Vault: He Lost to Women Who Chose Teams by Color

Summary

The Bert Show – Vault: He Lost to Women Who Chose Teams by Color

Air Date: July 8, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Bert Show takes a lighthearted look at the annual chaos and humble pie that is March Madness office bracket pools. The team zeroes in on the comedic injustice of dedicated sports fans losing to coworkers, friends, and partners who pick winners based solely on team colors, mascots, or amusing names—with little to no actual basketball knowledge. Listeners call in to share their bracket heartbreaks and hilariously unlikely triumphs, highlighting how sometimes expertise just doesn’t matter.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Bracket Agony of Real Sports Fans

• Jeff’s Humiliation: Jeff, a committed sports fan, laments how his deep research amounted to nothing.
  • Quote (02:24, Jeff): “Watched highlights, game film … knew who was on the bench … who was strong inside.”
  • Confession (03:36, Jeff): “98% of people who filled out a bracket are better than me. I’m in the 2 percentile—4 millionth place.”
• The Pain of Losing to ‘Random’ Picks: The cast jokes about bracket agony—especially when losing to people making whimsical (read: totally random) selections.
  • Quote (02:59, Jeff): “Like the salespeople … who just write teams through based on the colors.”
  • Quote (03:06, Buzz): “Or one hot dude. The hot center.”

The Office Pool “Bracket Rookies”

• Wendy’s Approach: Wendy admits to picking top seeds, but even that didn’t help much this year—her sole Final Four survivor is Duke.
  • Quote (03:23, Wendy): “And I only have one left and I didn’t pick that team to win. The only one left in my final four is Duke … so I don’t really have a lot of bragging rights right now.”
• The Lament of Overthinking:
  • Quote (05:52, Wendy): “You’re like rolling your eyes … Some guys overthink it—you overthink it.”

Listener Call-ins: Victories of the Uninitiated

• Jennifer’s Potato Logic (05:26–05:50): Jennifer confesses to picking Boise because she loves potatoes—and won her bracket, beating all the sports guys and taking home $500.
  • Quote (05:26, Jennifer): “I picked like Boise because I like potatoes and they come from Idaho and I won the whole thing.”
  • Quote (05:43, Jennifer): “Everybody, all the guys were in it. They’re all mad I won $500.”
• John’s Humble Pie (05:57–06:48): John admits his wife, who knows nothing about basketball, is cleaning up in their office pool after picking teams based on names she liked.
  • Quote (06:01, Jennifer/John): “The wife filled out a bracket for our company’s one and I am completely out of the running. If I played the wife’s, I’d be in second.”
  • Quote (06:29, Buzz): “So she didn’t really have any college basketball education. She just picked it by the sound of the name.”
  • Quote (06:40, Wendy): “You can’t offend her. She's beating you.”

The Everlasting Bragging Rights

• The Power of the ‘One-and-Done’ Victory: The team debates whether a random win means you should quit while you’re ahead to preserve bragging rights forever.
  • Quote (07:02, Buzz): “If you’re doing so well … don’t try it again because you have the ultimate bragging rights.”
  • Quote (07:15, Hayden): “If you only win one, it’s debatable forever.”
  • Quote (07:25, Wendy): “What Brandon’s going to do is erase this year if he does better next year. Why can’t women do the same thing?”

The World Cup Extension

• Future plans: The cast jokes about using similarly “random” strategies for future World Cup brackets, such as picking countries they want to visit or choosing based on team colors and funniest names.
  • Quote (04:38, Wendy): “I would like to be able to pick it on, like, the countries I want to go visit …”
  • Quote (04:56, Jeff): “You pick the team with the funniest names.”
  • Quote (04:58, Bert): “No, the ones with the hottest guys.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jeff’s Ultimate Humiliation
  • “98% of people who filled out a bracket are better than me. I’m in the 2 percentile—4 millionth place.” — Jeff (03:36)
• Jennifer’s Sweet Victory
  • “I picked like Boise because I like potatoes and they come from Idaho and I won the whole thing.” — Jennifer (05:26)
  • “Everybody, all the guys were in it. They’re all mad I won $500.” — Jennifer (05:43)
• Hayden on Bragging Rights
  • “The sad thing is, with something like this, she has bragging rights for eternity … five years from now, sports could come up and she goes, ‘Remember that time that I came in second in the company pool and you came in last?’” — Hayden (06:42)
• Buzz’s Advice to Women Bracket Winners
  • “Don’t try it again because you have the ultimate bragging rights. If you do it again, your chances are pretty good you’re not going to do as well the second time. One and out.” — Buzz (07:02)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:00] — Introductions and the story of bracket disappointment
• [03:23] — Wendy’s humble bracket result
• [03:36] — Jeff confesses his bracket agony (4 millionth place)
• [04:24] — Discussion about picking teams by name/color
• [05:26] — Jennifer calls in: wins picking based on potatoes
• [05:57] — John calls in: wife’s bracket “blind luck” out-performs him
• [07:02] — Debating whether to repeat a lucky win
• [07:25] — Wendy defends keeping victories alive like the guys do

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Conclusion

This episode offers a blend of commiseration and celebration, poking fun at the futility of bracket expertise and highlighting the unpredictable fun of March Madness. The cast and callers keep the tone playful, sharing stories of defeat (and triumph) at the hands of pure, sports-ignorant luck. Whether you’re a die-hard fan or an office-pool rookie, you’ll find something relatable—and hilarious—about the vagaries of bracket season.

Transcript

[Bert]

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[Buzz]

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[Buzz]

Here Bird Show Jeff had a great idea this morning for any of you that have filled out your brackets for basketball. Like our intern Brandon here. You guys thought you knew what you were doing. You're a lot like Brandon here and you did the research, started looking at the schedules of Some of the teams that were in the final 65 studied. Studied them, studied them. I mean, you knew who was on the bench. I mean, you knew who was strong inside.

[Jeff]

Watched highlights game film.

[Wendy]

I know you took my volunteers all the way to the elite eight, right?

[Jeff]

No.

[Wendy]

Uh huh.

[Buzz]

Would you have them knocked out?

[Jeff]

Yeah, yeah, I had to make it into sweet 16.

[Buzz]

All right, so at least you were sort of on par on that one. For all of you that filled out your brackets and you know what you're doing, we want to give you 15, 20 seconds just to vent about the people in your office or around you that are kicking your ass in the brackets this year.

[Hayden]

Especially if the people have no. Well, Wendy, I'm okay with. Wendy's a sportsman.

[Jeff]

I can get on board with Wendy beating me. It's.

[Hayden]

I'm talking about the people.

[Buzz]

She's a sportsman. Yeah.

[Jeff]

Like the salespeople who have no lives that basically live here that just write teams through based on the colors.

[Mood Sponsor]

Yeah.

[Buzz]

Or one hot dude. The hot center. 404. 741Q100. You want to complain about the people around you that are beating you in this NCAA pool? Yeah, you're right. Like Wendy. Well, Wendy's is almost offensive because she went with the top, the top seeds the entire way through. I mean, come on.

[Wendy]

And I only have one left and I didn't pick that team to win. So the only one left in my final four is Duke. Thank you, Kentucky, very much for losing that game. Very much. But yeah, I only have one left. So I don't really have a lot of bragging rights right now.

[Jeff]

Well, in my case, 98% of people who filled out a bracket are better than me. I'm in the 2 percentile of I'm in 4 millionth place. Place.

[Buzz]

4 million.

[Jeff]

4 millionth place.

[Wendy]

Now where did you do your bracket where you have 4 million people that

[Jeff]

are playing espn.com the worldwide leader in me losing

[Hayden]

now with you though, like that, while that is humiliating, embarrassing, especially for someone who claims to be such a sports fan.

[Jeff]

I am.

[Hayden]

The ESPN users are other sports fanatics.

[Oregon Lottery Announcer]

Yeah.

[Hayden]

Like somebody's six year old filled out a bracket and is smoking their dad right now.

[Buzz]

I think that's probably the better angle on it because we're not getting any calls from people that are venting. But I'll tell you what we will get are people that are willing to brag about how they know nothing about sports, but they're just kicking ass. So let's try that angle. 404-741-Q100.

[Jeff]

There's 4 million people who can rub into my face right about now. So, I mean.

[Wendy]

But you're confident on your next bracket?

[Jeff]

I am confident on the World cup bracket. I am 100% sure.

[Wendy]

We all do World cup brackets. I would like to be able to pick it on like the countries I want to go visit, the ones that I'd like to have a vacation to.

[Jeff]

And then when I win that one. And then.

[Wendy]

Yeah, and then if I beat your butt on that, I can wrap it in the face and the colors because soccer, soccer players have really, you know, because that's the one sport I really don't know anything about.

[Jeff]

You pick the team with the funniest names.

[Bert]

No, the ones with the hottest guys.

[Wendy]

Hey, Bert, will you have, if you

[Hayden]

do World cup, will you have Hayden fill it out for me?

[Jennifer]

Sure.

[Buzz]

He's going to fill it out for me too.

[Hayden]

Oh, okay.

[Jennifer]

Well, have Hollis.

[Buzz]

I'll fill it out for the whole team.

[Hayden]

Have Hollis do mine.

[Buzz]

Yeah, I think that you probably have as good a chance on guessing those words because some people, even in these in college brackets, they had no idea. They knew that they liked the word Butler or they liked Butler tires.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Buzz]

So they thought, okay, I'll go with Butler.

[Jennifer]

The Big red.

[Buzz]

Here's Jennifer. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Jennifer]

Hey, I just want to tell you all, a couple years ago we did the basketball thing and my husband had me pick all the the teams because I know nothing about it. And I picked like Boise because I like potatoes and they come from Idaho and I won the whole thing.

[Buzz]

That is maddening to a sports fan.

[Jennifer]

It, everybody, all the guys were in it. They're all mad I won $500. So I was complaining.

[Wendy]

Good for you.

[Buzz]

Congratulations.

[Jennifer]

Thank you.

[Wendy]

Oh, yeah, good for you. You're like rolling your eyes. Cuz some guys overthink it. You overthink it.

[Buzz]

Hey, John, good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Jennifer]

Good morning, Buzz. How you guys doing?

[Buzz]

Okay.

[Jennifer]

Yeah. Gotta eat some humble pie. The wife filled out a bracket for our company's one and I am completely out of the running. However, if I played the wife's, I'd be in second. She still has Butler and Duke and everybody else. And needless to say, that was brought up in my face all weekend.

[Jeff]

But at least you have your pride. You have your sports picking pride. Exactly.

[Jennifer]

And just like all you guys said. Oh, Butler, that's a good name. I'll go with that. Well, Duke, another one.

[Buzz]

So she didn't really have any College basketball education. She just picked it by the sound of the name.

[Jennifer]

She didn't even play a sport. She was on a dance team. Sorry, hon, she knows nothing.

[Wendy]

You can't offend her. She's beating you.

[Hayden]

And the sad thing is, with something like this, she has bragging rights for eternity.

[Bert]

Yes.

[Jennifer]

Appreciate that.

[Hayden]

Because like, five years from now, you all could be at a party or whatever and sports could come up and she goes, oh, my God. Remember that time that I came in second in the company pool and you came in last? God, what do you mean?

[Jeff]

This is why you make her pick a World cup bracket and then you win. Yeah, I'll give you feel better about it.

[Buzz]

I'll give women the advice right now. If you're doing so well in this tournament right now, don't try it again because you have the ultimate bragging rights. And if you do it again, your chances are pretty good you're not going to do as well the second time. One and out.

[Hayden]

Yeah, because right now they can argue that you just got. If you do more than one, then that's proof that you just got lucky. If you only win one, there's no, like, it's, it's. It's debatable forever.

[Wendy]

See, no, the way the guy does it. Like, what Brandon's going to do is he's going to erase this year if he does better next year. And so why can't woman do the same thing? Like, yeah, I may not have done well this year, but I still beat you last year.

[Jeff]

My women's bracket is on point, though. My woman's bracket is on point.

[Buzz]

Should you be bragging about that?

[Jeff]

No, I just need something to make me feel better.

[Wendy]

I don't think that's it.

[Jeff]

My woman's bracket's on point.

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[Jennifer]

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