Vault: He refused to propose to another man

Summary

The Bert Show: "Vault: He Refused to Propose to Another Man"

Date: July 22, 2026
Cast: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Tyler Redick, Melissa, Carl, Wayne, Callers

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Episode Overview

In this candid and thought-provoking episode, the Bert Show team revisits a past social experiment: would the public react the same way to a same-sex, male-on-male proposal as they do to the typical man-on-woman scenario? The discussion dives into issues of comfort, homophobia, masculinity, societal pressure, and the unique cultural nuances within both the broader American context and the Black community. The team welcomes open, sometimes uncomfortable, but always authentic conversation—peppered with signature humor and realness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Social Experiment: Public Proposals (00:00–02:16)

• Premise: The show recalls testing public reactions to a typical man-on-woman marriage proposal ("cheers and claps, everyone’s so proud" [00:31]), then considers how this would differ if a man proposed to another man.
• Roleplay Offer: Staff member Tracy suggests Carl and intern Brandon re-enact a public gay proposal to gauge the reaction.
• Carl’s Initial Response: Carl expresses openness to most show bits, explaining, "I’m a team player. I’m down like four flat tires … nothing I won’t do" [01:39], but draws the line at pretending to be a gay man proposing.

2. Carl Explains His Reluctance (02:01–06:04)

• Defending His Choice: Carl insists he harbors no ill will ("I don't have any problems with gay folks … that's just not my cup of tea, baby" [02:19]).
• Exploring the Discomfort: The team presses Carl on the real reasons for his refusal, drawing parallels to racial discomfort and confronting stereotypes.
  • "So what if somebody thought you were gay?" [04:33]
  • Carl: "That bothers me. That bothers me." [04:56]
• Admitting Homophobia: After further prodding, Carl acknowledges, "Cause I am homophobic" [05:02]. The group reacts with both honesty and comedic jabs.
• Memorable Quote:
  • Tyler: "But if you propose to intern Brandon in public, that doesn't make you gay" [03:37]
  • Carl: "Listen, man, it's nothing that you could say … I don't feel bad about it" [03:43]

3. Understanding (and Challenging) Discomfort (06:05–07:58)

• On Flamboyant Gay Men: Carl pinpoints feeling uncomfortable when gay men are "really flamboyant" or approach him.
  • "What makes me uncomfortable is those real flashy gay dudes. When I'm downtown and they try to talk to me" [06:04].
• Confronting Double Standards: Other hosts challenge Carl’s discomfort, likening it to racial stereotyping and pushing him to examine his biases.
  • Host 2: "Any minority … you don't have the right to tell somebody else not to stereotype a race and then turn around and say, 'the flashy gay guys … I don't want them to touch me.'" [06:26]
• Carl’s Reflection: He acknowledges some of his discomfort may stem from not being "exposed to it" growing up.

4. Caller Contributions: Diverse Perspectives (08:00–14:16)

Wayne Calls In (08:00–08:39)

• Wayne’s Take: "Carl, man, you just sound … so homophobic … they're people just like anybody else."
• Advice: Wayne suggests Carl treat unwanted same-sex advances the same as unsolicited food: "No, thank you. I'm good today." [08:25]

Deeper Debate: Stereotypes & Minority Experience (08:39–10:21)

• Hosts Challenge Carl: They draw analogies between homophobia and racism, questioning whether a lack of exposure is a valid excuse for prejudice.
  • Host 1: "Would it be okay for a white kid to say that about being scared of you?" [09:13]
• Mutual Expectations: Host 2 points out "the difference is you expect white people to evolve in their perception of black people … and you're expected to do the same" regarding gay people [10:04].

Bisexual Black Caller (11:28–14:16)

• Exploring Black Community Nuance:
  • Caller: "In the black community … being homosexual is considered a disease. It's a white disease of behavior … makes you less of a man to be considered, even openly." [10:28–11:28]
• Music & Representation: The show highlights the real-world consequences for Black men associated with gay culture in R&B and Hip-Hop.
  • Tyler: "If he starts to get known in the gay community as being open to playing those events … he'll never work again." [12:01]
• Caller’s Courage: The bisexual caller "outs" himself live, acknowledging the challenge: "It takes a lot to come out in the black community … it's not easy, dude" [13:26].
• Reflections on Sexuality: The caller shares, "it's an intellectual thing for me … I can be in love with one person or another, regardless of their gender." [13:48]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Carl (on why he won’t do the bit):
  "Some things I will do. Something I just won't. And that's just one thing I won't do." [02:10]

• Tyler Redick (challenging Carl):
  "If you propose to Brandon … that doesn't make you gay." [03:37]

• Melissa (pointing out contradiction):
  "It's just like me saying, you know what? I’m alright with black people … but I don't want to be around black people." [02:35]

• Carl (on admitting bias):
  "Cause I am homophobic." [05:02]
  "You call me what you want, but … I mean, really." [05:06]

• Wayne (caller):
  "You could deny it [an advance] like if someone gives you extra fries. 'No, thank you. I'm good today.'" [08:25]

• Tyler Redick (on reputation risk):
  "If he starts to get known in the gay community as being open to playing those events … he'll never work again." [12:01]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment / Topic | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–02:16 | Introduction: Public proposal experiment | | 02:17–06:04 | Carl’s hesitation and internal struggle | | 06:05–07:58 | Breaking down discomfort, exposure, and stereotypes | | 08:00–08:39 | Wayne calls in, adds perspective | | 08:39–10:21 | Hosts tackle comparison of prejudice (race/sexuality) | | 10:22–14:16 | Bisexual Black male caller on culture, reputation, outing |

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Takeaways & Flow

• The episode explores the complicated intersections of masculinity, homophobia, racial identity, and public perception in a space that's real and sometimes uncomfortably honest.
• The Bert Show’s conversational and occasionally comedic style keeps heavy topics approachable, allowing for both laughter and self-reflection.
• The team doesn't shy away from pushing each other—and their listeners—toward growth, using personal and community anecdotes to highlight why change is both difficult and necessary.

For listeners:
This episode is for those interested in how everyday social experiments can reveal deep-seated societal anxieties, especially around masculinity and sexuality, and how humor, honesty, and vulnerability can serve as tools for understanding and progress.

Transcript

[Tyler Redick]

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[Host 1]

Oh, cheers and claps. We even tested it out. We even tested it out a few years ago in the coffee shop. I mean, you know, first thing in the morning, it was live, and it was Phil Torano, right? And Tracy proposing to producer Tracy. And he got claps and cheers and everybody so proud. Just warms everyone's heart.

[Host 2]

Oh, look at that. He loves her.

[Tyler Redick]

Well, now things are different. You can have life partners. You get married in some states here. So we thought, okay, let's test this reaction. If a man proposes a life partnership to another man, will we get the same reaction? So that was the premise behind this whole thing. All right, so let's talk to the players that we thought would be great during this whole roleplay. And let's bring Carl up here, producer Carl, for a second. All right, so now, I wasn't here for this conversation. What staff member initially proposed this idea to you?

[Carl]

It was tracing trace, and it went down like this. You sent the email saying, come talk to me. I have something I want to ask you. A segment. I want you all. And I think it said something like, you know. No, she. When I got over there, she said, if you want to do it. And I thought to myself, there's nothing. I'm a team player. I'm down like four flat tires, y'.

[Wayne]

All.

[Carl]

There's nothing I won't do. I couldn't think of nothing that she would ask me that I wouldn't do.

[Tyler Redick]

Right.

[Carl]

Smack me right in the face with this question.

[Tyler Redick]

All right, so why.

[Carl]

Yeah, I mean, what's the problem?

[Melissa]

Well, you got it. What was the question that she asked you?

[Carl]

The question is. No, she said, I want you and intern Brandon to go out and. And act as if you all are gay and want to. No. One of you all to propose to each other.

[Host 2]

Okay, okay.

[Carl]

And then I took a step back, like, okay, now, hold on a second. Don't jump too fast at this because, you know, I'm dealing with more. I'm dealing with everything, right?

[Tyler Redick]

I want to know what you're dealing with. What's going through your head?

[Carl]

I'm dealing with like. Okay, hold on a second. No, no. Some things I will do. Something I just won't. And that's just one thing I won't do.

[Tyler Redick]

Well, you got to tell us why. Why is that like you're. You're lined in the sand?

[Carl]

No, I don't have any problems with gay folks and everything, you know, I don't. You know, look at Melissa. And he got me right next to Meliss. I don't have any problem. I love gay women and all that, you know, gay guys, you know, do your thing. That's just not my cup of tea, baby.

[Host 2]

It's just like me saying, you know what? I'm all right with black people. I'm kind. I'm all right. You know what? I got a few black friends. It's fine. But you know what? This whole freaknik thing and all, you know, I don't want to be around black people.

[Tyler Redick]

I just.

[Host 2]

I'm okay with them now.

[Carl]

I'm around gay folks all the time.

[Melissa]

You're real close to one right now. She's looking right at you.

[Carl]

And I've even mingled with them before, you know, I have plenty. I have gay friends, you know.

[Melissa]

But no, but seriously though, I touched one once.

[Caller]

Did you?

[Melissa]

Uh huh. I swear to God, I touched a gay person. I didn't know it at the time, but I was like, I shook their hand. And then afterwards, Melissa's like, you know, he's gay.

[Caller]

And I'm like, shut up.

[Host 1]

The day.

[Tyler Redick]

What's really weird is the next day he got his hair lightened.

[Carl]

But you know what I thought about, though? About a week ago, Jeff wouldn't say I love you to Burt. Dude has more or dude has a line, right?

[Tyler Redick]

No, that's just because he does his line.

[Host 2]

Did you just say dudes have morals?

[Carl]

I said dude has had. You know, he has his line.

[Host 2]

I thought I heard morals slip out before the line.

[Tyler Redick]

I want to know. But if you propose to Brandon, intern Brandon in public, that doesn't make you gay.

[Carl]

Listen, man, it's nothing that you could say. Nothing that nobody could say do.

[Tyler Redick]

I'm just trying to get into your

[Carl]

head just to get nothing. I don't feel bad about it.

[Host 1]

Could I have done it? I flipped the coin on you. Would you have done it?

[Tyler Redick]

I could have done it.

[Host 1]

Yeah.

[Tyler Redick]

I would have had no problem doing it.

[Melissa]

I think the only reason that.

[Host 1]

Really.

[Tyler Redick]

No problem.

[Host 1]

I would have thought either you or Jeff would have had trouble doing it.

[Tyler Redick]

I know me, I wouldn't be bothered by it. Not even a little bit.

[Host 1]

I think most men are way more homophobic than women are.

[Host 2]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Melissa]

I would agree with that.

[Host 1]

But for me, it's freaked out around lesbians. I prefer gay men to straight men.

[Carl]

And I've always wondered, what is that? Homophobic? What does that really mean? Like, am I scared of gays? I don't really understand that term.

[Melissa]

Well, I would be right now. Look at Melissa staring at you.

[Host 2]

No, I'm just.

[Carl]

I'm trying to look your way, Jeff.

[Host 2]

I just. I'm just listening.

[Host 1]

It just seems like you're scared of the perspective or people's perspective of you being gay.

[Host 2]

So what if somebody thought you were gay?

[Host 1]

Who cares?

[Carl]

Oh, really?

[Caller]

Okay.

[Carl]

That's how y' all feel?

[Host 2]

See, that's a little bit.

[Carl]

Yeah. I mean, that's how you feel. I don't feel like that.

[Host 1]

You'd be embarrassed if somebody thought you were gay.

[Carl]

It's not true.

[Host 2]

Then why wouldn't you do the bit

[Carl]

I didn't want to?

[Host 2]

Why?

[Carl]

I didn't feel comfortable doing why?

[Tyler Redick]

But why? Yeah, we're trying to get at why. Just, I mean, because people would have perceived you as gay for a couple of seconds, and that really would have bothered you.

[Carl]

Yeah, that bothers me. That bothers me.

[Tyler Redick]

But even though you're not gay, you're straight.

[Carl]

Yeah. That's cool.

[Melissa]

So it can't be, like.

[Carl]

Cause I am homophobic.

[Melissa]

Yes.

[Tyler Redick]

Yes. I think you're absolutely homophobic.

[Melissa]

Really?

[Carl]

Well, I don't know. You call me what you want, but just. I mean, really.

[Melissa]

I think you really are gay.

[Carl]

I wonder. Now, that doesn't bother me, though.

[Host 1]

Is it an insecurity in your own sexuality or is it, I don't know, like, where does homophobia come from? Is it a fear? Like, why are you scared of being labeled gay?

[Carl]

You know what it is?

[Host 1]

Or why are you scared of being.

[Melissa]

For guys, it's fourth grade, but it's an insult.

[Host 1]

You don't want to be teased or taunted. But why? Because, like, you're insecure about your own straightness. You're not. You're as straight as a co.

[Carl]

But it's more than that, though. You. I don't know, you take that. It goes a little further with you, you know, it's just not. I mean, I can't break it down right here in the next in the next five seconds, I just know that I wasn't comfortable with doing it. I wasn't going to do it.

[Host 1]

I appreciate you being honest. That's what I think. We're just. We're not trying to.

[Tyler Redick]

I don't think he's being honest.

[Host 2]

I am trying to get to the bottom of it.

[Host 1]

He said I was uncomfortable with him. I can't define why he was uncomfortable.

[Carl]

You know what makes me uncomfortable?

[Tyler Redick]

Thank you.

[Carl]

You know, it really makes me not. Not being around gay people. That doesn't make me. What makes me uncomfortable is those real flashy gay dudes. And when I'm downtown and they try to talk to me and they don't, you know, that right there really makes me uncomfortable. I'm not cool with that.

[Tyler Redick]

But what is that? What is that? What does that say about you? Like, why does that scare you? Why are you uncomfortable?

[Carl]

I'm not scared by it. It's just. They're not hitting on you.

[Host 2]

I'm fascinated.

[Carl]

I've been hit on before.

[Host 2]

Well, the thing that makes me uncomfortable and yes, offends me is the fact that any minority saying anything because you don't have the right to tell somebody else not to stereotype a race and you know that. To judge you who don't know you and then turn around and say, the flashy gay guys. I don't want them to touch me. No, that's what, that's what bothers me is, is, well, I wouldn't want anybody

[Tyler Redick]

to touch me, to be honest with you. I don't. I mean, it's like any stranger shouldn't be touching me.

[Host 2]

I'm just saying. But I mean. But we know. Let's be honest, we know what he's saying.

[Carl]

No, it's like they imposed it. It's like they impose their. Their sexuality on me sometimes. You know, not just me, but it's like when they're out there just being real, you know, real dramatic, it's like imposing when it's towards me, not when they're doing it on them own. When they're doing it on their own. I'm not saying that. I'm saying when it's directed towards me.

[Melissa]

But how do you. But is it really. Is it directed towards you or is it just like a weird paranoia thing?

[Carl]

A lot of it's been directed towards me, which makes me uncomfortable. Now, when it's being done, do you

[Melissa]

think it's directed towards you because they know it makes you uncomfortable?

[Carl]

Probably. I do think some guys. Yeah, I would say that because I'VE in my single days, I've tried to talk to women that didn't want to be talked to. You know, I've tried. I've, like, pushed the envelope. So I know guys kind of pushed it, you know, push the envelope at times.

[Tyler Redick]

So if it was a woman that was all flamboyant and came up to you, same situation, would that bother you at all?

[Carl]

Yeah, it would. Yeah. But she's flamboyant with. Yeah, it's uncomfortable, you know.

[Wayne]

Hey, Wayne, this morning present.

[Tyler Redick]

Hey, Wayne, go ahead.

[Wayne]

I, I disagree with Carl and I like, I love this show. First of all, guys, you guys are wonderful.

[Melissa]

Thank you.

[Wayne]

And Carl, man, you just sound. You sound so homophobic and you say you don't understand what that means. It just seems like, you know, like you don't want to. They're people just like anybody else and they're attracted to you. You should be. You, you should feel like it's exciting that a male is attracted you, but you don't have to welcome, you know, their, Their, you know, their, their offer. You know, you could deny it, like, you know, someone gives you extra fries. No, thank you. I'm good today. Thank you.

[Carl]

I do.

[Wayne]

And go on about your business, but

[Melissa]

if you're curious, you can't accept it. I mean, you can, you can, you can accept it and you can probably work out in a regular.

[Host 2]

But it's just the message of. It's lesser than a message of. It's. It's so gross and it's so bad, and it's so, you know, whatever the, Whatever the adjective that you just can't be part of it. You know what I mean? And that's, that's the message it's sending. And it's, you know, and yeah, it's offensive. It's because. Because you see me lesser than.

[Carl]

No, not at all. But you know what? Working up here, speaking with you, and when we work with. When I work with dj, intern, dj, you know, just working with people like that, I have to be exposed to it. As a kid in my hood, I wasn't exposed to that. So don't be mad at me because this is the way that I feel. This is just the way that I feel. I wasn't exposed to it. It wasn't accepted.

[Host 1]

Would that be okay for a white kid to say that about being scared of you? Hey, I just grew up in a white neighborhood. I wasn't exposed people, and so I'm scared of you.

[Carl]

As long as we have a conversation I can understand. I have no Problem with the dude expressing himself. He and we having some sort of conversation about it.

[Host 2]

So if somebody walks away, somebody is on the street and sees you walking and they lock their doors or they walk on the other side of the street from you, you wouldn't be offended?

[Carl]

Oh, I'm definitely offended. But if they want to have some sort of conversation about it, explain to me why and the reasons why. What? There's been times when we've talked about the N word around here, and I think, Jen, you had a. You were kind of surprised that it was still being kind of thrown around so loosely or. And that surprised me because you're not exposed to it. So that really threw me off. Like, damn.

[Host 1]

Because I don't think that it's used in the presence of white people.

[Carl]

But it is as much. And that's all. I would say not as much.

[Host 2]

But I think the difference is you expect white people to evolve in their perception of black people so that they don't lock their doors and go across the street and do all this stuff. And you're expected to do the same.

[Carl]

And I am.

[Melissa]

But I think he said he is like he said, hanging out with dj, you and Bert

[Tyler Redick]

here. Is that surge. Good morning here on Q100. Hey.

[Caller]

Hey. Good morning. I love you guys.

[Tyler Redick]

What's up, man? Thank you.

[Caller]

I'm a black man that plays both sides of the fence. I'm bisexual. Now, one of the things that I want to distinguish, first off, is that we're talking. You bring up the race issue versus the sexual activity issue. And it's a little confusing for black men to deal with that. So one of the things I wanted to mention is that black men do not. First of all, most. I'm not going to typify all black people come from the ghettos or all black people come from the streets. But we have a lot of challenges against us to begin with. And in the black community, as far as my experience goes, being homosexual is considered a disease. It's a white disease of behavior. And we don't, you know, and it's also makes you less of a man to be considered, even openly.

[Tyler Redick]

Check this out. Without using names here. I was hanging out with a very popular and famous RnB person a couple of weeks ago who told me that he is constantly being invited to play at gay functions. He's a black R and B star, and he can't. He's not homophobic, but he can't do it. Because if he starts to get known in the gay community as being open to Playing those events. Then people will associate him as gay and he will lose his R and B credibility and he'll never work again.

[Caller]

Right. I mean, it's. And when you say that Carl. I don't think Carl's afraid. I don't think there's a fear issue there. I mean, it will create an atmosphere of fear on the outside because it's a behavioral thing. You see all the cues that say he must be scared or something like that. It's not a matter of that. It's a matter of what the social implications are down the road if someone sees him in public with proposing to another man. You can't control that information once it starts.

[Host 2]

I mean, how do you think the black community is going to evolve from that? Because they have to.

[Caller]

I mean, they know you're right. You're absolutely right. They have to. I've had to fight against it most of my life. I mean, I've just outed myself on the radio. So, yeah, I just did it. You know. I'm probably gonna have to deal with that when I get to work. If anybody listens to Q100.

[Tyler Redick]

So you're gonna have a whole bunch of people saying, did I Hear you on Q100 today?

[Caller]

Yep.

[Tyler Redick]

Wow. You nervous about that?

[Caller]

Well, you know, it. I've never actually hidden anything, but I don't volunteer the information because that's a sexual activity for me. And I don't necessarily make that a public forum, especially at work. But if someone came up to ask me and says, I heard you on Q100, I heard you say some interesting things, I'd say, yeah, that happened. I said it.

[Carl]

And I gotta say, big up to this dude, man, because like he said, in the black community, it's not a black and white thing all the time, but it's just a reality. You may not understand because you didn't come up in the black community. But I gotta say to this dude, man, big up to you, man. Because it takes a lot to come out in the black community. First of all, it takes a lot to come out as being gay, period. Then in the black community, I gotta say that, man. Cause it's not easy, dude, and you know that.

[Host 1]

Wow.

[Caller]

It's definitely not easy. I've pretty much. I mean, I've gone for both men and women because it's an intellectual thing for me too, that I can be in love with one person or another, regardless of their gender. But, you know, most gays will think that's straddling the fence.

[Tyler Redick]

I'd be very interested to talk to you on Monday to find out how the conversations went at work and what happens over the weekend. And actually check in with you, make sure you're doing okay.

[Caller]

Well, we'll see what happens. I mean, considering it's a real stodgy firm, you know, there may be people that just don't want to talk about that either.

[Melissa]

There may be one guy in the firm who comes up to you and says, hey, listen. Heard you on the radio this morning. Hold on the line, Carl. Gonna get your number.

[Wayne]

Get it.

[Tyler Redick]

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