Vault: He Had A Wet Dream In His Friends Bed?!

Summary

The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Podcast: The Bert Show
Episode: Vault: He Had A Wet Dream In His Friend’s Bed?!
Air Date: January 14, 2026
Host: Bert & The Bert Show Cast
Episode Focus: A listener’s embarrassing dilemma: having a wet dream in a female friend’s bed and what to do next.

---

Episode Overview

This episode dives into an awkward real-life scenario submitted by a male listener (“Kay”). He recounts having a wet dream while sleeping (platonically) in a longtime female friend’s bed, feeling paralyzed by embarrassment and unsure if he should bring it up, ignore it, or if the incident has ruined any budding romantic potential. The Bert Show team discusses the matter with humor and compassion, soliciting advice and real-time opinions—especially from female listeners—to determine how best to handle the situation.

---

Key Topics and Discussion Points

1. Setting Up the Dilemma (01:18–03:23)

• Content Warning: Hosts remind listeners this segment isn’t kid-friendly, inviting those with children nearby to skip this one.
• Listener Introduction: Kay calls in, detailing that after a night hanging out (not sexual), he passed out in his female friend's bed and woke up after a wet dream. He’s mortified.
• Embarrassment and Uncertainty: Kay doesn’t know whether she noticed, but he thinks she did; they haven’t spoken since.
• “Should I admit it or just let it go?” Kay is concerned this might thwart his hopes for a romantic connection.

2. Discussing Wet Dreams & Adult Embarrassment (03:23–05:10)

• Normalcy of Wet Dreams: The cast—especially the men—reassure Kay this is a normal, if embarrassing, biological occurrence that can happen past adolescence.
• Awkwardness Amplified: The cast jokes about there being no way to “joke” about it, and how such an incident is mortifying even among close friends.
  • “Even if you're best friends, I don't think that's something you could ever joke about.” – Kristin (04:54)
• Perspective Divide: The hosts agree men might brush it off, but they want female perspectives: "For women, it's a bit of a tougher obstacle to get around or over—or clean up." – Bert (05:46).

3. Women Listeners Weigh In – Advice & Reactions (07:03–12:31)

• General Sentiment: Nearly all women callers and panelists say Kay is making too big a deal out of it.
  • “I think she’s just as uncomfortable as he is. If he’s interested, he should just go for it... I don’t think he should stress out over this.” – Lisa (07:03)
  • “It’s an act of nature. Get over it.” – Pam (08:15)
• To Confess or Not?: Most say not to bring it up unless she does, or just to apologize briefly and move on.
• Could Be a Compliment?!: One caller laughs, “If you tell her she was in your dream, is that a compliment?” (08:34)
• No Dealbreaker: Several women distinguish this from much “worse” sleep incidents (“If he was a bedwetter, forget about it.” – Abby, 09:19), and believe it won’t count against him if he’d like to pursue something more.

4. What Should Kay Do Now? (12:00–13:06)

• Directness Can Work: Hosts and callers encourage a short, sincere apology if he needs closure, then moving the conversation forward.
  • “Just say, ‘Sorry, I was embarrassed.’ And then just move on. K’s going to end up worrying about this longer than the actual conversation.” – Kristin (12:00)
  • “You could send a new set of sheets as an apology gift.” – Tracy (11:45)
• Female Listeners: Not a Big Deal: The consensus from the women—move on, don’t stress.

5. Psychological Angle – Women and Bodily Functions (13:08)

• Abby’s Perspective: “I think it’s because we’re a lot more comfortable with bodily functions than you guys are... We have things happening that are a lot worse on a much more regular basis.”
• Minor in the Big Picture: Hosts suggest this will one day be a funny, minor story if Kay and his friend become a couple.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On male embarrassment:
  “It’s probably a subject that resonates more with men than women, but embarrassing nonetheless...” – Bert (01:28)

• Kay, on the aftermath:
  “I got up in the morning, of course, totally embarrassed, didn’t say anything… just took off. I haven’t talked to her since.” – Kay (03:23)

• Female advice on perspective:
  “She’s just as uncomfortable about it as he is. If he’s interested—just go for it... I don’t think he should stress out over this.” – Lisa (07:03)

• The hosts on laughing it off:
  "Jokey wet dream guy... Jokey nocturnal emission guy." – Bert & Kristin joking (07:35–07:44)

• Comparing scenarios:
  “If he peed himself, just don’t ever talk to her again. But this is not as big a deal.” – Abby (08:46)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:18–03:23]: Kay shares his story and embarrassment.
• [03:23–05:10]: Cast discusses wet dreams, adult embarrassment.
• [07:03–12:00]: Female listeners give advice; consensus emerges.
• [12:00–13:08]: Final advice; hosts wrap up takeaways.
• [13:08–End]: Abby’s perspective on women and bodily functions.

---

Summary & Takeaways

The Bert Show delivers its trademark humor and honest talk to a potentially mortifying listener problem—ultimately normalizing bodily functions, dissolving shame, and offering practical relationship advice. The collective wisdom:

• Don’t make it a bigger deal than it is
• Apologize sincerely if needed, but move forward
• For most women—and potential relationships—it’s not a dealbreaker

As Bert says, “The longer you wait, the more difficult it’s gonna be to make that first phone call. Do it today, dude. Get that weird tension out of the way.” (13:38)

Transcript

[A]

In a world where January is supposed to be boring, one staple of the holidays refuses to end the great deals. At Verizon, the joy just keeps on coming. Right now, you can save on four new phones and four lines. Critics agree it's the deal that keeps on giving. Come into Verizon and save on four new phones and four lines on unlimited. Welcome. Additional terms [e-mail] for details.

[B]

Hey, it's Raj and Noah. And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right.

[C]

Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong.

[B]

But who isn't? That's why each week, we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming.

[C]

We'll be talking to experts in their fields who are definitely doing things right, so the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us.

[B]

Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts.

[C]

And for the first time ever, we're gonna have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're gonna be right here to help you do them better.

[D]

Love y'. All.

[E]

Hey, the Bird Show. Let me warn you that if you are driving around with kids right now, we'll see you tomorrow morning. In this one.

[F]

Even kids. Or I would also say elderly parents.

[E]

This one's not gonna be pretty. Um, it's probably a subject that probably resonates more with men than it does women, but embarrassing nonetheless. We're gonna call this Burt Show Listener. Kay.

[G]

Hello.

[E]

Kay.

[H]

Hello.

[E]

How are you today, sir?

[H]

I'm good.

[E]

Dude. When producer Tracy told me about your email, I feel so bad for you.

[H]

Yeah, I'm trying to figure out what to do.

[E]

Cause this is out of your control, even.

[I]

Yeah, I don't Jen. And I don't know. I don't know if Jeff knows, but. Yeah. Kay. What happened?

[H]

Okay. Over the weekend on Saturday night, I have this longtime female friend, and I passed out with her in her bed the other night. And it was just sort of. It was sort of like a stepping stone kind of thing. Like, nothing sexual happened between us, but, you know, I just passed on airbread, woke up in the middle of the night, and I had had a wet dream.

[G]

This happens to men.

[H]

Yeah, it happens to me occasionally.

[E]

Yeah, it can. You've never. Not once.

[G]

That was a teenage boy thing.

[D]

It's.

[E]

There are some guys where. Yeah, it still happens.

[I]

Oh, no. And in the most inconvenient place.

[H]

Yeah.

[F]

Which way were you facing?

[H]

None of it actually got on her, but it got on me. It got on the sheets.

[E]

All right, let's not get. Let's not get all crazy graphic about it and all.

[F]

Try not to think of that Tom Cruise video from yesterday.

[H]

Right.

[I]

So I'm.

[D]

Oh, God.

[I]

That's not a microphone.

[G]

So.

[I]

So I'm curious. Okay. You realize that this had happened. Like I take it she realized it had happened too.

[H]

She. Yeah, she. I was obviously, I was trying to be as quiet and inconspicuous as possible and she ended up waking up and saw, you know, what had happened but didn't say anything, went back to sleep. I got up in the morning, of course, totally embarrassed, didn't say anything to her, just took off. And I haven't talked to her since. But I'm trying to figure out if I should, you know, if I should say something about this, if I should just pretend like it didn't happen.

[E]

404-741-1005 what are you hoping for the end result to be? You said this is a long term friend. Are you hoping that this turns into something else?

[H]

I would like it to, yeah. I mean, I'm wondering if I blew it, you know.

[I]

Well.

[E]

And that would be.

[I]

Yes. Yes.

[D]

Kay.

[I]

So long term friend, like how long have y' all known each other? Been buddies, like really close pals or.

[H]

Yeah, well, I mean, I. I knew her before, like six months ago. We started, you know, hanging around more for the past six months or so, you know, just occasionally and stuff. And I mean, obviously wanting to move things up to the next level. And it obviously didn't.

[I]

So not close enough friends.

[H]

Yeah.

[I]

Not close enough friends to joke about her.

[E]

Can't joke about that yet. No. I don't know.

[F]

Even if you're a really close friend, I mean, even if you're like best friends. I don't think that's something that you could ever joke about.

[I]

Yeah.

[G]

Recover from. Don't you think she probably feels just as uncomfortable as he does, though? It's like the big elephant in the room that nobody's talking about type of thing.

[D]

Maybe.

[E]

I don't know.

[I]

Well, I mean, she, to me, she would not know what to do. I mean, that's not something that we would have to deal with. So I mean, to Me, the burden is on Kay, not on her.

[E]

Here is the deal. Like, I think we need to just take calls from women because all the guys are calling up saying the same thing. It's not a big deal. Don't even worry about it. It's not even a big deal. But if you're the guy, you're gonna think that. But we don't know what the woman is going to think. So to get her reaction, I think we've got to only take calls from women. Does that make sense?

[I]

Yeah. So he has a better idea of how to handle this with his friends.

[E]

Right. Because all guys are going to go. It's not a big deal. It happens to us guys. We're guys. Yeah, it's not a big deal. But for women, it's going to be a little bit. Yeah. Tougher obstacle to get around or over or clean up.

[I]

Yeah, she. She. She had to clean it up.

[E]

So intern Jim, clear the lines of the dudes, and let me just take phone calls from the women. Kay, I'm gonna have you hold on.

[H]

Okay.

[E]

And we'll turn the voice disguiser off. We'll talk to some virtual listeners, and then come back to you. All right, here's what I thought. It was a woman that he just hooked up with that really. That he really liked and wanted to continue a relationship with her. I think this may be worse.

[F]

Or something.

[E]

Yeah. Because this is a girlfriend that. And we talked about this yesterday. There's no such thing really, here as guys and girls being friends, because chances are pretty good that a guy is in this relationship just kind of like waiting in the weeds for the right time to strike.

[D]

Right.

[E]

Which is where he's at. Except he's thinking there's no way to recover from this. And, yeah, it does happen with adult men. Like, generally, I think it stops at, like, 16, 17. But it can still. Yeah, it still can happen. Yeah. You've never. Even when you were in high school.

[H]

Nope.

[B]

Really?

[E]

Yep. Good morning.

[F]

I'm very clean.

[E]

Hey, Lisa.

[J]

Hey.

[E]

How are you?

[J]

Okay. I don't think you should worry about it. I mean, I think Jen hit the nail on the head. She's probably just as uncomfortable about it as, you know, as he is. And if he's interested in her, he should just go for it, you know, because she knows what happened.

[I]

So not say anything or say something.

[J]

No, I mean, I, you know, I would just. I mean, if he's interested in her, take her out or whatever. I mean, I. And if she, you know, if she's not interested Then she'll say no. But I think he. I don't think you should stress out over this.

[E]

I think I'd have to say something.

[F]

You have to? Well, you would be like, jokey wet dream guy.

[E]

Jokey nocturnal emission guy.

[F]

Jokey ejaculation guy.

[B]

Gross.

[E]

Yeah. I don't know how you would even start the conversation. Go ahead, Burt.

[F]

Try to make a joke about that.

[E]

I can't.

[I]

I get. The first thing that I thought of is, like, bring. Bring detergent over. I know you had to use this, you know, because of me earlier. Here's, you know, yeah, you can.

[H]

Situation.

[G]

But I should talk about it.

[I]

You can't.

[E]

Good morning, Pam. You're on. All the hits.

[I]

That'll leave a mark.

[J]

I think he's making too much of it. It's an act of nature. Get over it.

[E]

All right, so what is, if he wanted to just be honest with her and just kind of break down that wall, what's the best way for him to approach you about it?

[J]

I wouldn't say anything about it at all. Unless she does and say, well, you were in my dream. What can I say?

[E]

Is it a compliment to a woman if you tell her that? Is it a compliment to her?

[J]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Really? Hey, Jen.

[D]

Yeah.

[J]

I mean, it's a normal thing. I mean, he can't control it. It's not like he wet the bed.

[F]

Are you sure?

[G]

Right. I thought that that's where we were going. I'm with her. I thought when he started to tell the story, he was gonna say that he peed himself because he talked about passing out. So I would say on a scale of grossness, that the ping himself, then just don't ever talk to her again. Just sign it off, let her go. But the fact that it was this nocturnal accident thing that just kind of naturally happens, I don't think that's. I don't think that's as big of a deal. I really don't. I don't think that I would not date a guy because of that.

[E]

Okay. I don't think. I don't know.

[G]

But if he was a bedwetter, forget about it.

[F]

Now, the thing is, if he ever goes over to her house again, what ends up happening? Like, do they climb in bed and then he wakes up and, like, opens one eye and sees her putting an ironing board up between him or some lining up a wall of pillows or sandbags.

[I]

Well, hopefully something will happen between him where it can happen in a. You know, not in his sleep.

[F]

But as a woman, aren't you thinking, well, you know what? This guy, he's quick draw.

[G]

No, I don't think so. I think it was the anticipation. He likes this girl. He's probably been thinking about it. He was probably worked up by being in the bed with her. She obviously likes him enough to let him sleep next to her. And I mean, obviously they were drinking because he said they passed out together. So she obviously is comfortable enough to let this drunk man sleep in her bed. As her friend, there's. There's a blurred line of what she wants going on here too. Because if it was just somebody I strictly wanted to be friends with, you better believe they'd be on the couch.

[E]

I wonder if she will allow him to spend the night in her bed the next time they're in the same situation.

[I]

Part of me feels like she's doing the same thing we're doing with Kay. Like, I'm sure she's gone to her friend. I mean, like, and ask advice on how. What do I do? I say anything? What do I say? I mean, like. Cause she doesn't know what to do.

[F]

What if he tries to offer? Like, what if he's like, what if he tries to tell a story in the future that addresses the issue, but, like, what if he's like, God, you know what I did again last night? I fell asleep with a fast food restaurant mayonnaise packet in my pocket. I do that all the time. It drives me nuts.

[I]

No, no. Yeah, Jeff.

[E]

No nocturnal admission. Jokey guy. Hey, Amber.

[F]

Trying to help the guy.

[J]

Hey, how are you doing?

[E]

Fine, thanks.

[F]

Do some kegel exercises, man.

[I]

In his packet in the pocket.

[B]

Dude.

[E]

Hey, Amber. Hey.

[J]

I think he should ask her out and just, like, if she doesn't say anything directly about it, I wouldn't say anything directly about it either. But chances are, you know, she's not even making a big deal about it.

[E]

I could not have that lingering in the back of my mind. I would be thinking about it all the time, wondering if she was gonna bring it up when the conversation was gonna happen. I would just have to, I think, somehow, some way, say, oh, boy, this is really gonna be uncomfortable, but I think we have to talk about what happened on Saturday night and then let it happen and then be done with it.

[G]

And she might even give him the grace period and be like, oh, really? I didn't even notice that. Like, okay, you know, like, she might give him the polite answer and at least it's out there in the open. They don't have to talk about it ever again.

[E]

Hey, Tracy.

[J]

I think it's no big deal at all. I think that he should have said something in the beginning. Now it might be a little difficult, but he should probably send her a set of sheets or something to apologize with.

[H]

A.

[F]

Not great.

[I]

I just think. I think that, I mean, it's obviously bothering him enough. I do agree that something probably has to be said, but it could be so. It could so short and minor and just say, you know what? I'm sorry, I was embarrassed, I'm sorry. And then just move on. And then that'll be enough. You know, you'll. Kay's gonna end up worrying about this longer than the actual conversation.

[F]

And one of those funky little five point shops has a card just for that purpose.

[G]

You never know.

[F]

I'm sorry what I did in your bed. Hey, Katie.

[E]

Hey.

[F]

A little poem or something.

[J]

I've got the same thing as all the other women. I don't think it's a very big deal. This stuff happens. If they're interested in each other, I think they can look past it and just kind of move on. Like, yeah, this is just gonna be a funny, like, hey, remember when you did blah, blah, blah, like, you know, a couple months or years from now, if it actually works out okay, no big deal at all.

[E]

Not a big deal to women. All right, let's get Kay back on. On the voice disguiser. Hey, Kay. Most are saying, look, this is really not a big deal. You could either a, approach it with her or just let it go. But it's the most women, all women calling up saying, don't even sweat it.

[H]

Yeah, I think I'm gonna talk to her.

[G]

I think it's because we're a lot more comfortable with bodily functions and things that happen to our bodies than you guys probably are with yours. So, Kay, you're probably really embarrassed about your functions, but we have things that are happening that are a lot worse on a much more regular basis than y'. All. So I think that something like that to us is like, whatever.

[I]

Now, Kate, how long has it been since you talked to her?

[H]

Well, this. This was on Saturday night.

[I]

Okay?

[H]

So either one of us is taking the initiative.

[I]

That's not a big deal. Not.

[D]

All right.

[E]

The longer you wait, the more difficult it's gonna be to make that first phone call. Do it today, dude. Get that weird tension thing out of the way.

[F]

Have you talked to your dad about this?

[H]

I would talk to my dad, walk.

[I]

On the beach and, you know, have that personal conversation with dad.

[E]

If he's not available, then your grandfather would be fantastic.

[B]

Well.

[F]

Or your mom.

[G]

Mom, did dad ever do this to you?

[E]

All right, Kay. Good luck, man.

[H]

Thank you very much.

[G]

All right.

[E]

Hey, the bird Show.

[A]

In a world where January is supposed to be boring, one staple of the holidays refuses to the great deals at Verizon. The joy just keeps on coming. Right now you can save on four new phones and four lines. Critics agree it's the deal that keeps on giving. Come into Verizon and save on four new phones and four lines on unlimited. Welcome. Additional terms. Apply seeverizon.com for details.

[J]

Hey, it's Raj and Noah.

[B]

And we're back with a new season of Am I Doing It Wrong? The show that explores the all too human anxieties we have about trying to get our lives right.

[C]

Because we're still doing a lot of stuff wrong.

[B]

But who isn't? That's why each week we're talking about the topics that we could all use a little helping hit with. Whether it's making new friends as an adult, managing our emotions, or even dreaming.

[C]

We'Ll be talking to experts in their fields who are definitely doing things right. So the rest of us can be a bit wiser and a lot better equipped to handle whatever life throws at us.

[B]

Subscribe now and listen to new episodes of Am I Doing It Wrong? Dropping every Thursday starting January 1st, wherever you get your podcasts.

[C]

And for the first time ever, we're going to have full video episodes on YouTube. Because as long as there are things to get wrong, we're going to be right here to help you do them better.

[D]

Hi, this is Christy from Back to the Bar. You've probably heard about GLP1 weight loss medications and the side effects that can come with jumping in too fast. That's why I love Noom. Makes getting started easy. Their microdose GLP1 program begins with a smaller dose and gradually scales up based on how your body reacts. The Noom GLP1 microdose program starts at $99 and is delivered to your door and sample seven days. Start your microdose GLP1 journey today at noom.com that's n o o m.com Noom micro changes big results average weight loss 8 pounds in first month. Meds and personalization based on clinical need and not available to all individuals. Medications are not reviewed by FDA for safety, efficacy or quality. Pricing based on first month only.