Vault: He Asked Her to Be His Mistress?!

Summary

The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: He Asked Her to Be His Mistress?!
Date: March 9, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show dives into an eye-opening and somewhat humorous conversation with a listener, Chantel, who unexpectedly found herself being "interviewed" to be another man's mistress. Chantel shares the surreal experience of discovering, mid-date, that her companion was married and seeking a mistress, openly discussing his "code of ethics" for infidelity. The hosts and callers react, unpacking the psychology and ethics behind infidelity, open marriages, and societal reactions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chantel’s Surprising Lunch Date (01:02–03:07)

• Chantel’s Innocence: Chantel recounts how she met a man at a charity event, agreed to a lunch, and didn't realize until 20–30 minutes in that he was married.
  • “I met him at a charity function and then he emailed me and asked me to go out to lunch...he wasn’t wearing [his wedding ring] ironically.” – Chantel (01:23)
• The Revelation: During lunch, the man casually reveals his marital status, assuming Chantel already knew.
  • “He said, 'you know I'm married, right?' and I just kind of sat back... I absolutely did not know it because I never would have gone out with him.” – Chantel (02:41)

2. The “Mistress Interview” and the Married Man’s Logic (03:07–04:49)

• Open Proposal: The man explains he invited Chantel to see if she would be a fitting mistress—he even uses the word "mistress" explicitly.
  • “He actually invited me to lunch to see if I was a fitting suitor for his mistress... he actually used that word, mistress, which I thought was kind of funny.” – Chantel (03:07)
• Justification for Cheating: He feels justified because his wife lost interest in sex after his prior infidelity came to light.
  • “He went on to tell me...his wife lost interest in sex. So my response...was, well she’s probably, you know, sleeping with someone else.” – Chantel (03:35)

3. Code of Ethics for Infidelity (04:27–05:39)

• Rules of Engagement: The man claims he stays faithful to his mistress and doesn't “fool around on his mistress,” having no energy for “husband, boyfriend, and player.”
  • “He said he doesn’t have the energy to be husband, boyfriend, and player.” – Chantel (04:29)
  • “He only has energy for two women...and he would be completely faithful to you?” – Host (04:41)
  • “Yes, he said...he would be completely faithful.” – Chantel (04:45)
• Chantel’s Bewilderment: Amused and perplexed, Chantel likens meeting this type of guy to seeing a mythical creature.
  • “You should go on the radio. It’s like seeing an albino animal...I’ve never seen one.” – Chantel (05:06)

4. The Mistress Around the Kids & His Wife’s Possible Awareness (05:44–07:07)

• Family Boundaries: Chantel asks if he’s introduced his mistress to his children—he has, labeling her as “my friend.”
  • “He took [his mistress] to a carnival and said, ‘this is my friend.’” – Chantel (05:44)
• Wife’s Knowledge: Hosts and Chantel debate if the wife is knowingly complicit. The lifestyle provided and the kids may be why she tolerates it.
  • “He told me he thinks that she has a clue...but she lives a very comfortable lifestyle and...there's the kids, so that's why she probably sticks around.” – Chantel (06:51)

5. Chantel Shuts It Down & Hosts’ Reactions (06:14–06:49)

• No Future Dates: Chantel asserts she declined to see him again, and he fires back with sarcasm.
  • “I told him...I can’t see you anymore like this. And he said, 'How do you know I want to see you again? That’s awfully presumptuous.'” – Chantel (06:17)
• Hosts Tease Chantel: The hosts playfully tease her for supposedly having too much “confidence.”
  • “You have really turned out to be an arrogant bitch.” – Host, jokingly (06:45)

6. Broader Discussion: Infidelity, Arrangements, and Sexless Marriages (07:07–08:54)

• Open Marriages & Arrangements: The hosts and another caller consider whether arrangements like this are more common than people think.
  • “Women aren't stupid...and if she and her husband haven't slept together in five years...” – Co-host (07:47)
• Sexless Marriages & Cheating: The idea that sexless marriages often imply hidden infidelity is discussed, citing Oprah and past show segments.
  • “Oprah just did a whole show on sexless marriages...there's plenty of people who are married...and completely functioning as roommates.” – Co-host (08:28)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On realizing the "mistress interview":

  • “He actually invited me to lunch to see if I was a fitting suitor for his mistress...he actually used that word, mistress, which I thought was kind of funny.”
    – Chantel (03:07)

• On infidelity ‘loyalty’:

  • “‘He doesn’t have the energy to be husband, boyfriend, and player.’”
    – Chantel, quoting the man (04:29)

• Host’s humorous reaction:

  • “It's like seeing an albino animal. I've never seen one.”
    – Host (05:06)

• On introducing the mistress to the kids:

  • “He has in the past. He took [his mistress] to a carnival and said, ‘this is my friend, whoever.’”
    – Chantel (05:44)

• On confidence and sarcasm:

  • “How do you know I want to see you again? That’s awfully presumptuous.”
    – Chantel, quoting the man (06:17)

• Host’s playful jab:

  • “You have really turned out to be an arrogant bitch.”
    – Host, joking (06:45)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:02 – Chantel introduces her story and how the odd date began
• 03:07 – The married man’s “gentlemanly” confession and mistress proposal
• 04:27 – The “faithful” cheater’s ethics and rationale
• 05:44 – Discussing how his children met his mistress
• 06:14 – Chantel says she won’t see him again
• 07:07 – Group explores whether the wife knows or condones the arrangement
• 08:28 – Broader discussion about sexless marriages and open relationships

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Tone & Final Thoughts

The tone throughout is both incredulous and comedic, with the hosts using sarcasm and banter to process Chantel's story. The episode offers a vivid look at modern relationship complexities, with wry humor and empathy for those entangled in such situations.

Overall:
A real-life account of being propositioned as a mistress sparks lively, candid, and often hilarious conversation about marriage, infidelity, and the odd “codes of ethics” some people try to apply to their affairs. An episode packed with genuine reactions, moral questions, and plenty of laughs.

Transcript

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[C]

This is Chantel and she is going to educate us because she just got an education, at least in one area of infidelity. Okay. Code of ethics of infidelity. Good morning, Shantel.

[D]

Good morning.

[C]

How are you today?

[D]

I'm good.

[C]

So you accidentally found yourself on a date with a married guy a couple days ago?

[D]

100% innocent? Yeah.

[C]

How does that even happen?

[D]

I met him at a charity function and then he emailed me and asked me to go out to lunch. I didn't really remember who he was when I first met him. So he claims he wears his ring, but the day we went out, he wasn't wearing it ironically. So, you know, I met him for lunch and it just kind of came up in conversation, like kind of 20 minutes into the date, 30 minutes into the date.

[C]

And did he, did he like slip up and say something like we or did he straight up come out and say, look, you know the matter?

[D]

Right. He was very honest about it, which is why I was so intrigued because normally, I mean, I would have, I would have just got up and left. Like, I don't have time for that kind of stuff, you know, so he.

[E]

So he starts, starts out talking about the date and then just straight up says, I'm married?

[D]

No, it was like 20 minutes into it. The conversation was good. You know, I was kind of like, you know, he was really nice. There was an overtone of arrogance to It. I will, I will start by saying that, like, you know, he was pretty big headed, I guess. But we started talking and, you know, he's like late 40s or so. And I asked him if he had children. And he, you know, goes on to talk about his children. He's kind of bragging about them, you know, like a good father does. And then he said, you know, I'm married, right? And I just kind of sat back and I was like, no, he assumes that I knew that he was married.

[C]

Now, did he assume that because you guys had met before and he maybe thought that he covered that ground with you before?

[D]

I think so. Or he thought that maybe one of his friends mentioned it to me or I don't know what he thought, but he acted like he thought that I, I knew he was married and I absolutely did not know it because I never would have gone out with him.

[C]

So you're out on this date with this guy and he tells you that. And then there's the shocking code of ethics part of this whole thing.

[D]

It was pretty funny because he said, you know, I'm married, right? And I said no. And then I kind of sat back and crossed my arms because I was thinking, why? You know, I started, my first reaction was, okay, I'm going to get up and leave. But then I was so intrigued because he went on to tell me that he actually invited me to lunch to see if I was a fitting suitor for his mistress, like if I was going to be his mistress. And he actually used that word, mistress, which I thought was kind of funny.

[C]

So you were sort of on an interview. It was like. An interview.

[D]

Exactly. It was an interview. And I said, does your wife know I'm here? And he was like, no. And so he went in to tell me that he got busted for an affair 10 years ago and that after the affair was out, his marriage changed for the better. And it was great for five years, and then all of a sudden his wife lost interest in sex. So my response to that was, well, she's probably, you know, sleeping with someone else, you know, because you haven't had sex and size. He was like, no, no, I know that's not the case, yada, yada. So, you know, then I just kind of started to ask him questions and at one point I sat back and I had my arms crossed and I was really intrigued by this. And he, and he said, I don't like your body language right now. And I was like, I don't like the fact that you're married. So then he kind of said, you know, well, let me just tell you. He goes, I'll be very upfront. He said, I don't, you know, fool around on my mistress.

[C]

I don't fool around on my mistress.

[D]

Yeah. He said he doesn't have the energy to be husband, boyfriend, and player, so.

[A]

But he's okay with husband and boyfriend.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. So that's what he said.

[C]

So he only has energy for two women is what he's saying. And he would be completely faithful to you?

[D]

Yes, he said he would. He doesn't mess around on his. Yeah, he would be completely faithful.

[E]

What was your response to that?

[D]

I was so intrigued. I kind of chuckled and I said, you know, I've heard of guys like you, but I've never actually met one. He didn't like that one bit. He goes, what do you mean? And I was like, you should go on the radio.

[A]

It's like seeing an albino animal. I've often heard about an albino horse. I've never seen one.

[C]

Sasquatch.

[A]

It's beautiful.

[D]

Very, like, forthcoming with his, you know, this is the way it is. I keep somebody on the side. And I just. I was a little offended that he would think I would. I would be that girl, I guess. But I think that there's, you know, different strokes for different folks. I mean, there's probably a lot of women out there that kind of dig this kind of thing.

[C]

So he was saying you that in essence, that you should trust him because he can be loyal to you, even though he. His wife, but you should trust him in this area.

[D]

Exactly that. I, you know, he's a good guy and he's a good father.

[E]

Stand up guy.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, I forgot. I actually asked him if he brought his mistress around his kids. And he said that he has in the past. He has? Yeah. He took him to a carnival and said, this is my friend, whoever. I mean, he didn't mention any names.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

I know. I couldn't believe that, you know, those kids are gonna grow up thinking that that's just kind of like, the norm.

[C]

I can't believe you started out this conversation saying there was a slight air of arrogance.

[E]

I know.

[D]

I take that back. But he was really nice. I mean, you know, smart guy, whatever.

[A]

Do you think. Do you think you'll see him again?

[D]

Absolutely not. In fact, I told him on the date, I said, you know, I can't see you anymore like this. And he said, well, how do you know I want to see you again? That's awfully presumptuous. And I told him, no, I don't. Presumptuous.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

That was kind of a bold statement on your part.

[C]

Why'd you have to be so confident?

[A]

I mean, seriously, think about it. There's all these women in Atlanta and only one gets to be his mistress. And you're gonna walk in there saying, oh, hey, it's me. What's up? I'm all that.

[C]

You have really turned out to be an arrogant bitch.

[A]

Maybe need to put yourself in check.

[E]

Do you think. Do you think that his wife is aware of what's going on and she's just okay with it?

[D]

He told me that he thinks that she has a clue what he said and that. But she lives a very comfortable lifestyle and, you know, there's the kids, so that's why she probably sticks around.

[C]

Look, we've talked to him. We've talked to 100 women like this, right. That say that they know that their husbands are out there doing what they're going to do, but they turn the other cheek because they are trying to keep it together for the family. And there are financial reasons also for keeping it together.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I happen to know he's pretty well to do. He has a high profile job.

[C]

Hey, Jade, good morning. You're on Q100.

[D]

Hey, Burt show. How are you?

[C]

Hola.

[D]

I think it would be hysterical to set this guy up and have his wife walk in and just totally bust him.

[C]

I don't know if I want to be responsible for that.

[D]

No, you don't. Not with what he does.

[C]

No. Really. He's like a high powered dude.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

He has children involved, too. And you never know what their arrangement is. She may be well aware of what he's doing because women aren't stupid. She's not stupid. And if she and her husband haven't slept together in five years.

[C]

Come on. Come on.

[A]

Some women are.

[E]

She's not stupid. And guys aren't that smart. Like, they're not as stealth as they think they are. Not as stealth. And I also think that your first comment, Chantel, is like that the wife is probably, probably sleeping with someone else too.

[D]

Right? I mean, he was naive. He didn't think that that was possible.

[E]

He didn't think that was possible.

[C]

Are there people listening right now that really think that you guys are in relationships with each other and you've gone longer than a year without sex with each other and it's not sort of assumed that you're having sex with other people?

[A]

Oh.

[E]

I mean, Oprah just did a whole show on sexless marriages. I mean, there's plenty of people who are married with each other and completely functioning as roommates. We've talked about that on our show before.

[C]

But when you say a sexless marriage, you're talking about sex with each other. I don't. Most of those people that are in sexless marriages, I'm assuming, are having sex with other people.

[A]

Maybe not. I mean, I blacklight the rug under the guy's computer.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Thanks, Chantel.

[A]

Just being real.

[C]

The Bircho.