350 years old?

[H]

Exactly. Exactly.

[G]

She was close to that.

[A]

Right. And then she ends up passing away and they get remarried. It's almost like a way to ruin Grandma's last year.

[G]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Thank you for the call.

[H]

You're welcome.

[F]

All these people getting back together.

[A]

Hey, I know there's a lot of goodness.

[E]

Somebody to stay up on.

[A]

Hey, Hannah. Welcome to the bird show.

[H]

Hi.

[A]

What's going on?

[H]

I found out during a college project where I was doing some stuff with my family tree. My grandmother blurted to me accidentally that she had divorced my pawpaw, like, years before, and he had passed away. When I found out, and nobody knew in the family except for my mother, and there's three other kids in the family. And then she accidentally told me, so I knew, but it had been like 20 years or something, and nobody knew that they had divorced, and they did it to qualify for a grant to

[F]

build a house, so. So it was 20 years since their divorce when she blurted it out to you, but nobody knew?

[H]

Nobody knew.

[E]

So were they still living together?

[H]

Yeah, they still live together and did everything like normal. They just did it so they could, like, have separate finances to qualify for this one program to build their house.

[F]

Wow. Thanks for the call.

[H]

No problem.

[E]

Good reason, though.

[A]

Hey, Mike. Welcome to the bird show.

[J]

Hi, guys.

[I]

Love the show.

[A]

Hey.

[C]

Thank you.

[I]

My grandma and my grandpa divorced each other when my father was five years old and kept it from him and the entire family until he was 20.

[E]

Really, the reasoning behind that, they just

[I]

didn't want them to know that they were divorced. They slept in the same beds, lived in the same house, didn't even date other people.

[A]

What was. I mean, why did they just.

[F]

I think, older generation. I mean, I could see where. Because all these stories about grandparents. I mean, if you didn't believe in divorce and you don't want anybody to know and you don't want the community to know, then I could see where that. But that's. Talk about miserable life. I mean, no disrespect.

[A]

I think the point of question is, why bother going through the divorce if you're still gonna live together and stay in the same room and not date anyone?

[E]

You're kind of still together.

[A]

Yeah. Hey, Erica. Welcome to the bird show.

[G]

Hey.

[J]

Basically, my situation is my parents live in another state, and they came down

[G]

When I got married.

[J]

We have a three year old son and we got separated about two years ago. My parents still do not know.

[A]

Are you living together?

[J]

No.

[A]

Are you seeing other people?

[J]

Yes.

[F]

Okay.

[A]

And why haven't you told your parents?

[J]

Basically my parents are Catholic, so the whole divorce thing, I mean, I'm eventually going to have to tell them.

[A]

Yeah, you think?

[J]

But I just quite haven't gotten around it. I mean, there's been a lot of health issues with them. Both of them, they're elder and over the past few years, so just haven't found the right moment. And it's not like he was really involved with them anyway. I mean, he went up, they came down for the wedding and they've only met him like they're so far away. He came home for Christmas like two or three years and I mean, they ask about him when I talk to him and I'm like, oh yeah, he's fine.

[A]

But you know, when you do, when you do tell them, will you tell them that it's been 24 months or will you just say like it just happens?

[J]

I probably will not tell them it's been that long. No.

[F]

Well, I would suggest, I mean, are you seeing anybody else seriously now?

[J]

No.

[F]

No, because that, you have to be careful about using that as a reason to tell them. Because if you're not gonna say it's been this long, you at least have to tell them in enough time for them to, you know, have time between him and somebody else.

[J]

I'm seeing someone, but it's not serious. And I know that he's seeing someone just now started seeing another person. And we have a three year old, so we kind of. We already have visitations set up and he has his days and I have mine, so I mean, it's gone pretty smoothly. So I'm just gonna have to kind of come out one day and be

[A]

like, well, well, you know, you know, when you make that decision, what you'll need to do is call the bird, show up and share it with us the day before you're gonna do it and then the day and then the day after. Okay.

[J]

All right, thanks.

[A]

All right. Thanks. Thanks. Good listener.

[C]

The Birch Show.

[A]

Hey everybody.

[B]

Lady luck here. And we're celebrating America's 250th birthday. Now all summer long, I'm going to be celebrating by playing on spinquest.com which is an American owned social casino. It obviously features over a thousand slot games and live blackjack, live craps, live bubble craps. Head on over to spinquest.com get yourself a 30 coin pack for just 10 bucks.

[C]

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[D]

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[A]

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