Vault: He Was Gifted a Dog He Didn't Want

Summary

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The Bert Show Episode Summary

Episode: Vault: He Was Gifted a Dog He Didn't Want
Date: July 2, 2026

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Overview

This episode of The Bert Show centers around a listener, Jack, who received an expensive purebred poodle from his in-laws—a gift he didn’t want. Struggling with not wanting the responsibility, he pitches an unusual solution to the show: selling the dog to breeders (with visitation rights) rather than keeping it or rehoming it in the usual way. The hosts and callers weigh in, debating ethics, parenthood responsibilities, and the realities of unwanted animal gifts. The discussion is lively, humorous, occasionally contentious, and touches on themes of honesty, animal welfare, and family dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jack's Dilemma: Unwanted Dog Gift

• Jack's Background: Jack makes it clear from the start: "I’m not a fan of dogs at all. I never have been. My wife, however, has a thing for them. My kids love them, of course." (02:07)
• His in-laws bought the family an expensive little poodle with some health issues, which Jack finds "disgusting" and smelly.

2. Jack’s Proposed Solution: Sell to A Breeder, Keep Visitation

• Jack’s friend suggested that breeders might pay $1,000–$2,000 for a purebred dog—and might allow Jack’s family to visit the dog occasionally:

  "My thinking is that I can get rid of this dog. But, if my in-laws are coming around or the kids want to see it, we can go visit, sort of rent it for a little while, and not have to deal with whole process of living with this animal." (02:36)

• Jack sees this as a win-win: less responsibility for him, possible financial gain, and his family still gets to see the dog.

3. Hosts’ Reactions

• Jeff’s Disapproval: Jeff immediately flags that this approach is likely to “confuse your children. Either have the dog or don’t have the dog.” (03:58)
• They debate Jack’s claim that he’ll bear all responsibility, pointing out that children could help—but Jack insists his kids are too young (both under 7).
• Co-hosts point out that Jack’s plan essentially dodges a hard conversation with his in-laws and children about not wanting the dog.

4. Callers Respond: Ethics and Alternatives (06:02 onward)

a) Animal Lover's Concern (Liz)

"If you could just consider for a moment... putting this poor animal to some breeder who's going to breed it, those puppies are going to go to some family who may have the same predicament... and they're going to keep contributing to this overpopulation of dogs that we have." (06:06)

b) Flawed Plan for Kids

• Hosts discuss the time frame: With Jack’s kids being 3 and 6, the plan would require years of deception (07:36).
• This approach masks the real issue: “You just don’t want to stand up to your in laws." (11:22)

c) Strong Pushback on Breeding for Profit

• One caller, Angela, is direct:

  "If he gets tired of his wife, is he going to rent her out to breed while he’s not dealing with her? ... It basically kills their body, and that his only reasoning is because I don’t want to deal with the dog. Then get rid of the dog, but don’t put the dog through a lifetime of torture." (07:55)

• Another caller offers to adopt the dog herself, pleading not to send it to a breeder. Jack’s response—"Let’s do it. Set it up." (08:28)—is half-serious, but the hosts quickly redirect, teasing about “FedExing” the dog.

d) Ethics of Profiting from A Gift

• Jeff argues that selling the gifted dog for cash is unacceptable unless Jack reimburses his in-laws:

  "You did not pay for this dog. So you don’t deserve to get the $2,000 or whatever for this dog unless you reimburse your in-laws for this." (08:49)

5. Moral and Practical Takeaways

• Give the dog to a family, not a breeder.
• Don’t try to profit from a gift, especially a living animal.
• Be honest with in-laws, and teach kids proper values—don’t set up confusing visits to a “rental” pet.
• The show’s consensus: "If the advice you were looking for was, should I take this idea to my wife? The answer is no." (12:41)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jack, on the dog:

  "It’s disgusting, to be honest. I mean, it smells... it just doesn’t look healthy. And, you know, they’re needy and you have to walk them... I don’t have the time. I don’t want to deal with it." (02:10)

• Jeff’s realism:

  "I think you’re doing your children a disservice by doing this... Either have the dog or don’t have the dog." (03:58)

• Caller’s tough love:

  "If he gets tired of his wife, is he gonna rent her out to breed while he’s not dealing with her?" (07:56)

• Hosts’ summary:

  "It is amazing. People contact this show to ask for advice and get advice and then... they want public acknowledgment that they’re right and when they don’t get it, they don’t care." (13:03)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:53] — Jack Introduces Problem
• [02:07] — Jack Describes His Issue with the Dog
• [02:36] — Jack Details His "Breeder Solution"
• [03:58] — Co-Host Jeff Expresses Concern
• [05:38] — Hosts Parse Jack’s Thinking (and Real-Life Consequences)
• [06:06] — Callers Begin to Weigh In (Liz: animal welfare)
• [07:55] — Angela Calls Out Jack’s Ethics
• [08:28] — Offers to Adopt the Dog
• [08:49] — Jeff on Profiting from Gifts
• [12:41] — Hosts Render Their Final Verdict

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Tone & Style

The conversation is fast-paced and conversational, peppered with jokes, sarcasm ("He’ll FedEx it to you for two grand.") and pop culture nods. Underneath the humor, there’s a strong consensus on responsibility, honesty, and compassion for animals.

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Conclusion

The episode unfolds as a group therapy session for Jack—and a miniature ethics seminar for listeners. The hosts and callers overwhelmingly reject Jack’s breeder solution, urging honesty, responsibility, and ethical rehoming. Their tone is both direct and caring, delivering practical advice encased in humor. At the end, Jack seems unswayed, but the hosts—and listeners—make their message clear: Do right by the dog, the kids, and the family.

Transcript

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[Caller Jack]

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[Host]

Visit spinquest.com for more details. The Birch show all right, we're gonna call this Birch show listener Jack and he is going to be on the voice disguiser so he remains anonymous. But he has got himself a great idea.

[Co-host Jeff]

Okay.

[Host]

His in laws want to give him a dog that he doesn't want. So he's got a solution. He just wants to filter it past us before he runs it by his wife.

[Co-host Jeff]

Okay.

[Advertiser]

Okay.

[Host]

Hey, Jack. Welcome to the Birch Show.

[Caller Jack]

Hey guys, how you doing?

[Host]

Good, how are you? No problem. Can you speak up nice and loud for us and kind of start from the beginning and tell us what's going on and how you're gonna fix it?

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah.

[Caller Jack]

Well, I mean, first of all, you gotta know I'M not a fan of dogs at all. Okay. I never have been. My wife, however, you know, has a thing for them. My kids love them, of course. And anyway, the in laws are buying us one. Well, they actually already got it for us. And, you know, just little thing and little poodle thing. And it's expensive, you know, I mean, it was, it was an expensive gift and, you know, I can appreciate that, but it's disgusting, to be honest. I mean, it smells, you know, and it's got some thyroid thing going on with it. It just doesn't look healthy. And, you know, they're needy and you got to walk them and they just thought of work and I really just. I don't have the time. I don't want to deal with it. But anyway, so long story short, I was talking with a friend at work, okay. And he was telling me about these breeders. You know, there are these people, you know, that want your dog. They want these purebred dogs, right? So they can, they can breed them and sell them and make their own money. But anyway, there's these breeders that are going to pay you, you know, $1,000 or $2,000 for your dog. And then the thing. So this is what, this is what I'm throwing out at you. I want to see what you think about this. I hear that these breeders will take your dog, but then you can visit from time to time if, you know, if, if you want to see it and see sort of how it's growing up and everything. So, you know, my, my thinking is that I can get rid of this dog. But, you know, if my in laws are coming around or, you know, or the kids just want to see it, we can go see the dog, sort of rent it for a little while, you know, and not have to deal with the whole process of living with this animal, you know, and taking care of it all day long. But it's still in our lives, basically, when the in laws come.

[Co-host Jeff]

I really. Jeff said that this was a brilliant idea, and I just don't think it is because you're going to confuse your children. Either have the dog or don't have the dog. But. And also.

[Host]

But how does he tell the in laws if they spend. I mean, if you get a purebred dog that can cost you a grand.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah, give them back. Giving.

[Caller Jack]

You don't know these people. No, nothing goes back. Can't give it back.

[Co-host Jeff]

Well, your reaction to your in laws, I think that you're. I think you're doing your children a disservice by Doing this honestly, because my dad, my dad and myself and my siblings and my father were all animal fans. And Millie Pete was not. Like, she did not understand why people love their animals so much. She didn't understand why. She still doesn't understand why people cry when their animals pass away.

[Caller Jack]

Really?

[Co-host Jeff]

She doesn't. She didn't.

[Host]

Is she a farm girl growing up?

[Co-host Jeff]

She was a farm girl growing up. She said, they're work animals, they're not pets. She's like, she didn't understand why they had to be in the house and our dogs were not allowed in the house and all that. But she still said, but you know what? My husband loves them, my children love them. As long as I don't have to deal with them, then I'm fine with it. So, you know the fact that you're the only one in the family that doesn't like the animals, so your family can never have animals because you don't want them.

[Caller Jack]

I'm not saying that. But what I will tell you is that if, you know, I'm going to be the one that's taking care of

[Co-host Jeff]

this dog, you'll get the responsibility that

[Caller Jack]

ends up walking it. You know, none of them are going to do it. My wife certainly isn't going to touch the dog unless she wants it.

[Advertiser]

Why not your children? Why not put the responsibility on your children? If your children want to keep the dog and they need to learn the

[Co-host Jeff]

responsibilities of the dog.

[Caller Jack]

Yeah. They're too young. It just won't work. And I mean, you know, this way, the way I see it is I get paid and they take care of all the dirty work for the dog. I mean, it just seems like a win win to me.

[Host]

You know, I can see from it now, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna defend you from a guy's point of view because the way guys think it is a flawless plan. He gets. He gets.

[Co-host Jeff]

So that's why y' all are a little simple.

[Host]

Right? I'm just saying. So, I mean, we gotta shoot holes in it because, I mean, we're gonna get a lot of calls like. Liz. Hey, Liz.

[Caller/Listener]

Hi. How are you?

[Host]

We're great. How are you?

[Caller/Listener]

I am good.

[Host]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

Love your show.

[Host]

All right, thank you.

[Caller/Listener]

So for the caller, you know, I can appreciate that you don't like animals, you don't want to take care of it. You know, you're kind of a dad. You're probably going to get stuck with it at some point in time. But, you know, if you could just consider for a moment the Possibility of putting this poor animal or just this animal to some breeder who's going to breed it, who those puppies are going to go to some family who may have the same predicament that this man has where they don't want the animal, they don't care for the animal, and they're going to keep contributing to this overpopulation of dogs that we have. We have so many dogs without homes. And he would contributing to that issue. And it's just, it's very upsetting because I love animals and I understand that he might not want the dog, but there's got to be some other way to deal with it than give it to a breeder.

[Co-host Jeff]

And I understand where Jeff's coming from that I know that you didn't hear anything she had to say about overpopulation of animals, everything. But here's my thing. A dog usually lives to be, you know, what is it, a standard poodle or a miniature poodle? I forgot what you said.

[Host]

The smaller the dog, the longer they live.

[Co-host Jeff]

So let's just.

[Caller Jack]

I don't know, whatever.

[Co-host Jeff]

So let's say that it lives to be.

[Host]

She was just asking to be polite.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yes. Let's say the dog lives to be 15 years old. Let's be ambitious. 15 years old. So you're going to go through this for 15 years with your in laws because you just don't want to stand up to them?

[Caller Jack]

Well, you know, I.

[Advertiser]

Good point.

[Host]

Well, no, I think, I think it's

[Caller Jack]

a lot better than living with his dog every day.

[Host]

Have you taken into account the health of the in laws? Like will they live 15 years?

[Co-host Jeff]

Well, yeah. How old are your children? I mean, age rage. If you don't give exact ages, they're.

[Caller Jack]

They're approximately three and six.

[Co-host Jeff]

Okay, three. And it's 15 years from now. One's going to be graduating from high school and one's going to be in college and they're still lying to their grandparents about the dog.

[Host]

They're going to be in college and they're going to be talking to their friends who think it's normal to go to a farm to visit their pet.

[Co-host Jeff]

Yeah, and that dog's not going to still be there. I mean, it just. I think it's a very flawed plan.

[Host]

Hey, Angela, welcome to the bird show.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm smart. Sorry, but I want to just smack the living car of this guy. I mean, if he gets tired of his wife, he's going to rent her out to breed while he's just not dealing with her. I mean, come on people. These dogs get bred so much that it just. It basically kills their body. And that his only reasoning is because I don't want to deal with the dog. Then get rid of the dog, but don't put the dog through a lifetime of torture.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Caller Jack]

No way.

[Caller/Listener]

This is ridiculous. I mean. I mean. Oh, my God.

[Advertiser]

Can you not find another family if

[Co-host Jeff]

you don't want to keep the dog?

[Caller/Listener]

I'll take the dog. I'll take the dog. Just don't do that to the dog.

[Caller Jack]

Let's do it. Set it up.

[Host]

Leave us your address. He'll FedEx it to you for two grand.

[Caller Jack]

Absolutely.

[Caller/Listener]

Seriously, it was a gift. I'll give this to the dog.

[Co-host Jeff]

Why are you profiting from this dog when it was a gift to you? Why are you going to sell it?

[Caller Jack]

Well, it was more. That's just like a good option, you know? I mean, I'm not to sell a

[Advertiser]

dog that you don't want.

[Co-host Jeff]

No, I think. No, I think you didn't pay. You did not pay for this dog. So you don't deserve to get the $2,000 or whatever for this dog unless you reimburse your in laws for this.

[Host]

Is that true? Because now listen.

[Co-host Jeff]

Absolutely.

[Host]

Let's take the dog out of it and let's say that it's. Let's say that for your birthday you received a digital camera that is identical to one that you already own.

[Co-host Jeff]

I would not feel good about selling that camera if it was from a family member.

[Host]

You put one of them up on ebay, you get sold for a hundred bucks.

[Co-host Jeff]

Unless you know what? Let me tell you, sir, the only time I would do that, sir, is me or him. Him. Because I'm trying to still kind of be respectful, I guess, is that I would give that money to charity and I would. I would not like profit from your. A living thing, though. Yeah. From your bad attitude. You know what I mean about this dog?

[Advertiser]

It's not a digital camera.

[Co-host Jeff]

It's a living, breathing thing.

[Host]

Hey, Jackie, welcome to the bird show.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey. I just. I just wanted to say I disagree also with sending it to a breeder, as the other callers said. And I mean, if you do go that route, make sure you research the breeder first and know exactly what's going to be going on there. Because there's a lot of backyard breeders. They mistreat their dogs and it's unnecessary. And you could more than likely find somebody who is willing to take the dog and raise it as a pet instead of, you know, breeding it to death or you Know again, adding to the overpopulation of dogs in the area.

[Caller Jack]

But if I give it to someone else, then the kids can never see it. So this way they can still go and see it occasionally. So it just seems like the best way.

[Co-host Jeff]

I think that's silly because again, your kids friends have dogs that live in their backyards and your kids have to go somewhere to visit it. I think if you teach your child about adoption, about adopting the dog out and you all a good family for the dog and it can be because I think we're losing sight of the children in this. How cruel for this child, these children to be playing with this dog. And then all of a sudden the dog disappears and you say we can go down the street and visit every once in a while, commit one side or the other.

[Host]

I don't know if you want to teach the kids about adoption because then they may want to be adopted by

[Advertiser]

someone else, by another guy.

[Caller Jack]

Really.

[Host]

Hey, Michelle, Good morning.

[Caller/Listener]

How are you doing?

[Host]

We're good. How are you?

[Caller/Listener]

I don't agree with that man at all. I'll be more than welcome to come to his house and get that dog now. You know what if his kids gets on his nerves? What is he gonna do? Trade them out to.

[Host]

Well, not. You gotta come to the house and get one of his kids too.

[Co-host Jeff]

Well, the issue.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, I'll be more than happy to come get them too.

[Co-host Jeff]

Well, the issue is. The issue is he doesn't want to stand up to his in laws. The issue is that you're kind of wussing out about your in laws.

[Caller Jack]

That's not. I don't see that as the issue. I really don't. The dog is the issue and I get it out.

[Advertiser]

Give him back to your in laws

[Co-host Jeff]

then if you give the dog back to the in laws, they to give it back to where they got it from and get their money back. You don't get to profit from this.

[Host]

Didn't that happen with Bert? Remember when Burt adopted. Burt got like two bulldogs the week Hollis was born. Crazy man. And it just ended up being too much. And the breeder that he got the dog from was able to find another family that wanted those dogs. So that is a valid point. Hey, Chris, you're on with Jack.

[Advertiser]

No, he's not.

[Host]

No, nevermind.

[Co-host Jeff]

Are we calling Chris?

[Caller Jack]

Yeah,

[Host]

everybody's pretty much saying that. The same thing. Warning you. Would it be different here in the room? Melissa and Wendy? Would it be different if the dog wasn't going to a breeder but was going to like a person who's gonna show it?

[Co-host Jeff]

I mean, I just have an issue with somebody to take care of it. Well, I have an issue with the message he's sending to his kids that he can't talk to his in laws and that he wants to profit from it. There's so many layers to this story.

[Caller/Listener]

Story.

[Host]

You know, Jack, if. If the advice you were looking for is, should I take this idea to my wife? I think that the vote.

[Caller Jack]

I got my answer already.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Host]

The answer is no.

[Co-host Jeff]

I have to rethink it.

[Host]

Yeah. I think you need to grow.

[Caller Jack]

I'm still gonna do it. It makes the most sense. This is the way to go.

[Host]

All right. Thank you for calling.

[Co-host Jeff]

Bless your wife.

[Caller Jack]

All right.

[Host]

Yes.

[Caller/Listener]

Sorry for your kids.

[Host]

It is amazing. People who contact this show to ask for advice and get advice and then they want.

[Co-host Jeff]

I think they want public acknowledgment that they're right and when they don't get it, they don't care.

[Host]

Right.

[Advertiser]

Is there one person that's called up

[Caller/Listener]

saying they do it?

[Host]

Zero. But we have like four people who want to adopt the dog. So we'll get their numbers, but he won't do anything with it. Hey, the Birch Show.

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, guys.

[Advertiser]

Lady luck here. Are you going on any road trips this summer?

[Caller/Listener]

I know I'm going to be going

[Advertiser]

on a bunch of road trips and

[Caller/Listener]

being that I'm going to be passenger

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