Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (2:46)

You guys are funny.

Host (possibly Burt) (2:47)

Put it off, man. Don't do it.

Co-host/Commentator (2:50)

And this is you getting caught up on it, too, right, Jen?

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (2:53)

Yeah, I was just listening to those clips. I hadn't heard those before. Cause I was out sick before the holidays. And then I was in Los Angeles when you guys followed up with her. So this will be my first time actually talking to her.

Co-host/Commentator (3:02)

Well, now, you know what crazy sounds like.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (3:06)

I was overly eager to go down the aisle is what I would say.

Host (possibly Burt) (3:08)

And she was at this place that you used to tell us you were at, where, like, around every corner. You thought there was a proposal. So, yeah, there was an excitement and a disappointment.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (3:16)

Yeah, I think when you've been with somebody a really long time, you start to expect that a lot more often than you do in the beginning stages. And. I don't know. How long have they been together?

Host (possibly Burt) (3:25)

I can't remember. Kimberly, how long you guys been together?

Kimberly (3:27)

A little over two years.

Host (possibly Burt) (3:28)

Two years.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (3:29)

Maybe a little premature on the eagerness. Well, this guy never wanted to get married in the first place.

Co-host/Commentator (3:34)

And he declared, he said, I don't want. I'm not the marrying type. I don't want that.

Host (possibly Burt) (3:39)

He told her straight up, that's just not for me.

Co-host/Commentator (3:41)

But she knows different.

Host (possibly Burt) (3:42)

But that was before she came along, so it feels like it's different.

Co-host/Commentator (3:45)

I can change him.

Host (possibly Burt) (3:46)

So she was gonna wait until his birthday, which was supposed to be this weekend here. So what was your course of action going into the weekend, Kimberly?

Kimberly (3:55)

Well, I mean, he knew that I. That I had made plans, you know, for his birthday. I made his favorite dinner. You know, we decided that we were just going to. Just going to stay in. Like, both of us have had, you know, pretty long work weeks. And so I, you know, when we woke up on Sunday, like, all day long, like, everything was just beautiful. I mean, like, we had a really nice brunch and did a little shopping. And then we came back and I made a really nice dinner for him. And, you know, we had a little bit of wine. And afterward we went into the living room and we were just, you know, we're thinking about Watching a movie, you know, he's like, oh, let's watch a movie. And I said, oh, you know, I'd rather spend some time with you. And I went. I went to go where I was hiding my man engagement ring in the audio cabinet.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (4:43)

Your engagement ring?

Kimberly (4:44)

No, I got him a man engagement ring. Like an engagement ring for him.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (4:51)

That makes sense. If you're the one proposing.

Host (possibly Burt) (4:53)

Sure.

Co-host/Commentator (4:53)

That's good. And emasculating.

Kimberly (4:55)

It's really nice, though. I mean, it's beautiful. It's titanium. I mean, it's gorgeous. Ring. Like, it's a very manly ring. It's not.

Co-host/Commentator (5:01)

Does that go on his finger or does it go tightly around his testicles?

Host (possibly Burt) (5:04)

He has no testicles left.

Kimberly (5:07)

No, it goes on his finger. He saw me going in the cabinet, and I turned around and he's like, stop. He's like, if you are going to do what I think you're going to do, he's like, don't do it.

Host (possibly Burt) (5:21)

Really?

Kimberly (5:22)

And I was like, you have no idea what I'm going to do. And he's like, I think I have a pretty good idea. He's like, I love you, Kim. I want to be with you. He's like, but don't do this. And I immediately, you know, felt like, I mean, he knew what I was going to do, but he chopped me off. I mean, like, right at the knees. He's like, just don't even ask. Don't even bring it up. And I didn't want to. I didn't want to argue with him about it, but I really wanted to know, you know, I said, you. Right around Christmas, when I had asked, when I was going to ask him before, he said, it's not like I don't ever want to get married. I just can't think about it right now. And so I asked him. I said, well, when I was going to ask you on Christmas that morning when we were talking, you know, you said that you were in love with me and I was never like any other girl that you dated and you saw your future with me. You know, were you just, you know, yanking my chain, as my grandpa says, or are you telling the truth? And he said, you know, I want to be with you again. He's like, I'm not saying never. Which is a little in. Because he used to say never. You know, he's like, I'm not ready to get married right now.

Co-host/Commentator (6:36)

That's the equivalent of the I don't love you that way. But you do love me. Like, you took.

Kimberly (6:41)

I don't know about that, because why not just break up with me? I mean, if he wants to be single, which I don't, which he doesn't. Because, like I said, everything in our relationship has been. I've waited basically for every move from him. Like, he told me, I love you first. He's the one who said that he wanted to move in. You know, like, I let him set the pace. But when it came around to actually getting married because of what he'd said before, I thought, you know, I take that chance. And it's not that I want to change him. I don't want to change him. I want. Before. I want to be very clear. I don't want to just a wedding. A lot of women just want this huge wedding. I don't. I don't want that. I just want to be married to him, you know, if we're gonna have kids.

Host (possibly Burt) (7:24)

But the relationship is. Is sort of going that way naturally. Why do you keep pushing it? You just said, he's the one that said, I love you. He's the one that moved in with you. So he's showing you how much he loves you, and he's showing you that he can commit. So why are you pushing it so much? Why can't you let it happen naturally?

Kimberly (7:42)

Well, I don't want to. I hate to use that word, push, because it makes it sound like, you know, like I'm pushing. No, like intentionally trying to, you know, manipulate him into something. And I'm not. I just. I guess I just want to know, you know, I mean, it's really vague. It's to say, oh, I'm not ready now, but maybe in a couple of years. Maybe in a couple of years. I mean, so, okay, well, if it's

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (8:10)

your standard that after two years you want to be married and he says he's not, then are you going to just give in? That's the decision that you have to make. If he's not ready to get married, he's setting his boundaries with you, and you have to then set your boundaries with him. And if it doesn't live up to your expectations, then you've either got to change what your expectations are, hopefully without losing a little bit of yourself in the meantime. But you've also got to realize, like, if. If this is your line in the sand, then you have to stick to it.

Host (possibly Burt) (8:40)

Are you prepared to lose if you

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (8:41)

feel like you've been bullied, like, if you've been pushed by. It's only been about his pace or his demands, you'll Always resent him for that.

Kimberly (8:48)

Well, I don't feel like. I mean, I don't. I want to really be clear. Like, he's not. I don't feel like I. Like, I have to get married to him right now. Like, I'm not saying that was part of the. Well, I didn't even bring it up, but I was thinking in my head, even if we're engaged for, like, three years, it's still another level of commitment that I know something's gonna happen.

Host (possibly Burt) (9:12)

Hence, the promise ring is a great example of why guys give the promise,

Kimberly (9:15)

you know, And I'd be happy with that. We haven't talked about it since then, but it's really just. It's not that I want to be married, like, right now. I have to get married right now. I just. I want that next level, you know, and it doesn't.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (9:27)

You're tired of being called a girlfriend.

Kimberly (9:29)

Exactly.

Co-host/Commentator (9:30)

Well, what are you. What are you? A promise friend? Like, if you just get the promise ring, then what are you.

Kimberly (9:35)

Yeah, that's fine.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (9:36)

You could be fiance.

Co-host/Commentator (9:37)

And once you're out of middle school, then what is that called?

Host (possibly Burt) (9:40)

A promise ring is not an engagement. So you're not a fiance at that point.

Kimberly (9:43)

Well, you know, it's interesting because my sister was a promise ring before she got an engagement ring, because her now husband at the time, he didn't have any money, and he's like, I want to buy you a nice ring, but I can't. This is a promise to let you know that, you know, when things are better for me financially, I will ask you to marry me. And it was beautiful, so.

Co-host/Commentator (10:02)

But what did she. Bert's point is, you just said you want to go to the next level. You don't just want to be a girlfriend. But if you're not wearing an official engagement ring, then how do you introduce yourself?

Kimberly (10:12)

You know, that's my point. I don't really care so much what other people think, honestly. I'll tell you the truth. There are people at my work who think that we're already engaged, and they call him my fiance. And I don't correct them, you know, because I know that we're together. I mean, I don't wear an engagement ring, but they say, oh, your fiance, you know, and it's because everybody knows us together.

Host (possibly Burt) (10:36)

But, Kimberly, I mean, I think Jan probably broke it down with common sense to you. Here's the deal. You have a timetable in your mind, okay? That's exhibit A. Exhibit B is you have a guy that loves you and is showing you that and has given you everything you want. Except he's not on the same timetable as you are. So here's common sense. Are you ready to cut yourself loose and allow this guy to take off based on your timetable? Are you sacrificing too much of yourself right now?

Kimberly (11:08)

I would say, like, as of today, I would say no, but if it's within two years, I would say absolutely.

Advertiser/Promoter (11:17)

Well, yeah.

Host (possibly Burt) (11:17)

I mean, that's a world of difference, though. So why push it?

Kimberly (11:21)

Because that was. Like I said, I didn't mention it because I didn't want to press the issue. But I've known couples who've been engaged for, like, five years.

Host (possibly Burt) (11:29)

But you just said, listen, listen, listen. Take the emotion out of it. You just said, in two years, you'll really feel like you're being taken advantage of. You're not there right now, so stop proposing to him.

Kimberly (11:40)

Well, I.

Co-host/Commentator (11:43)

Stop proposing to him.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (11:46)

I think that she's not being completely honest when she says it's two years. I think she wants it now or maybe within a year from now to be married to him. And there's nothing wrong with that, but he's not on the same page. So you just have to realize, are you going to sacrifice yourself too much if you wait around, or are you okay to wait around?

Kimberly (12:03)

Like I said, I mean, I think my. My limit would be two years.

Host (possibly Burt) (12:10)

It's going to be two banks.

Kimberly (12:11)

Okay, if. If we're engaged by, you know, by the time I'm 28, do you see

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (12:19)

this calendar that's always going on in women's minds, Right?

Host (possibly Burt) (12:21)

Like, and in some, some cases, I said, I agree with it. Like, I mean, if you've been engaged for a long time and you feel like at this point it's time for you to cut your losses because you're really not sure if he's going to propose or not, then I do think that you should have a timetable in your mind. But if he's not anywhere near that yet, then why are you even stressing yourself out about it?

Kimberly (12:42)

Well, it's not so much that I'm stressing myself out as it is that I'm just hopeful, you know? And he said to me, he said, it's not that I. And he has never, ever said anything before, which makes me think positive towards marriage, which makes me think that he. He is leaning towards me, like, wanting to do it sooner. Like I said, I mean, I'm not. I'm not the nagging girl. Like, where's my ring? Where's my Wing. Oh, bringing home bridal magazines at all?

Co-host/Commentator (13:12)

You're crazier than that because you're not bringing home bridal maids, ring or magazines. You're bringing home rings to put on his finger.

Host (possibly Burt) (13:19)

Hey, Ronnie. Go ahead. You're on Q100.

Kimberly (13:21)

Hi. How you guys doing today?

Host (possibly Burt) (13:22)

Okay.

Kimberly (13:24)

My opinion is I think this girl is pushing it to the limit, that this guy just gonna leave.

Host (possibly Burt) (13:28)

Agreed.

Kimberly (13:29)

Because. Yeah. She sound desperate? I mean, she's that desperate. I know a couple of guys that need papers, you know, they'll marry her right away,

Host (possibly Burt) (13:37)

Kim. So what is your next course of action gonna just now you sit back and you wait.

Kimberly (13:42)

Yeah, I'm definitely. I'm not gonna ask him again. I mean, I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna give him, like another two years, and then I have to do what I have to do, you know? I mean, it can't just be all about, like, what he wants.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (13:55)

Yeah, I agree with that completely. I think you've gotta come up with your, you know, what you have in your mind and go with that.

Kimberly (14:02)

That's it.

Host (possibly Burt) (14:02)

But at this point, you've still got two years. You said until that happens.

Advertiser/Promoter (14:05)

She wants it sooner than two years.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (14:07)

Two years from now.

Co-host/Commentator (14:08)

Yeah. If you're pulling out a ring twice in a month.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (14:12)

Yeah.

Host (possibly Burt) (14:13)

You're never gonna make it.

Kimberly (14:14)

She wants it tomorrow. I'm not gonna ask him again.

Co-host/Commentator (14:16)

That'd be crazy.

Host (possibly Burt) (14:17)

Thanks for the update, Kim.

Kimberly (14:18)

Oh, you're welcome.

Host (possibly Burt) (14:19)

Bye.

Kimberly (14:19)

Bye.

Host/Announcer (14:20)

This is the Birch Show. This podcast is supported by Talkspace.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (14:25)

When my husband came home from his military deployment, readjusting was hard for all of us. Thankfully, I found Talkspace.

Host/Announcer (14:34)

Talkspace provides professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatric providers online. Military members, veterans and their dependents ages 13 and older can get fast access to providers, all from the privacy of their computers or smartphones.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (14:48)

I just answered a few questions online, and Talkspace matched me with a therapist. We meet when it's convenient for me, and I can message her anytime. It was so easy to set up and they accept Tricare. Therapy was going so well, my husband and I started seeing a couples therapist through Talkspace too.

Host/Announcer (15:06)

Talkspace works with most major insurers, including Tricare. Match with a licensed therapist today@talkspace.com military go to talkspace.com military to get started today. That's talkspace.com military has the news been getting you down?

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (15:23)

I'm Megan McCardell and I'm here to help. I'm the host of a new show from Washington Post Opinion called Reasonably Optimistic. And it's an antidote to the pessimism that's riddling America right now. Every Wednesday, I'm going to talk to people who see a path forward.

Host (possibly Burt) (15:38)

It does seem to me that there is some awakening of a desire to act together to solve problems where they are.

Host/Announcer (15:45)

You know, I am a believer in America and it's worth fighting for.

Co-host/Commentator (possibly Jen or Megan McCardell) (15:48)

Join me Wednesdays on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts.

Host/Announcer (15:51)

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