Vault: He Earned A Strange Nickname Based On His Bedroom Performance

Summary

---

The Bert Show - Episode Summary

Episode Title: Vault: He Earned A Strange Nickname Based On His Bedroom Performance
Date: May 5, 2026

---

Episode Overview

In this lively and candid episode, the Bert Show crew dives into the sometimes hilarious, sometimes brutal behind-the-scenes chatter that happens about people's bedroom reputations. Sparked by a weekend hangout, Bert and his co-hosts dissect the phenomenon of private nickname-giving based on someone's sexual performance—specifically, how one unlucky guy was dubbed "The Stabber." The group compares how men and women talk about sexual encounters, relive some memorable "O-face" shaming, and ruminate on the surprising weight of reputation in the dating world.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Differences in Post-Hookup Conversations: Men vs. Women

• Men’s Conversations:
  • Typically brief and to the point.
  • “Hey, Bert, you see Wendy over there? Hooked up with her last night.”
  • Followed by a quick quality check: “Really?” “Was it good?” “Yeah, it was good. Wanna have a beer?”
  • “75% of the time, it's like that.” (Podcast Host & Guest 2, 01:56–02:02)
• Women’s Conversations:
  • Much more descriptive and detailed.
  • Conversations include nuanced recounting of motions, facial expressions, and even nicknames for guys based on their style or quirks.

2. The Case of "The Stabber"

• A group of women described a friend's encounter with a guy who was dubbed "The Stabber" due to his... vigorous approach.
• Quote: “None of the girls had hooked up with this guy. This is a girlfriend of theirs… it would never happen again because he was a stabber. And they've actually dubbed him amongst their group, the Stabber.” (Podcast Host, 02:20)

3. The Infamous ‘Faces’

• The conversation detailed how some partners earn negative reputations due to the faces they make during sex.
• “At the height of the ceremony, it was described as the face that the people in the ring make when they die.” (Podcast Host, 03:12)
• The crew attempts to reenact these expressions, with eyes rolled up and mouth half open, drawing much hilarity in the studio.
• “Imagine, like the face a cartoon character would make if it got punched in the stomach really hard is the face.” (Podcast Host, 05:55)

4. The Power (and Dangers) of Reputation

• The hosts reflect on how information about someone's bedroom habits can spread and evolve through friend groups—sometimes before two people have even met.
• “By the time it goes from woman to woman to woman to woman, it's got to be way worse.” (Guest 2, 04:46)
• Bert admits to knowing the guy at the center of the "Stabber" story:
  • “And you know what the worst part about it is? I know the dude they were talking about.” (Podcast Host, 06:26)

5. Male Apprehensions and the Impact of Face Stories

• The male hosts joke about becoming self-conscious in the bedroom, deciding it's safer to “bury your head in her neck like a gopher” (Podcast Guest 2, 05:24) or “do it in complete darkness.”
• “You've just eliminated about two thirds of the fun positions... Or we're doing it in complete darkness.” (Podcast Host, 05:32)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Guy Gossip vs. Girl Gossip:

  • Podcast Host (01:56):

    “Really?”
    “Was it good?”
    “Yeah, it was good. Wanna have a beer?”

    • Guest 2: “75% of the time it's like that.”

• Women’s Descriptions Go Way Beyond Basic Details:

  • Podcast Host (02:20):

    “She reported that it would never happen again because he was a stabber. And they've actually dubbed him...the Stabber.”

• On the Horror of Embarrassing Sex Faces:

  • Podcast Host (03:12):

    “At the height of the ceremony, it was described as the face that the people in the ring make when they die.”

• Self-Conscious Bedroom Comedy:

  • Guest 2 (05:24):

    “You will bury your head in her neck like a gopher into the ground next time so she doesn’t see anything.”

• Reputations Travel Fast:

  • Guest 2 (04:46):

    “By the time it goes from woman to woman to woman to woman. Woman, it's got to be way worse.”

• Personal Connection:

  • Podcast Host (06:26):

    “And you know what the worst part about it is? I know the dude they were talking about.”

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Male vs. Female Post-Hookup Comparisons: 01:00–02:10
• Introduction of "The Stabber" Story: 02:10–02:45
• Detailed (and cringey) Face Discussion: 03:10–04:20
• Studio Reenactments and Laughter: 04:20–05:10
• Reflections on Reputation Impact and Apprehensions: 05:10–06:10
• “I Know the Guy" Moment: 06:26

---

Tone & Style

The episode is informal, candid, playful, and a little irreverent, matching the show’s signature blend of humor and authenticity. The camaraderie is evident, with the cast quickly veering from embarrassment to laughter and back, never taking themselves too seriously but still reflecting honestly on modern relationship realities.

---

Summary prepared for listeners who missed the show. All the laughter, jaw-droppers, and lessons—no ads, no filler.

Transcript

[VRBO Narrator]

At vrbo, we understand that even the best of plans sometimes need a little support. So we plan for the plot twists. Every booking is automatically backed by our VRBO Care guarantee, giving you confidence from the very start. Whenever you need help, it's ready before your stay, through the moments in between, and after your trip. Because a great trip starts with peace of mind and maybe a good playlist. But we've got the peace of mind part covered.

[VRBO Advertiser]

A vacation rental shouldn't come with surprises. It should come with verbo Care and 24. 7 Life Support. If the hot tub's broken, that's a verbo care thing.

[Podcast Guest 1]

If my teenager starts calling me Leslie,

[VRBO Advertiser]

that's a family thing. Leslie. VRBoCare and 24. 7 Life Support. If you know you verbo terms apply. See vrbo.com trust for details.

[Podcast Host]

The Birch show so I got to this weekend, enjoy the company of some lady friends. Not in that way, you pervs, but

[Podcast Guest 2]

in a Beaufort highway kind of way.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, just hanging out with some. Some girlfriends. And I was like, there are two guys. And the rest of the group was girls. And the conversation at some point turned to guys and guys that we all know and who's hooked up with who and the weird equations that come when you've hooked up with one friend you can't hook up with, blah, blah, blah. And that dissolved into a conversation about sex. And I think we've heard the rumors or we've talked about it on the show that women are very descriptive of sexual encounters with guys amongst friends, amongst each other. And I think, you know, the thought, the general consensus might be that guys, when they have sex with a girl, they go, oh, Burt, man, I banged. Blah, blah, blah. And it was like this and that and blah. And. And the reality is, I think for the most part is it's usually a pretty quick conversation. Hey, Bert, you see Wendy over there? Hooked up with her last night.

[Podcast Guest 2]

Really?

[Podcast Host]

Was it good? Yeah, it was good. Wanna have a beer? Yep. That's it.

[Podcast Guest 2]

75% of the time it's like that.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah. I mean, there might be a little more detail, but the women that we were with, it kind of paired off. So the girls were off to one side talking, and then the other guy who was there and I were talking. And then we realized what the conversation was about. So then we went from talking to eavesdropping, and we heard them describing the motion of a guy. Now, this wasn't even. None of the girls had hooked up with this guy. This is a girlfriend of theirs had sex with a guy. Then Came back to them and reported that it would never happen again because he was a stabber. And they've actually dubbed him amongst their group, the Stabber. Which I would be more creative than that. I think Jack the Ripper would have been better, but they went with the stabber. So, you know, now dude and I. Other guy and I are kind of, like, listening with one ear, going, oh, my God, this is this really happening. And they're, you know, talking about the motion, like, doing it with their hands and stuff, like, explaining why it was bad. Then one of the girls says to the other two, did you hear about the faces? And so at which point, we're now the two guys. We're, like, involved in the conversation. We're like, what the hell are you about to do? And they're like, he made. At the height of the ceremony, it was described as the face that the people in the ring make when they die.

[Podcast Guest 1]

Oh, movie. The ring.

[Podcast Host]

Yes. And then I remember the movie. They proceed.

[Podcast Guest 2]

I know what he's talking about. Do you know the analogy?

[Podcast Host]

I can try to.

[Podcast Guest 1]

I don't know the analogy, but I know what he's talking about.

[Podcast Host]

I can try to duplicate it. Okay, first, I need everybody to put their hands in the air.

[Podcast Guest 2]

Cause can we Twitpic this?

[Podcast Host]

Hell no. Hands in the air. I'm not looking at any cameras. This is it.

[Podcast Guest 2]

So the eyes are kind of rolled up in the eyelids, and the mouth is about half open.

[Podcast Guest 1]

I wish there was a security camera in here at that moment.

[Podcast Host]

And then the.

[Podcast Guest 1]

We need a toy. Pick that, please. Oh, Jeff, please. Fantastic reenactment.

[Podcast Host]

And then the. Maybe we can toilet pick it after the show, but we just can't explain what it is. You would just have to be.

[Podcast Guest 1]

Jeff.

[Podcast Host]

Making a face. People listening. Making a face. People listening now know what it is. But they described. And then that was, like, the face at the. You know, at the. For the closing ceremonies, during the games, in the opening ceremony, there were other faces that they were all duplicating and going, oh, my God, do you believe he did this? And, like, all these things.

[Podcast Guest 1]

And none of these women had been with the guy who was. They were sharing the story of a friend of theirs who shared it with

[Podcast Guest 2]

them, which is always gonna be way worse, because by the time it goes from woman to woman to woman to woman. Woman, it's got to be way worse.

[Podcast Host]

So dude and I are sitting there like, wtf? Like, the pressure now. Like, I'm thankful I'm not a single guy, because had I heard that and Dude I was with is single. Had I heard that Intimidating. The pressure to not only, you know, perform satisfactorily in terms of what you're doing, but also to make sure your facial expression.

[Podcast Guest 2]

You will bury your head in her neck like a gopher into the ground next time so she doesn't see anything.

[Podcast Host]

You've just eliminated about two thirds of the fun positions because. Or we're doing it in complete darkness. We are having sex at Dialogue in the dark. Because, like, that's not right.

[Podcast Guest 2]

Guys do it too, though.

[Podcast Host]

Not that bad.

[Podcast Guest 2]

Was it really graphic? Like, shockingly graphic?

[Podcast Guest 1]

Yes.

[Podcast Guest 2]

Really.

[Podcast Guest 1]

Just show another face.

[Podcast Host]

It was. Would be. Imagine, like the face a cartoon character would make if it got punched in the stomach. Really hard is the face.

[Podcast Guest 1]

And it's just one more, Jeff. One more, Jeff. Come on, come on, come on. One more face.

[Podcast Host]

I'm not your Dan. I'm not your cavalier horse.

[Podcast Guest 2]

Women. You gotta spare these guys their reputation around town, because by the time it gets to somebody, he's legitimately gonna sleep with. It's a sideshow.

[Podcast Guest 1]

It's a sideshow when they talk about women, too.

[Podcast Host]

And you know what the worst part about it is? I know the dude they were talking about.

[Podcast Guest 2]

Oh, no. You'll never see the Birch Show.

[Road Safety Announcer]

I drive my bus in a busy city. That's why road safety is so important to me. I know that I must slow down and be extra careful when I make a wide turn. Buses need more room than cars. Everyone can help keep our roads safe. Next time you're driving, remember to give buses plenty of time and space to finish turning before driving ahead. Let's all plan to share the road safely. Learn how at www.sharetherodesafely.gov.