Vault: He was fired for playing Farmville

Summary

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The Bert Show: "Vault: He Was Fired For Playing Farmville"

Date: July 9, 2026
Main Hosts & Regular Panel: Bert, Kristin, Abby, Cassie, Tommy, Melissa, Bluff
Episode Theme:
This episode humorously unpacks a real-life workplace cautionary tale: a Bulgarian government worker fired for playing Farmville during important meetings. The cast riffs off the news to explore office distractions, multitasking mishaps, and the universal struggle to stay focused in dull work situations—mixing genuine workplace advice with trademark Bert Show irreverence.

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Main Discussion: Fired for Farmville

[01:32-03:25]

• Melissa brings up a news report about a government worker in Plovdiv, Bulgaria, who was fired for tending to his virtual crops during important city meetings.
  • "Melissa, I'm talking directly to you, okay? A guy was fired because of Farmville." – Melissa [01:39]
• The group shares amusement and faux concern, noting how addictive Farmville is for some and poking fun at Melissa’s past (unsuccessful) virtual agriculture ventures.
  • "Your crops died in like a week, right?" – Co-host [02:07]

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Why People Play Farmville at Work

[03:09-03:28]

• The story centers on Dimitar Karen, a city hall employee fired for “watering his virtual eggplants and milking virtual cows during important meetings.”
  • "He was watering his virtual eggplants and milking virtual cows during important meetings." – Melissa [03:10]
• Jokes abound about Farmville obsessive fans, with hosts noting, "Every time we talk about Farmville, people send us angry emails. You don't understand." – Melissa [02:28]
• Reflecting on how boring meetings sometimes drive people to find distractions.

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Distractions: Modern Workplace Epidemic

[03:21-05:29]

• The cast compares Farmville to other meeting distractions, like checking emails, texting, or surfing social media during calls.
  • "People in meetings, I mean you check, you check your emails, you know, tweet, you text. I mean, what's the difference?" – Co-host [03:39]
• Melissa relates to the fired worker, recalling her own experience zoning out in meetings and accidentally agreeing to random things, like useless subscriptions.
  • "I'm sure there are times where I've authorized transfers out of my checking account that I have no idea what I just signed up for." – Melissa [04:03]
• The hosts roast each other (and themselves) for being poor multitaskers—especially when it comes to pretending to pay attention.
  • "You're not as great of an actor as you think. People know when you're not paying attention to them." – Co-host [04:59]
  • "You just don't finish a sentence when you're distracted." – Co-host [05:19]

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Experiments & TMI Confessions

[05:56-07:40]

• Melissa proposes a cheeky experiment: seeing if she can sneak a bathroom break during a phone meeting without anyone noticing by cleverly muting, flushing, and returning.
  • "I am convinced that I can use the guest bathroom while on the phone and flush and the person has no idea…" – Melissa [06:09]
• The crew reacts with playful disgust, claiming there are giveaway bathroom sounds, especially thanks to the acoustics of tiled rooms.
  • "But you're in the bathroom. I'm sorry, but people can tell you're in the bathroom. There's the acoustics." – Co-host [07:00]
• Melissa one-ups the joke with, "When I use the toilet, when I'm sitting, I pull a blanket over my head," to deadpan reactions and laughter.
  • "Almost like one of those steamers for your face stinks in there. It's the steam that's coming out of the toilet that helps my skin." – Co-host [07:17]
  • "It's my potty Snuggie." – Melissa [07:35]

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Key Quotes & Notable Moments

• On the lengths people will go to multitask at work:
  • "I'm sure there are times where I've authorized transfers out of my checking account that I have no idea what I just signed up for." – Melissa [04:03]
• Making fun of multitasking skills:
  • "You're not as great of an actor as you think. People know when you're not paying attention to them." – Co-host [04:59]
• On bathroom phone call secrecy:
  • "But you're in the bathroom. I'm sorry, but people can tell you're in the bathroom. There's the acoustics." – Co-host [07:00]
  • "It's my potty Snuggie." – Melissa [07:35]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:32] – Start of Farmville discussion
• [03:09] – Details of the Bulgarian Farmville firing
• [04:03] – Multitasking and zoning out in meetings
• [05:56] – Melissa’s "bathroom muting" experiment proposal
• [07:35] – The "potty Snuggie" joke

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Summary Tone & Atmosphere

True to Bert Show form, the episode is packed with good-natured teasing, candid work-life confessions, and exaggerated, laugh-out-loud banter around an oddball news item. Listeners are treated both to practical (if indirect!) reminders about workplace professionalism, and the warped coping strategies many use to survive a boring day at the office.

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Summary prepared for listeners who want the highs, laughs, and lessons—no virtual crops required.

Transcript

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[Co-host Bluff]

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[Melissa]

Melissa, I thought of you this morning when I read this article about Farmville. Did you see this?

[Guest or Co-host]

No.

I did.

One of your wire reports did not

[Melissa]

just I'm gonna deliver this news story. This is a bonus news story. This is the sixth thing you need to know at work today because it's gonna save your job. Melissa, I'm talking directly to you, okay? A guy was fired because of farmville.

[Guest or Co-host]

I'm not surprised because people spend so much time on that dang thing.

[Melissa]

Now this is a story out of

[Guest or Co-host]

Bulgaria and you're telling me because I'm the only one in the room that's ever farmed Ever farmed?

[Melissa]

Not real farm.

[Guest or Co-host]

Are you doing it? No.

[Melissa]

Your crops died in like a week, right?

[Guest or Co-host]

Yeah, exactly.

[Co-host Bluff]

Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

Because you actually have to go back and harvest them and replant them and I just tend to forget and for

whatever, if you've ever been harvesting eggs, you don't have time for a farm.

Right, Exactly.

[Melissa]

She right now is playing real life Uterusville.

[Guest or Co-host]

Exactly.

[Melissa]

She doesn't need to play farmville. Farmville.

[Guest or Co-host]

Who needs farmville? We have Ovaryville.

[Melissa]

So this is farmville. And every time we talk about farmville, people send us angry emails. You don't understand.

[Guest or Co-host]

There's a lot of people on this side.

[Melissa]

People are passionate about it. Very exciting. And it's great, you know, water your crops, raise your cows, whatever you gotta do. But perhaps you shouldn't do it at work because this story out of Bulgaria, from Plovdiv, Bulgaria, which is a place, I would imagine Metropolis. A lot of real cows. Metropolitan. That's what strikes me. It's a type of town that has cows walking down the street and a lot of fields and stuff like that. A guy named Dimitar Karen. He is a city hall worker. I don't know if he's an elected official or appointee.

[Guest or Co-host]

So he's a government worker or how

[Melissa]

he gets a job. He's a government official and he was fired because he was watering his virtual eggplants and milking virtual cows during important meetings.

[Guest or Co-host]

During meetings.

[Melissa]

During. During those could get kind of boring. Yeah.

[Guest or Co-host]

Honestly, I might start a farmville like it.

I don't understand having a boring.

Get it because I'm so on his laptop in the meeting, which is on Farmville. Or was he doing it on like his BlackBerry or his iPhone or something.

People in meetings, I mean you check, you check your emails, you know, tweet, you text. I mean, what's the difference?

I think the funniest thing is when people are on conference calls and they don't realize they haven't hit mute.

[Melissa]

Oh.

[Guest or Co-host]

And they start talking on their end and they start talking to their administrative assistant or they're clickety clicking away on the keyboard or they're like coughing or whatever it is. Cause they think they're on mute and they're not.

[Melissa]

I have to really do forced focus, like talk. Understand, you know, feeling sympathy for this guy. Just looking for a meeting distraction. Because if I'm in a conference call or if I'm in something like that and I'm the guy who, you know, during the call does the occasional uh huh. Yes, I do agree with that and I am sure there are times where I've authorized transfers out of my checking account that I have no idea what. I just signed up for. 30 Columbia House Record and Tape Clubs. You know, like I mailed in my penny a hundred times. Cause I'm like, yeah, that sounds great. And they're like, really? You sure? So you're gonna buy a car and just give it to that family? No, that's not what I said. I said it sounded great. It sounded great in theory for somebody else. Not necessarily for me, per se. Factually. No.

[Guest or Co-host]

I can totally tell too. And men, I think are the worst at this. When you're on the phone with them that they're doing something else and they think they're being sly.

I think it's men and women. I just think people. You're not as great of an actor as you think people know when you're not paying attention to them. You know, I have yet to meet somebody that can function with two things going on at the same time and actually pull both of them off. You know what I mean? Like if You've got a BlackBerry or an iPhone in your hand, people know that you were having a conversation with somebody on that via text or email while you're talking to me. Because you just don't finish a sentence when you're distracted.

[Melissa]

That's exactly how it sounds too.

[Guest or Co-host]

Oh my gosh. It totally happens. I can be on the. This especially happens with my brother. So he and I are talking or chatting or whatever and it's like conversations going, going, going. And then I can tell when he sits down in front of his laptop because all of a sudden it's like distant. Yeah, uh huh.

[Melissa]

You're on speakerphone, he's watering his eggplants,

[Guest or Co-host]

he's harvesting his virtual artichokes, whatever. It's like it's not even making sense in the conversation.

[Melissa]

I am going to do an experiment next week because Jessica is not going to be in Atlanta next week. So I can do this without waking her up. I'm going to. We'll do this during the 5:30 club. I'm just gonna come in late, like two or three days. Cause here's the experiment. I am convinced that I can use the guest bathroom while on the phone and flush and the person has no idea through a carefully.

[Guest or Co-host]

Ew.

That's your experiment?

[Melissa]

Carefully placed maneuver of mute, flush, swing the phone, step out, shut the door. Oh, that's easy. Yep. Nobody knows. I'm convinced that I can ask you a question. So like, while I'M on the phone with you. I can say, yeah, blah, blah, blah, you know, you know. So, Melissa, what time are you coming to the meeting tomorrow? Hold the phone out the door, flush the door, step out, shut it behind me and pick it back up. And then ask you to repeat your answer. You're talking, it's like that you called

[Guest or Co-host]

me while you were sitting on the toilet kind of disturbs me a little bit because you have.

[Melissa]

I would know. You just hit a mute button.

[Guest or Co-host]

You ask somebody like a long winded question, hit the mute button.

But you're in the bathroom. I'm sorry, but people can tell you're in the bathroom. There's the acoustics. I'm sorry. In a tiled room different than another room.

[Melissa]

I don't think you can. I don't think you know.

[Guest or Co-host]

Yes, you do.

[Melissa]

Because when I use the toilet, when I'm sitting, I pull a blanket over my head.

[Guest or Co-host]

Almost like one of those steamers. Like one of those steamers for your face stinks in there. It's the steam that's coming out of the toilet that helps my skin.

[Melissa]

I tend my skin myself.

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[Guest or Co-host]

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[Melissa]

It's my potty Snuggie.

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