Vault: Her Best Friend Was Secretly Texting Her Ex The Whole Time They Were Together

Summary

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The Bert Show

Episode: Vault: Her Best Friend Was Secretly Texting Her Ex The Whole Time They Were Together
Date: March 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, The Bert Show dives deep into a dramatic and relatable dilemma: What do you do when your best friend, who encouraged you to break up with your cheating boyfriend, turns out to have been secretly texting him the whole time? Listener Katherine calls in, voice disguised, to get advice from the hosts and other callers. The rest of the cast and listeners weigh in with their thoughts, some personal anecdotes, and passionate debates about friendship, betrayal, and boundaries.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Katherine’s Story: The Betrayal Unfolds

[00:53–03:36]

• Breakup and Best Friend’s Role: Katherine shares she broke up with her boyfriend before Christmas upon discovering he cheated. Her best friend Sarah was the main force encouraging the breakup.
• Discovering the Secret: Katherine accidentally finds Sarah’s phone at her place and, upon looking, discovers her best friend has been texting her ex for about two and a half months—since the breakup.
• Nature of Their Messages: The texts between Sarah and the ex are not sexual but are friendly and include plans to meet at a coffee shop (“So we’re meeting at the coffee shop on Friday again, right?” [03:55]).

Notable Quote

• “It’s nothing really bad... but it’s so weird because it was her suggestion that I break up with him. She’s the one that really pushed for it and was talking about how, what a bad guy he was. And now suddenly they’re all buddy, buddy.” — Katherine ([02:30])

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2. Is Looking at the Phone Worse Than the Secret Friendship?

[04:00–05:15]

• Katherine expresses guilt about looking through Sarah’s phone, sparking a debate among the hosts and callers about which betrayal is worse.
• Wendy and Erica joke about phone privacy and responsibility, but the consensus is clear: the friend’s action is the larger offense.

Notable Quote

• “That’s really what you’re balancing here, is the offense of actually looking through her cell phone. You feel is worse than her having communication with your ex, and I don’t agree with that.” — Catherine, host ([05:15])

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3. What Should Katherine Do Next?

[05:24–06:14, 07:08–07:21]

• Listeners and hosts suggest possibilities: confront Sarah directly, or show up at the coffee shop unannounced for dramatic effect.
• Some posit that Sarah may have left her phone on purpose as a way to have Katherine find out.
• The group is torn between advising Katherine to end the friendship or at least have a tough conversation.

Notable Quotes

• “I think she needs to dump this friend. This is ridiculous. This is not acceptable behavior.” — Erica ([07:12])
• “But I still think she should show up at the coffee shop to let them know that she knows.” — Erica ([07:21])

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4. Is There Any Justification? Is the Friendship Over?

[07:35–09:10]

• Jen suggests the relationship between Sarah and the ex seems platonic, but Erica and Catherine see the concealment as a major betrayal of trust regardless.
• A recurring debate emerges about distinctions between male and female friendships and dealings with betrayal.
• A caller, Lindsay, shares a similar story and echoes that it’s “just something you don’t do,” strengthening the idea that most women consider this crossing a line.

Notable Quote

• “I don’t think their friendship has to be completely over.” — Jen ([08:09])
• “She can’t trust this girl ever again.” — Catherine ([08:12])
• “There is no good reason for that best friend to be hanging out with the ex that she told her to break up with.” — Erica ([08:58])

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5. The Plan: Confrontation or Closure

[09:10–10:43]

• The hosts love the idea of Katherine casually showing up at the coffee shop. They suggest she observe the reactions and decide if the friendship is salvageable based on Sarah’s guilt or honesty.
• The group points out that this approach lets her avoid the awkward “I looked at your phone” confession, as her presence alone will force the issue into the open.

Notable Quotes

• “I like the theater of you showing up at that coffee shop, shocking them both.” — Catherine ([09:43])
• “Just show up at the coffee shop and just be there. You don’t have to confront them. Just let them see you walk in and you see them together and that’s enough.” — Erica ([09:47])
• “If it’s all guilty and sneaky, then it might have to be the end of Sarah and me. Which is so weird because we’ve been friends for so long.” — Katherine ([10:17])

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Memorable Moments

• Group Debates: Spirited, sometimes humorous debates on whether men and women handle betrayals from friends differently ([08:12–09:10]).
• Personal Stories: Lindsay’s similar experience strengthens the consensus about friendship boundaries ([09:13]).
• Dramatic Advice: The “coffee shop showdown” suggestion becomes the episode’s highlight, endorsed by nearly all hosts and listeners ([09:43–10:43]).

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:53] Katherine begins her story
• [01:47] Discovery of texts between best friend and ex
• [03:36] Nature of the texts and plans to meet
• [05:04] Weighing the two betrayals: looking at a phone vs. secret texting
• [06:14] Was the phone left on purpose?
• [07:12] Multiple callers suggest ending the friendship
• [08:12] The trust is broken — hosts make their verdict
• [09:10] Personal stories about similar experiences
• [09:43] Coffee shop confrontation plan hatched

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Conclusion

The episode is a lively, very real discussion of friendship, betrayal, and trust. Listeners and hosts agree that Sarah's behavior is a breach, even if not romantic, but the road forward is tricky. Should Katherine confront, end the friendship, or try to forgive? The consensus leans toward a dramatic but honest confrontation, with the door open for closure or, possibly, reconciliation depending on what happens next at that fateful coffee shop meet-up.

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End of summary.

Transcript

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[Tyler Redick]

Tyler redick here from 2311 racing another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba. Jump [e-mail] let's Chumba.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

No purchase necessary. BTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNC21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino. You're on the Bird Show. Birch Show. Listener hurt by her best friend. Oh, good morning, Catherine. You are on the voice disguiser.

[Katherine (Caller)]

Thanks, guys.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

How are you this morning?

[Katherine (Caller)]

I'm okay. I'm in a bit of a weird situation, though, and I was looking for some advice.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Bring it on. You came to the right place. You didn't go to your friends, you didn't go to your family. You didn't go to a psychologist. You came to the absolute right place.

[Katherine (Caller)]

Oh, good. Well, what happened was about just before Christmas, I found out that my boyfriend. Well, now, exactly. Was cheating on me. And this clearly wasn't a great situation. And my best friend really pushed me to break up with him. And I thought she was right. I shouldn't be with a guy who was cheating on me. So we ended things. And it's been hard, but it's been okay. And it was the right thing to do. You shouldn't be with a guy who's not respecting you. Right?

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Indeed.

[Katherine (Caller)]

But then the other day, Sarah, my best friend, she was over here and she had to go out and run an errand and she accidentally left her cell phone.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

Oh, no.

[Katherine (Caller)]

And, you know, I mean, I know that I shouldn't have, but it was just one of those things that you do when someone sees your cell phone lying around.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

It does.

[Katherine (Caller)]

You can't help but look at it. Right.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

It jumped off the counter into your hand and started scrolling by itself. I don't even know how it happens, but it does.

[Katherine (Caller)]

Yeah. And she has an iPhone and it saves its text messages forever. And I saw that she'd been texting my ex recently. She's been exting, but it's not exing because it's my ex, not hers.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

Right?

[Katherine (Caller)]

And they've been talking for, like, two and a Half months. So since around the time of our breakup. And it's, you know, it's going. It's nothing really bad. It's just. They're just talking. But it's so weird because it was her suggestion that I break up with him. She's the one that really pushed for it and was talking about how. What a bad guy he was. And now suddenly they're all buddy. Buddy.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Yeah, she's an ass. That's not cool.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, I'd break up with her.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

And she hasn't told you that they're friends?

[Katherine (Caller)]

No, she hasn't said a darn thing about it. Seriously.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Now, let's define your relationship with this. This is your best friend. I mean, like, when something goes wrong.

[Katherine (Caller)]

We've been friends since college. I mean, she was my. It's. Well, not that far out of college, but she's been. She's been totally my girl. And we had lived together for like three years, and we're just super duper close. And it's. It's so weird to me that this is happening.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

That's jacked up.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah. She betrayed you, for sure.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

It's worse to have problems with a best friend than I think it is any guy. You know, it's more hurtful in that way.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

These text messages, were they sexual in nature or were they simply platonic?

[Katherine (Caller)]

No, they were just, you know, talking about super bowl or talking about, you know, what was on TV or whatever. But, you know. But at the same time, there's also this text about. So we're meeting at the coffee shop on Friday again, Right. And I'm going.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. You have every right to be heard.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Sure.

[Katherine (Caller)]

But now I'm stuck because, I mean, you're not supposed to look at people's private things.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

Nah, she left it there. And she didn't put a password on it.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

And I think that.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Is that the rule? No password equals green light. Yeah.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

I need to go lock my eyes

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

because I appreciate it's too strong. You know what I mean?

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

That's true.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

I would never think about picking up my best friend's phone, though.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

You knew something was going on, though. You only pick up a phone when you already have an idea that something's not right. Right.

[Katherine (Caller)]

I don't know. She was. She. It's been weird because she's been a lot busier than usual. She might be dating someone.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Yeah, well, she is.

[Katherine (Caller)]

And not wanting to tell me because sometimes she gets some real losers.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

She is now, like, your ex boyfriend.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

I'm surprised you didn't talk to her already about it.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

Mm.

[Katherine (Caller)]

I mean, I don't want to make things.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

You. Don't be rude.

[Katherine (Caller)]

I mean, I'm.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

It's already weird between y'.

[Katherine (Caller)]

All.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

I mean. What do you mean? You don't want things to be weird between you? She sort of made it that way.

[Katherine (Caller)]

Well, yeah, but she doesn't know that I know.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

So it's not weird. Not only weird for you, but not weird for her.

[Katherine (Caller)]

Well, so now my issue is, like, if I. If I bring it up to her, and I'm like, hey, I looked at your cell phone, which I know I shouldn't have done, but you're doing this, which you know you shouldn't be doing. Does that just make us even? Because I feel like what she's doing is a lot worse than me looking at her.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Right. That's really what you're balancing here is the offense of actually looking through her cell phone. You feel is worse than her having communication with your ex, and I don't agree with that.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

Did you say that they're meeting at the coffee shop this Friday? Yeah, I should show up at the coffee shop. Yeah.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Booyah.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

And that way.

[Katherine (Caller)]

That's a great idea, Burn face.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Hey, Kim. Go ahead. You're part of the bird show on Q1.

[Katherine (Caller)]

Hey.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

Hi.

[Katherine (Caller)]

Hey.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

I think that the best friend left herself on there on purpose.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

No way.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

Knowing that she was going to go through it, but because I kind of. I was kind of the other girl one time, and I was waiting for my friend to find out before I had to tell her myself.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

Really? So what did you do to make her find out on her own?

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

A few mutual friends knew, and it finally got back to her, which was kind of what I was waiting on because I didn't want to be the one to tell her.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

That's cowardly.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, it was. But I think that that's what the friend did. I mean, who leaves her cell phone laying around these days?

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

Anybody like it? Like, you walk out of the house and forget it or whatever, but your own house, Right? But I mean, if she's just running to the store or run it taken off and you get all the way home, your thought might be, oh, that's my best friend. Unless she.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

I panic more now if I forgot my phone than I would if I forgot my wallet.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

Was the nightmare that you had the other night? How?

[Katherine (Caller)]

Oh, yeah.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

Horrible nightmare.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Better BlackBerry. Hey, Jennifer. Go ahead. You're on Q100.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

I just want to know if her best friend happens to have been the woman he Cheated on with. You know what I mean?

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Is that possible, Catherine?

[Katherine (Caller)]

I. I really don't think so. No, it's not. I know the girl that he. That had happened with, or I know her by proxy, but it definitely wasn't Sarah. I know that for sure.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

The solution seems pretty obvious to me. I think Erica and I are on the same page here. Hey, Erica.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

Hey. I think she needs to dump this friend. This is ridiculous. This is not acceptable behavior. And she needs to get rid of the friend.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

I agree.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

But I still think she should show up at the coffee shop to let them know that she knows.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

I like that.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

I like that too. I like going in, getting the jab in there. But I think that the friendship is over.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

But I don't think there's any sexual relationship going on between the friend and her ex boyfriend. I think they're friends even.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

Well.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

And I think that there's.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

I don't know if they're meeting like every Friday or whatever at a coffee shop. He might be working.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

There was a sexual relationship. She would have been able to tell from the iPhone.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

She may not even know that there's a sexual relationship budding right now. Like, this may be Dude's idea. And she's just like, ah, he seems

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

like a nice guy, but still. It's a betrayal.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

Of course. I mean, she needs to talk to her about it, but I don't think she needs to ditch her best friend since college forever.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

I think it's the difference between guys and girls. Like, guys would look at that betrayal like, dude, what are. You're a punk. Like, no. Boom. Done, gone. Whereas I think girls, like, that's why

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

she needs to talk.

[Alex Canceroitz]

We need to talk about this.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

Why are you doing it?

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

Well, they do.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

They need to talk about it, but I don't think their friendship has to be completely over.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

She can't trust this girl ever again.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

I can't trust her again.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

Sure she could, Dude. Different with girls. They're weird. They don't have.

[Katherine (Caller)]

You'd be able.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

If you were a girl, you'd be able to trust your best friend.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

If I was a guy, I would always have an issue with it. I think girls can work through it and cry and hug and pillow fight and stuff.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

It's all better.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

But I think guys, I just think it's. I just think it's different with. I wouldn't even scratch it.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

Not even. Not all girls would put up with that. I would not put up with that.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Wendy, would you put up with that?

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

Come on, Wendy.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Wendy, your best Friend starts hanging out with your ex.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

I asked her about it, though. I wouldn't just sit on it. I mean, I would ask her about it. I mean, I would ask her about it and. And depending on what she had to say, then make my decision. There's something more than. Yeah, no, it's done.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

Yeah, I'd be mad because that's disrespectful to not let me know that that's going on. Like, to. Like Jen said, it's purely innocent. I'm just letting you know. But there's no. There is no good reason for that best friend to be hanging out with the ex that she told her to break up with.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Hey, Lindsay, you're part of the bird show. Go ahead.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

The same thing happened to me. My best friend was my. Me and my ex broke up and she started kind of talking to my ex boyfriend platonically. Nothing was, you know, going on between the two of them, but, you know, it's just a rule.

[Katherine (Caller)]

It's wrong.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

And, you know, I'm no longer friends with her for, you know, other reasons, but still for that too, because it's just not right for any girl. And I think most girls would agree with me because that's just something you don't do.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

I like the theater of you showing up at that coffee shop, shocking them both.

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

That would be fun.

[Erica (Caller/Guest)]

Instead of talk, going to her and talking about the phone, and then you coming across feeling bad, then you. No, no, just show up at the coffee shop and just be there. You don't have to confront them. Just let them see you walk in and you see them together and that's enough.

[Jen (Caller/Guest)]

You see their reaction. As soon as you walk in the

[Wendy (Caller/Guest)]

door, they'll spit up their latte.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

You never even have to bring up the phone at that point because you just by coincidence, let them wonder how you found out. M. I like it. I like it. Can we talk to you on Monday after. If you execute that.

[Katherine (Caller)]

Yeah, I think that's the best way to go about it. I don't know. I mean, I kind of want to see what their reaction is like. And if it's all guilty and sneaky, then it might have to be the end of Sarah me, which is so weird because we've been friends for so long.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

Well, that's an easy way out right there. I mean, if you want to bring it up, then you don't ever have to bring the phone up at all. You just happen to be there while they're sitting at a table together, and there it is. Now it's on the table and you can start talking about it.

[Katherine (Caller)]

All right, thanks, guys.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

All right, Katherine, we'll talk to you next week. Okay, Good luck. Bye.

[Kim or Lindsay (Caller/Guest)]

Bye.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

You're on the Birch Show.

[Tyler Redick]

Tyler redick here from 2311 Racing. Another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba. Jump [e-mail]. let's Chumba.

[Catherine (Host of the Bird Show)]

No purchase necessary BTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNC21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Alex Canceroitz]

Hi, this is Alex Canceroitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a longtime reporter and an on air contributor to cnbc. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it, asking where this is all going. They come from places like Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon, and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, in meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to Big Technology Podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

[Josh Spiegel]

Hey, I'm Josh Spiegel, host of the podcast Lunatic in the Newsroom. If you enjoy journalism that drifts into mild panic, wild overthinking, and a guaranteed nervous breakdown, Lunatic in the Newsroom is for you. It's news like you've never heard before. The only newsroom with a panic button. You'll laugh, you'll cry and gasp in horror as the show spirals completely out of control. It's not just news, it's emotionally unstable. Lunatic in the Newsroom. Listen, today.