The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: He Asked Her to Be His Mistress?!
Date: March 9, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into an eye-opening and somewhat humorous conversation with a listener, Chantel, who unexpectedly found herself being "interviewed" to be another man's mistress. Chantel shares the surreal experience of discovering, mid-date, that her companion was married and seeking a mistress, openly discussing his "code of ethics" for infidelity. The hosts and callers react, unpacking the psychology and ethics behind infidelity, open marriages, and societal reactions.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chantel’s Surprising Lunch Date (01:02–03:07)

• Chantel’s Innocence: Chantel recounts how she met a man at a charity event, agreed to a lunch, and didn't realize until 20–30 minutes in that he was married.
  • “I met him at a charity function and then he emailed me and asked me to go out to lunch...he wasn’t wearing [his wedding ring] ironically.” – Chantel (01:23)
• The Revelation: During lunch, the man casually reveals his marital status, assuming Chantel already knew.
  • “He said, 'you know I'm married, right?' and I just kind of sat back... I absolutely did not know it because I never would have gone out with him.” – Chantel (02:41)

2. The “Mistress Interview” and the Married Man’s Logic (03:07–04:49)

• Open Proposal: The man explains he invited Chantel to see if she would be a fitting mistress—he even uses the word "mistress" explicitly.
  • “He actually invited me to lunch to see if I was a fitting suitor for his mistress... he actually used that word, mistress, which I thought was kind of funny.” – Chantel (03:07)
• Justification for Cheating: He feels justified because his wife lost interest in sex after his prior infidelity came to light.
  • “He went on to tell me...his wife lost interest in sex. So my response...was, well she’s probably, you know, sleeping with someone else.” – Chantel (03:35)

3. Code of Ethics for Infidelity (04:27–05:39)

• Rules of Engagement: The man claims he stays faithful to his mistress and doesn't “fool around on his mistress,” having no energy for “husband, boyfriend, and player.”
  • “He said he doesn’t have the energy to be husband, boyfriend, and player.” – Chantel (04:29)
  • “He only has energy for two women...and he would be completely faithful to you?” – Host (04:41)
  • “Yes, he said...he would be completely faithful.” – Chantel (04:45)
• Chantel’s Bewilderment: Amused and perplexed, Chantel likens meeting this type of guy to seeing a mythical creature.
  • “You should go on the radio. It’s like seeing an albino animal...I’ve never seen one.” – Chantel (05:06)

4. The Mistress Around the Kids & His Wife’s Possible Awareness (05:44–07:07)

• Family Boundaries: Chantel asks if he’s introduced his mistress to his children—he has, labeling her as “my friend.”
  • “He took [his mistress] to a carnival and said, ‘this is my friend.’” – Chantel (05:44)
• Wife’s Knowledge: Hosts and Chantel debate if the wife is knowingly complicit. The lifestyle provided and the kids may be why she tolerates it.
  • “He told me he thinks that she has a clue...but she lives a very comfortable lifestyle and...there's the kids, so that's why she probably sticks around.” – Chantel (06:51)

5. Chantel Shuts It Down & Hosts’ Reactions (06:14–06:49)

• No Future Dates: Chantel asserts she declined to see him again, and he fires back with sarcasm.
  • “I told him...I can’t see you anymore like this. And he said, 'How do you know I want to see you again? That’s awfully presumptuous.'” – Chantel (06:17)
• Hosts Tease Chantel: The hosts playfully tease her for supposedly having too much “confidence.”
  • “You have really turned out to be an arrogant bitch.” – Host, jokingly (06:45)

6. Broader Discussion: Infidelity, Arrangements, and Sexless Marriages (07:07–08:54)

• Open Marriages & Arrangements: The hosts and another caller consider whether arrangements like this are more common than people think.
  • “Women aren't stupid...and if she and her husband haven't slept together in five years...” – Co-host (07:47)
• Sexless Marriages & Cheating: The idea that sexless marriages often imply hidden infidelity is discussed, citing Oprah and past show segments.
  • “Oprah just did a whole show on sexless marriages...there's plenty of people who are married...and completely functioning as roommates.” – Co-host (08:28)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On realizing the "mistress interview":

  • “He actually invited me to lunch to see if I was a fitting suitor for his mistress...he actually used that word, mistress, which I thought was kind of funny.”
    – Chantel (03:07)

• On infidelity ‘loyalty’:

  • “‘He doesn’t have the energy to be husband, boyfriend, and player.’”
    – Chantel, quoting the man (04:29)

• Host’s humorous reaction:

  • “It's like seeing an albino animal. I've never seen one.”
    – Host (05:06)

• On introducing the mistress to the kids:

  • “He has in the past. He took [his mistress] to a carnival and said, ‘this is my friend, whoever.’”
    – Chantel (05:44)

• On confidence and sarcasm:

  • “How do you know I want to see you again? That’s awfully presumptuous.”
    – Chantel, quoting the man (06:17)

• Host’s playful jab:

  • “You have really turned out to be an arrogant bitch.”
    – Host, joking (06:45)

Important Timestamps

• 01:02 – Chantel introduces her story and how the odd date began
• 03:07 – The married man’s “gentlemanly” confession and mistress proposal
• 04:27 – The “faithful” cheater’s ethics and rationale
• 05:44 – Discussing how his children met his mistress
• 06:14 – Chantel says she won’t see him again
• 07:07 – Group explores whether the wife knows or condones the arrangement
• 08:28 – Broader discussion about sexless marriages and open relationships

Tone & Final Thoughts

The tone throughout is both incredulous and comedic, with the hosts using sarcasm and banter to process Chantel's story. The episode offers a vivid look at modern relationship complexities, with wry humor and empathy for those entangled in such situations.

Overall:
A real-life account of being propositioned as a mistress sparks lively, candid, and often hilarious conversation about marriage, infidelity, and the odd “codes of ethics” some people try to apply to their affairs. An episode packed with genuine reactions, moral questions, and plenty of laughs.