Vault: He Needs Help Finding A Woman He Met In A Park

Summary

The Bert Show – "Vault: He Needs Help Finding A Woman He Met In A Park"

Date: February 3, 2026
Podcast Host: Pionaire Podcasting
Highlights: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy & the Bert Show Cast

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Episode Overview

This episode features a classic "help me find the one who got away" segment, with a listener named Matt reaching out to the Bert Show for help locating a woman he met during an eventful St. Patrick’s Day celebration at Park Tavern. The episode is lighthearted, full of the Bert Show’s trademark playful ribbing, teamwork, and listener participation as they attempt to track down “Allie,” the mysterious woman who made quite an impression on Matt during a drunken duck-hunting contest.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Matt’s Park Tavern Encounter

• Event Recap: Matt attended Park Tavern's St. Patrick’s Day party, arriving early (10 AM) and participating in a “leprechaun duck” hunt for a chance at a $1,000 prize.
• The Duck Contest:
  • [00:12] Matt: "I ended up finding 31 of the 100 ducks, which almost assured me of one of the prizes. And then she came along. Her name is Allie."
  • Prizes: $200 awarded to five winners, via raffle tickets earned for each duck found.

2. Details About Allie

• Physical and Personal Traits:

  • Brown eyes, similar looks to Renee Zellweger, blonde hair, 21–25 years old, in school, has a brother in Vegas, and a big fan of “Survivor.”
  • [01:12] Matt: "She has really amazing eyes. Most innocent I've ever seen... looked a lot like Renee Zellweger."
  • [03:42] Matt: "She had to be 21 to be at the party... maybe 5 foot 4."

• How They Met:

  • Allie approached Matt to buy some of his ducks to increase her own chance of winning.
  • [01:12] Matt: "She came to me asking me to purchase some of my ducks for $10... felt an amazing chemistry between both of us."

• Immediate Regret:

  • Matt failed to get Allie's phone number despite feeling a strong connection.
  • [01:59] Matt: "But like a little girl, I didn't get one piece of information I had to have, and that was her phone number."

3. The Bert Show's Detective Work

• Piecing Together the Clues:

  • The hosts go over the timeline, the oddball “duck contest,” Allie’s details, and the potential reach of the Wednesday Night Drinking Club community.

  • [02:56] Host: "Wednesday night drinking club party... that could help."

• Community Call to Action:

  • The hosts encourage listeners, especially those in the Wednesday Night Drinking Club, to help identify or connect with Allie.
  • [04:56] Host: “If you think you might have a connection here with this Allie... give us a call right now.”

• Tracking Her Down:

  • [05:23] Suggestion to check ticket sales or lists with the party coordinator.
  • [05:51] A host comments: "As funny as it is, I mean, the fact that Allie went up to Matt to try to buy off some of his ducks, I mean, I think that's a key to the puzzle, too."

4. Listener Responses and Progress

• Listener Jamie Calls In ([06:44]):

  • "Hey, guys. Love the show."
  • Points out the odd comparison to Renee Zellweger, particularly about the eyes.
  • [06:58] Jamie: "I've never seen Renee Zellweger’s eyes in my life."
  • [07:03] Host jokes: "Cause they are so small." (general laughter)

• Listener Mitch Provides A Lead ([07:12]):

  • Mitch attended the event, has a picture of Allie with friends.
  • [07:18] Mitch: “I do have a picture of Allie. She was with another girl. They were all wearing green.”
  • Will send the picture to the show for verification and posting.

• Closing The Loop:

  • The hosts plan to post Allie’s photo online hoping she or a friend will come forward, aiming to reconnect Matt and Allie.
  • [07:54] Host: “If you could send us that picture, we’ll put it up online and somebody will email us and we’ll be able to get them together.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Matt’s Description of Chemistry:
  • [01:12] Matt: "I felt an amazing chemistry between both of us. I guess it could have been the Red Bull, but, yeah, it felt really cool."
• Bert Show Banter:
  • [01:05] Host: “Somebody was so drunk when they brainstormed that around a whole bunch of other drunk people.”
  • [02:26] Host: "Hey, why don't you just put them all in costume and let them sit on Santa's lap while they're there."
• On Matt’s Dedication to Duck Hunting:
  • [08:14] Mitch: "He got there early. It wasn't fair either. He got there with the... before he started. He had them all before we even started."
  • [08:15] Host: "Dude, that's working a little too hard."
• Matt’s Self-Assessment:
  • [04:12] Matt: "I'm in like with her, Jeff." (playful callback to infatuation vs. love)

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Important Timestamps

• [00:12] Matt describes meeting Allie and the duck contest.
• [01:12] Matt recalls how Allie approached him, sparking his interest.
• [02:56] Hosts identify the event as a Wednesday Night Drinking Club party.
• [04:56] The call to listeners for leads.
• [05:53] Hosts discuss actionable ways to track down Allie.
• [06:44] Listener Jamie calls in; discussion about the Renee Zellweger comparison.
• [07:12] Listener Mitch calls, offers a photo of Allie.
• [08:14] Debrief on Matt’s duck-finding prowess and plans for sharing Allie's photo.

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Tone & Takeaways

True to Bert Show form, the episode is both comedic and heartfelt—a fun mixture of affectionate teasing, relentless encouragement, and gentle advice for Matt. The camaraderie is infectious, and the group’s willingness to help a listener chase a missed romantic opportunity highlights the show's authentic appeal and interactive spirit.

Summary:
If you enjoy light-hearted “where are they now?” love stories, playful podcast banter, and community-driven problem-solving, this episode is a classic example of The Bert Show in action. Whether or not Matt finds his mystery St. Patrick’s Day girl, listeners are sure to enjoy the ride.

Transcript

[A]

The Birch Show.

[B]

Hey, Matt. What's going on, man?

[C]

Hey, good morning, guys.

[D]

Hi.

[B]

Matt here was getting his drink on pretty good at park Tavern for St. Patrick's Day and missed the golden opportunity, right?

[C]

Yeah, pretty much. I had a Red Bull Vodka. Actually, I was drinking Red bull at about 10 in the morning last Saturday amidst all the snow. I decided to go down to Park Tavern for their annual St. Patty's Day party. And they had a duck contest, and they were asking people to look for little rubber leprechaun ducks and entertaining to.

[B]

Drink traditional St. Patty's Day at Park Tavern. Wag. Wag.

[A]

Hey, what size?

[C]

I'm wondering why. But Park Tavern was giving away $1,000 in cash to the people who found the most leprechaun ducks all over the tavern. So for each duck you found, they would give you a raffle ticket for a chance to win one of the five $200 prizes.

[A]

And they ended up. It's like mixing St. Patrick's Day with Easter, but instead of hiding eggs, they're hiding ducks, and they're not doing it on either holiday. It makes perfect sense.

[B]

Somebody was so drunk when they brainstormed that around a whole bunch of other drunk people.

[A]

I don't think that was drinking.

[B]

Yeah. So go ahead, Matt. So there you are.

[C]

Yeah. So I ended up finding 31 of the 100 ducks, which almost assured me of one of the prizes. And then she came along. Her name is Allie. That's about all I know. And she has the most. Actually, she has really amazing eyes. Most innocent I've ever seen. And she looked a lot like Renee Zellweger. And she had my attention from the beginning. Actually, she came to me asking me to purchase some of my ducks for $10. I didn't want to risk my chances winning the thousand for only ten bucks. But to make a long story short, I felt an amazing chemistry between both of us. I guess it could have been the Red Bull, but, yeah, it felt really cool.

[A]

Is that stuck in your pocket or you just happened to see me? Yeah.

[C]

But in a short time, I found out that she had a brother in Vegas, she had a thing for Survivor, and that she was in school. But like a little girl, I didn't get one piece of information I had to have, and that was her phone number.

[E]

Little girl, you a little girl Little girl, little girl, little girl, little girl.

[B]

I do love her.

[A]

We still laugh hard every time.

[B]

All right, but we got a couple of things to go on here. I mean, we know where she was. We know her name Was Ally, do you remember what color her eyes were?

[C]

Brown.

[D]

Yeah, you say that with confidence. Or you were had to think they were brown.

[B]

Okay, we know that she sort of looks like Renee Zellweger. We know that she's got her brother in Vegas and she's got some weird thing like she really digs the show Survivor.

[F]

And she's in school.

[C]

Right.

[D]

You don't know which school though.

[B]

Park View.

[F]

That would be very Bert Cho. And this is not a party that happened this just this weekend. But it was last weekend at Park Tavern. Right?

[C]

Right. Yeah, when it was snowing, all that stuff.

[F]

And wasn't that the Wednesday night drinking club party?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, that could help.

[A]

Well, that explains the ducks, the missing of the holiday and the hiding them like Easter eggs.

[D]

Missing of the holiday, the drinking club, drinking games.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, why don't you just put them all in costume and let them sit on Santa's lap while they're there.

[B]

You don't remember anything else about her? That's all you have?

[C]

That's about it. That's all I got.

[D]

At least you got a first name.

[F]

About how old do you think she is?

[C]

Yeah, I guess about. Well, she had to be 21 to be at the party, so. 21 to maybe 25. She's in school, so.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Blonde hair.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[F]

About how tall do you remember?

[C]

Shorter than me. So let's see. About five. I mean girls average about five' four. Maybe five to five' seven. Somewhere in there.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Do you love her?

[C]

I'm in like with her. Jeff.

[B]

I think the Wednesday night drinking club might be the best thing that we got going for us on this whole thing.

[F]

Cause so many people are connected and they all hang out together a lot.

[B]

They're a tight knit group.

[F]

I have a friend who was one of the coordinators of the party too. I can call her and see if there's any way to track names of people. Or maybe if she bought a ticket online I could see if she can look up the list or something.

[C]

Oh, wow. Well, you have to remember this was 10 in the morning. Like the party went till 3 in the morning, so it's long straight. I don't know if. I mean, I'm sure people had other things going on.

[A]

If you're, if you're friends with a girl who got there at 10 in the morning, you know who that girl is?

[D]

Oh, yeah. I think it's. I think if we have a better shot, the fact that you were there at 10:00am Totally.

[B]

All right, so here's what we're looking for. If you think you might have a connection here with this ally. She's got brown eyes, a little Renee Zellweger. Like her brother, lives in Vegas, and she's a big old fan of the show survivor. She's about 21 years old, maybe 5 foot 4. And she was at Park Tavern for their St. Patty's Day blowout. And that is a Wednesday night drinking club event. So if you're in Wednesday night drinking club, you may know a couple of alleys. Then give us a call right now. 404-741-Q100. And we'll see if we can tie him in together. All right, Matt, hold on one second. And we'll see if we get any bites. At this point, we don't have any, but sometimes it takes 24 hours to put these things together. If we get anything over the next couple of minutes, we'll get you back on. And if not, if we get anything after the show, we will try to tie up all the loose ends after the show and get you on tomorrow morning.

[C]

That was awesome. Thanks, Bert.

[B]

Okay, good luck.

[D]

And I think also with the Wednesday night drinking club, people like the fact that it was in the whole duck contest. As funny as it is, I mean, the fact that Allie went up to Matt to try to buy off some of his ducks, I mean, I think that's a key to the puzzle, too.

[F]

And it was their super bowl over this weekend, so I'm not surprised that not too many of them are listening right now.

[A]

They're not, right?

[F]

I mean, it is St. Patrick's Day. I mean, yeah, they could still be.

[B]

Drinking green beer or they're putting the makeup on. They're putting the green stuff on right now for tonight, getting ready. Yeah, you're right. It's like football players in a locker room hitting each other on the shoulders. Headbutting. For tonight, we're looking.

[A]

Slapping a sign as they run into Park Tavern.

[B]

We're looking for an alley. Brown eyes, a little Renee Zellweger. Ish. She's got a brother in Vegas, big fan of Survivor, and she was at park tavern for their St. Patty's Day blowout last weekend.

[F]

Yeah, Brittany from Q100 was there at that party.

[B]

Hey, Jamie, Good morning. You're on Q100.

[E]

Hey, guys. Love the show.

[C]

How you guys doing today?

[B]

Good, sir. How are you? Great.

[E]

I just wanted to point out, I thought it was quite funny that he.

[B]

Says she's quite Renee Zellweger ish.

[C]

And he loves her eyes. I'VE never seen Renee Zellweger's eyes in my life.

[B]

Cause they are so small.

[A]

Valid point.

[B]

Before we move on to commercials, we may have a lead on Ally.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Hey, Mitch.

[E]

Hey. Hey, Berto. How you doing?

[B]

What's up, man?

[E]

I was there 10 o' clock in the morning, and I do have a picture of Allie. She was with another girl. They were all wearing green.

[F]

Cute.

[E]

And I think Tim was the one that was wearing a white. Tim's a big guy. Big tall guy wearing a white sweater.

[B]

Who's Tim?

[E]

What's the guy that's trying to find Allie?

[B]

I thought his name was Matt.

[A]

Matt.

[E]

Matt. Matt. Because he is the one that actually early and started getting all the. Got all the ducks and everything. The very first thing. Yeah.

[A]

Get his ducks all in a row.

[E]

Yeah. I've got a picture of her. She was hot. I'm a gay man, but we love beautiful women. So that's why I wanted to take a picture of her. Like a picture of her and three other girls.

[A]

I do have it.

[E]

I can send it to you and just. I know it's her.

[B]

That would be great. Yeah. Because that. That way for sure we would. We'll find her. If you could send us that picture, we'll put it up online and somebody will email us and we'll be able to get them together.

[A]

I hope Matt's friends give him the credit that he deserves for finding 37 of the 100 ducks at park time.

[E]

He got there early. It wasn't fair either. He got there with the. Before he started. He had them all before we even started.

[B]

Dude, that's working a little too hard.

[A]

I'm just saying it's a little dorky.

[D]

Are you talking duck strategy right now?

[B]

Do us a favor, Mitch. Will you send us a picture today so we can get it up online as early as possible?

[E]

I'll send it.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Bye.

[C]

Bye.

[A]

The Birch Show.