Podcast Summary: The Bert Show – Vault: He Got The Wrong Name Tattooed On His Back

Host: Bert & The Bert Show Cast
Episode Date: December 9, 2025

Overview

This episode centers on a hilarious, cringe-inducing, and very real problem faced by a listener, Max, who drunkenly got a large tattoo of his ex-girlfriend’s name (“Amanda”) on his back—despite currently being in a committed two-year relationship with his girlfriend, Kelly. The Bert Show crew and callers dig into how this could have happened, what Max should do next, and whether there's any way to save his relationship (and dignity).

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Situation: Max’s Tattoo Mishap

• Max’s Confession:

  • Max calls in using a voice disguiser to seek advice (01:50; main story starts).
  • He explains that after a night of heavy drinking with old friends celebrating a divorce, he woke up with a large heart tattoo with the name “Amanda”—his high school sweetheart—on his shoulder.
  • Problem: His current girlfriend of two years is named Kelly.

• How Did This Even Happen?

  • Max’s memory is fuzzy; he believes his friends prompted the tattoo artist with Amanda’s name (“I think they did”—Max, 03:41).
  • The crew questions the plausibility: tattoo shops often don’t tattoo people who are clearly intoxicated, and the client must confirm the design.
    • “Tattoo parlors usually try not to allow people who are that intoxicated from getting a tattoo.” —Jack (04:25)
    • “Yeah, that part doesn’t make much sense to me, because the tattoo guy does ask you what you want.” —Burt (07:54)

• Hiding the Tattoo from Kelly:

  • Max tells Kelly he has a bad bruise on his arm to avoid showing the tattoo.
  • “The good news is she’s not smart. So we got that going for us.” —Max, joking about hiding it (05:35)

Options: Advice from the Crew and Callers

Should Max Break Up? Come Clean? Cover It Up?

• Break Up Now or Face the Music?

  • Some insist he’s “screwed” and should just break up (14:47).
  • Others argue he must be honest instead of running away (14:46).
    • “You gotta be honest.” —Jack (14:46)

• Bring a Friend as a Witness:

  • Jack suggests Max should take one of the friends responsible with him to break the news to Kelly, sharing the blame.
    • “That friend’s coming with me to go tell Kelly that I got the wrong tattoo.” —Jack (06:57)
  • Ryan and Burt question whether this would seem credible or just like a set-up (07:12).

• Can He Cover It Up?

  • Vanessa, a caller, shares her story of having an ex’s name covered with skin-colored ink (08:03), suggesting Max do the same and even let Kelly choose the cover tattoo (10:15).
    • “Let her pick out what to cover it with.” —Ashley, caller (10:31)

• Plausibility of the Story:

  • The panel and callers cast doubt on the “so drunk I didn’t know” angle.
    • “If you’re that drunk not to remember what’s going on, no tattoo artist on the planet is going to be able to tattoo your arm without you.” —Ryan (12:25)

• Own Up with Humor or Sincerity?

  • Some suggest turning it into a joke; others think Kelly will never believe it was a prank or honest mistake (12:05, 14:08).
    • “That’s the funniest thing ever. He was drunk, he was stupid. His friends got a joke over on him. Let her enjoy the laugh too.” —Vanessa, caller (12:05)

Relationship Dynamics

• The ex’s name is known to Kelly—she will recognize it. Max concedes this (13:45).
• The cast discusses how having an ex’s name on your body is a relationship landmine no matter the story.
• Possible (tongue-in-cheek) suggestions include adopting a dog named Amanda or adding to the tattoo: “Amanda Sucks” (13:50, 15:26).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It’s a nice big heart, underneath it nice engraved Amanda, always… my girlfriend’s name is Kelly.” —Max, 02:56
• “How have you hid that from her?” —Burt
  “I told her I hit my arm and I had a really bad black and blue.” —Max, 05:23
• “I would drag one of my friends that was there that night with me to go tell her.” —Jack, 06:46
• “Do not get somebody else’s name tattooed on your face.” —Jack, 09:52
• “You know what? I ran out of money and I couldn’t get the rest of it on. That’s what this is.” —Jack (joking about how to spin the tattoo), 11:55
• “The only way, I think, to rectify this is to remove the shoulder entirely.” —Burt, 13:24
• “You gotta go straight at her and just go, look, I want you to see what’s on my shoulder. And before you get mad, you want to know why it’s there. This is a constant reminder of how much I hate Amanda and love you, baby.” —Caller/Guest, 15:08
• “Hey, Max, you gotta give us a call back and let us know right before you’re about to tell her. Okay?” —Burt, 15:45
• “Amanda sucks or something.” —Max, 15:29

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:50] Max introduces his problem; tattoo reveal
• [02:54] Max admits name is not his girlfriend's
• [03:46] Panel reacts: ex-girlfriend’s name, not just the wrong name
• [04:25] Tattoo shop protocols and doubts on Max's story
• [05:23] Max describes his attempt to hide tattoo from Kelly
• [06:45] Advice segment begins: drag a friend in
• [08:03] Vanessa (caller) shares her “Keith” tattoo solution
• [10:15] More advice: let Kelly pick the cover-up
• [12:05] Another caller says just tell her, maybe she’ll laugh
• [13:24] “Remove the shoulder entirely”—hyperbolic advice
• [14:08] Consensus: “you’re screwed”—no good solution
• [15:08] Plan: Frame the tattoo as a statement about hating Amanda/loving Kelly
• [15:49] Wrap-up: Max agrees to come clean and update the show

Conclusion

This episode is a perfect blend of humor, disaster, and relatable bad decisions, with the Bert Show cast and listeners contributing both practical and outlandish advice on what to do when you get an ex’s name tattooed on your body. The consensus is clear: be honest (eventually), don’t rely on “I was drunk” as an excuse, and never, ever get someone’s name—especially an ex—tattooed on you. Max’s fate with Kelly? To be continued, as he promises to call back after revealing the tattoo.