Vault: He Secretly Stalked a Sports Illustrated Model Online to See If She Was Taken

Summary

The Bert Show – Episode Summary

Title: Vault: He Secretly Stalked a Sports Illustrated Model Online to See If She Was Taken
Date: March 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and humorous segment, the cast of The Bert Show dives into an open conversation about celebrity crushes, fantasy, and relationship dynamics prompted by the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. The episode revolves around Bert's admission that he once Googled swimsuit model Bar Refaeli to check her relationship status, leading the cast to debate the line between harmless admiration of attractive celebrities and behavior that might cause insecurity in real relationships. The cast's trademark blend of honesty, gentle roasting, and behavioral confession sets the tone for a funny and relatable discussion.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bar Refaeli's Sports Illustrated Cover and the Viral Video

[01:02-02:31]

• Bert, Jeff, Jen, and Melissa banter about Bar Refaeli's appearance on the Sports Illustrated cover and an accompanying video.
• Bert admits to posting the video on his blog, praising both the visuals and the music:
  • Quote: "When you watch the video, it could be the hottest video in the history of Earth. I mean, obviously of Earth." – Bert ([02:10])
• The group marvels at Bar’s natural beauty. Jeff jokes he hadn’t even noticed she “had a head,” referencing the focus on her physique.

2. Googling Celebrity Relationship Status

[03:09-03:57]

• Jeff confesses to looking up whether Bar Refaeli was single, in a tongue-in-cheek admission of “stalking.”
  • Quote: “I Googled her just to see if she was taken. And he’s like, what? I’m like, well, you know, just to see if maybe there’s any chance ever in the history of time…” – Jeff ([03:29])
• Bert relates, saying he did the same and even felt a tinge of jealousy toward Leonardo DiCaprio when he learned they were dating.
  • Quote: “When I found out it was Leonardo DiCaprio, I actually got mad at him. I was like, dude, you already had Giselle. Boom. Like, what are you doing?” – Bert ([04:06])

3. Is Admiring Celebrities Harmless? Relationship Perspectives

[04:22-06:14]

• The cast discusses an email from a listener whose wife was angered by his subscription to the magazine, equating it to pornography.
• Jen cautions that overt admiration of supermodels can make partners feel inadequate:
  • Quote: “The attention that you give to that only makes your woman feel bad about herself. So just be careful with how much you share that.” – Jen ([05:59])
• Discussion on whether it’s okay to talk about celebrity crushes in front of partners or if such conversations should remain within friend groups. Jen and Melissa advise discretion.

4. Gender Double Standards and Relational Equality

[07:40-09:26]

• Bert brings up a personal story: His wife, Jessica, pointed out an attractive man at a bar, flipping the situation. The cast notes the parallel, suggesting both genders notice and appreciate attractiveness.
  • Quote: “If she ever says, did you seriously post a picture of Bar Refaeli on your blog and talk about how hot she was, I could say, did you seriously sit at the end of the bar and talk about the hot guy who wasn’t me at the other end?” – Bert ([07:55])
• A caller, Sean, challenges Jen and Melissa for being “hypocrites” about objectifying male and female celebrities, pointing to the harmless nature of admiring beauty.
  • Quote: “You can’t be hypocritical about that. It’s just something to look at. I’m married ... So of course, being a human being, you look and say, wow, that person’s sexy.” – Sean (caller) ([08:38])

5. Playful Challenge: Who’s Masculine Perfection?

[09:26-09:46]

• Bert half-seriously suggests their partners collect pictures of the men they consider masculine perfection and post them next to photos of the male cast members for perspective and fun.

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• Honest Humor: "I didn't even notice she had a head." – Jeff ([02:55])
• Mild Jealousy: “I actually got mad at [Leonardo DiCaprio]… you already had Giselle.” – Bert ([04:06])
• Relationship Reflection: “The attention that you give to that only makes your woman feel bad about herself.” – Jen ([05:59])
• Equality in Attraction: “She goes, okay, the guy to my left… he is what I would consider a really good looking guy.” – Bert, retelling Jessica’s comment ([06:30])
• Double Standard Called Out: “When they were talking about Beckham—oh my God, this and that. You can't be hypocritical about that.” – Sean (caller) ([08:38])

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Important Timestamps

• [01:02] – Start of discussion about Bar Refaeli’s cover and video
• [02:31] – Jeff jokes about “not noticing she had a head”
• [03:09] – Confession about Googling Bar Refaeli’s relationship status
• [04:22] – Listener email story and discussion about SI being seen as “porn”
• [05:59] – Jen’s advice on how public admiration may impact partners
• [07:28] – Bert’s anecdote about his wife and attractive strangers
• [08:28] – Caller Sean’s perspective on admiring celebrities
• [09:26] – The “masculine perfection” challenge

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Tone & Style

The conversation is playful, slightly self-deprecating, and honest, blending banter with moments of genuine relationship insight. The hosts are candid about their own insecurities and admit to humorous double standards, making for an entertaining yet thoughtful discussion about attraction and its place in relationships.

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Summary prepared for those who missed the episode—giving you the best laughs, the biggest confessions, and plenty to think about for your own relationships!

Transcript

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[Bert (Host)]

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[Jeff (Co-host)]

This is Bar Refolle. This is your cover of Sports Illustrated right here.

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

She's the one that's with Leonardo DiCaprio.

[Bert (Host)]

Yeah, that guy.

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[Jeff (Co-host)]

I mean, look at that picture showing

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

us the COVID of Sports Illustrated magazine right now.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Why am I showing it to you?

[Bert (Host)]

Yeah, no reason.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I just wanted to pull it out. Look at it. Because Jeff and I were talking briefly yesterday about Sports Illustrated, and he confessed something. Maybe it's only something a guy would find funny. I thought was hilarious.

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

Okay.

[Bert (Host)]

And I guarantee you I'm not the only guy that this thought popped into my mind, too.

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

But Danica Patrick's in there, by the way.

[Bert (Host)]

Yeah, that's what she. And her pictures.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

And normally we'd be talking about her, but when that picture and that perfection is on the COVID and there's a video that goes along with.

[Bert (Host)]

Well, here's the deal. And I'm going to play the video because I ended up doing.

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

Not that I've seen the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue or anything.

[Bert (Host)]

Have you seen the video?

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I saw what you put on your blog.

[Bert (Host)]

Yeah. Creepy. No, I didn't put anything creepy. I put the video of Bar Refale. Is. I'm saying her name right?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert (Host)]

I'm gonna call her Bar. I've been putting the. I put the video.

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

Does your name really matter?

[Bert (Host)]

I put the video of Treat her with respect.

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

Sorry. Yes.

[Bert (Host)]

Of Bar on my blog. And I put. I posted this because I really, really love the music they use. But when you watch the video, it could be the hottest video in the history of Earth. I mean, obviously of Earth.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I have to Agree with him, because she is literally. She is utter perfection with no airbrushing.

[Bert (Host)]

So. So I was in there with Bert yesterday, and I think he had a Sports Illustrated out or whatever, but it

[Jeff (Co-host)]

was pinned to my chest.

[Bert (Host)]

Yeah, he was. He had the Sports Illustrator. I saw something that reminded me of her, and I'm like, oh, my God, have you seen the video that goes along? And it's basically a video of her photo shoot. And she talks about the photographer, which was really amazing. Cause I didn't even noticed she had a head.

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

Jen, is it the sexiest video on Earth ever?

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

Well, I don't. I'm not interested in women, so I would say, no, but.

[Bert (Host)]

Get over here, Carter.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

But I mean, you could still look at a woman.

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

She's absolutely beautiful. I mean, definitely, hands down, she's gorgeous.

[Bert (Host)]

But. So we started talking about the video, right? And I said, bert, have you seen the video? And he goes, yes. I'm like, I didn't even know that was out there until the day before yesterday. Somebody emailed it to me. So I. I watched it, and he goes, yeah. And I go. And then he made the Leonardo DiCaprio comment. I'm like, yeah, I know she's dating him. I Googled her just to see if she was taken. And he's like, what? I'm like, well, you know, just to see if maybe there's any chance ever

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

in the history of time wow.

[Bert (Host)]

Just to see if there's any chance ever in the history of time that it doesn't have to be me, but, you know, maybe I could hook her up with check away or something.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

You were saying yesterday it was for you.

[Bert (Host)]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I mean, see if she was available for you.

[Bert (Host)]

Just to see what her status was.

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

Is that a guy? You guys do that?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I don't know that I've ever googled anybody's status.

[Bert (Host)]

Well, I googled her with the intention of seeing if she had a boyfriend. And then when I found out it was Leonardo DiCaprio, I actually got mad at him.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Like, I was like, the rich get richer.

[Bert (Host)]

Yes. I'm like, dude, you already had Giselle. Boom.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Yeah.

[Bert (Host)]

Like, what are you doing with Barbara

[Jeff (Co-host)]

F. Like, normally on the dating curve

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

of life, you guys seriously just live in a fantasy world all the time.

[Bert (Host)]

Without a doubt.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I got an email that I wanted to read here that we just don't have time for that. It has to do with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and it's from a Berkshire listener that got in a huge fight with his wife. I guess this came in on Tuesday night in the mail because she considers it porn, and she will not have porn in his house. And she's demanding that he cancel his subscription to Sports Illustrated now. Because of the magazine. I'll get into it tomorrow.

[Bert (Host)]

I gotta tell you, I mean, I appreciate that listener's point of view. And I would encourage him to not look at the Sports Illustrated issue, but rather look at the video of the great beach scenery and music that I've posted on my blog.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Yeah, you don't need the magazine if you got the video.

[Bert (Host)]

Sure, but I mean, is something like that.

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

Would that hurt Jessica's feelings?

[Bert (Host)]

No. Cause she would. Jessica would analyze her as much as more than I would.

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

It's not the same way.

[Bert (Host)]

Right, but she would be like, I understand it. Yeah. She's like, but no, but I mean, she would be like, oh, my God, do you think she works out? I bet she's one of those people that can eat whatever she wants. Blah, blah, blah. Look at that.

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

She's trying to be involved in the conversation with you.

[Bert (Host)]

But then this is what you were

[Jeff (Co-host)]

looking for here, Jen. Cause it's in the email. This guy's wife. And I'll read the whole thing tomorrow. But it's. Why do you want to look at any woman but me anyway? You really need that to get you turned on? I'm not good enough? Is that what you really want me to look like is what his wife is hitting?

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

I think the fear that you guys should have in being, you know, obsessed with your Sports Illustrated or with your video or whatever is making your woman feel inferior because she's a supermodel. I mean, she gets paid millions and millions of doll a year to look like she looks.

[Bert (Host)]

And that's not enough, just so you know.

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

Well, and all I'm saying is that the attention that you give to that only makes your woman feel bad about herself. So just be careful with how much

[Jeff (Co-host)]

you share that now.

[Bert (Host)]

And I think.

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

But I'm just saying, like, just be careful how much you share with her. Like, talk with your guy friends about it. But in front of your woman. It hurts our feelings.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I think she threw it in my office, but I don't even think that I. Yeah, I would never thumb through it with her unless she wanted to.

[Bert (Host)]

Let me tell you why I am perfectly okay telling Jessica that I watched a video of Bar Refehli.

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While we were on vacation, we're sitting at the beach bar of the place we were staying at, and we were sitting at the corner of the bar and the Only other people in the bar at the time were three dudes sitting down at the end. And we're sitting there and they're making it, you know, we're getting our foo fooey, beachy drinks, blender, whatever. So it took them a couple minutes to make them. And while they're making them, Jessica says to me, hey, you know how you always want me to point out to you that guys that I think are really, really good looking? And I answered, yes. But in my mind I'm like, I don't ever remember having that question. I don't ever remember asking that question. But I'm like, yeah. And she goes, okay. The guy to my left, the one in the hat closest to me, he is what I would consider a really good looking guy. And I said, okay. And I kind of lean out and I look and I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah. And she goes, I mean, that guy right there is, I mean, he's the perfect height. And you know, he's not like real beefy muscle guy. Like he's got a little extra weight on him, but he's, you know, but, but he looks like an all American guy. And I'm like, yep. And she goes, you know, like how his face is kind of, you know, beachy, like not shaved, but like, not all scruffy and gross. And I go, yeah. And the way, I mean, he's just like, he's fashionable without trying, like he's got cargo shorts on.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

And in my mind and the way he is everything. You're not right.

[Bert (Host)]

In my mind, I am thinking about, like, I'm not processing what she's saying because I'm like, when have I ever asked her to point out really hot guys? Never, like, did she just totally jack me into this conversation?

[Jeff (Co-host)]

I mind tricked you.

[Bert (Host)]

Yes. So if she ever says, did you seriously post a picture of Barbara Faley on your blog and talk about how hot she was, I could say, did you seriously sit at the end of the bar and talk about the hot guy who wasn't me at the other end?

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

Now, for some women on the situation that Jessica put you in, going back to what Jen's saying, there's some guys who I, they must not know what they're doing, but they make comments like that almost every day about woman they see in TV or in the magazine or whatever.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

That would be infuriating.

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

Yeah.

[Melissa (Female Panelist)]

And a woman is, is, you know, internalizing that.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

A guy wouldn't dig that either. Hey, Sean, good Morning. You're on Q100.

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Yeah. I'm just kind of confused. Sounds like Jen and Melissa being hypocrites. Okay, you guys are talking about her being on a cover. You didn't say anything about her tatas or her nice. But when they were talking about Beckham. Oh my God. This and that. You can't be hypocritical about that. It's just something to look at. I'm married. I've been with my wife for 19 years. And you know what? I know I'm not the best looking guy on earth. So of course, being a human being, you look and say, wow, that person's sexy. Oh, that person. That guy's hot.

[Jen (Female Panelist)]

I never said don't look. I said just don't care. But how much you talk about it in front of your woman.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

And I'm still maintaining I don't care who my wife is looking at in magazines, even on the street, so long as I'm home. She rethinking of whoever she wants.

[Bert (Host)]

Is there any entertainment value? And I think only Stacy and Jessica could do this. But having them collect over the next few days photographs of three or five guys that they think are masculine perfection. Yes. And posting them online with a picture of us next to it.

[Jeff (Co-host)]

Yeah, I'm pretty much. I'm pretty sure Stacey wasn't looking for all this.

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