Vault: He Had To Chose To Save His Wife or Kid

Summary

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The Bert Show – Vault: He Had To Choose To Save His Wife or Kid

Release Date: May 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, The Bert Show team dives deep into an unthinkable real-life dilemma faced by a New Zealand man, Stacy Horton: he had to choose between saving his wife or his son from a sinking car. The hosts, along with callers, wrestle with the layers of morality, instinct, and logistics involved in such split-second life-or-death choices.
The conversation becomes a broader discussion on parental instinct, gendered perspectives, and judgment—offering heartfelt, candid reflections and even some dark humor to process the tragedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Incident

• Story Breakdown:
  • Stacy Horton’s wife and 13-year-old son (along with his son's best friend) were in a car that ended up in a river very close to their home.
  • Wife is severely injured, flailing in the water; the son is trapped in the sinking car.
  • Brief moment in which Stacy can only attempt to save one at a time. Ultimately, he saves his wife, but loses his son.
  • (01:24–04:05)

“...He’s got a quick decision to make. Do I help my wife or do I go after my son?” – Host 1 (02:54)

2. The Agonizing Choice

• Analysis of Stacy's Decision:
  • Hosts discuss the aftermath: Stacy must live with his choice and the immense burden of wondering, ‘What if?’
  • Immediate, instinctual reactions—what does each host think they would do?
  • Acknowledgement that theory and reality diverge sharply under stress.
  • (04:05–06:11)

“On paper, it feels to me like I would continue to try to go with the car to save my son... But when you’re there, it depends on who’s closest, I guarantee.” – Host 1 & Host 2 (06:34–06:47)

3. Gender Perspectives & Parental Instincts

• Internet Reactions & Gender Divide:
  • Noted split between how men and women, particularly in online forums, claim they’d react.
  • Women (mothers) tend to say they would choose the child; men are more often split, some would save the spouse.
  • Reflections on “maternal instinct” versus paternal.
  • How much is instinct, how much is logistics/proximity?
  • (04:55–05:58), (09:22–09:54)

“Is maternal instinct ultimately stronger than paternal variety? ...Do women love their children more than they love their husbands?” – Host 1 (05:42–05:49)

4. The Reality vs. Hypotheticals

• Can Anyone Really Judge?
  • The hosts emphasize the impossible position—no outside observer can definitively say what’s “right.”
  • Many possible variables: injury, consciousness, proximity, feasibility of rescue, etc.
  • Several hosts and callers point out “you don’t know till you’re there.”
  • (06:11–07:59)

“...In that moment, how in the world can you say what you would have done?” – Host 4 (06:11)

5. Callers’ Perspectives

• Rachel (08:07):

  • Praises Stacy’s bravery, emphasizes our lack of right to judge: “I think it was extremely brave and we have no right to judge or...become as judgmental as they are.” (08:07)

• Nadine (09:17):

  • Reinforces maternal instinct: “As far as mothers are concerned, it’s more of an instinct thing—they’re always going to go for their children versus their spouse, but until your place is in that situation, no one can say what they’re actually going to do.” (09:22)

• David (11:07):

  • Shares a faith-based rationale for saving the spouse: “I believe that if they were to pass away at this moment, they would directly go with God, and my wife and I have more children. And that’s why I believe I would save my wife first.” (11:07)

• Hosts React:
  The hosts treat callers’ perspectives with respect, sometimes injecting humor to lighten the heaviness.

6. Emotional and Marital Fallout

• Consequences Beyond the Moment:
  • Potential long-term trauma for the family and marriage—no easy answer.
  • Noted the couple had two other children at home; every outcome is deeply consequential.
  • (10:26–10:55)

“...Even though he saved her, they’re going to have a rough spell in their marriage because of this. If he lost his wife, the family would be in dire straits...There’s not one clear cut easy decision.” – Host 2 (10:32)

7. Postscript – Professional Validation

• Input from Rescue Workers:
  • Fire rescue reassured Stacy that nothing more could have been done—the scenario was physically impossible.
  • Validation can offer solace, but grief remains.
  • (12:16–12:26)

“There’s no way that you would have been able to unstrap your child. There’s no way.” – Host 1 (12:22)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “A novelist once said, men love women, women love children, and children love hamsters.” – Host 1 (09:35)
• “It’s an impossible question to answer unless you’re right there.” – Host 1 (11:59)
• “Game changer.” – Host 1, humor after a co-host’s wife says she’d save the dog first because “I’ve seen you open a car door hundreds of times. I’ve never seen Sasha (the dog) do it.” (08:56–09:12)

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Timestamps of Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:24-04:05| The story of Stacy Horton and the river rescue dilemma | | 04:05-06:11| The hosts deliberate: instinct vs. logistics, “What would you do?” | | 06:11-07:59| Discussing judgment, gender lines, and the impossibility of clarity in crisis | | 08:07-08:46| Rachel calls in—bravery and the right to judge | | 08:46-09:12| Hosts humorously discuss the ‘save the dog vs. spouse’ question | | 09:17-09:54| Nadine calls—maternal instinct and the situational nature of choice | | 10:26-10:55| Marital fallout and consequence for the wider family | | 11:07-11:47| David calls—faith-based reasoning for saving the spouse | | 12:16-12:26| Fire rescue's professional reassurance: nothing more could have been done |

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Conclusion

The episode conveys the gut-wrenching nature of sudden tragedy and the impossibility of “correct” choices when confronted with a loved one’s life in danger. Through honest discussion, the hosts illuminate how, in crisis, instincts may overrule hypothetical logic and judgment from outsiders is never so clear-cut.
A mix of empathy, moral questioning, and even humor provides space to grapple with this harrowing story—and reminds listeners that, ultimately, no one really knows what they'd do until it happens.

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Transcript

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[Host 1]

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[Host 2]

Oh God.

[Host 3]

It's literally one minute from his driveway right there.

[Host 1]

She's panicking. I don't know that she called the New Zealand equivalent of 911 or she called her husband first or whatever, but she's got her 13 year old in the back. Also and this car is starting to sink. So the husband, Stacy is his name, obviously, gets out of the house as quickly as he can. And he drives to this river. Like Jeff said, it's just a minute or two away. When he gets there, the car is just. It's going down and it's going down, and it's going down. His wife has escaped from the car, but something she hadn't. She hadn't escaped yet.

[Host 3]

The wife. There are three people in the car. The wife, the son, who is how old?

[Host 1]

13.

[Host 3]

And the son's best friend. The son's best friend was out of the car. The wife was struggling to get out. The son was still in the car. And the decision he had to make is, who does he free?

[Host 1]

Well, he. That's not the way I read it, that he had to go down and get her. The way I read it is she's in the water, but she's hurt pretty badly, so she can't even swim right. So she's not in the car. So she's kind of flailing around while the son is in the car. He's not sure that she can make it back to shore. So he's got a quick decision to make. Do I help my wife or do I go after my son? So he dives down to go after the son, and he comes back up for air, and he can't get into the car. The wife is still flailing, and she's starting to sink now also. So now he's got another decision to make. Do I go for the wife or do I go back down for my son? He decides to go for the wife. So he saves her, brings her back to the side of the riverbank. She's safe. He goes back in car goes under, and he loses his son.

[Host 3]

It's like nighttime too, right? So there's not even a chance. I don't even know the car's gone.

[Host 2]

So sad.

[Host 1]

So he's got to live with this now. Should I have gone down one more time and tried to save her? So he's literally. I mean, the question in front of you really is if you have two to save, do you save your wife or do you save your child? And he had to. He had to make that decision on that second go around.

[Host 2]

But you talk about something that he had a sad to think about. You know what I mean? Like, God, what a tragic situation to be in.

[Host 1]

The only thing I could think when I was reading it is that if this is me and Stacy and our kids, I hope she knows it's okay that she saves the kids. Go ahead. I'm done. That's fine. I've had a nice life. I just got to meet Wyclef. I've had a nice life. Save the kids, and if I'm gone, I'm gone.

[Host 2]

Well, he tried. It seemed from the way you told the story, it sounds like that he. He tried to. Like that was what his instinct was, that he went to save his child and he couldn't do it. So, you know, I guess when you look at it in a different way, at least he could save one instead of going back to try to save the son unsuccessfully and then end up losing both of them.

[Host 1]

There's been a lot of comments posted about this, and there's sort of like a gender line that's been drawn in opinions. Let me just read from this article. It says many parents commenting on the story in online forums have said, I could never live with myself if I let my child, child die. Women, in particular seem to believe Stacy Horton should not have given up on his son, even if it meant losing his own life or sacrificing his wife. Interestingly, men were far more likely to say they would save their spouse. Moms faced with the same horrific dilemma seem to believe they would always, always put their child first and they would want their husbands to do the same. This begs some pretty profound questions, says this article. Is maternal instinct ultimately stronger than paternal variety?

[Host 2]

I think it's easy to make the comment, though, without actually being in the situation.

[Host 1]

Do women love their children more than they love their husbands?

[Host 2]

It just depends on it. Just, I mean, to me, it would be complete instinct in the water. And I don't know what the answer would be.

[Host 4]

I mean, if he thought, okay, I have to dive 20ft down now to get to the car. And the water pressure is so, so much and rushing so fast. It may be 30ft by the time I catch my breath to get back down.

[Host 2]

You know what I'm saying?

[Host 4]

It may have been a logistical decision rather than an ethical decision. Now, I think if you separate that situation from, you know, begging the question, the what ifs, I think it's a better debate. But to, you know, to sort of place that judgment on him, well, oh, he should have picked his son over his wife, that kind of thing. Like, in that moment, how in the world can you say what you would have done?

[Host 1]

You don't know.

[Host 4]

You don't know.

[Host 1]

Yeah, I know, I know. Like, on paper, it feels to me like I would continue to try to go with the car to save my son. And if Stacy made it, great. But I got to do everything I can to save the son, save my children. On paper, but when you're there, it

[Host 2]

depends on who's closest. I guarantee.

[Host 3]

I mean, but that's. That's the thing is the version of the story that I read had them both in the car and he had to pull. The difference was she was. Because of the way the car was tipped or tipping or something, she was more free, but was across like it was basically a 50. 50 is the way I read it. And he made the decision to pull his wife out. And even in the interviews afterwards, he said, I could have saved whatever his son's name was, but I didn't. Like that's.

[Host 1]

Now, this says when he arrived at the scene two minutes after the accident, Stacy could hear his wife Vanessa, screaming for help in the murky water. The 13 year was trapped in their Mazda station wagon.

[Host 3]

Yeah, I think she was.

[Host 1]

I don't think she was in it.

[Host 3]

If she wasn't in it, then the decision's easy for me. You pull her back, you get back out to the car. If you can't go down and get it, then you can't go down and

[Host 2]

get it, even if they're in it. Let's say he was knocked unconscious from the accident and she wasn't. I mean, there's so many factors that would play into it. If you get in the car and you have somebody that is awake and able to help themselves and help you help them, then I think in that instant, that's who you reach for. I mean, oh, my God, how tragic.

[Host 1]

You talk about not being able to judge. This is one situation I wouldn't even.

[Host 2]

Sure.

[Host 1]

Absolutely.

[Host 2]

Right.

[Host 4]

That's what I'm saying. All those harsh comments that you said on those blogs, that's scary.

[Host 1]

Hey, Rachel. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey, I think that in that situation where, I mean, obviously he's completely terrified and he has to make that really hard decision, whichever, regardless what he decided, I think it was extremely brave and we have no right to judge or people have no right to become as judgmental as they are. I mean, we always tend to look and say, well, if I was there, I would be so much better. But if he would have even tried to save his son and his son was unconscious, chances are they wouldn't have been able to resuscitate him with cpr. I mean, CPR doesn't always work anyway.

[Host 2]

Now I know that if Sully and I were in A car in the river, that Katie Jo would save the dog. And I know that for sure she would make that judgment in the water or on paper, but.

[Host 1]

And I know right now that the way that Stacy feels about Pancake, because he's been peeing and chewing on everything in the house, that if we both go down, she's probably pushing his head under the water.

[Host 3]

I've actually had that conversation with Jessica where I've said, if you're following us home from somewhere and I'm in the car with the dog and it wrecks and it tips over and it's on fire, I go, who do you get out first? And she thought about it for a minute, and she goes, I've seen you open a car door hundreds of times. I've never seen Sasha do it.

[Host 1]

Dude, game changer. Hey, good morning, Nadine, you're on Q100.

[Caller]

Oh, my God. Thank God I finally got through. No, I was good. I love you guys.

[Host 1]

Thank you.

[Host 2]

Thank you.

[Caller]

What I was getting ready to say was that I think it's more. As far as mothers are concerned, it's more of an instinct thing. They're always going to go for their children versus their spouse, but until your place is in that situation, no one can say what they're actually going to do.

[Host 1]

Yeah, the. The. The writer of this column quotes a novelist that once said, men love women, women love children, and children love hamsters. So a man would always choose to go for the wife first. A woman would always choose to go for the child and the child, and the child would go for the animal.

[Host 4]

The only thing I could agree with is that women's instinct to go after their children and isn't it sort of ingrained in our minds that men can take care of themselves, but children are helpless? So if you had that, you know, if you had that decision to make, sort of your maybe your instinctual thought is, well, you know, like, if Stacy had to save you or one of the kids, like, be like, okay, well, Bert's a man. He can save himself. Let me get the kid. Because he's helpless.

[Host 2]

I don't know. Just the whole situation. I mean, I can't. In my mind, I don't even have children, and I could not. I can't distinctly make a choice. I don't know what I would do.

[Host 1]

Does your opinion change at all if I tell you they have two other children that were at home at the time?

[Host 4]

No.

[Host 2]

You just never know what you would do. It is going to change their lives either way. Like, their marriage is going to be. Even though he saved her, they're going to have a rough spell in their marriage because of this. If he lost his wife, the family would be in dire straits for. I mean, it doesn't matter. There's not one clear cut easy decision.

[Host 1]

I don't know how accident, how the dad ever. I don't know how the dad ever gets the scene out of his head.

[Host 2]

He doesn't.

[Host 3]

He sees the tail lights disappearing under the water.

[Host 2]

Oh my God.

[Host 1]

Hey, David, you're on Q100.

[Caller]

Hey. I think I would save my wife first. And here's my reasoning for it. I've got two small girls and I love them very dearly, but they are innocent. And I believe that if they were to pass away at this moment, they would directly go with Cotton. And my wife and I have more children. And that's why I believe I would save my wife first.

[Host 3]

Wow, that's deep. That's heavy.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Host 3]

So I thought you were about to say that you weren't so sure your wife was gonna be a heavy.

[Host 2]

She did some more times straighten up

[Caller]

a little bit, straight to hell.

[Host 3]

I don't wanna give her that.

[Host 4]

She wanted to Hail Mary.

[Host 2]

I think his opinion might change if

[Host 4]

he was in that situation.

[Host 2]

Cause what if your little girls are screaming for you?

[Host 4]

I mean, if your child scream for

[Host 2]

you to help them would be reason enough to save them. It's proximity. I think that in the end it's proximity.

[Host 1]

It's impossible question to answer unless you're right there.

[Host 2]

It's like Jen just said, it's an accident. It is a random. I mean, well, I mean in your

[Host 4]

world, it's so hard to get over parents who lose children in accidents, anybody who loses anyone in an accident that

[Host 2]

you think could have been prevented and you had a control in control.

[Host 1]

The fire rescue guys did give him some relief and said, look, there is nothing you could have done had you gone down a second time or a third time.

[Caller]

You.

[Host 1]

There's no way that you would have been able to unstrap your child. There's no way.

[Host 4]

So he made the right decision. I mean from a practical standpoint, he saved who he could.

[Host 2]

And I believe the. I believe those rescue workers. But even if they would still lie

[Host 1]

to him, and they should, the first

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[Host 1]

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