The Bert Show – Vault: He Needs To Fix His Snoring Problem

Date: December 26, 2025
Host: The Bert Show Cast (Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, and others)
Main Theme:
Bert shares a hilarious and relatable story about his best friend John's extreme snoring problem, with the cast and listeners chiming in about the impact of snoring on relationships, practical remedies, and medical solutions.

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the chaos caused by chronic, thunderous snoring and how it affects not just the snorer, but everyone in earshot. With Bert candidly recounting his lifelong suffering as a roommate to a notorious snorer, the topic quickly pivots to the broader challenges, emotional toll, and attempted solutions faced by spouses of loud snorers everywhere. The segment is peppered with real listener calls, plenty of laughs, and a few moments of genuine disgust as Bert plays a recording of his friend's infamous snores.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bert’s Personal Snoring Nightmare

• [02:50] Bert recounts his decades-long friendship with John, who is infamous for his unbelievably loud snoring—a problem that tormented Bert through college and continues to plague John's family.

  • Bert:

  "The thing that drove me crazy more than anything else about John is he has got about the worst snoring problem of anybody I had ever heard." (03:30)

• The cast commiserates about the specific rage induced by waking up to someone else's snoring, especially knowing the snorer themself is resting blissfully.

2. Drunk Snoring vs. Sober Snoring

• [06:45] Bert explains that after a night of drinking, John’s snoring hits seismic levels—a phenomenon even worse than his usual night (the “thundering train” effect).

  • Kristin:

  "The Polar Express is in your living room." (06:57)

• The snoring is so loud, neighbors might suspect a home invasion or a supernatural event.

3. The Family’s Coping Strategies

• John’s wife spent the first year of marriage sleeping separately because she couldn’t handle the noise, resorting to Breathe Right strips with limited success.
  • Bert:

  "The first year that they were married, they spent the night in separate rooms because she didn't know how to handle the snoring." (09:34)

4. Playing the Actual Snoring Audio

• [10:16] Bert plays a real recording of John’s snoring, which triggers visceral reactions from the cast:

  • "It sounds like a sick cat. Like the exorcist." (Kristin, 10:40)
  • "If I heard that in my house, I would get a bat. I would tell Jessica to call 911 and get in the closet." (Bert, 11:35)
  • "It's like somebody's cutting the throat of a kangaroo." (Cassie, 12:15)

• The cast jokes about extreme (and possibly deal-breaking) measures they would take if they had to live with a snorer like John.

5. Listeners Share Their Snoring Horror Stories

• [13:30] Joy calls in, explaining her “revenge” method: recording her husband’s snoring and playing it back in his ear to wake him.

  • Joy:

  "Now every time he snores and wakes me up, I have to get up out of bed and I go push play and put it right in his ear and wake him up." (13:47)

  • She highlights the anger and sleep deprivation this causes, but acknowledges retaliation isn’t a solution.

6. Real Solutions: Medical Intervention

• [15:15] Ricky calls and shares that her ex-husband was diagnosed with sleep apnea after a sleep study. He was given a CPAP machine, which made sleeping together possible.

  • Ricky:

  "They put a CPAP machine which forces air down your throat... and that would help her be able to sleep with him." (15:59)

  • Bert, joking:

  "I certainly understand why he's your ex husband for sure." (16:43)

• Theresa (an ENT clinic worker) explains that you can't get a CPAP machine in the mail and that John may need to see a doctor or possibly get surgery.

  • Theresa:

  "He's got a serious medical problem and he needs to see an ear, nose, and throat doctor." (17:13)

  • The cast is shocked John has never seen a doctor, considering the severity.

7. Candid & Comedic Reactions

• Cast and callers alternately express disgust, humor, and exasperation:

  • "Could y’all stop playing that? It’s making me gag." (Caller Makita, 18:50)
  • "He's gonna lose a kid, cause he's gonna suck a kid right up in there!" (Cast, riotous laughter, 19:10)

• The consensus is clear: extreme snoring may require medical attention and puts a genuine strain on relationships.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "That is not doctored or edited in any way. Unbelievable."
  — Bert, [11:20]

• "I can actually see living in separate apartments because you're so in love with the guy and he's so right for you in every way—except he's got this..."
  — Kristin, [12:30]

• "That's a dog. That's an animal. That's my boy."
  — Bert (on the snoring recording), [13:10]

• "No, no, no. Yeah, don’t do a pap smear on him—CPAP!”
  — Kristin, after confusion about the CPAP machine, [19:45]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:50] – Bert describes his decades-long friendship and the snoring nightmare
• [06:45] – Nightmarish Saturday night: drunk snoring strikes
• [10:16] – Playing actual snoring audio—cast reactions
• [13:30] – Listener Joy’s snoring retaliation method
• [15:15] – Sleep apnea and CPAP discussion with Ricky
• [17:13] – ENT nurse Theresa explains medical routes
• [18:50] – Listener reactions, cast disgust; medical consensus

Summary Takeaways

• Chronic, loud snoring isn’t just a punchline—it wreaks havoc on marriages, sleep, and even family peace.
• Recording and confronting the snorer (sometimes with a sense of humor) is a minor relief, but real solutions usually require medical intervention.
• A CPAP machine and seeing an ENT specialist are the most cited remedies—and can be relationship savers.
• The cast’s comedic and over-the-top reactions highlight both the absurdity and real-life frustration of sharing a home with an epic snorer.

Final Thought

If you or your loved one snores so badly it wakes the house (or scares the dog!), the episode’s advice is unanimous: see a doctor. Both your relationship—and your sanity—may depend on it.