Pete (1:56)

Uh huh.

Host (Birch) (1:57)

At one point you guys tried something a little bit more serious than just friends and it didn't work out.

Pete (2:01)

Yes.

Host (Birch) (2:02)

And you've remained friends kind of on and off for five years now with you just kind of waiting in the weeds.

Pete (2:08)

Yeah.

Host (Birch) (2:09)

And you have fallen in love with this girl and basically she's, she's not Looking at you the same way?

Pete (2:16)

Uh, yeah.

Melissa (2:18)

I want to. Pete, I want to. I want to ask two. Two things. One answer. When Burt talked about trying something more in your friendship, I want you to define that and exactly what it. And for how long. And then, number two, have you confessed to her that you are in love with her?

Pete (2:34)

I guess the first part just more than friends, you know? I mean, basically, we. I mean, we were taken as boyfriend, girlfriend for about probably a month to two months. And, you know, just. We took our relationship from, you know, friendships to something more.

Melissa (2:53)

So you. You were physical with her?

Pete (2:56)

Yes, but not all the way physical. I'd say one thing was, you know, just not done.

Jennifer (3:04)

Mm.

Pete (3:05)

And then at the time, I did. I did, you know, expected her, that I loved her. But ever since then, it's kind of been, you know, it's been put off in. You know, off to the side, and I just kind of. Since she had a boyfriend for a while, you know, I. I, you know, I had to. You know, that's fine with me. I just figured, you know, she. She had somebody that she. She finally, you know, wanted. But that's since ended, and I don't think that that's ever gonna work out again. And I don't know if I should tell her or not, like. Cause, I mean, I. I just never lost that feeling. And it's. It's like when I'm around her, it's hard to be around her and. And just not say, listen. Like, I still don't, you know, feel any three years ago, so.

Host (Birch) (3:58)

So while you. While you guys are still friends and she's kind of been dabbling in this relationship with somebody else, in your heart of hearts, you've always known that you've loved her.

Pete (4:08)

Yes.

Host (Birch) (4:09)

And you've done nothing about that. You haven't talked to her about it? Nothing. You've just been the cry on my shoulder guy for a long time.

Pete (4:15)

Yeah. I mean, that's pretty much who I am. I just. I stayed out of a relationship. You know, the one that she had that lasted almost three years. It just. I figured, you know, it wasn't my place to get in the way. And if, you know, if I was the person she wanted to be with, you know, she would have went that route. But at the same time, there's always some of the things that she said to me. You know, it just. It sticks in my mind is, you know, why would you say that and then, you know, be with somebody that, you know, never. Never really sparked that interest in her. But you know, still, she would, you know, consider them, you know, boyfriend material now.

Jennifer (4:54)

I might have missed this. Is she serious with anybody right now?

Pete (4:58)

No. So she was. It's been like, two months now. She just broke up with somebody. So it's. It's. It's kind of weird because this happened before with her, and I was kind of there, and I didn't express anything, and she ended up, you know, starting to date somebody else. And that's one of the times when we kind of drifted apart because I kind of had it. And we just. We ended up not talking after that for a little while. But it's. She's. I mean, she's always been able to call me and talk to me, and it's just kind of like there, you know, there's a reason for that. You know, if I didn't want to talk to her, you know, I could be, you know, a jerk and be like, listen, like, this isn't what I want, you know, and hang up or whatever. But, I mean, I'm not that kind of guy. Just.

Host (Birch) (5:50)

Pete, as I'm starting to put the pieces together here, and you guys had that. That period where you guys weren't talking to each other, what inevitably brought you back together?

Pete (6:02)

That's a good question. Just. I guess, just time it. Just, like one night, I was just sitting there, and I got a text message on my phone that, you know, just said that she'd found one of the letters I wrote to her right about the time we'd stopped talking. You know, I kind of put everything down for her, and, you know, that was that. Like, I. At the point. At that point in time, I really didn't, you know, know what to tell her other than this is how I feel, and, you know, I'm gonna go my separate way for a while, and if you realize, you know, maybe you want to change your mind, then, you know, I'd be for it. But at the time, I was. I was pretty mad. And so we didn't. I mean, we just didn't. You know, we didn't talk for that time. And then when she finally, you know, text messaged me back or, you know, gave me a text mess and said, you know, she was reading that letter, I was like, well, you know, maybe she broke up with her boyfriend. And then, you know, come to find out she hadn't, I was like, well, why would she text message me back, you know, or, you know, text message me and say, you know, like, I'm reading your letter, and, you know, it kind of brings Back memories and go ahead.

Jennifer (7:10)

Can I interrupt you for a second?

Host (Birch) (7:11)

Yes.

Jennifer (7:12)

It sounds like you've been a doormat for too long. It sounds like to me that she is taking advantage of this friendship a little bit. And maybe she already knows how you feel about her, but she's just choosing to ignore that so that she can get all the benefits of this friendship. Because, I mean, listen to you talk. It's like you're hanging on her every word. You're reanalyzing her every text message to you. You're one. You're, like, getting in her head. Well, maybe she did this because she feels this way, or maybe she said this because of that. You're like, way over analyzing everything that she has done or said to you and in the last couple of weeks because she's out of this relationship, but sounds to me like she's kind of taking advantage of you.

Jeff (7:54)

When women do that, do they know they're doing that or. Oh, really?

Melissa (7:58)

Yes.

Host (Birch) (7:58)

And you can't get out of your own head, Right?

Jeff (7:59)

She's aware that she's manipulating and using him.

Jennifer (8:02)

Yes.

Jeff (8:03)

And what's her motivation?

Jennifer (8:04)

Well, I think she's choosing to ignore it, and I think.

Jeff (8:07)

What's her motivation? Like, why do you keep a guy like that around? Like, if you know there's a guy, you just like the attention to always have somebody there.

Melissa (8:13)

Yeah, I think it's easy. I don't know if of her. I mean, I don't think she is, you know, doing it with ill, you know, intent. I just think he's easy for her, you know, Like, I don't think that she's having to make any decisions because, I mean, she's getting all the benefits right there with him. And I think that if Pete left, though, I think she'd miss him.

Host (Birch) (8:35)

Well, isn't it possible that. I mean, she's not manipulated in this situation at all. Maybe she just really, really digs him as a friend. And I know you hate to hear this, oh, I love you like a brother, but doesn't want to take it to the next step. I don't know. That's treating him as a door. What'd you say? A doormat. It's just kind of like.

Jennifer (8:54)

Well, she knows he's over the top of a friend for her because he's into her. Like, if they were just normal good buddies, girl guy friends or whatever, he wouldn't be doing all of the extra things that he does for her to see. Does that make sense? She knows that he's on a different level than just a guy friend.

Host (Birch) (9:12)

So does she have a responsibility to say to him, look, you know, this isn't going anywhere?

Jeff (9:16)

Well, she does. That doesn't mean she's going to.

Melissa (9:18)

Now, Pete, you've told her that you. I mean, she knows you love her, that you love her.

Jennifer (9:23)

Have you.

Melissa (9:24)

You've had this conversation with her, or. No, because you.

Pete (9:27)

Not recently.

Melissa (9:28)

Not recently, but you have had the conversation because. I mean. Because communicate. I. My feeling is that I think that it's obviously tearing you up. And my feeling is that you have to be honest and you have to tell. I mean, because it's not a true friendship. There's not a balance there. You are in love with her. She's not in love with you. And you have to be honest with her. And I think you need to take off. You know, I think you need to tell her that I can't. Because you said yourself you can't be around her without probably being attracted to her and wanting to tell her how much you love her and wanting to be with her, and painful. It's painful for you, and you're doing it to yourself. So, I mean, if you're just honest with her, tell her how you feel, and she doesn't respond, then you're gonna have to leave because it's only hurting you.

Host (Birch) (10:09)

Okay. We don't need the voice disguiser for these calls, so Pete is on the. On hold just listening to all your advice. Good morning, Kenya. You're on all the hits. Q100.

Pete (10:18)

Good Morning, Y'.

Host (Birch) (10:19)

All. Good morning.

Tamara (10:20)

My advice to him is don't do it. I made the mistake of doing that over Valentine's Day. I'm a friend of mine. We've been friends his ninth grade. He went off to the Marines recently after I just got out of the Army. And when he came back from Iraq during Valentine's Day, I decided to tell him that even though I knew he was in love with me for, like, a few years after high school, I put it off because my grandma wanted me to get with him. And his mom was pressuring us to get together. He was like, oh, no. And I decided to wait until later. Then I had a boyfriend, he had a girlfriend. It was just this back and forth thing. And finally I'm single. But now he's in the Marines. And when he came back, I was like, well, I've been in love with you for the last few years. And I know back then, at first I didn't want to get in a relationship with you, but now, you know, I Want to. And it freaked him out. He said it freaked him out. And I haven't heard from him since then.

Host (Birch) (11:10)

But you think a guy coming back from the military, from Iraq for a year and a half would have said, oh, yeah, let's do this.

Jeff (11:14)

Game on.

Host (Birch) (11:16)

All right, so your advice? No, no, no.

Pete (11:18)

Hell no.

Melissa (11:20)

Hell no.

Jeff (11:20)

Don't tell us it's one step above no. No, no.

Host (Birch) (11:23)

Hell no. Good morning, John. You're on all the hits. Q100.

Tamara (11:27)

Yeah, I was in a similar situation and basically Melissa does have a good point that she is walking over him. Peter, she said, I love you like a brother.

Jennifer (11:42)

He can't answer you right now because.

Pete (11:44)

The voice has her situation, then I wouldn't do it.

Tamara (11:48)

If you're, if you're willing to give up the friendship and go out on a limb and say it, then say it.

Pete (11:54)

If not, go ahead.

Host (Birch) (11:57)

I will say this also, that I've been in these relationships and guys would tell me, you know, you're really risking your friendship with this woman. And to me, that was a no brainer. I will risk. When I was single, I would have risked a friendship with a woman in a split second in order to take it up to a next level.

Melissa (12:11)

And I agree. I mean, I think it's worth the risk. But my thing with Pete is I think the friendship's already done. Like, once you fall in love with your best friend, I don't see how the friendship can last. At least in the, you know, how.

Host (Birch) (12:24)

Do you go back to just being friends?

Melissa (12:26)

I think that Pete is honestly in love with her. He says that his feelings for her have never diminished. They're still the same, just as strong, five years later. And I just don't. You can't go back to being buddies after that.

Jennifer (12:37)

And I contend that she already knows because a guy who's in love with you looks at you differently than a guy who's not, looks at you differently. He treats you differently, he talks to you differently. There is a look, a look in his eye that we know and she knows it. I don't think he even has to say anything to her. She knows already, and I think she's taken advantage of it.

Jeff (12:58)

It's not. Is it really so much the look or is it like the actions, like the, hey, would you mind coming over? And then you hear the phone drop and the car start before you even finish your doorbell. It gets there faster than the Chinese food delivery guy.

Jennifer (13:10)

Exactly.

Host (Birch) (13:11)

But I think in keeping with Melissa's theory, though, I mean, if you can't go Back to being friends. He's emotionally invested. He loves her now. You know, if you can't go back to just being friends, then when the timing is right, why don't you just go for it? Because the relationship is over anyway.

Melissa (13:26)

That's my advice with Pete is. My feeling with Pete is already. The friendship is already done. I mean, it's done for him. She's a totally different woman. And that's why I think he needs to communicate with her. But understand that he may need to walk away because he's not going to get the reaction that he thinks.

Host (Birch) (13:43)

I have been in so many of these kind of relationships before where I play. Like, I think his feelings are authentic. I was playing the game where, like, okay, I'm going to pretend to be your friend. We're going to be friends, but I'm really digging on you. And it is so hurtful to put yourself in that situation, because when you play that way and she believes that you really are the friend to sit there and watch her get intimate and have her ask you for advice about these guys that she's really into, and it's slowly just crushing you.

Melissa (14:12)

Yeah. And Pete is already at that position where it's hurting. It's hurting his feelings so badly. And especially when you're at that point when you're with the friend, like he said, when you're with that person and all you can think about is being in love with that person to the point that he probably hasn't heard everything she said because he's just waiting. He wants her to say I love you to him. And it's not happening. So, I mean, he's already kind of whipped.

Host (Birch) (14:35)

Hey, Tamara, you're on all the hits. Q100.

Pete (14:37)

Hey, guys.

Tamara (14:38)

I think he should go for it. I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago, and now I'm engaged to my best friend. So I think if we hadn't ever talked about it, we would have always had that question and wondered what would have happened.

Melissa (14:50)

Who initiated the conversation? I mean, who was the one who was in love and said something?

Tamara (14:55)

I don't think either of us were in love yet. I think there was always some kind of emotion there. And we just kind of talked about it one night. And then it actually took about four or five months for us to finally start dating, because we just kept talking about it and it kept coming up, and we kept wondering whether we wanted to risk our friendship or not. And then we, one day we finally were like, okay, let's just start dating. And now we're getting married.

Host (Birch) (15:19)

I think guys. I think guys have more of a. So what are the words I'm looking for? I want to say romantic patience. Like, we will go through all that pain for a longer period of time.

Jeff (15:32)

It's not romantic patience. Guys will stand around forever if there's a chance at sex.

Host (Birch) (15:35)

Yeah, maybe that's it.

Jeff (15:36)

It is not romantic patience.

Melissa (15:40)

Pete is truly in love with Amy.

Host (Birch) (15:42)

Though, and he will put himself through all sorts of pain right now and sit through that and sit through that, just with the hopes that someday she says yes.

Melissa (15:50)

But he wants to see her just one more time.

Orangetheory Fitness Announcer (15:51)

Okay.

Melissa (15:52)

He'll talk to her. Okay. You know what? He's gonna let go, but wait until the. Okay. She's gonna call. Okay. Lynn, she's right.

Jeff (15:57)

Now in that guy's mind, every night, as in love as he is, every night is they. That every minute that he is with her, there's the chance that that could be the night that they make out.

Jennifer (16:08)

Yep.

Melissa (16:09)

You know what I mean? He's trying to. He's trying to make sure they hang out somewhere where there's a little more alcohol. Maybe, you know, maybe something will happen.

Jeff (16:15)

It's 100% true. And in the back of his mind is the question, I wonder if sometime this evening I will touch her booze. Like that question exists. Everything. If she calls and says, hey, can we go to the library? Cause I gotta pull some stuff up on microfiche. He hears, hey, can we go to the library? Cause I gotta pull some stuff up on microfiche. And maybe you can touch my boobs. Like, that's every single thing that he has.

Melissa (16:42)

Every time he. He's thinking about going in for the kiss, but he doesn't. And then maybe when the evening. Yeah.

Host (Birch) (16:48)

Can you see, like, the painful embrace, like, she's giving him, like, a little, like, just a hug good night. And he's, like, smelling her hair. You can see the angle of the camera on his face.

Jeff (17:04)

Yeah.

Host (Birch) (17:04)

Good morning. All the hits. Q100.

Tamara (17:06)

Hi, this is Jennifer.

Jennifer (17:07)

Hey, Jennifer.

Tamara (17:08)

I just want to encourage him to go ahead and go for it. I married my best friend after seven years of him waiting in the wings for me.

Host (Birch) (17:16)

He'd have waited another 10 years, too. All right, let's get Pete back on here. Voice disguiser.

Melissa (17:20)

I'm kind of curious when Jeff said, you know, because it's true anytime we have conversations like that, we plan it in our mind and that obviously, both men and women, for a long period of time, practice and practice. I'm curious because I know Pete's already had that speech in his mind of what he's going to say to Amy. So I'm curious what Pete's speech is.

Host (Birch) (17:37)

Hey, Pete, you have a speech already planned out?

Pete (17:42)

Not exactly, because I'm not really sure how to go about it, because it's kind of. I mean, I've kind of, you know, done it once before, and I don't know that I exactly did it the correct way before. And now it's. I'm kind of. I'm kind of, you know, so anxious. But at the same time, kind of like. Like you guys said, maybe I already know the answer. It's kind of like at the same time I'm mad, you know, I like. I don't want to make it into an argument, you know? Cause that's not what it is. I just want to, you know, say what I have to say.

Host (Birch) (18:12)

And what are you mad about, though?

Melissa (18:13)

You can't be mad at her.

Pete (18:14)

Yeah, I know. I don't know. I guess I'm mad at myself probably.

Host (Birch) (18:22)

All right, let's give Pete. Everybody go around the room. Give him your advice as though he was your best friend.

Jennifer (18:27)

You can give him his leading line. When he starts this conversation with the.

Host (Birch) (18:31)

Leading line, if that's your advice to him, maybe some of us will say, don't do it at all.

Jeff (18:34)

I think it's irrelevant. If I'm the best friend, I don't say anything, anything, because nothing you can say is going to, like, change. He's either going to keep holding on or she's.

Host (Birch) (18:43)

He's.

Jeff (18:43)

He will hold on through her marriage to someone else unless he finds someone else. So I. There's no advice you can give him.

Host (Birch) (18:50)

All right, As a best friend. Jeff's saying, I don't want to talk to you, Jen.

Jennifer (18:54)

I say you go ahead and have the conversation with her, but you've got to be realistic about your expectations. And then after you have that conversation, it's either going to go one way or the other. It won't stay the same.

Host (Birch) (19:04)

Melissa.

Melissa (19:05)

Pete, my advice to you is be honest with her, but don't have the conversation with her. Have the conversation to her. I think you should, you know, have a private dinner, have her over, whatever. And I think you need to explain to her how you feel and how you're acting.

Host (Birch) (19:21)

I'm. I'm with Melissa except for one thing. I think that the relationship, like Melissa said, is pretty much over as friendships as you know it, because you're in love with her. But I would say have the talk to her, but you gotta hold out for a couple of more months. If she just got out of this three year relationship two months ago, then she's not gonna hear anything you're saying anyway. I mean, she's like, emotionally just. I mean, she's spent right now. She's gonna go through this period of, I don't want anything to do with guys at all. You don't want to hit her at that point? Man, I would hold on. Go through the pain for a couple of months and then hit her with it.

Jeff (19:53)

And I hope you get to touch her boob.

Pete (19:55)

Exactly. You crack me up.

Melissa (19:59)

What if she goes to. I mean, like. Okay, based on Bert's advice, I'm curious. How do you. How does he handle it if she decides to have a rebound?

Host (Birch) (20:06)

Well, she's been rebounding with this guy for three years, though, right?

Pete (20:10)

Yeah, pretty much. I mean. Yeah, he was a rebound. Yeah.

Melissa (20:12)

I'm saying, with him. How does he handle it if, like tomorrow she decides to have a rebound? Really? You know, with somebody.

Host (Birch) (20:17)

With him or with somebody else, and he.

Melissa (20:19)

Because he didn't go. He didn't tell her. I'm just curious.

Host (Birch) (20:22)

I think at that point maybe I'd go in. Yeah. I mean, if she starts getting interested in somebody else, I think at that point I'd say, whoa, wait a second, I want to be him. Think of me.

Jennifer (20:33)

I've been waiting for you to be ripe.

Jeff (20:35)

You know what you should do? This works in the movies. What you should do is, if you have an empty wall in your house, why don't you try to form a collage of a giant picture of her head taken out of other pictures of you and have like a big light shining on it. And then have her accidentally discover that in your house. And then she'll realize your obsession and she'll have to deal with it, you know, face to face. And if it doesn't work out, then you kill her.

Host (Birch) (20:59)

Or the old Lionel Richie video where you make a clay, just a clay model, a bust of her face. Is it me you're looking for?

Melissa (21:09)

But you gotta pretend you're blind because.

Jeff (21:13)

Like, can you do something that would cause you to lose your sight today?

Pete (21:18)

I hope not.

Host (Birch) (21:19)

All right, dude. Good luck, man.

Melissa (21:21)

Good luck, Pete.

Pete (21:22)

All right, thanks, guys.

Host (Birch) (21:23)

We gotta check back in with you in a couple of weeks just to find out where you're at. Hang in there, man.

Pete (21:27)

Okay, thanks.

Host (Birch) (21:28)

The bird show.