Vault: He peed in her bed!

Summary

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The Bert Show Episode Summary:

"Vault: He peed in her bed!" (June 19, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode centers on a "Stay or Go?" conversation featuring a listener named Sarah. After three promising dates, Sarah shares a cringe-worthy story: her date stayed over, got drunk, and wet her bed. What should she do next? The cast and callers weigh in with opinions, jokes, and a surprising level of empathy for both parties. Authentic, unfiltered, and loaded with laughs, the segment delves into big questions about forgiveness, dealbreakers, and the aftermath of awkward intimacy.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

Sarah’s Story: The Bedwetting Boyfriend (01:31–04:00)

• Sarah recounts meeting a guy she’s been on three dates with. After a party, he crashed at her place, got drunk, and peed in her bed.
  • Notable moment: “I wake up the next morning, he has peed in my bed.” — Sarah (01:46)
• Morning revelation: The date admitted to his mishap the next morning, and it was “not just like a little pee spot. It's huge.” — Sarah (02:17)
• Follow up: He did not clean the mess immediately but returned later in the day after being prompted by Sarah’s friend.

Debate: Stay or Go? (04:01–05:50)

• Panelists express concern that repeated drunkenness could cause recurring issues.
  • “If he gets drunk again, it's just going to happen again...this is an occurrence that's going to happen.” — Panelist (02:53)
• Sarah reveals the guy bought her a new mattress, which sways some opinions.
  • “He bought me a whole new mattress.” — Sarah (03:23)
• Panelists note that this act of restitution differentiates him from someone who ignores mistakes.
  • “That's cleaning it up.” — Host (03:32)
• Some still feel the attraction is irreparably harmed: “He handled it right, but I think that I would be like, the attracted to him-ness would be gone.” — Panelist (05:45)

Red Flags and Empathy (06:08–07:13)

• Caller Jay weighs in: “It’s a nice gesture, but she should definitely go. He is an alcoholic...it’s a little bit of a red flag, that’s all.” (06:08)
• Panelists push back, noting correlation isn’t causation—being 22 and partying doesn’t make him an alcoholic.
  • “He's not an alcoholic. He's a 22 year old.” — Host (06:33)
• A different caller shares a similar experience: Her fiancé peed in the bed early in their dating, but now they laugh about it.
  • “He peed in the bed and made up for it. And now we joke about it till today. I think that she should stay.” — Caller (06:46)

The “Would You Tell” Game (07:13–08:01)

• Panelists joke about warning dates ahead of time:
  • “If you pee the bed when you drink, do you warn the woman before you sleep over?” — Host (07:27)
  • “No, you go the hell home.” — Panelist (07:35)

Coping and Humor (08:01–09:13)

• Jokes fly about leveraging the situation: Suggesting Sarah could get a full bedroom set out of it.
  • “If you were smart, you would get yourself a new couch out of this. A new recliner, a new rug.” — Host (08:01)
• Listeners call in with mixed verdicts: some say stay if there's potential for laughter and forgiveness, others that they simply couldn’t get past it.

The Scatological Hypothetical (09:21–09:59)

• Discussion pivots to a more extreme “What if?”: What if it was poop, not pee?
  • “Would it change your opinion if it was number two and not number one?” — Host (09:21)
  • “Then it’s a bathroom. In my bed, his urine is sterile.” — Panelist (09:27)
  • “Number two, he could just knock it onto the floor and blame it on a wild animal.” — Host (09:32)

Final Thoughts & Takeaways (10:01–11:10)

• Listener Paris calls in with a new solution: “I think that she should buy him diaper.” (10:16)
  • The cast loses it over the accent and idea, using humor to break up the cringe.
• Sarah expresses uncertainty about whether she can “look at him the same anymore.” (10:51)
• Hosts reflect humorously on how far the conversation has gone from their college ambitions.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “He peed in my bed. And it’s not just like a little pee spot. It's huge.” — Sarah (02:17)
• “He didn't clean it up. He came back later that afternoon and my friend had to drag him into my bedroom.” — Sarah (02:35)
• “No, but he bought me a new mattress.” — Sarah (03:23)
• “That could change things.” — Host (03:27)
• “He handled it right, but... I would be like, the attracted-to-him-ness would be gone.” — Panelist (05:45)
• “He peed in the bed and made up for it. Now we joke about it till today.” — Caller (06:46)
• “Would it change your opinion if it was number two and not number one?” — Host (09:21)
• “I think that she should buy him diaper.” — Paris (10:16)
• “I've never been more aware of the waste of $50,000 on my college tuition that my parents did than I am at this moment.” — Host (10:54)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:31 – Sarah calls in and tells her story
• 02:17 – The revelation and aftermath
• 03:23 – The new mattress twist
• 04:12 – 06:00 – Panelists and callers debate ‘Stay or Go?’
• 06:08 – Jay’s “red flag” comment and the alcoholism debate
• 06:46 – Caller shares fiancé's similar drunken mishap
• 07:27 – “Would you warn in advance?” hypothetical
• 08:01 – Joking about leveraging the situation for new furniture
• 09:21 – Scatological escalation: “what if it was number two?”
• 10:16 – Paris’s “buy him diaper” call
• 10:51 – Sarah’s lingering doubts
• 10:54 – Host’s tongue-in-cheek career reflection

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Tone & Style

• Friendly, unfiltered, and comedic
• Panelists and callers are candid—sometimes irreverent—but generally supportive
• Even the grossest moments are leavened with humor and empathy

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Bottom Line

Sarah's dilemma over a drunken, bed-wetting date becomes a surprisingly poignant and hilarious window into adult dating mishaps, forgiveness, and dealbreakers. With opinions split, the hosts and callers offer both practical wisdom (“He made amends, give him another chance”) and primal honesty (“Some things you just can’t get over”), all while keeping the laughter rolling.

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Miss the episode? This summary covers all the real talk, big questions, and signature Bert Show humor—no mattress stains included.

Transcript

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

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[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Wait.

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[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

The Birch Show.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Sarah wants to be on the voice disguiser. Hey, Sarah.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Hey.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

So should you stay or should you go? We just did this with with Wendy a couple of minutes ago.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Yes.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

So you've been dating a guy for how long now?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

We've been on three dates.

[Panelist 1]

Three dates.

[Panelist 2]

Okay.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

And they've been great. And then the last date that we went on, we went to a party afterwards and I guess he got a little too drunk and I told him he could just crash at my place. Well, I wake up the next morning, he has peed in my bed.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Uh, oh.

[Panelist 2]

Oh no.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Peed in my bed.

[Panelist 2]

This is on the third date or after the third date?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

This is after the third date.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

So he was totally, completely hammered. Pees in your bed?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

He peed in my bed.

[Panelist 3]

Did he say anything when he woke up?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Well, I woke up and I went and got ready and I came back out and he goes, you're never gonna guess what I did. And I'm thinking in my head, yeah, pee in my bed, whatever. You know, that's something a little kid does. No, he told me he peed in my bed and it's not just like a little pee spot. It's huge.

[Panelist 1]

Did he clean it up?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

No. Well, I had to leave and go to work, and he came back later that afternoon and my friend had to drag him into my bedroom to see the mess that he had made.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

404-741-Q100 Wendy, should she stay or should she go?

[Panelist 3]

Yeah. No. Yes, go. Because if he gets drunk again, it's just going to happen again. And I'm assuming he'd probably stay a couple more nights if y' all ever became anything. So this is an occurrence that's going to happen. So you.

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[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

That's not the part that bothers me about this whole thing. The part that bothers me about it is the way he handled it. Yes, well, he did.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

He came back later that day, and then he ended up buying me a new mattress. He did buy me a new mattress, but he still peed in my bed.

[Panelist 2]

The peeing bought you a whole new mattress?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Yes, he bought me a whole new mattress.

[Panelist 3]

Well, then that's a little different.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

That could change things.

[Panelist 1]

That could have been part of the answer of how did he, you know, did he clean it up? No, but he bought me a new mattress.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

That's cleaning it up.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

That's taking care of him that day. He went out, buys you a new mattress.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Yes.

[Panelist 3]

Oh, then that changes it.

[Panelist 2]

Wait a second now. And was he mortified? Embarrassed? I mean, was he just horrified?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

I told people, so he must not be too embarrassed.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Which means if he told people that, I'm guessing it's the first. No, I think it's the first time it happened.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Yeah, I don't think it's the first time it's happened.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Because if you're telling people and go, oh, my God, dude, you're not gonna believe what happened. That means it's a once and only. If it's something you regularly do, you ain't bragging.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Why do you think it's not the first time this has happened?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Because I think I've heard from other people that he's done it before.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

And the new mattress he bought was one of four that he had in the back of his car at that time.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Jen, should she stay or should she go?

[Panelist 2]

Well, I think. I see. I do think he handled it the right way.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Like it kind of outweighs the fact that he peed in my bed, but it just doesn't take the pee away. He still peed in my bed.

[Panelist 1]

It sounds like you made the choice.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Yeah.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

You're ready to go.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

I've gotten mixed feelings about this and I don't know what to do.

[Panelist 2]

And you didn't wake up in a PO of pee, did you?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

No, I. Thank goodness it did not get on me.

[Panelist 2]

No.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

That would have been awful.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

You need one of those tempur pedic ones where nothing moves and it just pools right around him. He just sleeps in his own urine.

[Panelist 2]

Are you dating other people too?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

No. Is he hot at the moment?

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Is he a really good looking dude?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

He's good looking, good looking peer.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

That's a balance of life right there.

[Panelist 2]

Ah, it's a pretty. It's a.

[Panelist 1]

Are you into urine therapy?

[Panelist 2]

Oh, God. I can't say. I would probably not go out with him again if it were me.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Okay.

[Panelist 2]

I. I probably wouldn't go out.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Some things you just can't get over. I, I would. I, I'd give him another shot. Yeah, he peed. He got drunk. He peed the bed. It's embarrassing. He's joking about it. And he went out and he got you a new mattress.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Yeah. One more time, I think.

[Panelist 1]

Yeah. I say stay one more time. Yeah, because if he had not bought that mattress and he left, then hell no. But because he was going to get you a new mattress eventually and come back with it that afternoon, I think he'd try to make up for it. I still don't help it.

[Panelist 2]

I would look at him the same.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

That might be. Yeah.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

You might be able to laugh every time I see him.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Yeah.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

I feel like you peed in my bed.

[Panelist 2]

He handled it right, but I think that I would be like the attracted to him. Ness would be gone.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

I could tell you the next time he spends the night at your house, he won't drink for four days before

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

that happens and you won't sleep a wink.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Hey, Jay, should she stay or should she go? She goes out with this guy three times, he spends the night, he pees the bed, but he goes out and he gets her new mattress.

[Caller or Guest]

It's a nice gesture, but she should definitely go. He is an alcoholic. He fell into a deep alky sleep and peed the bed. I dated a guy that did the same exact thing and he turned out to have a drinking problem.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Well, I mean, but you can't say just because a guy wets the bed means he's an alcoholic.

[Caller or Guest]

No, not. I mean, I'm not. I just think that's a little bit of a red flag, that's all.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Sarah, how old is this guy?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

He's 22.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

22 years old.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

He's not an alcoholic. He's a 22 year old.

[Panelist 3]

least she needs a courtesy date. If he bought her a mattress, we do the courtesy date.

[Panelist 1]

And then mattresses are expensive and he's a 22 year old. That's a good gesture.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Hey, Jessica. Good Morning. You're on Q100.

[Caller or Guest]

Hey, I just want to say that she should definitely stay. My fiance actually, on our fourth date, peed in the bed and he. It's just an issue that actually common people, when they get drunk, can't control their bladder. Unfortunately, that is an issue with him. But he peed in the bed and made up for it. And now we joke about it till today. I think that she should stay.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Just for the record, I've had a lot to drink and I do not recall ever wetting my bed as an adult.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Let me ask you guys this question because this goes with sort of a conversation we had yesterday where a guy tells a woman that he's not good in bed before he sleeps with her. And we said we didn't recommend that.

[Panelist 2]

Not a good idea.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Keep it in the same vein. If you're a guy and you pee to bed when you drink, do you tell the woman that you're about to spend the night with that you're not buying the bed? I just want to warn you that I might pee the bed tonight.

[Panelist 2]

No, you go the hell home.

[Panelist 1]

Yes.

[Panelist 2]

You call a taxicab to take your butt home to your place.

[Panelist 1]

You say put it in your own

[Panelist 2]

bed, in your own sheets.

[Panelist 1]

Can I borrow some newspapers? Why? I just want to lay him down right here. Because gross, disgusting. I'm not potty trained.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

If he ever does come over, he will never, ever sleep in my bed. Ever.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

You think this is something that Shawn Wheeler could help him out with?

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Jen?

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Maybe hypnotizing the obvious?

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

You know what? If you were smart, you would get yourself a new couch out of this. A new recliner, a new rug.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Have them sleep all over the place.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Just put them in new.

[Panelist 1]

Take advantage.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Yeah, I would have them sleeping in your car.

[Panelist 2]

Give him some tequila.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Hey, you want to do another shower?

[Panelist 2]

You want another drink?

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

No, no, no. Don't sleep in that chair. Sleep in that one over there. Thank you. That one's older. Thank you.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Hey, Melissa, should Sarah leave or should she stay or should she go? She's dated a guy three times and he peed in her bed. But he did buy her new mattress.

[Caller or Guest]

Go.

[Panelist 1]

Oh, wow.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Thank you.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

That's not Melissa.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

That was creepy.

[Panelist 2]

When you were repeating that question, Bert, I thought, you know, we tackle the big Questions?

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Hey, Victoria. Good morning.

[Caller or Guest]

Go.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Hey.

[Caller or Guest]

Good morning. Actually, I was thinking she should stay.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

I've been married for five years, and when I did, my boyfriend. I mean, well, my husband. Now when we were going out, when we would drink, I mean, he peed the bed.

[Caller or Guest]

And we still laugh about it.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

I mean, she obviously likes the guy. He likes her.

[Caller or Guest]

It's not worse than him puking or, you know, soiling the mattress.

[Panelist 1]

You could do what mothers do with children sometimes to embarrass them and just hang the sheet off the balcony. You know, just let the neighbors know. Just kidding.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Would it change your opinion if it was number two and not number one?

[Panelist 1]

Yes.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Yeah.

[Panelist 1]

Then it's a bathroom. In my bed, his urine is sterile.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Yeah, but number two, he could just knock it onto the floor and blame it on some sort of wild animal that got into the. Got into the house.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

You leave the window open. There must have been, like, a possum that came in here last night.

[Panelist 2]

Seriously, we were already bordering too gross with the urine. Can we just stop?

[Panelist 1]

That would only work if he has little pellets.

[Panelist 2]

No, Melua.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Depends on his diet.

[Panelist 2]

Don't be a dude. Do not talk about poop.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

And really, Melissa, how do you know what possum poopy looks like?

[Panelist 1]

I'm from Tennessee.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Hey, Paris. Good morning. You're on Q100 before dinner.

[Panelist 1]

That's supper, honey.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

We'd love to get to. Paris. Hey, Paris.

[Caller or Guest]

Hey, how you doing?

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Okay. How are you? Or not.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah, hello.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

Yeah, you're up.

[Caller or Guest]

Okay, listen, I think the guy should stay alive. My, the guy is a good looking guy and she likes her and she loves her and she love him. And then the guy, since the guy bought a mattress. And I think that she should buy him diaper.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

Thanks, man.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

That you said that in an accent makes it so much more funny. And I think you should buy him diaper.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

You got like 50. 50 there. As we do every time we do something like this on the show. You may not be able to get over the visual, though. Yeah, I just.

[Sarah (Caller sharing story)]

I don't know if I can look at him the same anymore.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

I am so. I've never been more aware of the waste of $50,000 on my college tuition that my parents did than I am at this moment right here. Possum poop. Buy him a diaper.

[Panelist 1]

Don't mess with Zohan on the phone.

[Host 1 (possibly Bert)]

The Birch Show.

[Host 2 (possibly Sarah)]

Hey, everybody.

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